martin86 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It is every human being's right to remain as ignorant as they want to be. If I don't want to know the answer to something then I will take steps to make sure I won't find out the answer. I would appreciate it if others along the way do not try and force information down my throat that I don't want to know. For example telling me to ask a woman out that I like is bad advice if I don't want to know the answer. You shouldn't ask anyone out unless you are ready to be rejected. If you are not emotionally ready for it then don't ask anyone out. I would even go so far to say that only if you want to hear rejection should you ask someone out. That's right. If I want to hear a rejection then I will ask her out on a date. It is possible to start enjoying being rejected believe it or not after going through it several times. The reality for men is that they are going to get rejected and maybe after a time they will get used to it and actually learn to enjoy hearing a rejection speech from a woman. As for me if I like a woman I don't want to know if she likes me back or not. It would suck to find out she doesn't like me. It would make me uncomfortable to find out she does like me. So I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Whatever feelings she may have for me are none of my business. I don't want her to tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 This is nothing new. Plenty of men don't ask women out due to fear of rejection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 This is nothing new. Plenty of men don't ask women out due to fear of rejection. And, sad for they will not get into a relationship. He fails to see that there are women that he is not attracted to and would not date. Which is no different then when women do not find us attractive and not want to date us. You can not eat an egg unless you crack the shell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martin86 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 It isn't just the fear of rejection for me. It is also the fear of intimacy because as I said I tend to get overwhelmed if the answer is yes. I have a history of taking off and running like a bat out of hell or putting up a wall when a woman starts showing potential signs of returning my interest in her. Like if I am being extra helpful to a woman I like and she starts going out of her way to help me or makes an offer to buy me a drink or lunch it is a knee jerk reaction for me to say no thanks. Granted I can't be sure what her intentions were for the offer of a drink but the possibility that she was making an attempt to return my interest gets me uncomfortable and overwhelmed so I end up putting up a wall to discourage escalation. So I have a bigger problem internally than just a fear of rejection. That's why I say even if she likes me I would feel more comfortable not knowing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Two options. Prostitute or shrink. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you want something, you have to work to get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 The only people who never fail are those who do nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author martin86 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 The only people who never fail are those who do nothing. The failure for me is to fall in love. Everyone has their own definition of failure. It all depends on what results we want. Problem is people assume I want a certain result. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 You could try buying her a cheeseburger 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Sorry but this isn't healthy. Have you sought therapy? The idea of allowing fear to dictate so much of one's life is mindboggling for me. That, to me, would be the far worst fate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 The failure for me is to fall in love. Everyone has their own definition of failure. It all depends on what results we want. Problem is people assume I want a certain result. The problem is you don't really know for yourself what constitutes failure. You have quite a sticky wicket to sort out. Are you the independent type of person who doesn't mind being single? The problem with this is you don't seem to be the independent type, judging by the fact that you are still obsessing and hanging on to this woman you fell in love with. Or are you the type that wants to pursue relationships with the goal of being with someone the rest of your life? The problem with that is your negative attitude is getting in the way. You will never move forward unless you make some decisions and start taking action. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It isn't just the fear of rejection for me. It is also the fear of intimacy because as I said I tend to get overwhelmed if the answer is yes. I have a history of taking off and running like a bat out of hell or putting up a wall when a woman starts showing potential signs of returning my interest in her. Like if I am being extra helpful to a woman I like and she starts going out of her way to help me or makes an offer to buy me a drink or lunch it is a knee jerk reaction for me to say no thanks. Granted I can't be sure what her intentions were for the offer of a drink but the possibility that she was making an attempt to return my interest gets me uncomfortable and overwhelmed so I end up putting up a wall to discourage escalation. So I have a bigger problem internally than just a fear of rejection. That's why I say even if she likes me I would feel more comfortable not knowing. But why are you so uncomfortable? You two are the same and have the same desires and both have a heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author martin86 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 The problem is you don't really know for yourself what constitutes failure. You have quite a sticky wicket to sort out. Are you the independent type of person who doesn't mind being single? The problem with this is you don't seem to be the independent type, judging by the fact that you are still obsessing and hanging on to this woman you fell in love with. Or are you the type that wants to pursue relationships with the goal of being with someone the rest of your life? The problem with that is your negative attitude is getting in the way. You will never move forward unless you make some decisions and start taking action. Maybe I am comfortable in a limbo state. Being ignorant of the other person's feelings keeps me in the comfort zone because I'm damned whether they say yes or no. So at this time I don't want to know about her feelings either in words or in actions. The whole situation is giving me an ulcer. Link to post Share on other sites
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