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Will this marriage last?


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I have been with my ex girlfriend for 4 years plus, when I first met her I was 25 and she was 34. She broke up with me at the end March this year, by text. She just msg me and said " I think we should end out relationship" I was first angry and sad about it. For the past few weeks I tired to talk to her, but she would act cold to me or don't bother replying to any of my msg. Around the end of May I found out she was engage and going to get married. At first I thought when we broke up she found another men and got engage within the months we broke up. But then I found out the truth that she was dating him since October last year. I was heart broken and even went crazy when I found out she cheated on me so long. But in the end I have forgiven her, I think it's because I'm still in love her. For the past weeks I will contact her but she will never reply to me. But I know I should stop now, cause I'm only hurting myself.

 

We were in a long distance relationship. However every day we talk and whenever she need my help, I would always help her. If I couldn't help, I would find someone who could. The last time I saw her was almost two years ago, I have alway felt bad about it and made plans to see her this year. I know the reason why she did it, cause she wanted to start a family and it was my fault cause I made her wait so long.

 

The men she is engage to is older then her, but they only met for 5 months. To me it's just two lonely people who are desperate to find love. This is also not her first marriage, she was married before and had a child. But it only lasted about a year. I don't know why I can't her and I don't why I still worried about her. I have still wounds in my heart and still in so much pain. She was not only my love of my life, but also my best friend. But the way she treated me and threw a side, hurt me so much.

 

So my question is, will this marriage last? Or is she repeating the same mistake again?

 

Edmund

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That is unknowable, and probably not a very fruitful topic for thought.

 

Turn your attention to yourself and your own life, so that you can shape your own future.

 

 

Take care.

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Welcome to LS, unfortunately under such painful circumstances....

 

Will her marriage last? It's her second and, statistically, second marriages don't last as long as first ones and it's unlikely it will last a lifetime. However, people aren't statistics and we're all different.

 

More troubling is that she dumped you after four years by text. That's pretty odd. Even for a LDR. Then, she's engaged.

 

My guess, having done the LDR/international dating thing? Another opportunity was grown while your LDR was going on. Not uncommon. Sure, a likelier prospect for her could've come along suddenly but I tend to discount that. Even if it did, if she was authentically invested in your relationship, she would have done more than send a breakup text. Fishy.

 

My advice? Let this marriage last a lot longer than any brain and heart-space it takes up in your life. You own that process.

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Welcome to LS, unfortunately under such painful circumstances....

 

Will her marriage last? It's her second and, statistically, second marriages don't last as long as first ones and it's unlikely it will last a lifetime. However, people aren't statistics and we're all different.

 

More troubling is that she dumped you after four years by text. That's pretty odd. Even for a LDR. Then, she's engaged.

 

My guess, having done the LDR/international dating thing? Another opportunity was grown while your LDR was going on. Not uncommon. Sure, a likelier prospect for her could've come along suddenly but I tend to discount that. Even if it did, if she was authentically invested in your relationship, she would have done more than send a breakup text. Fishy.

 

My advice? Let this marriage last a lot longer than any brain and heart-space it takes up in your life. You own that process.

 

 

What you say is true, but I hope it does last. For herself and mine. The truth is I have a big heart and that's what also makes me weak. If I'm still single and she is seperated, I don't want her to come running back and say I'm sorry. Cause I really have no luck. This is the second time a women I loved, got married never tell me. If this happens again, I don't want will happen to me. lol

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Had she had the heart-to-heart in person or over the phone, I could see traction for the value of that personal contact to remain as part of who you are. It was those kinds of interactions, in person, even if painful, which are why my exW and I still respect each other long after our divorce. The stuff was hard but life is like that. It can be hard.

 

Opinion varies on this but I've come to be a big fan of finishing business and valuing the closure and peace that process brings.

 

Here, we have a lady who ended things quite impersonally and is now announcing engagement to another. That's some pretty clear finishing of business to me. Hope is nice; acceptance of the real is nice too. Good for them. We all deserve some happiness and peace in life. You too.

