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Keeping your EX's Last Name

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Old 15th July 2017, 11:55 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by BluEyeL View Post
My soon to be husband was a bit disappointed but he understood, at least intellectually.
Congratulations on the impending wedding!

Good for him.
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Old 15th July 2017, 7:10 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
You may not see the point but lots of women do keep their married name when children are involved. They want the same last name as their kids unless of course they marry again.
I had two kids with my exH when we separated and then divorced. Traditionally, they were entitled to their fathers family name, which is not my family name.

So, you think there's a point to keeping an exH's last name in order to share the same name as children unless/until remarriage where she will change her name and have a different last name as her children.

Originally Posted by preraph View Post
She's doing it for the kids. It's a lot easier to have the same name as your kids in life. It's an unselfish act that a lot of women will do.

Maybe it's a local/regional thing. Statistically, most children (68%) born in my county are born to unmarried parents. Between unmarried mothers giving their kids the fathers last name(s), marriages, and remarriages, it's actually much more common here for a woman to NOT share a surname with at least one of her kids. It's not something most people in this area would even notice or remark on.
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Old 15th July 2017, 7:39 PM   #48
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I've kept my ex-husband's last name. We have two kids, and I think it's just easier that we all have the same last name.

My ex-husband and I are both the lazy type. I think it took us about two years to finally file and complete our divorce after we separated. We're not friends and other than the children we have zero attachment to each other, so it's not like one of us was still holding on to hope. We were both already seeing other people. We both just lagged on completing the divorce because it just wasn't a main priority for either of us.

If I were to marry my current boyfriend, I still would keep my ex-husband's last name because 1) I like having the same last name as my children and 2) Changing your name is a huge pain.
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Old 15th July 2017, 9:20 PM   #49
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I kept my ex's name because of the kids and he was giving me a hard time about it telling me to change it back to my maiden name.

Finally I told him it's fine to change it back but I want him to grant me permission to change our children's last name to my maiden name too.

He STFU after that and never mentioned it again
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Old 15th July 2017, 9:33 PM   #50
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My mom kept her married name when she divorced my dad. The. She married my stepfather and took his last name.

When she divorced my stepfather, she went back to my dads last name even though both her kids are girls who are now married with entirely different last names.

I was just talking with my aunt today and had this conversation because when her divorce is final she's going back to her maiden name even though she has three kids. I said I was just curious because I would want the same name as my kids, and she said "the difference is that you love your husband and are connected that way even if you were to divorce, I never loved my husband"

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Old 17th July 2017, 9:05 AM   #51
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Mysterio, we get it, you think keeping the ex's last name means she's still attached to him in some way, but obviously if she's having a wonderful relationship with your friend, she's not attached to her ex. What you assume to be submissive is in all actuality, dismissive. She doesn't care. She moved on, she's happy. Stop looking for trouble in places that there is none.
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Old 17th July 2017, 10:29 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by mikeylo View Post
Its a personal choice. Some keep it to carry on the name with kids while some do it to rub it in the face of ex and their new partner.
I don't know ANYONE who has done this. Anyone. I didn't change my name because it is my kids' name, and I felt like losing my former married name would be like disavowing THEIR name.

Believe it or not, most women are, in fact, decent humans.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 1:13 PM   #53
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Your SO Decision making process

So I guess I must not like my buddys GF. I have seen her do things that just irk me. In order for him to be with her. He has had to put up with a lot of things like a totally cahotic household.

She met her first husband. Got pregnant with thier son. Then must have gotten pregnant with her daughter and they married or got married and then had the daughter. She broke up with her ex and has stayed in a state of limbo with her ex. They are not legally divorced.

She looked up my friend in Dec 2012 and they started dating in Feb 2013. Since then she introduced her kids to my friend in month 2 of dating. Then they got pregnant in late 2014. They had another kid in 2017.

Till this day. They are still not divorced and I see and hear no signs of it. Her oldest son with the Ex is cutting school and she and my friend have not had any serrious conversations to correct that behavior.

So what is the long term impact of my friend's GF not getting divorced. Its like she does not want to go to a Lawyer and pay for the divorce, and as far as I am concerend its not like there is a Property dispute. My buddy looks stressed whenever I see him.

Its things like this that make me weary about the dating process. Its like sorry. I have to look at my potential love''s life and vice versa. Can't just be with anyone anymore without thinking about it clearly.

So based on what I have stated. Do you think this woman's decicion making process is sound and mindfull.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 2:38 PM   #54
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Some men are willing to put up with a LOT just to get what they THINK will be regular sex with an attractive woman for the rest of their lives. There's no other explanation for it. After being disillusioned so many times, I've realized there is nothing magical about the relationship between men and women. It's primarily for biological purposes of creating offspring.

People can try to be positive as much as they want, and even many religious people will talk about the santicty of marriage etc but the Bible itself says it's better not to marry due to the strife and evil of the times (1 Cor 7:15-40). The Bible also says not to give your strength to women because doing so can tear down even a king (Prov 31:3). Yet we have female-dominanted churches talking about "family men" as being the highest good. Okay, well what about Moses? He was divorced. Ironically, because he obeyed God.

Anyway, that was a rant. My point is that it truly comes down to sex for men--religious or not. Any man who says otherwise is a liar or just won't admit the truth to his woman. No man is happier with a woman. Men tolerate women. Maybe the first 2 years they actually benefit, but after that you are her slave and must do as she says or she'll take your kids and half your assets.

God have mercy on your buddy. He had mercy on me and for that I'm thankful.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 3:56 PM   #55
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So what?
So she met a guy, had a couple of kids, got married and it didnt work out... her and about a million other women, its hardly the 1950's i dont understand what is so unbelievable about that?

She moved on with her life and went on to meet another guy and two years late have a child with him.... hardly headline news is it.

Jesus, that seems like the story couples up and down the country i really understand all the fuss?

It doesnt matter if she irks you, shes HIS girlfriend, not yours.

People used to tell me i put up with too much from my 'friend'... I didnt listen. Well shes My wife now, the mother of MY children now, MINE not theirs. MY pain in the ass, and the absolute love of MY life!
I've fallen in love many times.... always with you!
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Old 22nd July 2017, 4:14 PM   #56
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More power to you, Shepp.

To woman is worth getting swung at and boards thrown at you. Maybe there was a time when I thought it was worth it, but life is too short for that crap.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 5:12 PM   #57
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I think accepting people's weaknesses is a big part of accepting them properly. If he's bad with women, or he makes bad choices with them, then that's just part of who he is. And he's very unlikely to change.

Don't involve yourself in that part of his life too much (even if he keeps trying to moan to you about it).

You'll need to accept it / manage around it, or you'll need to find different friends.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 5:33 PM   #58
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Why are you so interested in getting people to try and trash this woman? This is the second post from you about them. Unless you know something about her that your friend doesn't, I'd just not worry about them.

You seem to be obsessed with ideals. However, reality doesn't work like that. You cast your net, see what's out there, then work with what you can get. It's a rare thing to find someone who not only checks off everything on your laundry list but is also interested in you as well. Most of us are with someone who has flaws. But hopefully, the pros outweigh the cons and people make compromises to make the relationship work and prosper.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 6:18 PM   #59
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This topic is related to this post yes?

Given that their choices don't affect you, why does it bother you so much?
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Old 22nd July 2017, 6:26 PM   #60
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Why are you so invested in your friend's love life & his home situation?

If it does not affect YOU, then stay out of it.
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