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Does Your BF....TALK?


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Old 13th May 2005, 2:33 PM   #1
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Does Your BF....TALK?

Argh...does the average male in a relationship just hate to talk? I've been with my bf for almost 3 years now. We get along great - but I'm definitely more chatty than he is. Last night he comes home from work, takes a nap, then we go to the bookstore for a few hours, then we rented a video, grabbed some food and went home. As we were sitting in my house, he turns on the laptop and starts looking online as he eats. I'm the type that likes to talk to my partner as I eat, and especially since we had barely talked the whole day. I was frustrated, so I just went to bed. No, I'm not high maintenance - this is a very common scenario!

My ex-bf used to ask me to meet him for a drink or a cup of coffee so we could just talk about me, him, whatever. We rarely talked about work or school - just random stuff.

My current bf would invite me to a coffee shop, but would make sure he picked up a magazine first, and then he'd bust it out. Or, he'll request the chess set from Starbucks and we'll play. He just ALWAYS has to be doing something.

Last night I said - am I just boring??? He said NOOOO! I love hearing you talk! I said, well - why don't you talk back??? He only wants to discuss work (and yes, work is a huge part of his life right now), his new house, or other stuff like that. He can't ever talk about...just...stuff!

Anyway, so, does your man talk? Men, do you talk???

Bubbly
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:38 PM   #2
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LOL

Well.. My BF and I are able to talk.. and the only topic of conversation he (or for real me) really doesn't like to have is the one that starts with "We NEED to talk.." LOL

I actually do think it's rather rude for your BF to whip out a magazine when the 2 of you go out for Coffee' or a meal... now if it was say a Sunday and the 2 of you were just chillin at your house drinking coffee, reading the news paper then yeah I could see it more..

Is it possible your BF is worried that your conversations would go in a direction he doesn't want them too such as "Where is this relationship going?"
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:38 PM   #3
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Hah. My Ex was the one who wouldn't talk. Absolutely HATED to talk about anything DEEP. She's an introvert and her relationship problems are directly atrributable to not being able to say what's on her mind, to deal with her problems and to use communcation as therapy.

When you talk, questions are answered and speculation ceases to exist.

So yes, I talk. Sometimes TOO much. But I'm 100% sold on communication as the #1 reason relationships succeed or fail.
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:41 PM   #4
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me and my bf usually talk about normal things. how our days have been, he talks about basketball (i listen), random everyday things.

My concern is we never talk about our relationship....unless i do a quick "check-in" and ask him if all is well and if we need to talk, which i try to doo every few months. But it is never anything more than "yeah, i am fine, we are fine."

i dunno....it seems he just does not tell me all there is. maybe i am wrong.
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:44 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by laRubiaBonita


My concern is we never talk about our relationship....unless i do a quick "check-in" and ask him if all is well and if we need to talk, which i try to doo every few months. But it is never anything more than "yeah, i am fine, we are fine."

i dunno....it seems he just does not tell me all there is. maybe i am wrong.
Something My Dad said to me a few months ago... "Guys don't like to talk about relationships, they just want to have them"

I asked my BF about this... he said "Your Dad is Da Man!" LOL

I know what you're saying... there are times I want to know from him that we're good to go without me checking...
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:46 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by Merin

Is it possible your BF is worried that your conversations would go in a direction he doesn't want them too such as "Where is this relationship going?"
We've been together a long time...and we're not at a point in the relationship where we have to figure out "where it's going" so I don't think it's that. Besides, I see him often and if he was trying to avoid a certain topic, he just would come over less. I think I might have to accept that he just doesn't like to talk!

I just checked my email and got this forward about lifes lessons. One was to marry someone you love talking to! Oh, crap!

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Old 13th May 2005, 2:46 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Merin


I know what you're saying... there are times I want to know from him that we're good to go without me checking...
yay! i feel like such a Girlie-Nag!
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:48 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by ConfusedInOC
Hah. My Ex was the one who wouldn't talk. Absolutely HATED to talk about anything DEEP. She's an introvert and her relationship problems are directly atrributable to not being able to say what's on her mind, to deal with her problems and to use communcation as therapy.

When you talk, questions are answered and speculation ceases to exist.