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LDR for four years and no one moved closer and/or this didn't advance into "something"?

 

And, if it's been going on for 4 years, that means you were 19 and she was like 30 when this started? What 30yr old woman in her right mind would be pursuing a 19 year old?

 

IMO, who cares if her marriage lasts. Hopefully she'll be long gone. I mean, and now she's marrying some older guy she only met for 5 months?

 

I would be glad to be out of her web.

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He was 25 and she 34 when he 'first met her', according to his first post. Hence, I guess he's 29-30 now.

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What you say is true, but I hope it does last. For herself and mine. The truth is I have a big heart and that's what also makes me weak. If I'm still single and she is seperated, I don't want her to come running back and say I'm sorry. Cause I really have no luck. This is the second time a women I loved, got married never tell me. If this happens again, I don't want will happen to me. lol

 

Hang on, you've been with this woman since you were 19ish. So it strikes me as rather odd that this happened to you once already before you were 19.

 

Was the other time this happened a long distance relationship too? If so, I'd highly suggest you stop wasting time on women you can't see and focus on real life women.

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LDR for four years and no one moved closer and/or this didn't advance into "something"?

 

And, if it's been going on for 4 years, that means you were 19 and she was like 30 when this started? What 30yr old woman in her right mind would be pursuing a 19 year old?

 

IMO, who cares if her marriage lasts. Hopefully she'll be long gone. I mean, and now she's marrying some older guy she only met for 5 months?

 

I would be glad to be out of her web.

 

I'm turning 30 this year and she's turning 38. Truth is I know her well, and I knew she was desperate. So the first good guy that came along and ask her to married her she will accept it. Once I think about the signs was already there, in the beginning of the year we talked and she ask me a random question. " if we broke up can we still be friends?" . I asked her " are you seeing anyone?" She said " No, I'm just asking" . Now I think about she was already planing this, but as soon as the guy ask her to married her, she threw me as side like trash.

 

That's what hurt me the most, I trusted her a lot and believe in her. If she told me this is the beginning I would have fought for her. She didn't even told me she got engage, I saw the pictures of her engagment through Wechat.

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Hang on, you've been with this woman since you were 19ish. So it strikes me as rather odd that this happened to you once already before you were 19.

 

Was the other time this happened a long distance relationship too? If so, I'd highly suggest you stop wasting time on women you can't see and focus on real life women.

 

Nope i met her when I was 25 and she was 34. This year I will be 30 and she will be 38.

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I'm turning 30 this year and she's turning 38. Truth is I know her well, and I knew she was desperate. So the first good guy that came along and ask her to married her she will accept it. Once I think about the signs was already there, in the beginning of the year we talked and she ask me a random question. " if we broke up can we still be friends?" . I asked her " are you seeing anyone?" She said " No, I'm just asking" . Now I think about she was already planing this, but as soon as the guy ask her to married her, she threw me as side like trash.

 

That's what hurt me the most, I trusted her a lot and believe in her. If she told me this is the beginning I would have fought for her. She didn't even told me she got engage, I saw the pictures of her engagment through Wechat.

 

The first "good guy"?

 

If she only known him for 5 months, she knows nothing about him...

 

Again, be glad you dodged this bullet.

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The first "good guy"?

 

If she only known him for 5 months, she knows nothing about him...

 

Again, be glad you dodged this bullet.

 

True, I know I should just move on. Just don't care about them. Like I said before I know her well but she also knows me well too. I know about her past that even she wouldn't tell her fiancé about. But I hope it does work, cause the last thing I want is her to comeback and say sorry. Cause she knows I'm to weak to just say no.

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So my question is, will this marriage last? Or is she repeating the same mistake again?

 

 

Not your problem, not your concern.

 

 

Date other women closer to your age and don't use up headspace thinking about this gal.

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Tough love:

 

 

Care about yourself.

 

She's removed herself from your life, and doesn't need or want your caring anymore.

 

 

Take care.

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Edmund I would say this.

 

It has far greater chance of surviving as its in reality.

 

Because of the distance you had slim chances.

