I need to be Physical, He Doesn't

[loveturtle]

Hey everyone,

This is kind of embarrassing to talk about, but i need some help. I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of two years who lives all the way accross the country. We only get to visit each other about once every three months. During that time, i expect to make a lot of love, but he says he doesnt need to. I would ideally like to 3 times a day, being that we hardly get to see each other, and with him, he only likes to 3 times a week. This always puts me in a bad mood, because i'm a very physical person, and i need this kind of love, and i especially feel rejected when he doesnt because he hardly sees me, so i figure he'd want to even more. Also, i like to in the night, he only likes to in the morning.

In the past, when we were first together, we made love like rabbits, now its so rare. He used to be fine with fingering me, now he never does. He says it turns him off and that i smell bad. He only will if i get out of the shower. I need fingering for foreplay, and he gets mad about it. So all i get is lousy sex, a couple times every three months, in the morning when i dont like, and after the shower.....no spontaneity. He's a clean freak, so i have to be clean before he does that, and he absolutely never will even consider having sex with me if i'm on my period.

Is this normal? I try to tell him that i'm not satisfied, and he gets mad. He says that sex isn't important to him in a relationship, but it is to me. He doesnt compromise, and i feel like because of this we aren't compatable. I love him, but i get so hurt when i don't feel that physical affection, or when he says i smell terrible down there. I mean what can i do, it really hurts me.

He says he tried a lot harder earlier because he was courting me. But i feel like in love, you have to sacrifice in order to make your partner feel the best he or she can, and he doesn't sacrifice his dislike of fingering me to make me happy. He also doesnt try to atleast compramise with how much i like to make love. I don't want to break up, but i know myself and that i need physical love. Is this grounds to break up? What should i do? I've actually even grown more attractive since we were first together, so it's not a matter of me not maintaining my appearance... i just don't get how man couldn't want to have sex as much as a do...or is so picky about it.

[slubberdegullion]

uh... doing anything later??

[seahorse]

Hi loveturtle,

 

I hate to say it, but if I were you, I'd drop him like a hot potato. You've tried to talk to him, he's admitted that he only tried hard to keep you happy when he was courting you. The question you need to ask yourself is, would you be happy to go into a full time live in relationship with this man? Your sexual needs are totally incompatible. He's only seeing you every few months and you aren't going at it like honeymooners?

 

He's not prepared to compromise, and although 3 times a day might seem a bit much to him, and three times a week not enough to you, I do think as you're not seeing each other very much, that he would be "hungry" for a bit more than that. Does he have problems getting an erection when you do make love?

 

As for the "smell", have you had yourself checked at the Dr just to be sure? Some types of infection can cause a fishy smell. Have any past lovers commented? Most women have a natural scent, but if there is no health problem and you shower daily, it shouldn't be too extreme. I know having to nip to a shower when you want it sort of knocks the spontaneity a bit, but possibly a quick stand up soap and rinse in the "area" would do the job, lol. If I were you, I'd get checked just in case.

 

Honestly loveturtle, reading exactly what you've written and also just from the general tone of your letter, I think it's time to move on and find yourself someone who is a little less selfish.

[analyzetheworld]

loveturtle, I'd have to agree with seahorse. If your bf is causing you this much frustration and uncertainty, and you only see him once every 3 months, imagine what it would be like if you were living with him day in and day out. In my mind, love is supposed to be romantic, and something you enjoy. I know you say that you love this guy and all, but our feelings will fade, given time, and there are a lot of better guys out there, that will treat you with respect (as this guy does not seem to do); Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that a guy will necessarily do what you say, but at least he will be willing to compromise and will discuss things with you in a respectful way. Sometimes it is hard to "go it alone", and try to search for someone better, but if you don't give it a shot, you will never know who else you could have been with, and if it might have been better. I wish you luck in whatever you decide, and I hope my take on this has helped a bit.