Is it unreasonable to delete all exes off of social media?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

My friend deleted all ex's off social media to protect her marriage. Personally, I think this is a good idea. Her husband did it too, including his ex-wife with which he has children with.

 

I have told this to others who find this a bit extreme. My friend deleted men that she had had even feelings for, rejected by, flings with and someone who she met before her husband and went out with for two months. She believes she only had one proper boyfriend, and that is her husband, but technically she did go out with this guy only if it was for two months. She even deleted "special friendships" with men who flirted with her emotionally but did not commit to her. This is all to keep her marriage protected at all costs.

 

I think this sounds reasonable, but others would find it childish and over the top. I think if you get married, you should take your vows seriously. Meaning all others have become distant memories.

 

What are peoples views on this?

[Mrin]

Makes sense to me. Unless you're carrying on a friendship with an ex, no reason for them to be in your life. Period.

 

But ultimately it is everyone's personal call.

[Alamo657]

My friend deleted all ex's off social media to protect her marriage. Personally, I think this is a good idea. Her husband did it too, including his ex-wife with which he has children with.

 

I have told this to others who find this a bit extreme. My friend deleted men that she had had even feelings for, rejected by, flings with and someone who she met before her husband and went out with for two months. She believes she only had one proper boyfriend, and that is her husband, but technically she did go out with this guy only if it was for two months. She even deleted "special friendships" with men who flirted with her emotionally but did not commit to her. This is all to keep her marriage protected at all costs.

 

I think this sounds reasonable, but others would find it childish and over the top. I think if you get married, you should take your vows seriously. Meaning all others have become distant memories.

 

What are peoples views on this?

Modern socialite people would tell you that it's ok to be friends with exes and that you have to accept their past, and that facebook is just the past and not the present.

 

In a way they believe what they say, what they don't understand is the pain they cause to other people.

[SammySammy]

The only person on my social media that I've been romantically involved will be my spouse. That's it.

 

I don't think it's extreme at all.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

The only person on my social media that I've been romantically involved will be my spouse. That's it.

 

I don't think it's extreme at all.

 

 

Yeah me too

[ASG]

To me it sounds extreme. I don't believe in writing people off just because we had an involvement, unless it ended badly.

I've had relationships and kept my exes on FB and my bfs also had theirs. Not a massive deal if everything is above board.

But to each their own

[leogirl876]

I don't have exes on my social media. With my ex-boyfriend, when we first started dating, he had several exes of his on his social media. I told him I didn't like it, so he ended up deleting them. I don't see a reason having exes on social media, with maybe the exception with someone you have children with but that's it.

[BikerAccnt]

I only have one ex on social media, she is not a friend on that social media platform. That said, I don't have her blocked, and she'd free to look at my public posts, as I am hers. I hold her no ill will so I see no reason to block her or treat her like she did me wrong. She didn't.

 

I have removed any pictures of us together, aside from one, cause it's very good motorcycling pic, and there is no indication that she used to be my GF. I think that's the correct thing at a minimum to do.

 

That said, if my current GF had a problem with it, I'd block her. You current GF/spouse and their feeling, should take precedence in this matter I think.

[smackie9]

Depends.....both my husband and I have an ex on our social media, but it's not like we are communicating with them daily or even monthly. They are relationships from a long long time ago, and we all have moved on from that time...now we are just casual acquaintances.

 

An ex wife with children....I wouldn't have an issue with that only if their relationship was a healthy one and no drama.

 

I'm not a jealous type tho, and have a lot of trust towards my spouse. I don't have an issue with it. If it was a very recent ex ya I wouldn't have an issue dumping them off social media. When it's over it's over.

[Gemma1]

I have exes on Facebook. Heck, my H even has one of my exes as a friend on fb because he invited him to my surprise birthday party a few weeks ago and they met that night.

 

If my spouse demanded I remove every last one from social media I would think less of him. Everyone has their own boundaries.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think it really depends. Especially if there is a shared social circle like with a high school ex or something, or if there are shared children, I don't think a hard line of deleting all exes is a necessity.

[Gaeta]

I have never added boyfriends to my FB so it solved the matter of having those on there. I did have my ex-husband as FB-friend when he was alive. When FB appeared we had been divorced for years and were on amicable terms. I had met his new wife several times and her and I were FB-friends as well. When people know their boundaries and live in respect of each other there is NO problems.

 

Telling me to remove my ex-husband from my FB contact would not have been welcomed. I am old enough to judge who's right or wrong for my friend list. If a BF would want me to clean my FB friends list he would first have to show me where behaved inappropriately.

[smackie9]

The way I look at it if you have to demand them to delete people from their life/social media, then you are dating the wrong person.

[deep_night]

i have my first boyfriend on facebook, we were platonic and it was a short relationship, over 10 years ago. i think of him mostly as an old acquaintance that i have some tenderness for, but it isn't romantic or sexual in the least. i like having him in my friends list.