 

Take the advice. Go no contact and date closer to home.

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I have been with my ex girlfriend for 4 years plus, when I first met her I was 25 and she was 34. She broke up with me at the end March this year, by text. She just msg me and said " I think we should end out relationship" I was first angry and sad about it. For the past few weeks I tired to talk to her, but she would act cold to me or don't bother replying to any of my msg. Around the end of May I found out she was engage and going to get married. At first I thought when we broke up she found another men and got engage within the months we broke up. But then I found out the truth that she was dating him since October last year. I was heart broken and even went crazy when I found out she cheated on me so long. But in the end I have forgiven her, I think it's because I'm still in love her. For the past weeks I will contact her but she will never reply to me. But I know I should stop now, cause I'm only hurting myself.

 

We were in a long distance relationship. However every day we talk and whenever she need my help, I would always help her. If I couldn't help, I would find someone who could. The last time I saw her was almost two years ago, I have alway felt bad about it and made plans to see her this year. I know the reason why she did it, cause she wanted to start a family and it was my fault cause I made her wait so long.

 

The men she is engage to is older then her, but they only met for 5 months. To me it's just two lonely people who are desperate to find love. This is also not her first marriage, she was married before and had a child. But it only lasted about a year. I don't know why I can't her and I don't why I still worried about her. I have still wounds in my heart and still in so much pain. She was not only my love of my life, but also my best friend. But the way she treated me and threw a side, hurt me so much.

 

So my question is, will this marriage last? Or is she repeating the same mistake again?

 

Edmund

 

 

I understand that this is hurtful for you and I'm sorry about that.

 

I don't mean to belittle your relationship, but if you guys had not been together face to face in 2 years and it was only a virtual thing primarily, then there is A LOT that you didn't know and in some ways this was a fantasy relationship built on lots of assumptions and filling in the gaps from a distance. While long distance can work, I think that it's very difficult to have a stable and growing relationship if you go for 2 years of just virtual contact.

 

In any event, whether or not her relationship will last doesn't mean you guys will get back together. I know the feeling though of shock and hurt and wanting your ex to be making a mistake etc...in the end though, if you focus on you and moving forward, what they're doing and what it means or doesn't stops mattering. It takes time and consistent effort in focusing on you, grieving the end, accepting, before you get to that point, but she has made her decision and I think it's gonna help you more to focus on reality: why things probably couldn't have worked between you....and think of better that's in store, rather than worrying about her life choices.

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I understand that this is hurtful for you and I'm sorry about that.

 

I don't mean to belittle your relationship, but if you guys had not been together face to face in 2 years and it was only a virtual thing primarily, then there is A LOT that you didn't know and in some ways this was a fantasy relationship built on lots of assumptions and filling in the gaps from a distance. While long distance can work, I think that it's very difficult to have a stable and growing relationship if you go for 2 years of just virtual contact.

 

In any event, whether or not her relationship will last doesn't mean you guys will get back together. I know the feeling though of shock and hurt and wanting your ex to be making a mistake etc...in the end though, if you focus on you and moving forward, what they're doing and what it means or doesn't stops mattering. It takes time and consistent effort in focusing on you, grieving the end, accepting, before you get to that point, but she has made her decision and I think it's gonna help you more to focus on reality: why things probably couldn't have worked between you....and think of better that's in store, rather than worrying about her life choices.

 

Reading the words fantasy relationship actually hurt me a bit.... ?. However I making her wait for two years was my fault. I always felt guilty and made plans to see her in September of this year. Was planning to stay with her for three months. I agree with what you said.

 

But if she have told me in January that she was seeing someone, it would hurt but not so much as it hurts now. I know the only reason why she broke up with me was because her husband ask her hand in marriage. If things never work out with him, I will see her in Septmber and I wouldn't have a clue what happen.

 

This also isn't the first time she did sometime like this, in her past she hurt someone for her own shake. But karma came back and hit her hard. She's the type to forget and move on. I even told her this, but she never respond to me.

 

But I know it's not my problem now. Just need some time to get over it. Move on but it's tough especially at nights.

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