I think a pretty waitress is interested in me

[bananaman]

Hey everyone,

 

First off, I'm a graduated senior enjoying my summer break. I've never dated, kissed a girl or ever been remotely good with women. I love to eat at this restaurant near my place and recently I went with my mom to pick up lunch for the family. Our cashier was this really beautiful girl who smiled at me, a lot. So much so that my mom actually pointed it out to me as we were walking out with our order. I couldn't get her out of my head so I just decided that I'd go up to her one day and ask her out on a date. As it turns out, the day I went wasn't a day that she was working on. Her friend/co-worker, (who I think found the whole thing really funny or pathetic I'm not sure) said that I could write her a note that she'd pass on to her. Seeing as it's pretty hard for me (and weird) to keep physically going back without knowing her schedule (also weird/stalker-ish), I decided that that was the best course of action. My note goes as follows:

 

"Dear _______,

 

 

My name is _______, and I've been here before to eat with my mom. I noticed you smile at me (yes that's all I'm going on). I think you're really pretty and I'd love to get to know you better. I totally get it if you don't respond, I'm not entitled to anything.

 

my#: ___-___-____ "

 

 

Was it good enough? Do you think she'll respond? Advice in any form would be truly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

 

 

P.S. I just did this today, I just want to know how you all think this will go. Don't hold back, I can take it.

[Emilia]

It's her job to be nice to you OP. Don't mistake that for anything else. I see this every day in my local coffeeshop. Guys drooling because the girl behind the counter smiles at them.

[The_Dork_Lard]

Did you sign off with "yours sincerely"?

[normal person]

It's not out of the realm of possibility that she's attracted to you, I once had a scenario like this where I assumed a friendly sales girl was just working on commission -- until she wouldn't leave me alone. She gave me her humber in store and we went out the next night. That being said, she does make her money off of pretending to like people, so don't be too surprised if you don't get the answer you're looking for.

 

I think the note is a bit of a cop out, and the mentioning of your mom gives it an emasculated feel to me. And the "I totally get it if you don't respond, I'm not entitled to anything" is self defeatist and sounds like you're half expecting her to not respond, which makes you sound unconfident and therefore less attractive. The overly accommodating, heavy handed chivalry at the end makes it look like you're trying way too hard to portray yourself as honorable and upstanding. It's a nice thought, but it just comes off cheesy.

 

My suggestion is this: If you love the restaurant and you eat there all the time, go there without your mom and just keep going until you see her there again. If she's giving you the same vibe, just ask her in person, it exudes a lot more confidence and is a lot more powerful. Do not provide her with the escape ladder of "I totally understand if you don't want to" because that's already implied when you ask someone a question and vocalizing it only makes you look unsure. Try to make any kind of personal connection with her beforehand (take an opportunity to ask her about herself and elaborate on it, and reciprocate with something related about yourself), and then ask her confidently and succinctly with the tone and pretense that you already know she's going to agree. If you sound unsure yourself, it will hurt your chances. If you sound confident and make it seem that you're almost granting her access to your time and attention, she'll respect you more.

 

Best of luck.

[Springsummer]

um...yesterday I went for a little hottub before swimming. then a lifeguard sit and watched over/or stare? me. I don't know what kind of danger a grownup healthy adult will have in a shallow hottub/whirlpool, but anyway, it's possible it's his job.

 

then as I was leaving he catched up to me to say a greeting/pleasantry. I find it odd...

 

anyway, maybe I think too much....but he is a hot and cute guy!

[carnelian]

Usually a smile is just a smile. It is part of her job to be like that.

 

Don't send any notes! Go back alone some time and see what happens next.

 

Take it slow. If you don't want to go back or can't--I recommend trying to forget her. I have been in that situation myself.

[Liam1]

Hey everyone,

 

First off, I'm a graduated senior enjoying my summer break. I've never dated, kissed a girl or ever been remotely good with women. I love to eat at this restaurant near my place and recently I went with my mom to pick up lunch for the family. Our cashier was this really beautiful girl who smiled at me, a lot. So much so that my mom actually pointed it out to me as we were walking out with our order. I couldn't get her out of my head so I just decided that I'd go up to her one day and ask her out on a date. As it turns out, the day I went wasn't a day that she was working on. Her friend/co-worker, (who I think found the whole thing really funny or pathetic I'm not sure) said that I could write her a note that she'd pass on to her. Seeing as it's pretty hard for me (and weird) to keep physically going back without knowing her schedule (also weird/stalker-ish), I decided that that was the best course of action. My note goes as follows:

 

"Dear _______,

 

 

My name is _______, and I've been here before to eat with my mom. I noticed you smile at me (yes that's all I'm going on). I think you're really pretty and I'd love to get to know you better. I totally get it if you don't respond, I'm not entitled to anything.

