New boyfriend who is great, but I feel like I belong with my ex...

[jham]

Back in February, I developed a crush on a guy I met through mutual friends. Fast forward four months and now he's my boyfriend as of recently. He's great and there are so many things about him I like and he's a true gentleman.

 

However, the guy before him, I was seeing for almost four years. We had broken up almost a year ago, but have kept in contact here and there. He eventually moved and is about 600 miles away now. He was my best friend, we had so much in common and just had great chemistry overall. Had never been more comfortable with someone in my life.

 

Due to distance though and being a recent college graduate, things just couldn't work out with us. I couldn't handle being in different states and never having the time or money to visit every so often. If it wasn't for distance, we both know we would be together.

 

I really like my boyfriend though and am beyond excited to start our relationship. I just feel like it is so unfair to him though that I still feel this way about my ex. But I know it's not possible to go be with my ex as I am not in the right time or place for that.

 

Is it worth giving my boyfriend a shot at this? Should I tell him my situation? How do I cope with my feelings?

 

Thanks LS

[gaius]

I think you should pack your bags and go be with the other guy if he's that much on your mind. I met a woman who is incredibly special to me, who I share a special connection with and I did what needed to be done so that we could be together. It was probably the best decision I've ever made in my life. I cherish everyday we're together. My life would not be as full or rich without her. Period.

 

Honestly can't think of a much more depressing thought than if I passed on our time together to instead spend it with someone I wasn't that into. Because of a job or whatever reason you're staying where you are. Fortune favors the bold.

[Springsummer]

I think you should pack your bags and go be with the other guy if he's that much on your mind. I met a woman who is incredibly special to me, who I share a special connection with and I did what needed to be done so that we could be together. It was probably the best decision I've ever made in my life. I cherish everyday we're together. My life would not be as full or rich without her. Period.

 

Honestly can't think of a much more depressing thought than if I passed on our time together to instead spend it with someone I wasn't that into. Because of a job or whatever reason you're staying where you are. Fortune favors the bold.

 

Hypothetically speaking, if your woman didn't feel the same way about you, what would you do?

[MrMeh]

Just tell your boyfriend that you are settling with him because distance won't let you have what you really want. Should fix everything.

[bummer]

I'm assuming current BF is aware of your four year relationship?

 

I think you need to gauge how serious new boyfriend is. It doesn't sound casual if you are bf/gf. Safest bet, it will likely blow up, is to warn him you need to go slow due to lingering thoughts and attachment to your ex. Pump the brakes. Discuss see his thoughts.

 

But be honest, if you're not going to change, let new bf off the hook gently and figure out how to chase your dream man. From your previous posts it seems bf may not be he Casanova you desire.

Edited June 24, 2016 by bummer

[Buddhist]

Is it worth giving my boyfriend a shot at this? Should I tell him my situation? How do I cope with my feelings?

 

I don't know is it? Only you can decide that. No you should not tell him your situation unless you are planning on breaking up with him. How would you feel if he came to you and said that? Pretty low and I doubt you'd want to continue a relationship with him after having that revealed. :roll eyes: It's not his burden, it's yours.

 

You cope with your feelings by resolving them, usually before getting into another relationship. But if that can't be helped resolve them in private and if need be break up. It's not fair to him to have a GF who isn't really invested when he is.

[Larryville]

I was seeing for almost four years. We had broken up almost a year ago, but have kept in contact here and there. He eventually moved and is about 600 miles away now. He was my best friend, we had so much in common and just had great chemistry overall. Had never been more comfortable with someone in my life.

 

I really like my boyfriend though and am beyond excited to start our relationship. I just feel like it is so unfair to him though that I still feel this way about my ex.

 

You broke up with a dude you described as your best friend with great chemistry.

 

What will you do when current boyfriend (who you already don’t value as much) disappoints you. In addition to the fact that you are still in some contact with your ex.

 

You cope with your feelings by resolving them, usually before getting into another relationship.

 

Regardless of what you do the current boyfriend is screwed, you will never look at him like you did with your ex otherwise you would not have posted this.

[preraph]

Why did your ex move 600 miles away from you? Did he ask you to marry him and come with him before he did that and you refused? Or did he just decide the relationship wasn't that important to him and chose to move? You have to measure his degree of commitment versus your own. Four years is a long time to be with someone and not at least be engaged. So if it hadn't happened by then, it was probably never going to happen anyway.

 

And I understand not wanting to give up your whole life and work and family, of course, to move, but that's what he did when he moved, isn't it? So maybe he didn't care that much.