So yes, I talk. Sometimes TOO much. But I'm 100% sold on communication as the #1 reason relationships succeed or fail.
I'm with you on the communication thing. The thing is, if we have a fight - he's like Dr. Phil. He'll talk to me until things are okay. But on a day to day basis...I say something, and he doesn't even always hear! I just wonder why when he gets home, instead of laying on the couch beside me, he has to lay on the couch beside me....WITH THE LAPTOP! Or he'll bring a book.

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Old 13th May 2005, 2:51 PM   #9
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its a toss up for all of my bf's on if they talk or not..its like the younger ones(bf's around my age) didnt like to talk much, but the older ones couldnt shut up..we would talk about the norm of whats going on at home,work, school,etc..then i would have a night where we would write down 20questions we never asked each other and talk about those and that would make the youngins talk..

most dudes young and old whether they talked alot or little..when i got done with them they are talkative and hate when they ask a long "deep" question, to be replied with a " oh ok" or something of a short answer..

but with most of my guys, they talk, or if they dont i b like well call me when you ready to talk, and that whips them into shape then..
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:52 PM   #10
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My H does nothing BUT talk. Last night he talked to me until 2 a.m. He's literally NEVER satisfied, no matter how many hours you talk to him, no matter what you say. If we get into an argument (I'd rather not) we end up talking for eight hours...no kidding. I'd rather be asleep. Which speaking of, I have fallen asleep on him many times.

He wants to talk a million times a day. He sent me nine emails this morning and was wondering why I quit replying. I counted them. And I told him he had sent nine emails and it was 10:30. He felt bad. So he sent two more before lunch.

He gets depressed almost when we have to get off the phone. He'd call me 50 times a day if I let him. He's the woman in the relationship...he knows this!!!

In the beginning of our relationship, I called Wednesdays 'sensitive day', because he's such a sensitive ass.

But anyway, after having an eight hour conversation with him, I literally beg to go to sleep. And my jaw starts to hurt after roughly five hours of conversation.

He will talk your ear off.
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Old 13th May 2005, 2:56 PM   #11
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And when I say talk...what I mean is that I want to talk about current events. And not neccesarily the war, but the runaway bride! Or I want him to ask me more philosophical questions...what my ideal number of kids would be...

We CAN talk, we are able to communicate - but it seems like he thinks small-talk is a waste of time. And that unless the conversation has a goal, you may as well be reading that magazine!

OMG - even in the car, he'll want to hear music on long drives instead of talking!

I come from a HUGE family. I hear noise all day. He is an only child - maybe he is used to having quiet?


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Old 13th May 2005, 2:59 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by bubblygrl5
I come from a HUGE family. I hear noise all day. He is an only child - maybe he is used to having quiet?


Bubbly

sometimes i think that has something to do with my BF too. on other things as well. Not that it is an excuse, but these are excusable little things.
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Old 13th May 2005, 3:00 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by tiki
My H does nothing BUT talk. Last night he talked to me until 2 a.m. He's literally NEVER satisfied, no matter how many hours you talk to him, no matter what you say. If we get into an argument (I'd rather not) we end up talking for eight hours...no kidding. I'd rather be asleep. Which speaking of, I have fallen asleep on him many times.

He will talk your ear off.
My BF falls asleep all the time too!

Guess I'll just chalk it up to some people being more chatty than others?

He wants to be WITH me all day. He wants to be NEAR me all day. He just wants me to be near him and with him, QUIETLY!!!

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Old 13th May 2005, 3:04 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by tiki
He wants to talk a million times a day. He sent me nine emails this morning and was wondering why I quit replying. I counted them. And I told him he had sent nine emails and it was 10:30. He felt bad. So he sent two more before lunch.
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Old 13th May 2005, 3:05 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by laRubiaBonita
sometimes i think that has something to do with my BF too. on other things as well. Not that it is an excuse, but these are excusable little things.
Yea - there are some things to deal with when dating an only child!

The talking thing sorta sounds lame I guess - but it really is a big problem for me! One of the things I want out of a bf is a good conversationalist! It's just something I like. So, when I find myself with someone who likes so much quiet time, it's just hard.


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