Jump to content

Pitiful Show of Interest


Recommended Posts

I was just at a popular taco joint. I was behind 5 coeds in line. Four would be considered very attractive, though none of them was dressed to look sexy, large blousy tunics. A table of three guys in the corner were staring at them the whole time. The girls were clean cut coeds, probably sorority girls. The men were all nice enough looking but were a completely different type. They were clearly blue collar working types, nice and healthy, one had a beard and needed a haircut. Scruffy compared to the girls but not terrible looking.

 

So once the girls started heading more or less their way to get their drinks and salsa, one of the guys, the best looking guy, kept getting up under the pretense of throwing something in the trash or whatever, just trying to cross paths with either of the two blondes (guys and blondes, I don't get it -- the brunette was so much better looking). So he did that like 3 times. Never said hi or excuse me or anything. I guess just hoping SHE had some balls and some interest and would initiate talk.

 

Guys in this town seem like they are too proud to be the one to actually break the ice. It's pathetic.

 

All just as well though because later three preppy guys joined them.

 

I know it's not like that everywhere, but when I was young it was always like that in the bars too. The guys who were attractive enough to possibly attract someone wouldn't even be friendly. They would just stand around ignoring women around them but then watching them when they weren't looking.

 

When I visited LA back in those days, I was so surprised how friendly the guys were. Just come up and talk, not like a pickup attempt, but just friendly and willing to talk and wondered who you were and stuff. So refreshing.

 

So what I'm wondering is to both the guys who get dates and the ones who don't, what would you have done in this situation, and please clarify if you get dates or if you usually don't.

 

Good looking girls in a smallish space. Do you just look? Do you walk by like that? Do you say hi?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
The_Dork_Lard

So what I'm wondering is to both the guys who get dates and the ones who don't, what would you have done in this situation, and please clarify if you get dates or if you usually don't.

 

I would have done this, like I've done all my life. From where I was sitting I would have caught the eye of the girl I liked, and prolonged the eye contact a little. If she reciprocates, all is good, if she doesn't, I'd probably take that as a lack of interest and forget it.

 

So, after reciprocation I'd make eye contact a few more times just for affirmation, and smile too. If I got a reciprocal smile then it's almost a guarantee she'd walk past my table as a signal, or to give me the opportunity to approach her.

 

At this point I'd make some comment on a piece of her clothing, or her choice of drink, or anything that comes into my head. I'd say it with a non threatening cheeky smile, but with enough confidence behind it to show I'm active, and not afraid of rejection. The rest naturally follows. For clarification, I never get dates.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Well, what happened here is they girls sat down at a table clear on the other end from where the guys were, so when they were nearby was just when the girls came down to that end to get stuff. And the girls were not making eye contact with anybody, best I could tell.

 

But yeah, someone has to get up and at least to pass-bys. And that's something a woman will sometimes do, but then if it appears uncoincidental or even if it doesn't, the guy should say hi or something if she does look up. If she doesn't look up, I guess she's not interested or else not paying attention.

 

What got me is it would have been so simple for the guy, when he made sure he passed right by her to say "excuse me" and see if she looked up and then say "hi," or to make conversation like "Oh, are you trying to get to the salsa too? It's really good here."

Link to post
Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes

Ohhh theoretical pickups! Ok let me try!

 

Assuming I was feeling like a king at the time this happened and I was actually interested in trying to pick up a girl from the group, or help a friend land one:

 

PS - Yes, I used to get dates all the time. No, I don't get dates anymore at the moment, but it's not because I can't. It's because I'm not trying at all. I have more important things to do right now. No I'm not full of myself, yes I could get a date if I really wanted to. No, I'm not at the top of my game. No, you don't need to be at the top of your game to grab a girl, but quality of women directly correlates with your game and/or status. Your reputation and your physique will prelude you.

 

Start with eye contact to gauge interest like The Dork Lad would do. Amazing way to gauge interest. Since we're with a group of friends, when you're younger, you kind of have to wingman it too, so if you notice one of the girls looking at one of your friends (more than a glance), game is on!

 

Quickly, and I mean quickly, take note of any rings on that ring finger. I mean, I understand there's cuckold couples and men who let their wives play around, but we're at a taco joint and they're a group of girls. Can't make assumptions here! Also, eavesdrop on the conversation, this is going to give you a good indication on:

 

1) Are they being silly? Good mood? Celebrating something, or what?

2) What are they discussing? Are they doing it loudly? This could be an "in". ("I couldn't help but overhear, but I heard you say.......etc")

3) What topic is currently interesting to them as a group.

4) Which girl are the other girls following? - Important. You can identify which girl is the group "leader" by observing them. There will be a girl or two that the other girls are validating either by agreeing or disagreeing, joking or relating a story. Does this mean that woman is always the leader? No, but for now, she has to be addressed. If you win her over, you win the group over.