 

my#: ___-___-____ "

 

 

Was it good enough? Do you think she'll respond? Advice in any form would be truly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

 

I think your note was nice and sweet and too the point.

 

If she was smiling because she was attracted to you, it will likely work like a charm.

 

Still, as others have noted, it is her JOB to smile and be friendly to customers.

 

Your mother might have good radar. Some mom's do.

 

Nevertheless, if she was smiling just to be friendly do not take it personally, if she can not go out with you.

 

Maybe she is married or engaged or has a boyfriend, now.

 

Be friendly next time you see her.

 

Whatever her personal life, I am sure your note made her day.

 

 

P.S. I just did this today, I just want to know how you all think this will go. Don't hold back, I can take it.

[NTV]

good luck!

[bananaman]

Hey guys, I just looked through all of your posts. Thank you so much for the advice. I can see now that the note was in many ways a cop out and now that reality has kind of struck in I'm wouldn't be surprised at all if she doesn't respond. I could have very well mistaken her smiling for something that it was not at all. In any case it's only been a day so there is still some hope! I'll keep a cool head and take this advice to heart in the event that this ever happens to me again. To everyone who wished me luck or gave me hope, you don;t know how reassuring it was. Take care and best of luck to you all.

[Liam1]

Hey guys, I just looked through all of your posts. Thank you so much for the advice. I can see now that the note was in many ways a cop out and now that reality has kind of struck in I'm wouldn't be surprised at all if she doesn't respond. I could have very well mistaken her smiling for something that it was not at all. In any case it's only been a day so there is still some hope! I'll keep a cool head and take this advice to heart in the event that this ever happens to me again. To everyone who wished me luck or gave me hope, you don;t know how reassuring it was. Take care and best of luck to you all.

 

Banana Man:

 

I do not think you should give up too easily. You gave her your phone number, expecting her to call you.

 

Some women, however, are taught to NEVER call a man. In their mind it's the man's job to call them. In their mind it seems as if they are doing the chasing and the men are supposed to do the chasing.

 

IMO, the other poster who told you to go back in person and be friendly and then ask if she might be interested in meeting for coffee after she is off work? This way you can talk and get a sense if you should ask for a more formal get together.

 

It is not weird or stalkerish, if you just do it until you run into her again and can talk to her in person.

 

The co-worker likely will not give out her schedule because it might be a work privacy violation to do so.

 

All she can say is "no" and if she is a good person, she will be kind when saying "no".

 

If she says no then at least you know to get her out of your head.

[Springsummer]

It's better to do something than nothing. No matter the outcome. At least you know.

[angel.eyes]

Kudos for taking the plunge! You have to try. If you second guess everything, you'll never ask anyone out.

 

If I were interested, the note is perfect. You're clear that you're interested without coming across as presumptuous and arrogant.

 

Still, as others have said, she's in a customer-facing role. It's her job to be friendly, warm, and welcoming. If she does her job well, every customer will feel they're the special snowflake. Throw in the incentive for bigger tips, if this is a place with waitstaff, and all bets are off when someone smiles and is especially charming with you.

 

Let us know if you hear back. You may also want to go back and have lunch by yourself or with a friend.

[bananaman]

I want to go back, but I'm somewhat wary at the same time. I don't want it to come across as forceful and I also said that if she didn't respond that I'd take it as a sign that she wasn't interested in the note, so wouldn't my going be a bad thing?

[normal person]

I want to go back, but I'm somewhat wary at the same time. I don't want it to come across as forceful and I also said that if she didn't respond that I'd take it as a sign that she wasn't interested in the note, so wouldn't my going be a bad thing?

 

Writing the note the way you did and putting the onus and responsibility on her to contact you was a bad idea in the first place. If you had just asked her in person, you'd get your answer right there. Now she has to remember which one of the dozens of guys that come into the restaurant you are, and then decide if you're worth her having to put on the pants and take the reigns to accommodate your whims of being contacted by her.

 

Women want to be chased. They want you to take action and call them. They don't want to be handed a note saying "Here's my number. You can chase me." It's so pointless to put the ball in her court if you're not even sure if she wants to play.

 

Regardless, I don't really understand your dilemma now. You said in the note that if she didn't respond that you'd take it as a sign that she wasn't interested. You very deliberately made it sound like you were some chivalrous gentlemen who was granting her an easy out to avoid the confrontation of rejecting you. So now then if you went back to confront her about it, wouldn't that make you an egregious liar? Wouldn't that make all this white knight "I respect your decisions, I won't bother you, and you don't owe me anything" stuff that you were spouting complete and utter b******? Or do you just not think that she can read?

 

If you can't respect her ability to make up her own mind, and you go back in there to confront her about it after you said you'd understand if she didn't respond, you're a liar and you aren't nearly as nice and upstanding as you think you are. If you do that, you're just some creepy guy masquerading under the guise of "nice guy" to try and trick people into getting what you want.

 

It's this kind of deception that makes women distrust and fear men. I hope for her sake that you don't go. Please leave the girl alone like you said you would. You got the answer. Just because it wasn't one you liked doesn't entitle you to anything else.

 

"I totally get it if you don't respond, I'm not entitled to anything" my a**.

Edited June 24, 2016 by normal person

[Liam1]

I want to go back, but I'm somewhat wary at the same time. I don't want it to come across as forceful and I also said that if she didn't respond that I'd take it as a sign that she wasn't interested in the note, so wouldn't my going be a bad thing?

 

No. Go back and order coffee or a meal. Bring a friend.

 

If she is there say "hi" And then say. "I just want to make sure you got my note and it did not get misplaced."

 

If she responds with a smile and thanks you for the note, then continue with some small talk. She will let you know if she enjoyed receiving the note. If she mentions liking the note, then ask her out.

 

Some women will NEVER ask a guy out. It's the way they were raised.

 

Women like men who take charge.

 

What do you have to lose, anyway?

 

If she says no, or says she's got a boyfriend.... then smile and say. "My loss, I was hoping you were available" and then go sit down and eat your food.

 

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Edited June 24, 2016 by Liam1

[normal person]

Some women will NEVER ask a guy out. It's the way they were raised.

 

Women like men who take charge.

 

Exactly. Which is why he already shot himself in the foot by emasculating himself and handing off all the responsibility of the interaction to her.

 

What do you have to lose, anyway?

 

Any remaining respect that she might have for him, or any inclination that he isn't a total lying, fake white knight, bulls**t artist.

 

Also, the ability to eat there again without being uncomfortable or making the waitress uncomfortable.

 

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

 

He already ventured and lost when he wrote the note, told her he would understand if he didn't get a response, and got no response. Now he has nothing to gain, but only more to lose.

[bananaman]

Writing the note the way you did and putting the onus and responsibility on her to contact you was a bad idea in the first place. If you had just asked her in person, you'd get your answer right there. Now she has to remember which one of the dozens of guys that come into the restaurant you are, and then decide if you're worth her having to put on the pants and take the reigns to accommodate your whims of being contacted by her.

 

Women want to be chased. They want you to take action and call them. They don't want to be handed a note saying "Here's my number. You can chase me." It's so pointless to put the ball in her court if you're not even sure if she wants to play.

 

Regardless, I don't really understand your dilemma now. You said in the note that if she didn't respond that you'd take it as a sign that she wasn't interested. You very deliberately made it sound like you were some chivalrous gentlemen who was granting her an easy out to avoid the confrontation of rejecting you. So now then if you went back to confront her about it, wouldn't that make you an egregious liar? Wouldn't that make all this white knight "I respect your decisions, I won't bother you, and you don't owe me anything" stuff that you were spouting complete and utter b******? Or do you just not think that she can read?

 

If you can't respect her ability to make up her own mind, and you go back in there to confront her about it after you said you'd understand if she didn't respond, you're a liar and you aren't nearly as nice and upstanding as you think you are. If you do that, you're just some creepy guy masquerading under the guise of "nice guy" to try and trick people into getting what you want.

 

It's this kind of deception that makes women distrust and fear men. I hope for her sake that you don't go. Please leave the girl alone like you said you would. You got the answer. Just because it wasn't one you liked doesn't entitle you to anything else.

 

"I totally get it if you don't respond, I'm not entitled to anything" my a**.

 

 

You're right. I stick to my words and I'm not going back. I don't have any sick agenda and I've never done this before. I got my answer, other people were kind enough to give me hope and advised me to go back. Not trying to force something that isn't there. Thanks.

 

Honestly reading your response really p****d me off seeing as I hadn't even said that I was going back and the whole point of my saying that I wasn't entitled to anything was to show that I wasn't some pretentious dick looking to "hook up."

 

I'm not going to go back there ever again end of story. Thanks for making me feel like an a**.

[normal person]

You're right. I stick to my words and I'm not going back. I don't have any sick agenda and I've never done this before. I got my answer, other people were kind enough to give me hope and advised me to go back. Not trying to force something that isn't there. Thanks.

 

Good.

 

Honestly reading your response really p****d me off seeing as I hadn't even said that I was going back and the whole point of my saying that I wasn't entitled to anything was to show that I wasn't some pretentious dick looking to "hook up."

