Childhood friends hookup

[edgygirl]

So I went to the tropical country I grew up in for a few years, and by coincidence, there was a school reunion from 80s friends. I was looking forward to seeing my childhood crush although I've heard he's married. This was the first time so many people met since.

 

I did see him and he told me he comes to my city twice a year - he's one of the most important men in the investment fund world in that country. We said we'll meet when he comes and I was really bashed for it on the Other Woman subforum.

 

But interestingly the most important event of the night was meeting this other guy who was not in my class and whom I don't remember from school.

 

He knew all my friends but I didn't know him. We are the same kind of creative/crazy people and connected immediately. (Most other people are good kids who are married or divorced). He never got married.

 

He started hitting on me, and he was intelligent and attractive, I was in a beautiful tropical city with the nerves up from meeting all these school friends and it sounded like a good idea when we decided to leave kind of discreetly without telling anyone. He did want to kiss me right there in front of all, but I thought it was a bad idea and just gave him a quick smack. He told everyone he was recently single since he broke up with his ex gf. So am I...

 

We did leave together and he didn't want to come to my hotel. I was shocked by the place he lives at his age. He's apparently a millionaire and had the most beautiful house I've ever been, in the city hills, with a beautiful pool and deck overlooking the sea, mountains, forests...

 

I like successful ambitious people but most of all I liked him for himself. We are very similar, but at age 43 he had a 24 yo gf, the one whom he just broke up with, and she's a waitress... I saw her on facebook and she's super meh. Pretty but boring and uninteresting. He told me he broke up with her as she doesn't amuse him. Duh?

 

He also said he has had constant depression episodes that made his former ex (older and with a kid) break up with him as he wouldn't get up off bed for days. He was really hurt by that obviously.

 

The night went great, we got along well, I was super understanding of him, I taught him some tricks in bed he never experienced...

 

He also mentioned out of nowhere he didn't know what I was looking for, but that he prob wasn't in a good time or so. I found it a funny thing to mention during a... hookup? As this is all it was at the time.

 

I felt really comfy with him... and all these old school friends have been adding each other lately - I have at least 25 friends on facebook that went to the meeting... so I decided to add him as well.

 

To my surprise he responded saying he had tons of fun, I'm beautiful, he will look for me when he's in my town, but that the recent ex is really on top of him and his facebook, as if she would get hurt if he added me. That he will wait a bit (to add me?). Ugh!!!

 

I just replied with our joke that night - saying how could you be insensitive to hurt your childhood love and first kiss?

 

Anyway... it's been a week now and I'm really hurt. WTH. I feel offended that he cares about a super young girl who's clearly not relationship material for him, and doesn't care about MY feelings? We are from the same community, same cultural background, religion, and all. We all have a group chat on WhatsApp. He knew I was leaving home to my country the next day.

 

Am I stupid for feeling offended? The trouble is I really liked this guy, I saw potential. Should I be understanding of his situation here, is it acceptable in any way? (I don't know his life, so how can I really judge?) or he's just being a total jerk? Should he gets back to me... in a few weeks, months... should I even talk with him again?

Edited July 18, 2016 by edgygirl

[Mr. Lucky]

He also mentioned out of nowhere he didn't know what I was looking for, but that he prob wasn't in a good time or so. I found it a funny thing to mention during a... hookup? As this is all it was at the time.

 

Since you've only met him once, how did this morph from a self-described hookup to something you had enough vested interest in to get hurt feelings?

 

You've had one night and some FB interaction with him. Not sure that gives you a right to decide whose feelings he should prioritize...

 

Mr. Lucky

[edgygirl]

I know it doesn't give me the right. I wonder if it's really that though, or a lame excuse for not being in touch or so.

 

In any case, it's like my sis said - perhaps he's not ready for an adult relationship. Why be with someone half his age who doesn't seem interesting and "doesn't amuse" him as he said?

 

I just feel we have much more in common, amazing chemistry, and the same cultural background.

 

Some men are are plain stupid Ugh. I'm venting, sorry.

 

Since you've only met him once, how did this morph from a self-described hookup to something you had enough vested interest in to get hurt feelings?

 

You've had one night and some FB interaction with him. Not sure that gives you a right to decide whose feelings he should prioritize...

 

Mr. Lucky

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[CarrieT]

You had sex too soon. It removed the mystery for him and you should have made him chase you a bit.

