What makes you feel there is a deeper connection?

[spiderowl]

What is it about any relationship that makes you feel there is a deeper connection? Is there a tipping point where the conversation changes? I've always been interested in this but can never identify why it comes about.

[Gloria25]

For me it's not just talk...it's a combo of talk and actions.

 

Like, sex. You can sorta tell when they're not connecting with you in the bedroom (ie no eye contact, doggy style, little/no foreplay/cuddling after, no effort to please each other before getting off onself).

 

Other things, like do his family and friends know you? How does he introduce/speak of you to them?

 

Then, how does he treat you? Like, does he remember/do special things for you? Like, if I'm into a guy, special dates (ie his promotion) are things that I'm gonna remember and do something for him. A guy who I'm not into, if I don't ever hear from him, who cares? As long as when I call him to meet up, I could care less if his cat died from last time we spoke.

 

Lastly, when it comes to talking, it's not just empty words. Like if he's like "I love you" and we're together two years and if I even try to bring up where he sees "us" in the future, it's either 'let's just see how it goes', 'I don't wanna marry until I get savings (yet you see him splurging his money on a brand new this/that - instead of saving).

[jen1447]

Hm, good question. I can only answer it w vagueness unfortunately.

 

For me it's like a seeing eye-to-eye type thing and knowing it. And you can know it at diff stages. Forex my most recent GF I knew it the first time I saw her.

 

So I guess it's less verbal communication and sth more subliminal and maybe even instinctual.

[SammySammy]

 

The eyes let you know if a person is really feeling you. Which will be accompanied by a change in how they treat you. If the feeling is mutual, it allows for a deeper level of communication, intimacy, and trust.

 

I guess it's fair to say that deeper connection starts inside, from the heart, and is expressed outwardly.

 

"The eyes are the windows to the soul."

[Nowty V]

I have quite a dance as I'm a Threat Oriented Introvert/HSP

 

I operate mainly from behind the barricade, a false front.

 

I feel a deeper connection with someone if they are not 'overwhelming' [overstimulating] me and are courteous.

 

If they enable me to be 'authentic', come out from behind the barricade, then there is quite a connection.

 

[Threat Oriented Introvert/HSP as opposed to Reward Oriented, I wouldn't cross the road for a reward, but I would cross the road to avoid a threat, it makes getting on in life quite interesting, rewards don't motivate me, but threats do]

[spiderowl]

Thanks, some different views there. It does seem to happen naturally and with increasing openness somehow. Always seems to be some kind of tipping point for me, when the conversation changes and becomes more genuine somehow. Does that make sense?

[No_Go]

Wow I'm exactly the same - I've never seen this threat/eward oriented classification but I always knew I am NOT motivated by reward, more by fear, and when sharing this to people - they couldn't understand it AT ALL

 

I'm INTJ by MB. My 'authentic' self... I'm not sure I'm comfortable sharing it with partners, if anything when they dig too deep, they push me away.

 

I have quite a dance as I'm a Threat Oriented Introvert/HSP

 

I operate mainly from behind the barricade, a false front.

 

I feel a deeper connection with someone if they are not 'overwhelming' [overstimulating] me and are courteous.

 

If they enable me to be 'authentic', come out from behind the barricade, then there is quite a connection.

 

[Threat Oriented Introvert/HSP as opposed to Reward Oriented, I wouldn't cross the road for a reward, but I would cross the road to avoid a threat, it makes getting on in life quite interesting, rewards don't motivate me, but threats do]

[Popsicle]

I've had a certain level of connection, but rarely have I had a deep connection with a man. I did not have a deep connection with my ex-H or my last BF. Not having it is something I have gotten used to and would like but don't really expect (it's not easy to find). I'd feel a deep connection with a man who had a high level empathy, a high level of insight, a high level of attentiveness and was interested in talking to me about those things and able to.

 

And of course, it's almost like orgasmic when you find someone who you are mutually physically attracted to who is on the same page as you in terms of feelings and values.

[spiderowl]

I've had a certain level of connection, but rarely have I had a deep connection with a man. I did not have a deep connection with my ex-H or my last BF. Not having it is something I have gotten used to and would like but don't really expect (it's not easy to find). I'd feel a deep connection with a man who had a high level empathy, a high level of insight, a high level of attentiveness and was interested in talking to me about those things and able to.

 

And of course, it's almost like orgasmic when you find someone who you are mutually physically attracted to who is on the same page as you in terms of feelings and values.

 

It certainly is very rare Popsicle and very powerful.

[jen1447]

Thanks, some different views there. It does seem to happen naturally and with increasing openness somehow. Always seems to be some kind of tipping point for me, when the conversation changes and becomes more genuine somehow. Does that make sense?

 

I think it does, in the sense that at a certain point, honesty and trust - if they exist - become a bond. You see it in both the tone of conversation and the look in someone's eyes bc both become genuine and unafraid. I think that's the nebulous 'connection.'

[thecrucible]

You know it when you feel it. You don't have to check with anyone - "is this a deep connection I'm feeling?". It's a combination of the most intense ineffable attraction and matching values and perspectives. You feel that he understands you and loves you and not who he thinks you are. I have had very intense attraction with men before and not from the groin but a connection of the minds. It's when we can talk to each other for hours and understand each other emotionally. I've only felt it once or twice in my life.

 

If the guy's not into you, you notice it in all sorts of ways. You don't feel he's attentive and you feel on edge a lot during the relationship. You don't feel that conversations lead towards him getting to know you at the deepest level. When you have sex, he avoids intense eye contact, he doesn't care much for pleasing you. There isn't any cuddling after the sex either. Yeah actually I'm not crying about it but I don't think I've actually felt real attentiveness in that department with a man before. It's hard to find that (all guys should make that their trump card rather than worry about any men who've come before them). < no pun intended

[Shepp]

What is it about any relationship that makes you feel there is a deeper connection? Is there a tipping point where the conversation changes? I've always been interested in this but can never identify why it comes about.

 

I think that's the whole point. It isn't a science, connection isn't something you can force or fake BECAUSE it isn't a science, there isn't a formula. Its different for every individual and a connection happens when two individuals click!

 

You know when i think you know there's a connection? when you go from thinking about making conservation with all those lines your mother taught you:

"Did you have a good weekend?"

"How was the movie?"

"Was the food there good?"

 

to talking for 5 hours straight on a car trip and not being able to recall anything that you said because it just came so easily, but your pretty certain that at some point it involved how to survive a comet strike, your dream house, the really annoying women in front of you in the queue at the butchers, and what what kind of dog breed you'd rather be!

 

There came a point in my relationship with my missus where i realised we could have a whole (pretty detailed) conversation across a room with nothing but a series of looks and eye brow movement haha! Thats a connection!