Jump to content

Does having a partner really "bring" support and inspiration?


Recommended Posts

I've read a guys facebook post about how happy he is celebrating his 10 year wedding anniversary. He said some things on how his wife, brought encouraged him and "supported" him throughout this early life-like him going to the military, him going to school to get a degree and now, how much she's supporting him to find a full-time job. Then, I read on another guys facebook post on how much "inspiration" his wife has bought into his life, how he wakes up with a purpose, and now that he's a better man because of her. I was like wth??? What kind of bull is this? People have told me that someone can't make you happy, you have to be happy yourself. And their posts...what the heck is that? What, so if they were single, they would be miserable living on the streets, depressed and in rehab or something? No offense, but that made me want to puke.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I disagree with you.

 

I am completely inspired to be a better person because and for my husband. And vice-versa.

 

I try harder for "us" than I might for just me. We are happier at encouraging each other, gaining insight into what makes each other thrive, and helping each other achieve goals that we might not be able to by ourselves.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

it does. you need to find someone to see how it works. and you don't have to be married for years on end for it to happen. men (and women) often become a much better version of themselves through loving partnerships. it's psychology 101 - maslow :-)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

The decisions we make still reside with us.

 

It's possible to encourage, support or inspire a partner or spouse. Some people decide to use this encouragement and support in a beneficial way.

 

Then we know of couch potatoes who have just as much encouragement, support and inspiration from their partners ... and do nothing with their lives.

 

What's the difference?

 

The individual must decide to be inspired, encouraged, supported ... happy ... confident ... whatever. The switch that makes the difference resides within all of us. It's the DECISION to be ... whatever we desire.

 

We can flip that switch whenever we want. Whether we have a partner or not. Even if things around us are negative we can decide that ... today ... I'm going to make a positive difference. Even if I don't do anything but be kind to someone else. That decision resides in me.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

So, you're saying its NOT good to be single and its not good to be alone without a partner??? Well, what about all those posts on here about how great it is to be single?

Link to post
Share on other sites
So, you're saying its NOT good to be single and its not good to be alone without a partner??? Well, what about all those posts on here about how great it is to be single?

 

No, I'm saying you can live a happy and fulfilled life with or without a partner.

 

Of course, there are those who are miserable with or without a partner.

 

You are the determining factor. Not the absence or presence of a partner.

 

"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." ~ William Shakespeare

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

a partner – in a healthy, caring, loving relationship – *can* bring out the best in you. Though for me, "support" didn't come from chasing my dream or getting the ideal job, it was when he was the only one who saw what I was going through while caring for my parents, and who stepped up when my siblings wouldn't. And that was a true gift, because even though he's my husband, I didn't expect that kind of unflagging loyalty, because, honestly? These were his in-laws he was offering to deal with!

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when someone sees your need, and responds in an unexpected way to share your burden, then he or she is a true source of support and inspiration, because they help you through that period by keeping you going until the job's done.

 

as a single person, I'm sure you find something very similar in your close relationships with friends and family – folks who are willing to walk the journey with you because they love you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Being single is fine. Where people get in trouble is when they think they have no value because they are single. You have to love yourself first. When you do that and get a partner, it's like the icing on the cake. The partner makes things better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What, so if they were single, they would be miserable living on the streets, depressed and in rehab or something?

Nobody said that.

 

So their partner inspires them to be a better person. If they were single then maybe something else would inspire them. Their independence, their friends and family, their favourite curry house, the smell of flowers on a spring day or a crisp walk in the mountain air. There is inspiration all around you. You just need to open your senses and your mind, and take it in.

 

Just because someone says they are inspired by their partner doesn't mean they wouldn't be able to find inspiration elsewhere if they were single. You seem quite bitter about it. I'd recommend a crisp walk in the mountain air to find inspiration of your own.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

The only thing I'd find off putting by the comments you mentioned above is something more along the lines of, what is this guy doing for his wife exactly? Great that he's appreciating all of her support, but that kind of thing... when one-sided... can result in some pretty deep resentments that can manifest in other ways.

 

 

Not sure if you are a woman or a man, but I'd say that culturally, women have tended to be viewed as the one who 'supports' the man with his goals, and he does whatever (sometimes very little) to support hers.. and she is lucky if he feels grateful and provides a paycheck. If that is what you are pissed about, then I agree, lol.

 

 

A good relationship is mutually supportive. Your example looks like it is one-sided. That wouldn't be a good relationship to me.

 

 

Is that what you are upset about?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Being in a good RS does make one stronger and better. And yes, having a partner to rely upon makes a huuuuuge difference, when the times get tough. It doesn't mean they would have failed if single. They would simply be in a different place.

 

Personal growth happens when you are alone to face your own demons. But getting stuff done, achievements - those are easier when in a couple.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud

No it isn't bull AND it doesn't mean that it's "bad" to be single either. :mad::mad: I think that we are meant to make the very most and best of our lives, and if another person comes along who will enhance that and make our life even more fulfilling then we are really blessed!!! If they won't offer us inspiration and support and challenge us to be our best, and vice versa too, then why even have the relationship??:confused:

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
So, you're saying its NOT good to be single and its not good to be alone without a partner??? Well, what about all those posts on here about how great it is to be single?

 

 

It seems as though you've misinterpreted the posts that you're referring to.

 

The healthy relationships described take two happy and healthy individuals to make them work.

 

If you're not healthy and happy single, then you don't have much of a chance of being healthy and happy when partnered up either.

 

A good relationship can bring out the best in you. A bad relationship brings out the worst. The kind of person that you are going in has a huge impact on the outcome...good or bad.

 

Building your own life and yourself as a person while single is definitely a great thing. Being in a happy, healthy relationship is also a great thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I love those posts!

 

People appreciating those in their lives and sharing that is just lovely.

 

It's never upset me, single or not. That seems a little strange.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If the only thing that's gonna motivate a person to self-actualization/achievement is whether or not they have an SO, then that's sad.

 

Yes, in some cases a partner can bring out the best in you cuz you. But like others said, you sorta have to also want that for yourself.

 

I mean, water seeks its own level. Some people don't wanna do nothing with themselves and the same way a particular person would serve as an "inspiration" to others, others might see them as "out of their league" and/or not wanna be bothered.

 

And yes, some SOs can bring out the worst in you. You see some people in bad situations and they blame the SO...but nsh, you had low self-esteem before you met them, so pleeeze don't say they broke you down, etc cuz if you had any self esteem in the first place, they wouldn't be something you're attracted to and/or at the first sign pf abuse, you'd be out of there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
So, you're saying its NOT good to be single and its not good to be alone without a partner??? Well, what about all those posts on here about how great it is to be single?

 

Your posts all seem to indicate that other peoples' views dictate how you should feel. Look at this post and your first post. In the first post you say, "People tell me..." Who cares? Think for yourself.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland

I feel strongly about this... someone cannot make you happy. Trying to pick someone to date who makes you happy will probably backfire. Happiness is a choice we make for ourselves every minute of every day. Sure we enjoy being with some people more than others, but setting on someone else the expectation that they will make you happy is bound for failure.

 

BUT... you can date someone who brings out the best in you. That is something you can expect out of a partner, and to me, something much better to aim for in a relationship. Like you say, someone who inspires you, and supports you. Those are things you can do for someone else.

 

I have no doubt in my mind, and this is what I see in successful couples, is support for each other to be better people. My wife brings out the best in me. Does she make me happy? I'm happy when I'm with her, but that is a different thing. If I'm in a bad mood, is that her fault? When she was suffering depression, was that my fault? No, you can't make anyone else happy.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...