 

You may never hear from him again....

[edgygirl]

Yes I know this was on the back of my mind

 

But it was my last night in the country...

 

You had sex too soon. It removed the mystery for him and you should have made him chase you a bit.

 

You may never hear from him again....

[edgygirl]

He wrote me again... not sure what to make of it.

 

Mentioned again the ex issue as I think he misunderstood my answer... and asked me how are things here... what does he want from me?

[Weezy1973]

... what does he want from me?

 

Easy sex.....

[edgygirl]

He's a hot intelligent millionaire who lives in a mansion in the hills overlooking the city and can get almost any woman he wants... I am half way across the world in another country.

 

 

Don't think it makes much sense... but thank you.

 

Easy sex.....

[CarrieT]

asked me how are things here... what does he want from me?

Start an intelligent dialogue and see if it continues. Let him chase you...

[edgygirl]

Great advice as always thank you CarrieT.

 

Start an intelligent dialogue and see if it continues. Let him chase you...

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Edited July 22, 2016 by edgygirl

[edgygirl]

I did not answer him (yeah, let him wait and chase or whatever), and today in the group chat which he usually doesn't talk much, he referred directly to me in front of all our friends in a chat about something everyone is discussing. It felt... funny.

 

I still haven't answered his last message. Let him wait now indeed.

[CarrieT]

I still haven't answered his last message. Let him wait now indeed.

Good girl!

[edgygirl]

He just told me he's back with the ex. Yes the 24 yo. Ugh

 

What about the whole 'she not amusing' him? :/

 

I guess she might be the sex on tap someone mentioned above? Meh.

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Edited July 23, 2016 by edgygirl

[ChickiePops]

In your other thread you said he was married with two kids and you were chasing him anyway, which is why you got bashed. Is this a different man?

[Weezy1973]

He just told me he's back with the ex. Yes the 24 yo. Ugh

 

What about the whole 'she not amusing' him? :/

 

I guess she might be the sex on tap someone mentioned above? Meh.

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I don't even understand how you can be remotely invested in this guy. Next!

[edgygirl]

Two different men. The one in the other thread (let's call him G.) is my childhood crush. He was there in the meeting too, from the same school / classes.

 

The one from this thread (let's call him A.) is the one I met that day and ended up with that night. I don't recall him from school, he was probably in a different class.

 

What a night that was... yes I had a thing going on with two men. This is not typical of my behavior just to put it out there.

 

In your other thread you said he was married with two kids and you were chasing him anyway, which is why you got bashed. Is this a different man?

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm sorry he got together with his ex when you thought you had a chance with him. Dating is complicated and confusing, but I think rushing into bed and not getting to know a person first may make situations more complicated.

Maybe in your next relationship you can get to really know his heart and intentions before jumping to anything too physical? That way you will know if his heart and time is invested with you! You are valuable and deserve love and respect from your partner and you first need to value and respect yourself <3

 

Best of luck with dating in your future and I hope you find a man who treats you like a princess

[edgygirl]

There's something to what you're saying Weezy.

 

Maybe it's because I haven't met anyone I'm interested in at my town... huge town with millions of potential matches. Not sure what's up.

 

And apparently it's not just me who's still thinking. He just wrote me again a few moments ago. He told me he really enjoyed being with me and kept remembering the moments we spent together and the things we did. He asked why I didn't relax more. I said when the booze wore off I was self conscious because I liked him... He said he also felt we match.

 

I asked why is he back with someone who doesn't amuses him then.

 

He said that I don't understand... He said he cannot get it right (with people?) because of his mental issues. I said I got that and it didn't bother me because I liked his brain and intelligence more. He said yeah? Takeone year with mood changes, depression, etc.

 

He said let's see how it goes and that he's a little down now. He also said that his ex... err... gf again... audits his cellphone etc. Ahhh.

 

Still, yeah there you go. I liked him

 

I don't even understand how you can be remotely invested in this guy. Next!

[edgygirl]

You're right, thank you. It was the last night in a tropical country with an interesting guy I met... it was a little hard to resist specially after just seeing my married childhood crush. Thanks Baker, you seem Devoted indeed

 

I'm sorry he got together with his ex when you thought you had a chance with him. Dating is complicated and confusing, but I think rushing into bed and not getting to know a person first may make situations more complicated.

