Why people hate so much others Ex and their new lover?

[Lily blue]

I have seen and heard and read so much about people worry and angry and complaining about their Ex and their new found love.....why?

Hate is sick disease. So ugly.

 

My Ex cheated on me with younger single mother of two who also cheated her husband and my Ex file for divorce after 24 years of marriage. He was my first love and first sexual partner too.

It hurt bad but I forgave him and I wished him and his new love the blessing and we stil keep in contact.

He lives with his new love and he is happy and I am happy for him and he still says he loves me but not in the way as lover but as like good friend and he wishes me happy with my new found love.

 

My boyfriend has Ex wife and Ex girlfriend and he do not want to talk about it nor wants to have anything they had.....he throw away everything but I am curious of them.

I found both of them on social websites and saw picture of each women and what they look alike.....they used to be pretty and thin and well educated but now they are all over weight and aged badly....

I was happy to seeing them and happy that they are happy now too and happy that they also loved my boyfriend.

 

I showed pictures of his ex I found and first, he was not happy to see it and he say they are my past and I do not want to know them or heard about them....but I asked little more and now he is little more open up and tell me little bit of his past and relationships ....he was also shock that I have no problem with them....I say why should I? They have done nothing wrong to me.

 

Even if we run each other someday, you can say hi and acknowledge them if they are ok too....I am not against any of it.

 

I told him erase anything bad but keep the good memories because it's part of you and your life and those that shape you and mold you along the way.

 

Don't get jealous over ex because they are his or her Ex for a reason and don't judge them nor hate them because they had your current love unless they are sneaking around and doing bad stuff...and it is ok to become friends too after a break......what's important is now this moment and focus on love him or her instead of his or her past ....if dig too much of their past, you might be their past too.

That is just me.

Edited February 18, 2016 by Lily blue

[Alamo657]

Maybe hate is a strong word, but when someone did you wrong, i don't see any problem with having a level of disgust toward that person. Not everyone has to be forgiving, it's just a religious concept.

[DivorcedDad123]

I told him erase anything bad but keep the good memories because it's part of you and your life and those that shape you and mold you along the way.

 

Don't get jealous over ex because they are his or her Ex for a reason and don't judge them nor hate them because they had your current love unless they are sneaking around and doing bad stuff...and it is ok to become friends too after a break......what's important is now this moment and focus on love him or her instead of his or her past ...

 

His emotions and feelings are his own. If he feels jealous,judgemental,hate, it's no place of yours to tell him he's wrong for feeling that way. That's pretty invalidating to tell someone how they should feel.

[Lily blue]

Yes maybe wrong to tell people how they should feel but what I m trying to say is life is too short for that.

Besides, for my boyfriend, he ended the both relationship due to their drinking, and prescription drug abuse and stuff.

He tells me now that he wanted to let me know but he was afraid I may get mad or don't want to hear about his past relationship because his Ex girlfriend was jealous and get mad at him if he ever say or mention about his Ex wife......

but now, we both talk about when things come up his and my past.....cannot avoid when we both been married and each of us has kids from previous marriage.

I have no problem at all. I love everything of him include all of his past good or bad....and I want to be the best of his women and we are going to build our own memories and cherish.

I respect him if it bothers him, I won't but now he is very comfortable since I m cool about it.

Edited February 18, 2016 by Lily blue

[2much4]

Sometimes people hurt you too much for you to want to keep thinking about them, talking about them or being friends with them.

 

When someone broke your heart really bad you just want to forget about them. You don't necesarily hate them.

 

Just drop the subject. If he ever wants to talk about it he will do it himself.

By trying to get him to open up you will just annoy him. Forgiveness/being friends with an ex is beautiful, but not everyone is able to do that. Doesn't make him a bad person.

 

Also, some people just don't like talking about exes.

Edited February 18, 2016 by 2much4

[Wewon]

Emotions come and go and I've learned to respect those emotions so long as they're not being used as an excuse to do vicious things.

 

I would even go so far as to say that anger, fear, resentment, sadness and even rage have their respective places and can be a sign of healthy emotional state.

 

If someone feels that they were violated or betrayed on very intimate level, denying them the chance to be angry actually seems kind of cruel. Like they're being taught that the negative emotions is a indication of something being wrong with them. Your emotions are actually giving you crucial information about the world around you and how to interact with it.

 

I see very little difference between that and trying to make a person feel ashamed for being insecure when the situation calls for it.

[basil67]

I told him erase anything bad but keep the good memories because it's part of you and your life and those that shape you and mold you along the way.

 

Is he asking for your advice? If not, remember to refrain from giving unsolicited advice.

 

Anyway, regarding this piece of advice, the bad memories are also part of your life and shape you. If you erase the bad, how to do you learn to avoid that situation again? Remembering how bad a person's actions made you feel helps you avoid getting into the same dysfunctional situation in future.

