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Connection: Mental, Physical and Emotional


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I'm wondering on people's experiences with long term relationships and the different types of connections you can have. Most of us want it all - the physical, mental and emotional connection, but those relationships are few and far between. And maintaining those connections over a long period of time can be tough.

 

At the moment I'm in a great relationship with a woman where we have an amazing mental and emotional connection, however we're not as connected sexually. The sex is still really good, but it's just not amazing. We have sex pretty much everyday or so. To me this is perfectly fine for a long term relationship. That being said, I know people where the sex is the number one priority as the mental and emotional aspects they can get from friends and family.

 

What are your thoughts and experiences?

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sex is emotional.. i can't understand what you mean when you say you have a great emotional connection but the sex is lackluster???? I think you might have a great something else but sex IS emotional!!

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sex is emotional.. i can't understand what you mean when you say you have a great emotional connection but the sex is lackluster???? I think you might have a great something else but sex IS emotional!!

 

Sex is emotional for me, but not for her. She's someone who can separate sex and love - which is where we're not as connected physically. We're very emotionally connected in that I know when there's something wrong or she's upset without her needing to tell me and she is the same with me. We support each other.

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Personally, I don't get into a long-term, exclusive relationship with anybody with whom I don't have all those connections.

 

And, I'm not ashamed to say, I will end any long-term, exclusive relationshipthe moment just one of those connections is broken.

 

That's what "friends" are for: those I don't want to have sex with, those who aren't too smart but are really funny, those who are really smart but dry as sand, and to go on jogs with to stay in shape.

 

For me to be exclusive romantically, we're gonna be deeply and satisfying connecting on all levels...otherwise, why bother?

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Sex is emotional for me, but not for her. She's someone who can separate sex and love - which is where we're not as connected physically. We're very emotionally connected in that I know when there's something wrong or she's upset without her needing to tell me and she is the same with me. We support each other.

 

a dog can tell when something is wrong with you too... but okay..

 

Sex is just a reflection of her emotional state, in this case, she is not a vulnerable person, which is fine. Being naked is not vulnerability to many people.. it's just a state of being. People often subconsciously demand that someone be vulnerable because they are naked but it's not so.. vulnerability is a really just a state of helplessness and extreme exposure .. maybe she's truly comfortable in her skin and you should embrace that and play on it. IT COULD BE LOADS OF FUUUUUU-UN : p

 

(your own expectations are the draw back here -sorry)

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todreaminblue
sex is emotional.. i can't understand what you mean when you say you have a great emotional connection but the sex is lackluster???? I think you might have a great something else but sex IS emotional!!

 

sex isnt emotional....making love to another mind body and soul is emotional...sex is mechanics.it is possible to separate making love....from sex........deb

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sex isnt emotional....making love to another mind body and soul is emotional...sex is mechanics.it is possible to separate making love....from sex........deb

 

i beg to differ,and say, even mechanical sex is emotional... it's a stoic emotion... it's not sensual or languid but it's it's own emotion. sex is emotional.

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Well, okay, we can argue that "sex is emotional" but WHAT emotions we have differ from person to person.

 

I can be pretty emotionally disconnected when it comes to sex, at least if we are talking about the emotions of love, attachment, etc.

 

Yes I can "make love" with someone I care about.... There is an emotional connection. Little things can make me "melt" and feel closer to that person.

 

But I can also "have sex" with someone I am not emotionally involved with.

 

So what "emotions" do I have in that scenario? Excitement, lust, sexual passion.... They are emotions, but not necessarily the same as "making love".

 

Now, my LTR could really use some more excitement / lust. The " love making" is still there, but the good ol' F'ing needs rekindling.

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todreaminblue
sex isnt emotional....making love to another mind body and soul is emotional...sex is mechanics.it is possible to separate making love....from sex........deb

 

i beg to differ,and say, even mechanical sex is emotional... it's a stoic emotion... it's not sensual or languid but it's it's own emotion. sex is emotional.

 

 

i guess it differs from experience and the person experiencing the sexual act..i consider sex an act in a play....making love would be more the writing of a true story...the knowledge of the people in it.....the heart behind the pen...the emotion the love of what you are writing about....

 

if you could not separate sex from emotional connection..there would be a lot of heartbroken hookers .....as i said experiences....and the person experiencing the sexual act.......deb

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I always connect them together. They are the same thing to me.

