Bobbi7 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 The majority of divorced women with kids that I personally know get in serious relationships/remarried 3-4 years. And these are women that are educated with decent jobs. Some of the men don't have children of their own and I'm thinking here, how in the heck can they easily lock down a man? Surely no man would want to get involved with a woman-usually in here late 30's with 2-4 kids. Do men prefer them over single women that have never been married or had a child? Do they like them because a divorced woman knows how to please a man in the bedroom, give better bj's, are great cooks? Are they less picky than single women? Do guys think single woman with no kids are boring, are bad cooks, don't know how to satisfy a man or something? Guys prefer the comfort, want that home cooked meal to come home to every day? It just seems there are more childless single woman out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I don't know about all that tradition stuff these days but I do know, having dated mostly single mothers back when a young man, that divorced women generally know how to handle a man, since they've been married and been divorced and had a few lovers along the way, or more. I've found MW's to be exceedingly skilled in the ways of men and I say that as a compliment. Myself, I would have preferred to marry a childless unmarried woman but could never find one. I did marry a woman without children but she had been married twice before and, yup, she knew how to handle men, and still does. Masterful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 I don't know about all that tradition stuff these days but I do know, having dated mostly single mothers back when a young man, that divorced women generally know how to handle a man, since they've been married and been divorced and had a few lovers along the way, or more. I've found MW's to be exceedingly skilled in the ways of men and I say that as a compliment. Myself, I would have preferred to marry a childless unmarried woman but could never find one. I did marry a woman without children but she had been married twice before and, yup, she knew how to handle men, and still does. Masterful. How are they more skilled? Like more experience with domestic duties? Do they have less drama or something? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Ok, I'm confused. Are you talking about divorced women with kids, or divorced women in general? Compared to never married with no kids? I think there is something to be said for being able to cohabit with someone. A lot of single, childless people don't know how to do that. It's not necessarily about being 'skilled with men'. It's about making the day to day things less boring and stressful. Here's a question... how are you with roommates? do you have one? Do you have pets? Some plants? One thing I look for in a man is the ability to care for something, anything, other than himself. Pets, plants, or kids is my rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 The majority of divorced women with kids that I personally know get in serious relationships/remarried 3-4 years. And these are women that are educated with decent jobs. Some of the men don't have children of their own and I'm thinking here, how in the heck can they easily lock down a man? Surely no man would want to get involved with a woman-usually in here late 30's with 2-4 kids. Do men prefer them over single women that have never been married or had a child? Do they like them because a divorced woman knows how to please a man in the bedroom, give better bj's, are great cooks? Are they less picky than single women? Do guys think single woman with no kids are boring, are bad cooks, don't know how to satisfy a man or something? Guys prefer the comfort, want that home cooked meal to come home to every day? It just seems there are more childless single woman out there. You seem to be completely negating the woman's say in this dynamic. Maybe the childless woman doesn't WANT to be married. Maybe she isn't looking for a marriage so you are seeing more single woman but it is not because men aren't wanting them. Maybe the women with kids are willing to settle more? Maybe they are just doing the "fog" test? There are so many elements to this equation that aren't being looked at it's really not a fair or accurate observation. I am in a well affluent area and I know of both women with children and without who are single. Many are single because they aren't looking for a marriage, they date, but are happy in their lives. Many with kids don't want to remarry while their kids are still young. And many who are divorced but childless from their first marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
down hearted Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 i also have noticed women close to me who have different kids (from different partners) and divorced find it so easy to find a partner and remarried. I don't understand how. Most guys i've seen they hear divorced even if there are no kids, and they look the other way..seriously do not get it. I'm divorced and i feel like i'm tainted or something. I haven't been looking though, nor interested right now since i'm busy with focusing on my career. But i know if i were to meet someone the word divorce would automatically make me look like there is something wrong with me. (i've been given the evil looks before when others i work with find out i'm divorced like your a failure at human life or something) Yet there is one of my coworker's who has married 4 times she just got married 2 months ago to her fourth husband! I would never get married again though. Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Some people have an easier time finding partners than others. A person who has always had an easy time with it isn't suddenly going to have a difficult time because they are divorced or a parent, regardless of what the internet might tell you. It probably does have to do with how they treat a partner and what they have to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 How are they more skilled? Like more experience with domestic duties? Do they have less drama or something? Good question. IME, watching them work men, they read men better, know exactly how to push buttons and get what they want, and generally just flow better in the male milieu. IMO, it's probably a chicken and egg thing, deciding if their skillset is why they can easily flow from one man to another or if that experience created the skillset. My take is that some people are simply more skilled at social stuff like romance, either intrinsically (genetically) or due to early and effective socialization. What I experienced personally was a masterful mix of care, selfishness, sex, disinterest, and the handling of emotions like a violin in the hands of a virtuoso. Some people have whatever 'it' is. Another commonality is none were only children, meaning all I interacted with personally had siblings. As example, my first MW had four sisters and a brother, my exW four siblings, etc, etc. Large families were fairly common in my demographic and generation. IMO, being socialized with siblings provides social skills at an early age which, all else being equal, provide advantages in intimate relationships. I think this holds true even if the sibling relationships were antagonistic or adversarial, as they often can be. They teach skills. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I think its true for men and women, actually...although maybe more so for women but I cant be sure... They have "walked the walk" so to speak...I think the older they get the more this becomes an issue...A friend of mine is recently divorced...No kids..Late 40's...Even though on paper he looks to be a decent catch, he's been told that they feel uncomfortable with the fact that he has no kids.. I can tell you that I have a greater respect for women with kids than those that don't, all else being equal...It may not be fair and I am not saying those women aren't desirable. I just know whats involved and know the level of commitment that takes...Like I said...prob not fair.