Does an affair often end when it gets physical?

[Lobe]

I was reading another post and one of the replies suggested that once the EA goes to PA, it fizzles out. I'm not convinced that's true, though. I imagine for some, the idea of unlocking the level is where the affair ends - the quest for sex fulfilled, the thrill of the chase ends for a serial cheater on the prowl. But for many (most?) I think whether the PA leads to EA or vice versa, the intensity of the sex actually makes the affair bond stronger and remains comparatively high against the backdrop of marital intercourse due to it being a forbidden treat. I've also read that a lot of affairs don't end after they turn physical because it fizzles but because APs get sloppy.

 

If you're a wayward, what was the progression like for you? Did it end with consummating the affair or did that take it up a notch? Was there a heightened sense of guilt afterwards? How did getting physical change the way you viewed your AP? Your spouse? Yourself? Did getting physical spell the beginning of the end or seal the deal?

[Mrs. John Adams]

I was a student and my AP was my teacher. I was never alone with him...there were always other students around....I talked to him after class and during class in the classroom...but I did not ever go anywhere alone with him. I was mesmerized by him....so while i was emotionally involved in that I was perhaps infatuated or had a school girl crush on him...I was not emotionally involved with him because i did not love him...if that makes sense?

 

The one and only time I was alone with him was the day that i had a PA with him.

 

After the PA....I was withdrawn from him at school...and he stopped me one day as i was leaving the clasroom and asked me what was the matter. I told him I did not want to talk about it...so he asked if we could meet to discuss it. I said yes...however....he called and cancelled that meeting. (Which now I am so very grateful for)

 

It was then that i called my mom and told her what i had done....that next week I told my husband that there was another man...but I did not tell him any details....until a couple of weeks later when he asked me about him.

 

So to answer your question.....I believe the PA caused me to have a reality check....I think the infatuation ended....I think guilt set in...and fear and regret. It think the school girl crush fantasy came to a screeching halt.

 

It took me a long time to grow to hate the OM...I was somewhat numb...I felt nothing toward him....it was hard for me to accept that he got from me exactly what he wanted...it was hard for me to see myself as the person i had become. I am ashamed of what i did...i would love to be able to say it never happened...but sadly it is reality and I cannot undo it. I still get nauseated when i talk about it.

 

33 years later....I am still amazed that my husband gave me a second chance...I clearly did not deserve.

[Confused9999]

That's ridiculous!

 

The PA just makes the affair better, more risky and exciting. Unless the sex is really bad the PA just increasing the thrill and desire!

 

The guilt is worse once the PA starts but that subsides over time.

[carhill]

IME with MW's, pressing flesh tends to make rationalizations like 'you must've misunderstood' less sellable. However, there are levels of physical involvement and each person's processing of them is unique.

 

IOW, if there's 'the end', it could come from genital sex, sure, or substantial physical contact, or physical contact of any sort or physical presence or the intent to take things physical.

 

My sampling tended to fall upon the 'if there isn't sex, it wasn't an affair' so they didn't have problems with physical contact outside of genital sex, even physical contact which might be or is clearly inappropriate to their spouse.

 

IME, the end usually came when a better prospect appeared or whatever use the affair played in the person's marriage matured and they had no further need of the contact. Getting 'physical' wasn't a commonality I'd ascribe to any endings.

[ladydesigner]

When I had my RA everything that led up to the PA, the talking and ego boosts, were better than the actual sex, but I think I am one of the few WS's that did not enjoy sex with their AP and yes our A ended shortly after that.

[katiegrl]

Is there like a website where I can find what all these acronyms mean?

 

I know a few:

 

EA - Emotional Affair

PA - Physical Affair

 

But what about:

 

RA

AP

MS

MW

BW

WW

 

So many others I see, I have no idea what they stand for!

[ladydesigner]

Is there like a website where I can find what all these acronyms mean?

 

I know a few:

 

EA - Emotional Affair

PA - Physical Affair

 

But what about:

 

RA= Revenge Affair

AP= Affair Partner

MS= Married Spouse

MW= Married Wife

BW= Betrayed Wife

WW=Wayward Wife

WH=Wayward Husband

 

 

So many others I see, I have no idea what they stand for!

