Jump to content

Is my ex-girlfriend emotionally blackmailing me?


Recommended Posts

So I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. I was her very first boyfriend and we went through a lot of good and a lot of bad. I was her emotional support when her Grandmother died and also I was there for her when she had surgery. I was with her through the healing process and I was worried sick for her. She was also there for me when an old FWB from my past tried to pin a baby on me to get child support until I beat her in court and got her to leave us alone. She is by far the longest relationship I've been in and it's been tough the break up (we're both 24). My parents loved her at first, but began to see a darker side to her. They noticed how possessive she was of me, and how insecure she was and began to inform me of their concerns, but I would always brush it off because I loved her. We did a lot together but then after a year, I started to see it too. The fights became more frequent, and she would bring up past issues quite a bit. She also became insecure about never checking my phone and it took an entire year for her to start respecting my stuff. She also got it where I hardly hung out with anyone because she constantly wanted to be there too. We fought a lot about that and it was only a few months ago she started to let me make friends again. I tried to break up with her before, but her cries would always bring me back to her. I had also tried hooking up with people to try to get out of the relationship, but I would always chicken out in the last moment. I didn't want to go out a cheater. Well this last week was our 3 year anniversary mark and she visited me. It went great and she spent the night and it was fine all the way up till when she was leaving. She began to fight with me again. And she continued starting little fights Monday and Tuesday as well. Tuesday night, I sent a break up text to her to break up with her, and I finally got with a one night stand that I met at the club. It took nearly two hours to have sex because I couldn't get up, I was having second thoughts, but I knew I had to go through it to end this dysfunctional relationship. So I did. I regretted it afterwards, and my ex girlfriend tried and tried to get a hold of me. She doesn't know that I slept with someone else. Anyways we talked, and she was crying quite a bit. I opened up to her about the fact that I was done with all the fights. She tried to tell me that fighting is normal, and I know it is, but not the amount of fights we went through week after week for almost a year straight. Well she informed me that she feels worthless and is making threats of self harm. She also put in her two weeks notice at her job that she tried so hard to get. I was devastated. Despite that I broke up with her, she is still extremely important to me. I was also her first, so all day yesterday I had to hear her telling me that I used her via text. When I told her that I didn't and that I actually did love her, she would break down and say she ruins everything. I don't know what to do because she wants me to give her a second shot, and I don't want to for 2 reasons: 1) The secret fling, and 2) this isn't the first time she wanted me to give her a second chance and she always goes back to doing the same thing and we have these endless stupid fights. I want advice please!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Let me get this straight.

 

You broke up with your girlfriend of three years via TEXT, and went and had a ONS that same day?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes unfortunately. I felt bad, but I didn't know what else to do as a motivator to keep me from wanting to get back with my ex in this dysfunctional relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
PegNosePete

You should do two things:

 

1) Tell her that you're sorry but the relationship is over for good, and she should seek professional help for her self harm tenancies

 

2) Never speak to her again

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

The thing is, at the end of this all, I still want to be friends with this person. They are, up to this point the longest relationship I been in and I don't want to lose this person entirely out of my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The thing is, at the end of this all, I still want to be friends with this person. They are, up to this point the longest relationship I been in and I don't want to lose this person entirely out of my life.

That's a very selfish point of view because it means you want to move on at your own pace and have complete disregard for what that would do to her.

 

When you break up with someone, you lose the right to put any sort of demand or expectation on that person. they become a stranger to you.

 

If this was toxic and dysfunctional - sounds like it - she needs to be out of your life in order to move on fully.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The thing is, at the end of this all, I still want to be friends with this person. They are, up to this point the longest relationship I been in and I don't want to lose this person entirely out of my life.

 

YOU dumped her, you do not get to be friends with her as she is hurt and upset. SHE cannot be friends with you as it hurts too much hence she needs to go NC to protect herself and so do you.

 

Listen to Pete.

 

1) Tell her that you're sorry but the relationship is over for good, and she should seek professional help for her self harm tenancies

 

2) Never speak to her again

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Well, I just found out something pretty messed up. So it turns out she was lying to me about quitting her job. She did it in hopes to guilt trip me into getting back with her, which makes me a little angry because that is what I'm afraid about, and it shows she's not genuine about changing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...