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Epidemic Social Crisis


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Mothers! Fathers! We have an epidemic of young and not so young people who have somehow never acquired social skills. Blame it on the internet or home schooling, whatever, I don't care, but I beg you to nip this thing in the bud for your children's sakes:

 

Enroll your boys and girls in dance lessons so they get over their fear of talking to and touching each other.

 

Also enroll your children in an etiquette or charm class that just teaches the basics like which fork to use and how to pull a chair out for a woman.

 

And tell them how to date and when a first kiss is required or when it's time to pull the plug on the date.

 

These poor people are floundering out here and then they're getting some terrible pickup artist advice on the internet that isn't helping. Let's get back to basics. Tell them the ABCs of dating and that a date is just a date, not a marriage proposal and that there's nothing to fear but fear itself.

 

Thank you. I can sleep now.

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...a date is just a date, not a marriage proposal ...

 

 

OMG, it's sooooo this.

 

Since it's NOT a marriage proposal, it really doesn't matter if the other person is "right for you"; doesn't matter if they're not Ms./Mr. Perfect; doesn't matter if they're not of your religion / socio-economic background / intellectual equal / etc.

 

It's just a date, for God's sake.

 

 

You might learn something about yourself, on the date. You might learn a new activity, on the date. You might meet someone else, while out-and-about, on your date.

 

The possibilities are endless...but, first you just gotta go on that "It's Just a Date."

 

 

Worry about the wedding reception and who can't sit by whom on your second date. ;)

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LostOnes05
I agree with you that too many kids out there these days have serious social problems. It's not even just the kids, either. I have dated a few women that were all but incapable of having any serious conversations in person, and often resorted to having them via text. It's sad. People just don't go out and actually deal with others anymore. They sit on social media or text all day.

 

Where you lost me is on the dating advice. Men are going to do what works. All of those traditional dating tips an strategies? Don't work. My mother raised me well in the time I spent with her. She taught me how to talk to a woman, how to treat a woman, and how to take care of a woman. Compliment her, bring flowers on a date, and treat her like a princess. Unfortunately, all that advice is horrible these days. Compliment a woman and she doesn't want to hear it. Bring flowers and she thinks you're "thirsty." Treat her like a princess and she treats you like a fool. Ladies created PUA stuff, not any social issues on the part of men.

 

Exactly!! I had a run in with a woman who was a terrible communicator. You couldn't get her to address any issue face to face. I was always kind in addressing things, mind you...even when I was pissed. She would hang up the phone and basically be a jerk. Then send a barrage of text messages...and then take something out of context because she didn't get/or want to get the tone of how something was said through text. An absolutely horrible experience.

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I agree with you that too many kids out there these days have serious social problems. It's not even just the kids, either. I have dated a few women that were all but incapable of having any serious conversations in person, and often resorted to having them via text. It's sad. People just don't go out and actually deal with others anymore. They sit on social media or text all day.

 

Where you lost me is on the dating advice. Men are going to do what works. All of those traditional dating tips an strategies? Don't work. My mother raised me well in the time I spent with her. She taught me how to talk to a woman, how to treat a woman, and how to take care of a woman. Compliment her, bring flowers on a date, and treat her like a princess. Unfortunately, all that advice is horrible these days. Compliment a woman and she doesn't want to hear it. Bring flowers and she thinks you're "thirsty." Treat her like a princess and she treats you like a fool. Ladies created PUA stuff, not any social issues on the part of men.

 

Enigma, nowhere did I say treat her like a princess. I know full well that is not what most women really want or need. The things I described such as dance lessons were because that is often the first m/f contact any kids have. If they never have it, they are afraid of it. The charm school or etiquette is basic social skills you need just to eat out in public or go to a dinner party your boss is throwing. Everyone needs these basic social courtesies. I'm not saying to buy the girl gifts or kiss her butt or do all the giving or do all her bidding. Most girls wouldn't even respect that. But they do want someone who doesn't flinch if they touch their arm and who is at ease enough to just talk to them like people and not just straight up afraid of them.

 

Look, I know this partly because I too had a fearful phase. I grew up without any brothers and most of my boy encounters in my neighborhood were mean boys, so I was very nervous around boys at dating age and really didn't date until later. But at least at my school, they had us dancing with partners young and got us used to that sort of thing so that at least i could do that much. Of course, I grew out of it and it was sort of a normal phase for a young teen.