 

Now, like I said if I was feeling like a king and one of the girls was eye-****ing my friend, or me, we'd have a green light. Depending on the aforementioned observations, you'd have to interrupt their group somehow. Risky, but doable. If one of the girls was checking out a friend, he needs to come too. It's an acknowledgment that her gaze was seen, and this is the response. The others need to hang back because right now, we're on a damn scouting mission.

 

Using the "we couldn't help but overhear that you all are out celebrating someone passing their finals, or winning a volleyball game, etc.", you address the current group leader in a confident matter. Your friend who was being checked out? He needs to either join in on the conversation, or confidently flirt with the girl who was checking him out, even going as far as sliding into the seat next to hear because he already had a green light to talk/flirt with her.

 

But wait! "What about the other girls and other guys?", you ask.

 

This is where winning over the current "leader" of the conversation/group is important. If you can get her to laugh or smile even just a little bit, you're looking good.

 

Now, since this is a group setting at a taco place, not much is going to happen. What IS going to happen is that by addressing the group leader in a flirtatious manner and also addressing the woman who was checking your friend out with the guy she was interested in, while also continuing a topic of conversation they already enjoyed talking about, we've increased our odds of them liking us tremendously.

 

By this time, the guy addressing the leader of the group would presumably win over the leader of the group by making her smile or laugh. She doesn't even have to be interested in him like that, as long as she approves their intrusion into their group, the rest of the women will tolerate it, invited or not.

 

Next, if things are going REALLY well, the guy addressing the leader would then let them rest of the mingled group know that his other friend (or more) would like to join us as well. People usually feel bad about leaving others out, especially if they were part of a group. Usually. So play on this by having him come over at this time. Everyone can sit together and bull**** while they eat.

 

If the girls already ate, or are finishing up, or the aforementioned "combining of the groups" idea doesn't just seem like a good idea, then you would need to invite the group of girls out to do something. A get together at a friends house with some drinks later that night, maybe meetup later at a bar, or something. If no one really seems that interested, and only the girl who was checking out the guy seems interested, you'd then keep addressing the rest of the group of women while the guy who was being checked out flirts and gets the number of the woman checking him out. It needs to happen quickly though, because if the current woman-leader isn't feeling it, or doesn't "approve" of our intrusion, the interaction will quickly end and the woman who was interested in the friend would certainly follow suit.

 

I mean, this is all conjecture and obviously things go rarely according to plan, but if I had my buddies out with me and we wanted to score, this would definitely be one way of addressing it.

 

PS - Brunettes do it better. Also, I have no idea what I'm talking about, results may vary completely. LOL.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes
Well, what happened here is they girls sat down at a table clear on the other end from where the guys were, so when they were nearby was just when the girls came down to that end to get stuff. And the girls were not making eye contact with anybody, best I could tell.

 

Uh, well, unless one of my friends or I really wanted one of the girls numbers, this is usually a sign of "we're not interested" - signed, all of them.

 

I made so many typos in the previous post. :(

Edited by DrReplyInRhymes
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I will say they were a solemn bunch of girls. I can see why for your scenario, the girls would need to be lively and laughing and celebrating, which I've always said men love the ones that are virtually bouncing up and down, and I can now see this is one reason why. The fact they set up shop as far away from the guys as you could get certainly wasn't inviting, was it? They might have squeezed into the booth by them if they had any interest. i guess they didn't have any interest.

Link to post
Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes
I will say they were a solemn bunch of girls. I can see why for your scenario, the girls would need to be lively and laughing and celebrating, which I've always said men love the ones that are virtually bouncing up and down, and I can now see this is one reason why. The fact they set up shop as far away from the guys as you could get certainly wasn't inviting, was it? They might have squeezed into the booth by them if they had any interest. i guess they didn't have any interest.

 

I can see where a lively group of people laughing and having a good time is more easily approachable, but it doesn't matter if you're sitting alone and brooding, if a guy is interested in you, he'll probably come say something, especially if he's seen you before and he was already interested.

 

I'd like to think anyway....

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I wouldn't call the guy's attempt "pathetic". You gotta realize that our gender tends to take solemn expressions as "keep away", and there is basis in reality for that. Guys who do not heed the signals that a woman (or a group of women) would rather be left alone, tend to be labelled negatively. Walking up to a group of women who seem closed off is a pretty daunting task for most guys too. The guy coming by was looking for some sign that he may have misread the women's sober mien i.e., eye contact or a smile.

 

Meanwhile to comment on what DrReplyInRhymes said, sometimes it is a girl's positive fun demeanor that MAKES us interested. Women have to take some responsibility too...if you are open to being approached, then at least *look open* to being approached.