 

Guess this hasn't been working out for me at all. It's hard to meet someone that meet all these 3.

 

I must separate them I suppose, otherwise I may end up have nothing at all?

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if you want good ol' f'ing ..... have a relationship break and let yourselves miss each other.. let your bodies cry out for each other - RECENT CHANGE

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if you want good ol' f'ing ..... have a relationship break and let yourselves miss each other.. let your bodies cry out for each other - RECENT CHANGE

 

Not always so simple. Well, I am not sure what you mean by relationship break (we live together...), but we have had forced sex breaks due to work travel etc.

 

It's a bandaid - temp fix, still haven't found a permanent solution.

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Nikki Sahagin

My partner and I are strongly physically and emotionally connected but we are lacking mentally. Our sex life is great and we are emotionally strong, but I can't have in-depth conversations with him about politics, the environment, history etc. He just isn't wired that way. That's not to say we don't make each other laugh or have good chats...but we don't have a terribly strong mental connection.

 

Ideally it is great to have all 3...I still believe it's possible, but VERY elusive!

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Nikki Sahagin
sex is emotional.. i can't understand what you mean when you say you have a great emotional connection but the sex is lackluster???? I think you might have a great something else but sex IS emotional!!

 

Sex is not always emotional, and not always emotional for BOTH partners. You can have a strong emotional connection which doesn't transcend into sex.

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I'm dating someone right now where I have all three - but we aren't long term - about 6 weeks....but we did date 15 years ago and again 8 years ago.

 

I have never felt this connection before, it is making me a bit crazy :love: lol

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Nikki Sahagin
I'm dating someone right now where I have all three - but we aren't long term - about 6 weeks....but we did date 15 years ago and again 8 years ago.

 

I have never felt this connection before, it is making me a bit crazy :love: lol

 

That's the best VeveCakes - enjoy it :) How did you meet?

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That's the best VeveCakes - enjoy it :) How did you meet?

 

We dated in highschool - I was in gr 9 and him gr 10.....then we just sort of found each other again 8 years later at a bar one night, but I had to move overseas shortly after that.

 

Now we are back in our home town...Im recently divorced, he's recently single...I ran into him at Walmart lol

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Nikki Sahagin
We dated in highschool - I was in gr 9 and him gr 10.....then we just sort of found each other again 8 years later at a bar one night, but I had to move overseas shortly after that.

 

Now we are back in our home town...Im recently divorced, he's recently single...I ran into him at Walmart lol

 

 

That's so romantic! I wish the best for you both :love:

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Been there and done both, and a combo of both...

 

I've had sex with men where I felt no emotional connection to them and actually they did not have qualities, characteristics, etc of someone I'd want to bond with. Mind you, I spent a lot of my years as a raging feminist who hated her father and didn't see what "use" a man had for me except for his penis (to the point in my 20's I seriously was going to have a child and raise it by myself).

 

But I tell you what, in the cases where there was no emotional connection, orgasm was more difficult to achieve, I didn't want to be around when it was over, had to have a few drinks to "losen up", and I wasn't so "generous" in what I did for him (ie oral). In essence sex without emotional connection was my "hamburger", when "steak" (actually being into the guy) is waaay better.

 

I've also had men where I started out physical and bonded emotionally.

 

Now, and for the past couple of years (along with me changin my views on feminism), I have and continue to seek men with whom I can connect with outside of the bedroom.

 

But still, sex and great sex is still very important to me and is a top priority when dating...cuz unlike some women, I pay my own bills and not looking for a sperm donor, actually have friends and family that can supply emotional support and things to do with....I have a "life". So putting up with so-so sex so I can have a "roommate", "sperm donor", and guy to pay my bills isn't a priority for me.

 

So, I haven't gotten laid in going on three years. It's a combo of trying to find a guy who fits my mold, stress, and wasting a year on dude.

 

I think that for a lot of women, sex is a "means to an end" so, not all the time they get horny out of sheer desire for sex. Hormones (ie need to be fertilized around ovulation), and other stuff motivate them to want sex (ie wanting a guy's attention, money, how he treats her). They even consider sex w/o orgasm great cuz they got to cuddle with some guy and do what they consider was "intimate" and "bonding".

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