 

But now people are not connecting very much face to face and are growing into their 30s and beyond still retaining these adolescent fears. You can't overcome them by texting or by reading some BS PUA site because if you aren't taught to be at ease with girls/boys when younger by exposure and making physical contact, you can't make the leap from scared virgin to skilled PUA! No girl will fall for that. Before you can get skills to attract the opposite sex, first you have to have basic social skills.

 

It's really obvious to a woman when a man is as jumpy and nervous or paralyzed with fear -- and it will not work.

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Exactly!! I had a run in with a woman who was a terrible communicator. You couldn't get her to address any issue face to face. I was always kind in addressing things, mind you...even when I was pissed. She would hang up the phone and basically be a jerk. Then send a barrage of text messages...and then take something out of context because she didn't get/or want to get the tone of how something was said through text. An absolutely horrible experience.

 

Just another example of exactly what I'm talking about. SHE had no social face to face skills and limited herself to texting which is the worst kind of communication, so that didn't work. You only proved my point. She's probably trying to act like some diva she saw on reality tv because she's never been encouraged to get to know some actual real live boys/men live in person face to face.

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preraph, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

 

Young men and women (even older) don't know how to be genuine and real, comfortable in their own skin.

 

They have zero boundaries, many don't even know what boundaries are. Everyone is floundering.

 

Following advice from PUA websites and for women, reading books like The Rules or Cosmopolitan.

 

Which is the wrong advice! I mean maybe it might work on some women or men, but since we are all different, same advice will backfire on some too!

 

When it does backfire, which it usually does as such advice is so contrived

and disingenuous....... they're left feeling bitter and angry at the opposite sex.

 

Being genuine, feeling comfortable in your own skin, trusting yourself and your own intuition is the best way to go.

 

But that is not what our young men and women are learning these days.

 

Too much social media, less human face to face interaction... has thrown everything out of whack.

 

Fears abound, commitment phobia etc etc etc.

 

It is out of control!

Edited by katiegrl
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Yes, it is sad...

 

But sorry, no one sees this as a problem. There's so much going on now a days that is ruining our society and no one cares. I mean, I bring up discussion on certain topics and am met with so much venom.

 

Thing is parents have become too worried about themselves and we live in a "don't judge me" society. Everyone wants to do what they want and they don't want no one to say nothing to them.

 

Parents won't teach their kids any better cuz then it's gonna require the parents to clean up their acts. Some parents want their kids to fail. In other words, while parenting supposedly should stop at 18, the parents are so scared of not having a life after the kids leave the nest that their focus becomes being that helicopter parent until they die. Yes, enabling their kids till their death is what's keeping them with "purpose" in their lives (instead of reconnecting with their spouse, going back into the dating world, deciding on divorcing their spouse, going on vacations, picking up hobbies).

 

Another reason why parents won't teach their kids a thing? Cuz they're up to no good themselves. They're too busy with their jobs, affairs, endless bfs/gfs after divorce that if they dare try to instill morals, values, etc - the kids are gonna turn around and be like 'Who are you to tell me if you're doing X'?

 

Also, cuz parents are too busy involved in themselves - they just throw technology at their kids and are not involved in their kid's lives. There's no more daily dinners at the end of the day where families sit and talk about their day - cuz parents are busy at work. So, everyone retires to their room and has microwaved dinners or fast food and no one "talks". No bonding with parents/kids. No discussion of "stuff". So, when "life" happens (i.e. your daughter trying to talk to a guy she has a crush on), your kid hasn't bonded with you enough to bring it up and you're too busy anyways to have that type of convo with her.

 

Technology? Every parent throws a celphone, tablet, etc. to their kids, so, kids know nothing "else". I was listening to a relationship radio show months ago and this guy, mid-20's was talking about how younger people cannot communicate and shy away when you try to talk to them off of their celphone. Celphones are turning people into zombies who lack basic communication skills. I worked with recent graduates from college who cannot read, speak, and write. I'd try to ask them to read to me what they just wrote and they got mad. They get frustrated and say you're being condescending - when I'm trying to "help" them. I'm trying to teach them basic reading/comprehension.

 

I could go on and on, but this post is already getting too long.

 

All I can say is parents don't want to "parent" anymore. They're too busy with their own lives. Then, we have a "don't judge me" society where everyone wants to do what they want. They want to reinvent "marriage", "family", "dating", "parenting" to suit their whims. If you dare try to instill some guidance, morals, values - you're mean, you're bullying, you're judging, and who cares as long as the two people doing their thing like what they're doing.

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I agree with you that too many kids out there these days have serious social problems. It's not even just the kids, either. I have dated a few women that were all but incapable of having any serious conversations in person, and often resorted to having them via text. It's sad. People just don't go out and actually deal with others anymore. They sit on social media or text all day.

 

Where you lost me is on the dating advice. Men are going to do what works. All of those traditional dating tips an strategies? Don't work. My mother raised me well in the time I spent with her. She taught me how to talk to a woman, how to treat a woman, and how to take care of a woman. Compliment her, bring flowers on a date, and treat her like a princess. Unfortunately, all that advice is horrible these days. Compliment a woman and she doesn't want to hear it. Bring flowers and she thinks you're "thirsty." Treat her like a princess and she treats you like a fool. Ladies created PUA stuff, not any social issues on the part of men.

 

The right woman for you will appreciate being treated well and being complimented and will do the same for you.

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The right woman for you will appreciate being treated well and being complimented and will do the same for you.

 

Thing is, the "right" woman out there is harder to find.

 

Why?

 

Cuz one reason is this thread. People aren't raised the same like back in the day, and even "if" they had decent parents that actually taught them a thing about dating - they chuck what they were taught to "fit in".

 

I've posted endlessly about me having trouble finding a certain guy with a certain mindset and some tell me "oh, just go and find a traditional guy". Some also say "you need to get with the program and change your expectations".

 

Well, like I said, the guy I'm looking for is pretty much extinct and I rather be single with my doggies than subjected to the so-called "marriages" that are going on now a days.

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Shining One
Mothers! Fathers! We have an epidemic of young and not so young people who have somehow never acquired social skills. Blame it on the internet or home schooling, whatever, I don't care, but I beg you to nip this thing in the bud for your children's sakes:
I concur. The problem is only getting worse as time goes on.
Also enroll your children in an etiquette or charm class that just teaches the basics like which fork to use and how to pull a chair out for a woman.
I don't think sexist etiquette or charm classes are the solution though. Perhaps a modernized version would be more suitable.
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My 7 year old son gives me tons of dating advice!! He'll be like' don't say that dad it's dumb', or 'you need to tell her xyz'! He even told me what to write in my valentines card haha :laugh:

 

Cause we lived all over the world when he was young and often off the grid he didn't have access to much tech at a young age! He had to be as to adapt quickly, as we'd move some where and he'd have to make friends with the local kids, (potentially with a language barrier) and go out a play.

He might of missed out on some of his timetables but I think the benefits really shine through now, he can strike up a conversation with anyone, which isn't true for most of the kids in his class.

...I'm honestly so crazy proud of him :love:

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I still think most people figure it out for themselves though don't they! My dad sure never talked to me about dating! For most people human nature kicks in!

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I still think most people figure it out for themselves though don't they! My dad sure never talked to me about dating! For most people human nature kicks in!

 

Agree, problem is, social media, being locked away in your room all day meeting and interacting with folks over the internet, has turned people into robots not humans.

 

One simply cannot learn how to interact and socialize in the real world, when they refuse to interact in the real world.

 

People are turning into zombies, limiting their interactions to those they meet over the internet, even falling in love and engaging in romantic relationships over the internet!

 

Not to mention following bogus advice they read on the internet, etc.

 

Instead of getting out there in the world and observing and learning about people and yourself in the real world.

 

Then once they do get out in the real world, they literally have no clue what to do!

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The few times I have been to clubs today everybody is just standing around on their phones taking selfies and texting. When I was young in the 90s nightlife was so fun because you went and enjoyed yourself and if you were lucky you might make a new friend or even a new partner but these days it's all about having a good selfie on social media. Also a lot of people are at each other's throats these days and that is especially true of men and women so it isn't exactly an atmosphere of talking to and getting to know each other. I don't know what the solution because like Gloria said anytime anybody really tries to address what is wrong with today's society they get shouted down.

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I concur. The problem is only getting worse as time goes on.I don't think sexist etiquette or charm classes are the solution though. Perhaps a modernized version would be more suitable.

 

Actually, charm schools have made a comeback. They totally went away for awhile, but they're back.

