AnnaClem Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 I couldn't really work out where this was supposed to go. I'm not actually dating anyone but the question is about dating. It's also about family so maybe it should be there? Anyway, it's here now, so I hope to get some god thoughts and opinions. My brother recently got married after a whirlwind romance. She is a lovely lady. I am happy for them. The thing is that she is a twin (not identical) and I am incredibly attracted to her sister. I believe she feels the same way. We tend to gravitate towards each other at get togethers. She constantly flirts with me but to this stage I have been too scared to test the waters to see if she really is interested. She did try to kiss me once but when I hesitated she stopped and claimed it was a drunken mistake. She wasn’t drunk and it wasn’t a mistake. I’m just unsure, worried I guess, as to the fallout should things not work out. I have never been with a woman before and while it would raise some eyebrows I believe my family would be supportive in general, but with my sister-in-law’s sister (does that make her my sister-in-law?), I’m not so sure. It’s one thing to try a same sex relationship but is this too close to home? There is a genuine and very real attraction there so I’m reluctant to walk away. But at the same time I’m scared of the fall-out on the rest of our families should it not work out. My gut tells me I really want this and that she does too. My head says that while it wont be an issue if it all works out what if it doesn't? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Not much I can say as it seems you already have a good understanding of the situation - this will be kind of awkward for all involved, especially if it doesn't work out. If I had to venture a plan.... I'd say don't be hasty, wait around for a while and see if it still looks like she's interested or if she was just having fun with you. If it still seems to be happening, then rather than making any sort of aggressive move which could blow up in your face, have a serious conversation asking her intentions? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 I know of a family where three sisters married three brothers. Three happy marriages. Go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Are you female? Yes then No. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Like road, I also know of siblings from one family being married to siblings of another family. If/when a break-up or divorce happens, it remains to be seen what the actual extent of the fall-out will be. Insofar as if it is a same-sex relationship, I suspect each family already has its own general views and preferences and biases about those. If you are concerned about what the reactions will be in this situation, then perhaps you'll want to find out their general views before you proceed, so that you'll be at least somewhat prepared for what you can expect if you do pursue your brother's sister-in-law. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnnaClem Posted April 22, 2017 Author Share Posted April 22, 2017 If I had to venture a plan.... I'd say don't be hasty, wait around for a while and see if it still looks like she's interested or if she was just having fun with you. If it still seems to be happening, then rather than making any sort of aggressive move which could blow up in your face, have a serious conversation asking her intentions? We first met 8 months ago. There was a instant attraction there from me. We have grown closer in that time and I would go as far as to say that she would be one of my best friends now. But I want more and the way she flirts and touches me, the way I often catch her staring into my eyes, it all adds up to her having the same feelings. It wasn't an accident that she tried to kiss me. I just wish I hadn't pulled away, but I was honestly caught by surprise. I have had the conversation with her in my head so many times. I know exactly what I want to say, but I hesitate to actually go ahead with it because of family ties complicating things. I'm not so much concerned with the same sex thing. Both our families are progressive and that wouldn't be a major issue. But who knows what fallout could come from breakup? Honestly, I don't even know if I like women yet. I feel absolutely drawn to her and I want this so much, but once the reality hits I don't know if it will be the same as my fantasy of this. On the other hand the thought of not pursuing this and forever thinking "what if" is driving me to distraction. We went on a spa retreat weekend a few weeks ago. It was just the two of us. It feels so good with her, I can just be myself, she puts me at ease. She told me that she has never felt the same way about a woman as she feels about me. When I asked her to elaborate she said she just meant as friends, but it was clear to me that she was deflecting. Honestly, I don't think I can say no to this but am so scared of the fallout if we split. If it was not so close to home I would have pursued this months ago. Do you think it's worth a shot or does family always come first? And who knows, if I did pursue it she might say no anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts