February Girl Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 So I spent my recent birthday and Valentine's Day alone - something I was afraid to do. But it was indeed liberating. I feel like I'm getting better at being alone. I had been continuously in relationships or dating for the past 6 years; the only long gap was 1 year after my first love. Since then, the gaps were only a month or two, with overlaps between men a couple of times (I multi-dated). But now I feel I'm not interested in anyone...or anything. What worries me is there is this friend-turns-date who seems growingly into me (I've posted this on other threads), but after I got back from my solo trip, I just feel numb towards him and everybody in general. Before my trip, I swear to you I thought I was in love with him. Is this emotional fatigue? I wanna keep dating this friend/colleague (we started dating a week before my trip but have known each other for 8 months), but I feel like I'm not myself anymore and he might notice it. Link to post Share on other sites
diddy Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 numb? care to explain this? how do you feel then? like you dont want to see them? am a lil bit confused or i need more details ,so the only person who knows the answers to your situation is you? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Are you feeling numb to everything or just dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Are you feeling numb to everything or just dating? Thank you for asking this; it makes me evaluate my feelings. I think I feel numb about him and our mutual female friend in particular. We used to have so much fun just the three of us colleagues - at work and outside of work. But since two months ago, she has been spending more time with her new boyfriend. While this at first caused me and the male friend to grow closer as more than friends, now I feel...nothing. When I go out to lunch with them, I find myself preferring to be alone. Deep down I've been feeling jealous that she's in a "perfect relationship" with a "perfect man", so I've mentally "let her go". When I go out on a date with the male friend, I feel distant, like I'm in my own world. And I can't even talk to the mutual friend about him because I'm afraid she'd tell him I'm no good for him. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 You probably are comparing your love life to her and feeling dissatisfied.Deep down you know that this guy is not for you but you are going along for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Congratulations on having the guts to spend Valentine's Day alone. You did it! You survived. What you are experiencing is just a phase but it's a phase you have to go through. You are doing some soul searching, even if you are not aware of it. If you still feel this way next year, then consult a professional but for now be introspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Feeling numb about this guy is fine, so long as you aren't numb about your life. It might be your bodys way of telling you this isn't the guy for you. In your past threads you've desperately tried to find a guy to pin your emotions on. It could have been just about anyone. Before you went away, you'd pinned them on this guy friend fresh out of a LTR. Now you've managed to get distance (well done, I know it can be hard!), you've come back realising you aren't in love with him at all. It could have gone either way - made you realise deep feelings for him or not. Listen to yourself. You're out of the confusion fog and know you aren't interested in him. Stop dating him and find someone you really like, without the pressure to find someone just because you were alone that you had before. Deep down I've been feeling jealous that she's in a "perfect relationship" with a "perfect man", so I've mentally "let her go". You also need to do some soul searching here. It's great that you've recognised these feelings but no relationship and no man is perfect, no matter what it looks like. You also need to be careful of cutting off friends because you are jealous or if they are happy in relationships. If you were a true friend, you'd be happy for her so long as she wasn't dumping you or treating you badly in some way because she was seeing someone new. It's natural you'd see her a bit less, but just think about why you feel the need to 'let her go'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 You probably are comparing your love life to her and feeling dissatisfied.Deep down you know that this guy is not for you but you are going along for some reason. Yes for the first one... Oh my god maybe yes for the second one... I'm with him because 1) I like the idea of being in love with your best friend, and 2) I wanted him when I thought he was still not over his ex-girlfriend. But now he seems into me more than I thought he would be. We haven't even gotten intimate because I don't feel like going there yet...which is okay, but I wonder if perhaps I only love him as a friend. But I am attracted to his quirkiness. Yet the feeling is different from what I felt for the previous men I had dated. Sometimes I feel that I'm out of passion because I have used it up for all those guys before him. Could that happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 It's natural you'd see her a bit less, but just think about why you feel the need to 'let her go'. Thanks for pointing it out.. There is indeed a reason.. I'm ashamed that it didn't work out between me and her boyfriend's friend, with whom she tried to hook me up. It didn't work out because I was also seeing our mutual friend, the guy friend I'm currently seeing. I feel like I'm a mess when it comes to guys, unlike her, so sure and so fortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 numb? care to explain this? how do you feel then? like you dont want to see them? am a lil bit confused or i need more details ,so the only person who knows the answers to your situation is you? Yeah, like I don't wanna see them, but I have to since they are my colleagues. And if I isolate myself, it would be even more obvious that I have issues. And I can't even tell them about my issues because one is the guy I'm seeing and the other is kinda my new best female friend. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 Yes for the first one... Oh my god maybe yes for the second one... I'm with him because 1) I like the idea of being in love with your best friend, and 2) I wanted him when I thought he was still not over his ex-girlfriend. But now he seems into me more than I thought he would be. We haven't even gotten intimate because I don't feel like going there yet...which is okay, but I wonder if perhaps I only love him as a friend. But I am attracted to his quirkiness. Yet the feeling is different from what I felt for the previous men I had dated. Sometimes I feel that I'm out of passion because I have used it up for all those guys before him. Could that happen? Unfortunately yes, it can happen. When you give your all , it's quite unpredictable how you will react in future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author February Girl Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) I think I'm bothered that I feel numb towards them because they are the only people close to me now. My family, closest old friends and close relatives are ALL in other states. That's why I still surround myself with the two colleagues although deep inside I don't care about them anymore. The only things that keep me alive now are my work and my new hobby. I used to have another boyfriend in this new state I moved to less than a year ago. But I gave him up because I was bored with him. But at least for him I had some passion at certain times. Edited February 19, 2017 by February Girl Link to post Share on other sites
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