 

Honestly, I just think parents assume they're getting what they need at school and don't realize they're just walking down the halls looking down at their smartphones.

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I still think most people figure it out for themselves though don't they! My dad sure never talked to me about dating! For most people human nature kicks in!

 

The desire kicks in. That's why you see so many on here panicking when it does. But if no one makes them be social and just lets them sit on their iphone or xbox and not interact, you get guys and girls whose best preparation for romance is something they learned in a video game or porn.

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The few times I have been to clubs today everybody is just standing around on their phones taking selfies and texting. When I was young in the 90s nightlife was so fun because you went and enjoyed yourself and if you were lucky you might make a new friend or even a new partner but these days it's all about having a good selfie on social media. Also a lot of people are at each other's throats these days and that is especially true of men and women so it isn't exactly an atmosphere of talking to and getting to know each other. I don't know what the solution because like Gloria said anytime anybody really tries to address what is wrong with today's society they get shouted down.

 

There was a thread recently created by a young woman who discussed how she and her bf text each other from different rooms.

 

They live together but still text each other! Even while home together!

 

That is how they interacted before living together, that's all they know.

 

They have no clue how to communicate with each though actual talking.

 

This is what is has come to I am afraid.

 

Even real life sex is declining... due to porn, sexting, etc.

 

Really really sad.

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If I owned a club I would make everybody turn their phones to vibrate in case of an emergency and teach them to party how we did in my day.

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Agree, problem is, social media, being locked away in your room all day meeting and interacting with folks over the internet, has turned people into robots not humans.

 

One simply cannot learn how to interact and socialize in the real world, when they refuse to interact in the real world.

 

People are turning into zombies, limiting their interactions to those they meet over the internet, even falling in love and engaging in romantic relationships over the internet!

 

Not to mention following bogus advice they read on the internet, etc.

 

Instead of getting out there in the world and observing and learning about people and yourself in the real world.

 

 

Then once they do get out in the real world, they literally have no clue what to do!

 

You saying that about robots made me think of something I saw on TV last year that I just couldn't believe I was hearing.

 

Don't know how many are familiar, but Steve Harvey Show is a daytime talk show and Steve Harvey has written some good relationship and advice books and I think he's really smart. Anyway, he likes to help young people succeed, so one day on the show his project was (his words not mine) he found three nerdy guys who didn't have a clue how to ask out a woman or have the nerve to talk to women.

 

So Steve Harvey is a dapper dresser and thinks that's very important, so he did a makeover on them all, getting them looking smart. Then he arranged a date for each of them and coached them how to act, what to do, etc.

 

Well, before it got to the part where they met their dates, Steve had asked them what they liked in a girl. The answers were all pretty sparse and seemed to mainly have to do with how they looked, but the one that floored me is that one of the guys said with a perfectly straight face "I like ones with silver eyes."

 

WHAT?? You should have seen Harvey's face. OMG, in that moment, you realized this kid had no concept of real women, no social experience whatever, didn't even get that unlike the girls he saw in his video games, real girls don't come with silver eyes. Steve even tried to clarify if he meant gray, but he said no, he meant silver. To me, that just kind of said it all about where some of these kids' heads are at. And these were older teenage boys, not eight year olds. Gaming is more real to them than anything, and they are simply totally out of touch with the real world, some of them. Certainly not all, but even Steve was shocked when he realized the depth and breadth of that statement and its implications.

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P.S. Mr. Duck, I got distracted there for a minute, but I meant to say yes, you should be proud of your son. He sounds amazing! At least he won't be blocking you from having girlfriends!

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Actually, charm schools have made a comeback. They totally went away for awhile, but they're back.

 

Honestly, I just think parents assume they're getting what they need at school and don't realize they're just walking down the halls looking down at their smartphones.

 

Uh, parents are expecting the school system to "raise" their kids...that's another big problem too.

 

There was a time schools actually did that. I grew up in a time/place where in public schools religion, civics and home economics were required courses and teachers could hit you with a ruler.

 

In the U.S., however, our schools aren't teaching the kids of any value. Which bathroom they can use depending on what gender they "think" they are and giving out sex ed/condoms is more important.

 

Then, when the kids act up at school, the parents just wanna sue the schools - so schools don't wanna get involved in shaping kids, unless our government wants to impose another attempt at social engineering (which they are being successful at).

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