Maybe in your next relationship you can get to really know his heart and intentions before jumping to anything too physical? That way you will know if his heart and time is invested with you! You are valuable and deserve love and respect from your partner and you first need to value and respect yourself <3

 

Best of luck with dating in your future and I hope you find a man who treats you like a princess

 

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[Emilia]

I'm convinced that this is another case of being into a guy because he is wealthy. Sometimes I despair of my own gender.

[road]

I know it doesn't give me the right. I wonder if it's really that though, or a lame excuse for not being in touch or so.

 

In any case, it's like my sis said - perhaps he's not ready for an adult relationship. Why be with someone half his age who doesn't seem interesting and "doesn't amuse" him as he said?

 

I just feel we have much more in common, amazing chemistry, and the same cultural background.

 

Some men are are plain stupid Ugh. I'm venting, sorry.

 

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Because some men will say whatever they have to, to get a woman in bed.

 

 

He was saying all the things that you want to hear to make you put out.

 

 

He insisted that you go to his house instead of your hotel to wow you and get you to put out.

 

 

You put out and he's got you wanting to keep putting out.

[Weezy1973]

I'm convinced that this is another case of being into a guy because he is wealthy. Sometimes I despair of my own gender.

 

I'd say this is another case of a woman basing her self-worth on being seen as attractive and desirable to attractive men. When the OP was in her 20s she used to fall for musicians and rock stars as they were the most desirable men at that age. Now that she's in her 40s she falls for wealthy, successful men.

 

She doesn't have a sense of who she is because she defines herself by being attractive to desirable men. If they choose her, then that must mean she's worthy of love.

 

And it's also why she struggles so much to find love of course...

[edgygirl]

Often you come here with these abrasive comments that have nothing to do with reality. I was into him right after meeting him, and we talked for hours before I could possibly know what he owned or not.

 

Despair over shallow stupid women who are into money... not me

 

Do I like a driven guy? I do, not because of money, but as I am driven myself, I am attracted to the same. Always been, always will. Money is good but not what drives me. Ideas and personality drive me. And I liked his.

 

I'm convinced that this is another case of being into a guy because he is wealthy. Sometimes I despair of my own gender.

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[edgygirl]

He didn't have to say that to get me into bed. I would value him more if he said he was with someone he did love a lot at least at some point before breaking up. The being with someone who does not amuse him kind of turn me off actually.

 

He told everyone at the meeting that he had broken up with his gf, so it wasn't said to convince me of anything, or a lie to get me into bed.

 

We wanted the same thing that night and he didn't have to say anything to convince me. It was a elementary school reunion with a somewhat funny vibe as expected, and having him around to talk and flirt felt great. We knew what we were going for.

 

In any case... I am flabbergasted how people treat someone as old as I am as if I was an innocent 20 yo.

 

Because some men will say whatever they have to, to get a woman in bed.

 

 

He was saying all the things that you want to hear to make you put out.

 

 

He insisted that you go to his house instead of your hotel to wow you and get you to put out.

 

 

You put out and he's got you wanting to keep putting out.

[edgygirl]

Well let's say it doesn't feel bad to feel attractive to good looking powerful men, yes, specially given my age... why would it?

 

When I was 20, relatively famous rock stars fell for me, not me for them, haha. I went out with 3 and they were all after me

 

I don't care about my looks, I prefer men who are interested in my brain. It turns me off when a guy is too much into looks.

 

Who am I? A successful professional woman, a doer, busy. Innovative, creative, a changer. I know exactly who I am and if I needed a man to make me understand who I am, poor me. Sorry darling, I have a personality and the things you said below speak for other women, not me. For some reason it seems you enjoy being mean, perhaps because of your possible own problems with women (?) would be my guess.

 

It almost seems to me that it pisses people off that I can attract successful men. What's the problem exactly? Is it better to attract losers? I am not a loser and don't go for losers. Sorry?

 

I'd say this is another case of a woman basing her self-worth on being seen as attractive and desirable to attractive men. When the OP was in her 20s she used to fall for musicians and rock stars as they were the most desirable men at that age. Now that she's in her 40s she falls for wealthy, successful men.

 

She doesn't have a sense of who she is because she defines herself by being attractive to desirable men. If they choose her, then that must mean she's worthy of love.

 

And it's also why she struggles so much to find love of course...

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Edited July 28, 2016 by edgygirl