 

Hate, disgust, hurt and rage are all emotions which we need to process. While it's unhealthy to actively hold on to those feelings long term, they need to be processed in order for us to reach the stage of indifference....at least in the average situation.

 

I also find your advice to be lacking in empathy for the extreme situations which can happen in a relationship. My sister's ex firebombed my parents house while they were sleeping inside. Do you really think that any of my family would reasonably greet her ex if they saw him in the street? While I have reached the stage of indifference with him, I doubt that my sister and parents will ever not hate him. How does one stay friendly with a person who attempted to murder their parents while they were sleeping?

 

Not just that, how does one not hate a person who beat them up or verbally abused them? Or hurt the children? Some people really do not deserve to be liked or tolerated by exes.

[Timshel]

Of course basil but surely the OP was referring to more typical scenarios. Ya know, the standard painful decline and growing apart stuff.

 

So glad that your parents and sister are well, yikes on that j*ck*ss.

[Lily blue]

Ok. basil

Many of you trying to take a deeper what is am trying to say.....I m a forgiver and lover and giver all of my life. I don't easily judge nor look down talk gossips....I am not perfect nor I m saying I m intelligent but I am very humble.

 

That is what I have been hearing from everyone I ever met include my co workers and neighbors and all.

 

Ok.

I have been through a lot, sexually, molested as child by several of my male cousins when I was 5 to 12 years age...they never raped me but touched me and they masturbated and threaten if I ever tell anyone.....I got away multiple rape ...Korean rappers are not killers or brutal like US rappers.

I got beaten and even my aunt beat me just few years ago because I been on a date after my divorce....my current boyfriend.

I got talk down, look down because my English skills and lack of experience...

I got searched at mall and few other stores just because I was wearing bigger jacket and they never apology to me...I wore my husbands jacket and they thought I was stealing and hid inside...I always get sexual advance at work by bosses or male co workers, sexual herrasement from boss, co workers and customers.....grabbing my butt..I been through so much in my life you have no idea..I never put any of them in jail not file complain.....my Ex cheated on me..

I still get hit on constantly where ever I go.

I m 46 and 24 year old guys hit on me and if I say not interested, they get sometimes mean....my boyfriend will not let me go out alone not because he is controlling but protective...I may get rape...in US 95% rapes end up in murders.

 

 

I forgave them all and move on....why do I want to remember those bad memories?

I know it all...I know the pain...I been through....my heart is bigger than my anger, my heart is stronger than hate and every step, Jesus was there and guide me, loved me, comforted me when no one else was.

Edited February 19, 2016 by Lily blue

[basil67]

Ok. basil

Many of you trying to take a deeper what is am trying to say.....I m a forgiver and lover and giver all of my life. I don't easily judge nor look down talk gossips....I am not perfect nor I m saying I m intelligent but I am very humble.

 

That is what I have been hearing from everyone I ever met include my co workers and neighbors and all.

 

Ok.

I have been through a lot, sexually, molested as child by several of my male cousins when I was 5 to 12 years age...they never raped me but touched me and they masturbated and threaten if I ever tell anyone.....I got away multiple rape ...Korean rappers are not killers or brutal like US rappers.

I got beaten and even my aunt beat me just few years ago because I been on a date after my divorce....my current boyfriend.

I got talk down, look down because my English skills and lack of experience...

I got searched at mall and few other stores just because I was wearing bigger jacket and they never apology to me...I wore my husbands jacket and they thought I was stealing and hid inside...I always get sexual advance at work by bosses or male co workers, sexual herrasement from boss, co workers and customers.....grabbing my butt..I been through so much in my life you have no idea..I never put any of them in jail not file complain.....my Ex cheated on me..

I still get hit on constantly where ever I go.

I m 46 and 24 year old guys hit on me and if I say not interested, they get sometimes mean....my boyfriend will not let me go out alone not because he is controlling but protective...I may get rape...in US 95% rapes end up in murders.

 

 

I forgave them all and move on....why do I want to remember those bad memories?

I know it all...I know the pain...I been through....my heart is bigger than my anger, my heart is stronger than hate and every step, Jesus was there and guide me, loved me, comforted me when no one else was.

 

It really sounds like you believe that your way is the right way. Do you realise that other people do things differently and this is OK too?

[Tayla]

yup, op, you have chosen wisely to move on from the sorrows and hurt.

 

I think you have chosen a wonderful outlook. And one in which I am humbled to read, let alone try to apply!

 

some folks get stuck in the cycles... by remaining bitter, or angry. Its their choice to remain stuck.

 

Thanks for reminding folks that choices can be made ... and wise ones at that!

[Lily blue]

No I don't believe what I believe is the right way by no means.

That is why world we are living is a mess and no one agrees on the same thing or look and hear it the way as one do...

 

I m not here to argue either.

If you don't like or disagree than just ignore move on like rest of the world and people...simple.

[craw]

^ sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope you do find the right support to overcome your history.