 

If I were the guy and I found at least one woman that stunning still, I might have taken a chance anyway, and come over and asked "Hey why the long faces?" But it is easy to play Armchair Quarterback...

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

when i was younger i went out with a couple of girlfriends .... we were doing a nightclub crawl.......lol...i feel like saying back in the day..so gonna...

 

back in the day when i was a young bouncy dinosaur......these guys followed us out of the club.....my girlfriends and i sat down on a bench near a fountain to decide which club had the best music going......these guys came over and i thought this one is fine .....he was pretty cute.....i thought he was actually interested in my girlfriend because he asked her if they could sit down with us....so i did my people watching thing and listened into the conversation.....the other guy started talking to my girlfriend.....and when he did the guy i thought was interested in my girlfriend sat behind me and started talking to me..... the other guy lucked out with my gf ......but we all went to the next club together and became friends after that......i ended up dating the cute guy i liked..i said to him i thought you liked my gf ...he said nah...it was you from the start....too scared to approach you first......i dont know why he was scared....maybe because i was a brunette...........brunettes are scarier

 

just sayin....confidence goes a long way.....even if you luck out...you might just make a friend..or the girl you like...might just like you back.....and respect a guy who knows how to speak up and takes a chance...............deb

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Well, I wouldn't call the guy's attempt "pathetic". You gotta realize that our gender tends to take solemn expressions as "keep away", and there is basis in reality for that. Guys who do not heed the signals that a woman (or a group of women) would rather be left alone, tend to be labelled negatively. Walking up to a group of women who seem closed off is a pretty daunting task for most guys too. The guy coming by was looking for some sign that he may have misread the women's sober mien i.e., eye contact or a smile.

 

Meanwhile to comment on what DrReplyInRhymes said, sometimes it is a girl's positive fun demeanor that MAKES us interested. Women have to take some responsibility too...if you are open to being approached, then at least *look open* to being approached.

 

If I were the guy and I found at least one woman that stunning still, I might have taken a chance anyway, and come over and asked "Hey why the long faces?" But it is easy to play Armchair Quarterback...

 

I would just caution you that NO woman likes to be told to smile.

 

Well the girls nonexpression didn't stop him from trying to intercept her 3 times to see if he could get a reaction, but he never said one word. I mean, I talk to people in there all the time. it's very casual.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
I would just caution you that NO woman likes to be told to smile.

 

Well the girls nonexpression didn't stop him from trying to intercept her 3 times to see if he could get a reaction, but he never said one word. I mean, I talk to people in there all the time. it's very casual.

 

ditto on the smile thing...its a bit condescending......like you tell a dog to sit on command..... tell a girl to smile like a command....and then say what ....good girl ...and pat her head....offer her beef jerky....you are going to get a false smile........deb

Edited by todreaminblue
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess the problem here is one of class.

Blue collar guys and educated women.

I guess they have been rejected a load of times by similar such girls so need very positive signs before they will make a move.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I would just caution you that NO woman likes to be told to smile.

 

Well the girls nonexpression didn't stop him from trying to intercept her 3 times to see if he could get a reaction, but he never said one word. I mean, I talk to people in there all the time. it's very casual.

 

Sure. Who knows what I would have actually said if I were there. (I assume you were referring to my last paragraph outlining how I might have approached.) But then again, walking all the way across the room to "comment on the salsa" as you suggested, is weaksauce too.

 

Maybe I'd ask their opinion on a debate my friends were having.

 

Again that's my point though. By looking so solemn and by positioning themselves so far away, that group of women hardly gave the guy anything to work with (assuming they even wanted to be approached that is). If you want to be approached, look approachable.

Edited by Imajerk17
Link to post
Share on other sites

Imajerk, what if she actually has a long face? j/k

 

I think too the responsibility goes both ways.

 

I find some married or older (than me) women more sociable--which in turn make it easier for me to socialize with them. Same thing, women with extroverted friendly personalities, easier to socialize with.

 

I was at a party. There was a married lady and single lady. Both I have briefly met and chatted with before and are my age group.

 

Married lady and I see each other across the room and instantly socialize at the party.

 

Single lady, who I am interested in, I walk by her and she doesn't say squat. I don't say squat. We kind of acknowledge each other and that was it. Both socialized with others at the party and we never ended up socializing. We're both social people, so if the opportunity presented itself better I think we would have socialized, but that never happened.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I guess the problem here is one of class.

Blue collar guys and educated women.

I guess they have been rejected a load of times by similar such girls so need very positive signs before they will make a move.