 

i'd really feel terrible unfriending people, i'd worry that i'd hurt their feelings. i would prefer to share my password with my boyfriend than unfriend.

[Shanex]

My 'extreme' solution was to not use social medias at all. Too much dramas, stalking and phonies.

[Blanco]

Relationships face great enough odds without inviting potential problems (i.e. former lovers) into them.

[blackcat777]

I did this and my boyfriend couldn't be happier. Anyone who ever flirted, anyone I ever had a crush on (even if they never knew), all of them, gone!

 

It's not like I have ill will towards them.

 

It is entirely about showing my man respect. He never has to worry about who I'm messaging or chatting up on the side.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I did this, and my boyfriend couldn't be happier. Anyone who ever flirted, anyone I ever had a crush on (even if they never knew), all of them, gone!

 

It's not like I have ill will towards them.

 

It is entirely about showing my man respect. He never has to worry about who I'm messaging or chatting up on the side.

 

I know, to delete old boyfriends off of social media sounds so old-fashioned these days, doesn't it? But I agree it is about respect and allowing my future husband know; you're the one I choose only to know, respect and have my experiences with, within a loving and fulfilling relationship. If I do it ( getting rid of ex's on facebook), then I would naturally expect him to do it too. It works for some couples.

[ZayKayWill]

I think its stupid and unnecessary. Everyone is different I guess but if my wife literally demanded that I unfriend all my past lovers just because we used to have a fling together I would have a problem. I don't hang out with my ex very much but we're still good friends and if I had to say goodbye to that just for the sake of my current lover I would be really upset.

[MJJean]

Neither DH or I have any contact with ex's, so none on social media.

[OldSoulBiz]

It is not unreasonable, and I completely agree with you.

 

There is absolutely no reason for a girl and a guy (who are in different relationships) to be in contact with each other if they have any sort of intimate feelings towards one another. It will only lead to disasters in some way, shape or form.

 

Anyone who thinks or says otherwise will at some point learn the hard way by being betrayed and having their own feelings hurt by someone who does stay "friends" with others who they were intimate with.

[MissBee]

My friend deleted all ex's off social media to protect her marriage. Personally, I think this is a good idea. Her husband did it too, including his ex-wife with which he has children with.

 

I have told this to others who find this a bit extreme. My friend deleted men that she had had even feelings for, rejected by, flings with and someone who she met before her husband and went out with for two months. She believes she only had one proper boyfriend, and that is her husband, but technically she did go out with this guy only if it was for two months. She even deleted "special friendships" with men who flirted with her emotionally but did not commit to her. This is all to keep her marriage protected at all costs.

 

I think this sounds reasonable, but others would find it childish and over the top. I think if you get married, you should take your vows seriously. Meaning all others have become distant memories.

 

What are peoples views on this?

 

If it works for those people, sure.

 

For me though, I do not think their presence on social media itself is meaningful, and because of that it simply wouldn't occur to me to search for them to delete them. Way before I'm married, once we were in a relationship, any sort of sustained relationship with an ex would no longer happen and I'd be over them, so them being on my FB wouldn't matter one bit. I have former partners on FB and I don't really even remember that I have them on there, as I am over them and never think about them in that way much less to go through to delete them.

 

Honoring your vows is all in your actual behavior, thoughts, actions. For me personally, just having someone on your friend's list or as a contact you never deleted in your phone is not in itself meaningful....it would only matter if you communicated with this person and did so inappropriately at that. This wouldn't be an issue in my relationship, but whatever works for other people is cool by me.

[MissBee]

It is not unreasonable, and I completely agree with you.

 

There is absolutely no reason for a girl and a guy (who are in different relationships) to be in contact with each other if they have any sort of intimate feelings towards one another. It will only lead to disasters in some way, shape or form.

Anyone who thinks or says otherwise will at some point learn the hard way by being betrayed and having their own feelings hurt by someone who does stay "friends" with others who they were intimate with.

 

Isn't this the problem....HAVING "intimate feelings" for others to begin with? This is the bizarre part to me. Why would you be getting married but have active feelings for another? THAT is what is unacceptable.

 

Just because someone exists on a friends' list, especially if you never or rarely speak to them, doesn't mean you have feelings for them. I think people try to control these external things but don't see the internal problems, like they think FB is the real issue or deleting folks but don't see that if they still have intimate feelings for their ex on FB that that's actually the real issue which needs addressing.

[pteromom]

It would be unreasonable for me.

 

I wouldn't delete exes, and if a partner demanded that I do it, I would be offended at his lack of trust in me and my ability to handle my own stuff.

 

Let's put it this way - I have no romantic feelings for any Facebook friends. And if by chance, someone confessed they had feelings for me, I am perfectly capable of rebuking them and shutting it down.