 

What? You came on a forum and made a post saying you were debating going back in but not wanting to seem forceful, like you claimed you weren't. I just stated the implications doing that in hopes that it would stop you. Don't twist my words to deflect the blame on this. I never said you have some sick perverted agenda, I'm just saying you're on the verge of being a liar when you went to great lengths to paint yourself as upstanding.

 

You didn't say to her "If you don't respond, I won't accept that and I'll come back in here and confront you about it," you deliberately made a point to lull her into security with faux chivalry and say, ver betim, "I totally get it if you don't respond, I'm not entitled to anything."

 

Yet there you were without a response, not quite "getting it," and feeling entitled. If you weren't prepared to keep your word, you shouldn't have touted it so matter of factly. Or at all. Let it be a lesson. Because what you were really implying was "I'll totally respect your decision -- as long as it's the one I want."

 

 

I'm not going to go back there ever again end of story. Thanks for making me feel like an a**.

 

Sorry, I don't buy that you're the victim here. If it took me to make you feel like an a** to highlight your hypocrisy and make you compliant to your own pledge not to make someone uncomfortable and respect their own decisions, I'm fine with that. Tough love? Yes, but hopefully it sticks with you. I hope other guys read this too and take the same thing away from it. Stuff like this is why women become hesitant to trust men.

Edited June 24, 2016 by normal person

[normal person]

And to clarify, my first post in this thread was in regards to what I thought you should've done instead of the note. I would never suggest you go back in confront her again after giving it to her. I thought you were just thinking about giving it to her as I don't know why you'd ask for advice on how to do something after you'd already gone and done it.

[elaine567]

I think the best approach here would have been to just keep going to the restaurant for stuff to eat and trying to get to know her. It is your favourite restaurant so why would it be seen as stalkerish?

 

She may have a great smile but she could be totally cuckoo too, best to have some sort of good conversation going before you jump in with both feet.. Giving her friend some note that you do not know she ever even received, was a bad idea.

Even if she did get the note, she may have no clue as to who you are.

 

Her: Was he the guy in the blue shirt at table 5?

Friend: No, it was a takeaway, in with his Mom, Saturday lunch.

Her: Maybe it was that guy with the beard. Did he have a beard?

Friend: No.

Her: Was he good looking?

Friend: I suppose so.

Her: OK, so I have no idea who this good looking guy is, but he likes me, great!

 

There is just no way she would phone some guy who she had no real contact with, apart from "That'll be 30 dollars please, sir."and a note.

[angel.eyes]

I want to go back, but I'm somewhat wary at the same time. I don't want it to come across as forceful and I also said that if she didn't respond that I'd take it as a sign that she wasn't interested in the note, so wouldn't my going be a bad thing?

 

No, it wouldn't. Go back with or without a friend and have lunch. This won't go anywhere otherwise.

[bananaman]

And to clarify, my first post in this thread was in regards to what I thought you should've done instead of the note. I would never suggest you go back in confront her again after giving it to her. I thought you were just thinking about giving it to her as I don't know why you'd ask for advice on how to do something after you'd already gone and done it.

 

I was asking people here for their opinions on whether or not it would work. Did you even read my original post before commenting?

[normal person]

I was asking people here for their opinions on whether or not it would work. Did you even read my original post before commenting?

 

And you gave someone a note saying you would respect their decision and that you weren't owed anything, and then you had to come here to debate not respecting her decision as if you were owed something. Did you even read your note?

 

I jumped the gun a little bit, my mistake. You can think I'm an idiot who hastily misread a sentence if that will make you feel better about all this. Congratulations. I don't why it would make a difference -- it's kind of ineffectual to ask for opinions on how something might go after you do it rather than just to ask for pragmatic advice before you do it, don't you think? Regardless, my first post still applies and hopefully might give you an idea of how not to do it again. And my following post is still valid.

[Springsummer]

You're right. I stick to my words and I'm not going back. I don't have any sick agenda and I've never done this before. I got my answer, other people were kind enough to give me hope and advised me to go back. Not trying to force something that isn't there. Thanks.

 

Honestly reading your response really p****d me off seeing as I hadn't even said that I was going back and the whole point of my saying that I wasn't entitled to anything was to show that I wasn't some pretentious dick looking to "hook up."

 

I'm not going to go back there ever again end of story. Thanks for making me feel like an a**.

 

my question is how can the cashier even know the note was written by you? if she doesn't know your name already?

 

are you sure she can connect your name with your face?

 

you aren't a**; you are just inexperienced and it's part of a growing process.

[Springsummer]

Even if she did get the note, she may have no clue as to who you are.

 

saw this after I made my comment.