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Have you confronted the OW / OM?


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I'm just curious to see if anyone here confronted the OW or OM? How did it go?

 

I've imagined a million times of what I'd do or say, especially the first year after finding out.

 

Now, I think I'm in a better place. I'd probably put a big smile on my face and laugh her off ( even if it was fake)

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eye of the storm

Back when I was trying to save my M (before I knew who the main OW was) I would call my now xH's OWs and inform them he was married and then block their numbers on his phone. Sounds stupid now but at the time I was operating on instinct and my brain was shut down.

 

When I found out who the main OW was, I called her and told her very clearly what would happen if she ever came near me again. I risked my job and going to jail for someone who cared so little for me that he was banging my supposedly best friend.

 

Looking back. Confronting an AP is the height of nonsense. Why fight for someone that doesn't want you.

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I'm just curious to see if anyone here confronted the OW or OM? How did it go?

 

I've imagined a million times of what I'd do or say, especially the first year after finding out.

 

Now, I think I'm in a better place. I'd probably put a big smile on my face and laugh her off ( even if it was fake)

 

I can't say that I confronted her per se, but when the A first ended,I sent her a message telling her that I wasn't angry at her and I hope she could go on to have a good and happy life.

 

I never, ever should have done that, as it opened up a whole set of new and weird issues that went on for years.

 

It's just not worth having any sort of interaction after the ow A ends. It's not good for the bs or ow/om either.

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Oh we texted a bit. Honesty I didn't really come at her. It became clear she was fed a mountain of lies.

 

I did tell her to under no uncertain terms to get lost and stay lost though.

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40somethingGuy
I'm just curious to see if anyone here confronted the OW or OM? How did it go?

 

I've imagined a million times of what I'd do or say, especially the first year after finding out.

 

Now, I think I'm in a better place. I'd probably put a big smile on my face and laugh her off ( even if it was fake)

 

Yup, told my WW I was confronting him and she thought I was bluffing. Not only did I confront him but he told me SO MUCH about what did and did not happen. Much detail. So much detail my WW was shocked and pretty much hates him for throwing her under the bus to me like that. Best decision I made but I was not going to be anyone's chump anymore and that is the only thing about that whole ordeal that I feel good about.

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I contacted OW and said "let's get to know each other". She blocked me. Now I'm dying to contact her husband, but fear if he throws her out, she is more "available".

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I contacted OW and said "let's get to know each other". She blocked me. Now I'm dying to contact her husband, but fear if he throws her out, she is more "available".

 

If they want to get together there's nothing you can do to stop them. Expose to her H. Best thing you can do.

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Hubby threatened my AP many times. He finally left town. I didn't threaten ow2 but I did go up to OW1 at a party and told her she was ugly. I also told her mom and brother. Ha!

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Oh, and while my husband wanted to confront in person, and beat the crap out of my OM (i convinced him that a criminal record would only make the mess I made worse).

 

He did send the OM two texts. "Does your wife know you are F'ing mine?" And another text with the OM's work address, with a "maybe I should stop by"

 

Never heard from the OM again.

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I did many times. I was not going to be some faceless wife she could compartmentalize and pretend didn't exist while her and my husband destroyed my life and hurt my children.

 

I started respectfully when I found out who she was and contacted her and asked her to give us space while we figured out our marriage. She didnt. I got up in her life from then on. I contact her family and asked them to talk some sense into her, I showed up at her house when my husband was there and made sure the landlord knew why I was knocking on her door at 2 am. I wrote her many emails screenshotting the crap my husband said about her proving that he had no intention of being with her. I asked to meet with her and talk several times which we did....I mistakenly thought that I could talk some sense into her like all the advice people are giving the "other women" on this site. I would send her articles about being the other woman. All she would do is yes me to death and go talk to my husband and he'd lie to her and she'd believe him and ignore me.

 

I constantly told her the affect this was having on me and my kids. I'm sure she thought I was annoying but I would rather her know my face and voice and that I am a real person and she was taking part on destroying my soul than to be a faceless person to her.

 

And before you say anything My husband got the same treatment...but this thread is about the OW.