 

Answered in bold

[Lady Hamilton]

Yeah, no... The opposite was true for us. When the affair went physical it was intensified, not lessened.

[road]

Some men do not want an affair. They just want to hit once and forget it. Some men want to keep coming back.

 

 

So how long an affair lasts is just a roll of the dice.

[minimariah]

Lobe - you pretty much nailed it. sex makes the bond even stronger and it usually ends because the APs get sloppy... not because it fizzles out. just my opinion.

[Chica80]

I definitely think the physical intensifies it.

 

But the longer it goes I would also agree that sometimes not so careful and yes riskier.

[carhill]

Is there like a website where I can find what all these acronyms mean?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand

[Redhead14]

I was reading another post and one of the replies suggested that once the EA goes to PA, it fizzles out. I'm not convinced that's true, though. I imagine for some, the idea of unlocking the level is where the affair ends - the quest for sex fulfilled, the thrill of the chase ends for a serial cheater on the prowl. But for many (most?) I think whether the PA leads to EA or vice versa, the intensity of the sex actually makes the affair bond stronger and remains comparatively high against the backdrop of marital intercourse due to it being a forbidden treat. I've also read that a lot of affairs don't end after they turn physical because it fizzles but because APs get sloppy.

 

If you're a wayward, what was the progression like for you? Did it end with consummating the affair or did that take it up a notch? Was there a heightened sense of guilt afterwards? How did getting physical change the way you viewed your AP? Your spouse? Yourself? Did getting physical spell the beginning of the end or seal the deal?

 

I have never had an extra-marital/extra-committed relationship experience, however, my opinion is this:

 

It's like any other "dating" scenario, if the person/persons were only after sex, they will bail after that happens. It's called being used.

 

Did it end with consummating the affair or did that take it up a notch? -- If consummating an extra-marital affair is considered "taking it UP a notch", the moral compass of the parties involved is really broken. There is no such thing as "upping" a morally deficient relationship. It just pushes the downward spiral deeper.

Was there a heightened sense of guilt afterwards? -- Only if the parties involved had a conscience and were prepared to accept responsibility for their selfishness and short-sighted need for immediate gratification and disregard for future consequences and feelings of others.

[Liam1]

 

If you're a wayward, what was the progression like for you? Did it end with consummating the affair or did that take it up a notch? Was there a heightened sense of guilt afterwards? How did getting physical change the way you viewed your AP? Your spouse? Yourself? Did getting physical spell the beginning of the end or seal the deal?

 

The sex may make the affair bond stronger initially, but if there is nothing else but sex, it will most likely end in about on to six months, according to books about infidelity and my MC.

 

In my case, the sex was good at first, but then my FOW was so vacuous that the sex was not worth the price of having to interact with her afterward.

 

I did not feel a heightened sense of guilt after the sex.

 

Personally, I still do not feel guilty about the affair. I enjoyed it and I do not regret it.

 

I also do not feel that I was taking anything away from my wife.

 

She was no longer interested in sex and I never saw my OW at time that would take me away from my wife.

 

I saw my FOW at times, when my wife and I would normally not be together.

 

For example, when she was on an all girls vacations.

 

I felt badly that my wife felt hurt by the affair, but I was also surprised that she was hurt because she was no longer interested in sex and the affair was only about sex.

[elaine567]

It's like any other "dating" scenario, if the person/persons were only after sex, they will bail after that happens. It's called being used.

 

I agree, too much emphasis is often placed on the affair being "special", when all it is, is a relationship between two people.

Like any other relationship, some people are in it for the long haul - they are looking for "love" - whilst others at the other end of the spectrum like the chase and end it when they achieve their primarily sexual goal.

[Padme]

As an OW I will say it turned it up a notch. We were friends for about a year before it got physical, and having sexual tension build up that long, it was pretty amazing to finally be together. Our affair lasted a couple years after that until he left his live-in girlfriend last year. We're still together as of today and it's shown no signs of fizzling. But like another poster pointed out, affairs are just relationships. In my case, we fell in love. Others are just in it for the thrill. In that case, I could see it dying out quickly.