Dumped out of the blue

[loulou261]

So I met this guy middle of November and we were messaging for a couple of weeks, then we hooked up and it was all going great, he was telling his friends and family all about me and how happy he was and even his friends saying how love he was.

 

He paid for me to go away NYE and then all of a sudden broke it off whilst we were away saying he only wanted to be friends?

 

What does this mean as I just don't understand his reasoning. Is he likely to change his mind.

[hotpotato]

Hate to break it to you, but he probably found someone else.

It might have been out of the blue to you, but it wasn't to him. Did he stop contacting you as much in the last couple of days or week?

[loulou261]

No, everything was absolutely perfect, even flying over it was exactly as it had been! Nothing at all had changed, this is what I find so strange!!

[VeveCakes]

 

He paid for me to go away NYE and then all of a sudden broke it off whilst we were away saying he only wanted to be friends?

 

What does this mean as I just don't understand his reasoning. Is he likely to change his mind.

 

You answered your own question.

 

He realized he does not have romantic feelings for you. Nothing you can do about that.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You answered your own question.

 

He realized he does not have romantic feelings for you. Nothing you can do about that.

 

Ouch...I agree...and...I am very sorry. Sometimes a person wants the feelings to be there, and/or they were until that meeting...or they just sort of fizzled...but...whatever the case, this is what dating is for: to find the person you want to be with, who wants to be with you. If we already knew this infallibly in advance there would be no problems. We would simply immediately hook up with that "one" person and...voila.

 

But things don't work that way. MOST of our relationships will not wind up long term/so to speak successful (for most people). Most of us have dated at least a few people before finding that right match. That means that right match takes some feeling out to discover. You guys are not that match. Another man will be a match for you. Hang in there.

[Gloria25]

Hate to break it to you, but he probably found someone else.

It might have been out of the blue to you, but it wasn't to him. Did he stop contacting you as much in the last couple of days or week?

 

Nah, probably had someone the whole time and decided who he wanted to be with. And, while you two may have kicked it off, you barely spent any time with him so, he made a choice.

 

Sorry, it sucks cuz yeah, I'm still here remembering how I thought dude and I were cool, only to find out that not only were we weren't cool, that he couldn't even stand me.

 

Just be happy that your dude didn't do like my dude - which is run and tell everyone how he couldn't stand me the whole time - instead of simply telling me.

 

Oh, and be happy that your dude didn't do like my dude and tell me he's sorry, then and go back and tell everyone that on top of him not standing the likes of me, that I won't leave him alone.

 

Oh, and be very happy that after the whole "sorry" thing, he smiled in my face then again, ran and told them that I'm chasing him and he's scared.

 

So, just letting you know that while what you're going through sucks, there's worse out there.

 

Two months ain't bad though to find out that he's a jerk. Be happy that it didn't happen a year into it.

 

***hugs***

 

*Disclaimer...all the negatives that I'm stating about dude is what I'm being told. So, haven't heard it from him, but for now I have to seriously believe it's him. . So, maybe you can try to reach out to your dude and see if he'll say happened.

Edited January 5, 2017 by Gloria25

[loulou261]

That really isnt the case though, everything was perfect.

 

Even the couples we went away with were saying how he was telling them how into me he was, i really am so confused about what happened.

 

There definitely wasn't anyone else.

[DarrenB]

That really isnt the case though, everything was perfect.

 

Even the couples we went away with were saying how he was telling them how into me he was, i really am so confused about what happened.

 

There definitely wasn't anyone else.

 

Thoughts and feelings can relinquish within an instant, especially those of which are considered 'romantic' and 'affectionate'.

 

I agree with Veve, it sounds as if he simply went all in and bargained with himself and assumed he was falling for you, but in reality he realized that wasn't the case... as unfortunate as it may be.

[Jessie1231]

I'm sorry for how you feel - I've been there and it was a terrible feeling. I had divorced about four years prior, and dated off and on since but no one ever really did it for me until I met this one guy. Our first date was lunch and we both called out of work for the rest of the day to spend all afternoon together. I think we decided to be exclusive within days. He told me within a few weeks he was in love with me and of course I was so in love too. I mean there were just giant red flags beating me in the face but I was so happy around him.

 

To celebrate our two month anniversary (this would be the largest red flag of all) he took me to Europe for a week. People in my life said how lucky I was to find someone who did things like that, but I really wish they had told me to go to therapy instead. But I went and it was perfect. At first. I noticed he was on his phone a WHOLE lot while we were there, but he was always doing work so I figured it was that. We got to Heathrow on the day we were coming back to the US, and we went to the lounge to have breakfast and mimosas still talking about what a fun time we had. We then sat on one of the couches and he calmly told me that he didn't think we should be dating and that it was over. I started crying because it blind sided me so he got up and just walked away. Didn't see him again until he boarded the plane.

 

I cried the entire LONG plane ride home while he mostly slept or read. We were in those seats that have the wall separating them and face diagonally so he wasn't forced to talk thankfully because that would have made it worse I'm sure. The flight attendants noticed so I told them the story and they kept me full of alcohol and goodies and kept telling me I would be ok. I was sure I never would be.

 

He went away for a week after that with family and I was sure he would contact me when he was back. He didn't. I of course contacted him because the entire relationship was built on poor decisions so why not keep on? He didn't seem happy to hear from me and said we would not be seeing each other again and goodbye. I was the saddest I had been in ages. It took me probably four months to get over a TWO MONTH relationship. And it hurt like hell.

 

However, I did get over it. To the point that I can laugh at myself and question my sanity at the time for falling into one of those whirlwind train wreck romances. And I feel maybe it's good that happened because it taught me so many things I definitely should not do so I don't feel like I could make the same mistakes again - at least not so many so quickly. Oh - of course I stalked his social media and learned that he had a new girlfriend in less than two weeks after dumping me. That stung but it also sort of helped me to see that none of what we said we had was real.

 

You'll get through it even if it feels horrible now. And you'll learn from it which is always a good thing. Best of luck to you.

[umirano]

Wow, people do that? My mind is blown...

[Techmonkey]

That really isnt the case though, everything was perfect.

 

Even the couples we went away with were saying how he was telling them how into me he was, i really am so confused about what happened.

 

There definitely wasn't anyone else.

 

I'm really sorry things broke off. No one can tell you for sure except him. All this speculation is just fuel for feeling worse about it. Maybe contact him and ask him directly. Otherwise, as tough as it is, move on and realize there are other people out there that won't do this sort of cowardly thing to you.