Edited by aileD
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I didn't confront my ex wife's AP. He confronted me. Showed up on my job site telling me that he didn't want to come between me and my kid. By this time I had booted her out and I told him not to worry about my kid and for him to take care of his own wife and kids and sooner or later what goes around, comes around and if she cheated on me then she'll cheat on him.

 

Didn't set to well with him so he continued to harass me and would show up with the other flunkeys he worked with and poke fun.

 

Then one day his wife called me and wanted to talk. I told her fine I would but my marriage was over because she wanted to know about my ex. I told her what her husband was doing and she was pissed but didn't say anything to him because she didn't want him to know that we talked.

 

Well he kept it up and his wife and I talked over coffee about it and then we had lunch a few times and one day she came over my place with a yellow rose and we had lunch at my place and one thing lead to another and we were in bed getting to know each other just a bit better.

 

Meanwhile her knucklehead husband is still going on with his big mouth and finally the one day he shows up with two of his idiot friends bragging that what I said about what goes around comes around and I finally told him "___ Your the better man and I know when I'm beat" and walked away. Anyhow he's walking around like a bigshot and I really wanted to tell him about his wifes really cut little tattoo on her behind but bit my tongue and said nothing.

 

Well his wife and I stopped seeing each other because she wanted to save her marriage and actually I started feeling lousy because I was no better then the OM so please don't do what I did. It wouldn't have happened if he would have just left it alone. This took place in the mid 90's and as far as I know he's still clueless.

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I didn't confront my ex wife's AP. He confronted me. Showed up on my job site telling me that he didn't want to come between me and my kid. By this time I had booted her out and I told him not to worry about my kid and for him to take care of his own wife and kids and sooner or later what goes around, comes around and if she cheated on me then she'll cheat on him.

 

Didn't set to well with him so he continued to harass me and would show up with the other flunkeys he worked with and poke fun.

 

Then one day his wife called me and wanted to talk. I told her fine I would but my marriage was over because she wanted to know about my ex. I told her what her husband was doing and she was pissed but didn't say anything to him because she didn't want him to know that we talked.

 

Well he kept it up and his wife and I talked over coffee about it and then we had lunch a few times and one day she came over my place with a yellow rose and we had lunch at my place and one thing lead to another and we were in bed getting to know each other just a bit better.

 

Meanwhile her knucklehead husband is still going on with his big mouth and finally the one day he shows up with two of his idiot friends bragging that what I said about what goes around comes around and I finally told him "___ Your the better man and I know when I'm beat" and walked away. Anyhow he's walking around like a bigshot and I really wanted to tell him about his wifes really cut little tattoo on her behind but bit my tongue and said nothing.

 

Well his wife and I stopped seeing each other because she wanted to save her marriage and actually I started feeling lousy because I was no better then the OM so please don't do what I did. It wouldn't have happened if he would have just left it alone. This took place in the mid 90's and as far as I know he's still clueless.

 

Sooo, it is his fault you slept with his wife.

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I confronted my husbands AP. I thought I handled the situation very maturely. She expressed to me how sorry she was, that it was something she truly regretted. I asked if she was going to inform her spouse, her exact words were "i have no intention of doing so". She promised me she would stay away from my husband.

 

After going to his work a few times and her even saying "hey" and smiling at me-it was clear that she did not take me very seriously.

 

A week after that my husband actually told me where her spouse worked, so I called him myself and made him aware of the affair. He was devastated, expressing to me that within the last 3 years she has made him feel that they have been so much more in love. He thanked me for not letting him continue to live in a lie.

 

the only thing I feel better about is not helping hide the affair, and no more feeling of making a comfortable environment for her being around my husband

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Sooo, it is his fault you slept with his wife.

 

No. It was mine. I knew I did wrong and out of sheer stupidity I did what he did and honestly I'm not proud of what I did. I should have chosen my words better in my post.

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No. It was mine. I knew I did wrong and out of sheer stupidity I did what he did and honestly I'm not proud of what I did. I should have chosen my words better in my post.

 

I wasn't judging or pointing fingers, I was just trying to clarify what you meant. It seemed to go against the things you usually say.

 

Frankly I think k if they cheated all bets are pretty much off anyway.

Edited by goodyblue
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