is the friend zone really game over?

[adamz]

Ive been thinking about this last few days and was talking to some of my recent friends about why we weren't more. And i think i stumbled across something.

To have a romantic relationship you both need to like each other for who they are and have a romantic connection.

And if there's no romantic connection but you still like each other for who they are then you both are just friends.

So if your friends with someone then it sould me posable to be more if you add that romantic connection.

What do you all think

[d0nnivain]

For some people love is friendship that has caught fire & blossomed into love.

 

 

For most people & the way it is primarily used on LS to be "friend-zoned" means that one of the people has determined that they do not have romantic or sexual feelings for the other & those feelings are unlikely to grow. It means that the person who has been friend-zoned (usually the guy) is not seen as sexually attractive & is more seen as a gender neutral almost eunuch by the other person. It's really hard to come back from that.

[adamz]

That doesn't make sense. If being a friend is neutral. Then a friend can be more or less. Just like neutral countries can be a friend or Foe. And i dont think that girl believe just because there's no romantic connection, that one can never exist. And if they do... well let's just say that they're not the best catch

[adamz]

Lol and it's pretty ignorant assume that women don't get friend-zoned. I have a friend and she's been friendzoned a lot also. I need to stop thinking about it as "it is or it never will be".

[d0nnivain]

Lol and it's pretty ignorant assume that women don't get friend-zoned. I have a friend and she's been friendzoned a lot also. I need to stop thinking about it as "it is our it never will be".

 

 

 

I didn't say women don't get friend zoned. I said that more men than women get friend zoned. It does happen. It's often crueler because a man who doesn't have feelings for a woman will friend zone her but still have sex with her. Women who have this happen mistake sex for love & then get doubly hurt because they don't understand how "a friend" could use them like that. When women do it to men, they keep most physical affection off the table.

 

 

There are people who can & who prefer to make the transition from friends to lovers. I am not one of them. When I was dating if I wasn't instantly attracted to a guy there was never a possibility that things would get physical or romantic with him. I used early dates to get to know someone. Those dates usually involved kissing. I never saw the point in getting to know someone then deciding if I wanted to date him. I believe in dating someone to decide if you want a relationship.

[adamz]

That's very insightful. Cuz I've been finding myself friends zoned. And I think it's because I never felt comfortable enough to express sexual or romantic feelings. It's very irritating to know that I wasted so many years and opportunities because of that little fact. And I'm still not sure if I understand it completely I just hope I figure it out before I get too old to find someone

[d0nnivain]

I do hope you figure it out.

 

 

But you are never too old to find someone. I was 39 & my husband was 34 when we first met. It was a 1st marriage for both of us.

[devilish innocent]

I do think there are times when friendships can develop into something more. That's what happened to me with my husband. I even used to be one of those people who always said, "Other people can go from friends to lovers. That's not something that could ever happen to me." Yet, it did.

 

Now, I also think that in the vast majority of cases if feelings don't develop fairly early on, they probably never will. If somebody knows you're interested in them, and they say they're not interested, you're probably just not their type. That's not likely to change. Your best bet is either to accept that it's just a friendship or to move on if being friends with the person bothers you.

 

You say you were never comfortable enough to express interest in the girls you ended up friends with. I think that's a bit of a different situation than expressing interest and being shot down. You never know. Maybe you were their type, but they thought you wouldn't be interested. I'd take a chance of showing your interest in that case. You never know what type of a spark might ignite.

[maxi105]

I can understand why you would ask your friends this question; but if you like someone else, then try asking them, as they will be able to give you more of a dynamic clue to the real answer.

 

if you want more, get to know them again and see what happens if you are suitable.

 

if its meant to be and you give it a chance, it might work out for you. good luck...if not hopefully you'll still have a good friend in which you do have things in common.

[preraph]

Sexual attraction happens pretty much instantly, but it fizzles if there isn't confidence and no momentum -- and you can't come back from that with women. If there was mutual attraction, something would happen very early on, but it's up to the man to make the move usually.

[Shining One]

It's often crueler because a man who doesn't have feelings for a woman will friend zone her but still have sex with her. Women who have this happen mistake sex for love & then get doubly hurt because they don't understand how "a friend" could use them like that. When women do it to men, they keep most physical affection off the table.

What's more cruel is a matter of perspective. Personally, I'd prefer it if women who friend-zoned me didn't keep physical affection off the table. It would be nice if they kept their desire for emotional support off the table though.

[Shining One]

is the friend zone really game over?

I wouldn't say it's "game over", but it certainly makes the game not worth playing. My advice would be to put the game on the shelf and play other games. Maybe the shelved game will be played in the future, maybe it won't. For now, it's not worth your attention.

[OatsAndHall]

Generally speaking, a person gets tossed in the "friend zone" quickly because the other person isn't sexually attracted to them. They might hit it off well emotionally but the lack of physical attraction prevents it from being more than a friendship.

 

There are times when there is a physical attraction but it's clear early on that a relationship won't work. I am still friends with the first woman that I met via OLD and we were physically attracted to one another. However, it was clear that our personalities and life-styles would make a relationship difficult, if not impossible. We have nice conversations over the phone but I think she would have run me into the ground it we got into a relationship as she is ALWAYS on the go. No first gear for that woman, lol.

[smackie9]

As a female who put many guys into the friend zone....yes it's game over. I never saw anyone in a different light as time went on. Yes I did try to date a few, but it was just emotional attachment, no sexual attraction. I just ended up hurting them more....that's why I just stopped trying to convince myself to give them a chance.

[adamz]

It feels like i have very little time to act on that connection befor im forced to give up. It all feels so cutthroat. As in if i dont pull that trigger when i have a shot ill never have a shot with that one agan. But these moments happen so unexpectedly. That I wasn't prepared to do anything let alone be sure if I should. About time I get ready to do it it's too late. Its stupid and stressful

[adamz]

Well this has been enlightening. I'm going to find out how to apply what I've learned. All be back if i need more advice

[d0nnivain]

It feels like i have very little time to act on that connection befor im forced to give up. It all feels so cutthroat. As in if i dont pull that trigger when i have a shot ill never have a shot with that one agan. But these moments happen so unexpectedly. That I wasn't prepared to do anything let alone be sure if I should. About time I get ready to do it it's too late. Its stupid and stressful

 

 

You are overthinking it & over valuing the depth of commitment required.

 

 

When that unexpected moment happens all you need to do to "pull the trigger" is ask the woman to join you for a cup of coffee or a drink. It's a low commitment, maybe an hour. During that hour you determine whether you want to spend maybe 4 hours with her again say over dinner or for a hike.

[somanymistakes]

The "friend zone" doesn't exist. Or rather, it's a bunch of totally different concepts all bundled together into one and treated like it's one thing. Some people say they've been "friendzoned" when a girl breaks up with them and says 'can we still be friends' even though that's clearly a different thing than a girl refusing to date you in the first place because she says she "only sees you as a friend".

 

It is a complete stupid lie that you have to win a woman right off the bat or never at all. Many relationships develop slowly.

 

It is, however, true that most women (AND men!) will size you up pretty quickly after first meeting you, at least subconsciously. However, that doesn't mean they put you in only a 'yes' or a 'no' box that can never be changed. There's a lot of 'maybe' in there as well.

 

If you're a definite no for her, you're probably going to stay a definite no for her. And peacocking when you first met her probably wasn't going to make her any more interested, either.

[smackie9]

The trick is....is to hit on them and ask them out within a few encounters with them. Being cold cocked confident makes you look more enticing than a beta dude that fritters around in her orbit.