Sponge_Cake Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I am engaged to a man who I live with. However, I am developing feelings for another. I met him at an anxiety support group that I attend, he was very shy when he first came but since then he has really come out of his shell and seems particularly talkative towards me. Another person who I have made friends with and who attends this group thinks he has a bit of a crush on me. At first I was indifferent, but as time has gone on and we've talked more and spent more time together (we all meet up socially outside the group top now) I have developed feelings for him. I'm also quite sexually attracted to him as well. Mine and my partner's sex life isn't as good as it once was. Mostly though, I like his personality and he gives me butterflies. When he walks into the room, he always makes a bee line for me, he always smiles and laughs with me when other people aren't looking more like we're sharing a secret joke. He's very gentle and quiet and has only recently started to be more open about his anxiety and depression at the group and in social situations with us all. He almost always sits next to me or opposite me and a few days ago we were at the pub and were sitting next to each other, he was very close to me and our legs were touching under the table, I could feel the warmth from his thigh, but he didn't pull away... He knows I'm engaged and often asks if we've set a date etc, he's even met my fiancé! Any advice or help would be appreciated, but please no nasty comments Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Ask yourself what is missing in your current relationship that your heart allowed itself to wonder around? Are you lacking attention, love, affection? If so you need to address this in your relationship. If your BF is not open to work on your problems than leave him. A woman starting to develop feelings for another man is always (most of the time) because something big is lacking in her relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) I am engaged to a man who I live with. However, I am developing feelings for another. I met him at an anxiety support group that I attend, he was very shy when he first came but since then he has really come out of his shell and seems particularly talkative towards me. Another person who I have made friends with and who attends this group thinks he has a bit of a crush on me. At first I was indifferent, but as time has gone on and we've talked more and spent more time together (we all meet up socially outside the group top now) I have developed feelings for him. I'm also quite sexually attracted to him as well. Mine and my partner's sex life isn't as good as it once was. Mostly though, I like his personality and he gives me butterflies. When he walks into the room, he always makes a bee line for me, he always smiles and laughs with me when other people aren't looking more like we're sharing a secret joke. He's very gentle and quiet and has only recently started to be more open about his anxiety and depression at the group and in social situations with us all. He almost always sits next to me or opposite me and a few days ago we were at the pub and were sitting next to each other, he was very close to me and our legs were touching under the table, I could feel the warmth from his thigh, but he didn't pull away... He knows I'm engaged and often asks if we've set a date etc, he's even met my fiancé! Any advice or help would be appreciated, but please no nasty comments What you do is start thinking about the future without your fiancé in it. Think about having to tell him you decided to leave him for a guy you met at an anxiety support group and know nothing about but have "butterflies" for. Think about the look on his face. Can you hurt this man like this? Think about how you would feel if he decided to break up with you for some girl he bumped legs with. He knows I'm engaged and often asks if we've set a date etc, he's even met my fiancé! -- If this guy is seeking another man's fiancé, is this the kind of guy you want in your life? Be mindful that people with extreme anxiety often act impulsively because of it . . . because they are anxious and want to calm it and usually do it in unhealthy ways. Think about all the good things about the relationship and the things that aren't so good. Go to your fiancé and talk about the things that you find are lacking for you. You have agreed to marry your boyfriend!!!! Hopefully, that means you understand the word "commitment" and the obligations that go with that word -- one of which is the obligation to communicate with and work on issues that arise. Not bail at the least temptation, difficulty in the relationship. Don't be the girl who has everything she wanted for herself in the palm of her hand and threw it away for a completely unknown future with a man you have "butterflies" for without addressing your needs with your boyfriend. Butterflies fly away just like the butterflies you likely had for your fiancé. This "butterfly" stayed and is planning his future around you. Edited January 7, 2017 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 You need to address your issues with your fiancé. Full stop. Something is lacking, which you yourself say. Address that. It is the root of all this. Link to post Share on other sites
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