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Why am i so overprotective with a girl i never dated?


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SmilingMartin

Hey guys i have a problem

 

Theres this girls that i used to be really good friends...we ended up being more than friends and then just went back to being friends again.

 

My problem is, i am so over protective when it comes to her, like i do not want her getting drunk, making out with guys and making stupid decisions when she is under the influence. Shes currently dating a guy right now but i think all the guy wants from her is more of a sexual thing, and i get really upset just thinking about it.

 

Why am i so overprotective?? I never this dated this girl.....

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Well, you said you were "more than friends" for a while. If that wasn't dating her, what was it? FWB? I think maybe you still have a thing for this girl, causing you to be overprotective of her. Just a though.

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SmilingMartin
Originally posted by Nomad

Well, you said you were "more than friends" for a while. If that wasn't dating her, what was it? FWB? I think maybe you still have a thing for this girl, causing you to be overprotective of her. Just a though.

 

I do still have a thing for this girl, but i also just want to be her friend nothing more and nothing less. Is this whats cuasing me to be overprotective??

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LucreziaBorgia

Yes, you probably still do have a 'thing' for her - whether that thing is 'love' or 'friendship' is debatable. People can be protective of friends, and of lovers. When it becomes jealousy, then its more on the 'love' side depending on how jealous and protective you are. In this case, you have two girls: the girl you know, and the version of her you keep inside your head and heart which is idealized by the feelings you have for her.

 

You want to protect and preserve that image of her you have in your mind, which is understandable. You have a version of her in your head and in your heart that you don't want anyone to corrupt. What you will have to understand and accept is that the girl you have in your heart and in your head are just qualities that you are mapping onto her - and she doesn't really exist in the way that you would like for her to.

 

By trying to 'protect' this girl and control her choices, you are basically trying to reconcile who she really is with who you would like for her to be. You don't want to see her hurt, but you will have to understand that the choices you want her to make are not the choices that she wants to make. A person is a friend only in as much as they are willing to let others make their own choices, and supportive during the consequences.

 

You'll have to determine for yourself what motivates your need to control her choices in the guise of 'protection'. Is it her you want to protect, or is it that you want to protect her from anyone other than yourself?

 

If you find that you are motivated by something other than friendship, then you can do one of two things: discuss this with her and see if there is a possibility for taking it to another level, or cut your losses. If she turns you down, then you will have to decide whether or not to keep going with it.

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