 

Yeah, I wondered if that was the issue. But here in Texas there's really only a couple of types of the way men dress to give you a clue. One is the businessman, that you rarely see in a suit at a taco joint. The rest all dress overly casually, so you have to be young to sort out the more subtle signs of what type they might be. Then there's kind of the golf shirt ones, and that was closest to the preppy men at their table.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sure. Who knows what I would have actually said if I were there. (I assume you were referring to my last paragraph outlining how I might have approached.) But then again, walking all the way across the room to "comment on the salsa" as you suggested, is weaksauce too.

 

Maybe I'd ask their opinion on a debate my friends were having.

 

Again that's my point though. By looking so solemn and by positioning themselves so far away, that group of women hardly gave the guy anything to work with (assuming they even wanted to be approached that is). If you want to be approached, look approachable.

 

True. He was close to the salsa. You have to serve yourself, so you're in that area a lot waiting for the order, picking up the order, getting drink and salsa and silverware, etc. But i agree other than being attractive, they didn't really hardly seem to notice those guys, but I know women, so I know they must have checked them out at least a little and knew they were there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Imajerk, what if she actually has a long face? j/k

 

I think too the responsibility goes both ways.

 

I find some married or older (than me) women more sociable--which in turn make it easier for me to socialize with them. Same thing, women with extroverted friendly personalities, easier to socialize with.

 

I was at a party. There was a married lady and single lady. Both I have briefly met and chatted with before and are my age group.

 

Married lady and I see each other across the room and instantly socialize at the party.

 

Single lady, who I am interested in, I walk by her and she doesn't say squat. I don't say squat. We kind of acknowledge each other and that was it. Both socialized with others at the party and we never ended up socializing. We're both social people, so if the opportunity presented itself better I think we would have socialized, but that never happened.

 

Yes, that can certainly be true. Well, some women will just talk to whoever. I had a very attractive friend who would talk to anyone anywhere, but that's rare. The younger attractive women do put up a wall if they know they aren't attracted. Maybe it was just because these guys were on the way -- or maybe I misread the whole thing and it wasn't a sorority but a work gathering with a lot of young pretty people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I guess the problem here is one of class.

Blue collar guys and educated women.

I guess they have been rejected a load of times by similar such girls so need very positive signs before they will make a move.

 

Though I don't know if it related to class, all guys get rejected.

 

It is part of life but it makes you more cautious after a while (unless you are a complete player and don't care).

 

Guys don't like to go into a limited success scenario - we like to feel like we have a chance. It's easy to say a guy has no balls when you're not the one doing the approaching.

 

I'm so rusty at the cold approach I need practice badly. I was much better at it in my youth...but I still need an in.

 

I recall going to the supermarket for beer with some friends and there was this totally cute cashier. I smiled at her and then she said "I could sure use one of those". As my friends tell it, I nearly lept over the register to go to hers and strike up a convo. Agreed to pick her up after work and dated her for a year. I've done similar cold approaches but not recently.

 

A woman needs to give some sign. And the fact that 3 preppy guys joined after means they were not interested in the blue collar guys and likely didn't give them an in.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
The woman in Seven's example didn't even show a sign of interest, I don't think.

 

The one I picked up? Her saying she wanted a beer was sign enough for me :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear
I guess the problem here is one of class.

Blue collar guys and educated women.

I guess they have been rejected a load of times by similar such girls so need very positive signs before they will make a move.

 

Blue collar guys not "educated"???

 

And who's to say those girls weren't dumbells??

 

TFY

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear
Though I don't know if it related to class, all guys get rejected.

 

It is part of life but it makes you more cautious after a while (unless you are a complete player and don't care).

 

Guys don't like to go into a limited success scenario - we like to feel like we have a chance. It's easy to say a guy has no balls when you're not the one doing the approaching.

 

I'm so rusty at the cold approach I need practice badly. I was much better at it in my youth...but I still need an in.

 

I recall going to the supermarket for beer with some friends and there was this totally cute cashier. I smiled at her and then she said "I could sure use one of those". As my friends tell it, I nearly lept over the register to go to hers and strike up a convo. Agreed to pick her up after work and dated her for a year. I've done similar cold approaches but not recently.

 

A woman needs to give some sign. And the fact that 3 preppy guys joined after means they were not interested in the blue collar guys and likely didn't give them an in.

 

Girls in a pack are about the biggest boner killer in the world....Giggling, acting stupid, etc.....No guy worth a shyt is gonna bother with that mess, I don;t care what they look like..Odds are the guys that came in later were just their "friends"...

 

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I have to say that all the guys were glancing at this group. They weren't laughing and stuff. They were all pretty serious. It's rare to see a good looking group of girls and people were looking. I don't think there was anything to put anyone off except they weren't acting silly and approachable.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you can't even talk to a girl or ask her out, I don't know how you'd be able to do things in life that are more serious.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...