*shrug* Once one starts approaching middle age, it just becomes harder to find "like" people in the category of never married/no kids..And it seems like the once married with kids group has little interest in those who never had... YMMV TFY Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 If you are talking strictly about women well into their 30s, you may have a point. If a woman is 35, never married and with no kids, it's for a reason. If another woman has been married and does have kids, that is also for a reason. The reason(s) the single woman is still single are probably still present. The reason(s) the divorced woman with kids was able to attract and have a home and family with a man are probably also still present. IMHO a 30 something, single, childless woman is probably perfectly comfortable being single and childless and has no burning desire to latch onto a man unless it is a clear and present benifit to her. Conversely many single mothers do wish to find another mate to help them raise her brood and so they take a more active role in attracting another man, whereas the single woman will have a more "what-can-you-do-for-me?" outlook. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Now for the flip-side of this. While you may be correct that divorced single mothers in their 30s May marry at a higher rate than never married/no kids women of the same age, we need to keep in mind that there is a lot of bait and switch that takes place in that cohort. I know from experience that divorced women can come on strong and promise he world, but many of those promises fail to materialize once the ring is on the finger and the rent is being paid. Many a many has fallen for the lure of the domesticated and seductive single mother only to be yoked into the role of provider and childcare assistant once they are married and making house. Many of the single guys with no kids of their own that marry single mothers are guys with White Knight Syndrome and are rescuing damsels in distress. It takes them awhile but many will find that all they really have to show for it is a distressed damsel on their hands. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Yeah, I'd have to agree that single/divorced mothers did appear to be more solicitous, though I didn't assign ulterior motives to it at the time. The ones I had relationships with were self-sufficient or had an exH who was co-parenting the kids. The oldest was already a grandmother and she did fine alone as a doctor. Still, there was an aura about them which caused a man to feel loved. I wish I could analyze it like a math problem but it probably is more in the realm of think less, feel more. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Yeah, I'd have to agree that single/divorced mothers did appear to be more solicitous, though I didn't assign ulterior motives to it at the time. The ones I had relationships with were self-sufficient or had an exH who was co-parenting the kids. The oldest was already a grandmother and she did fine alone as a doctor. Still, there was an aura about them which caused a man to feel loved. I wish I could analyze it like a math problem but it probably is more in the realm of think less, feel more. Sorry. I honestly don't think being employed and self supporting and an involved ex really has anything to do with it. I think it goes deeper than an accountants spreadsheet. I think it's a deeply instinctive thing. I think mothers will innately seek out support and protection for their children if the children's father leaves the home. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I'd have to agree that single/divorced mothers did appear to be more solicitous, though I didn't assign ulterior motives to it at the timse. In my single days, single mothers (and even some married ones that could see divorce on the horizon) would approach me and make me offers and pursue me. Single women on the other hand wanted me to make all the moves and offers. To many men that are not aggressive or don't have the initiative to make the first moves will find that very very enticing. I did however see it as ulterior motive because my wise ol' schoolmarm mother warned me that that would happen and that there would be ulterior motives so I never fell for it. I saw a good number of other guys fall for it however. Edited September 10, 2015 by oldshirt Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Really don't know about the 'easily' part. In any healthy, normal R, both people go into it bc they both find in the other sthg they're looking for; doesn't always have to be narrowed down to economics / a new father figure / whatever. Probs more down to the fact that, you know, they actually like each other... I'm late 30s, never married, no kids and my bf is a divorced father of 2. I didn't fall for him bc he has kids (never dated or been with a father before, not really on my radar to be truthful) but the fact he's so responsible and is a great role model to his kids hasn't hindered his chances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Yeah, I'd have to agree that single/divorced mothers did appear to be more solicitous, though I didn't assign ulterior motives to it at the time. The ones I had relationships with were self-sufficient or had an exH who was co-parenting the kids. The oldest was already a grandmother and she did fine alone as a doctor. Still, there was an aura about them which caused a man to feel loved. I wish I could analyze it like a math problem but it probably is more in the realm of think less, feel more. Sorry. I think you hit on the one thing that drives a lot of men.... I think a lot of guys see it as something as a replacement mother....Even if they are completely self sufficient and non needy there is a certain comfort level that only women who are/were mothers can impart...I dunno.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 No. Generally speaking men want women with less baggage. Kids and ex husbands are generally negatives. IME women with kids tend to not have crazy high expectations for a man. Ultimately, single childless women may reject a guy that the mother of two will happily take. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 No. Generally speaking men want women with less baggage. Kids and ex husbands are generally negatives. IME women with kids tend to not have crazy high expectations for a man. Ultimately, single childless women may reject a guy that the mother of two will happily take. Any responsible single parent would think twice about getting another person involved in their kids' lives, I would have thought? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
down hearted Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) I can tell you that I have a greater respect for women with kids than those that don't, all else being equal...It may not be fair and I am not saying those women aren't desirable. I just know whats involved and know the level of commitment that takes...Like I said...prob not fair.*shrug* So those that have kids and divorced are more committed in a sense? What if they decided not to have kids because they realized that the relationship was unhealthy despite all the trying and they didn't want to bring kids into a mess of a marriage which ended in divorce anyway? Not everyone plans to have kids but there are those that do think about what would be best, or what if they just simply do not want kids? I don't think everyone's goal in life is to have kids after marriage, maybe kids are not for everyone? personally, i would never have had kids with my exh, i want kids not with him, he threw our puppy across the room once...sure makes anyone with a sane mind think twice... just saying.. Edited September 10, 2015 by down hearted Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 though I didn't assign ulterior motives to it at the time. That is probably because you know assuming a woman must have an ulterior motive if she is nice is supremely insulting. Good for you I don't know that single mothers have an easier time "locking down a man"? What is with that phrase anyway? Sounds like some kind of sour grape thing. Link to post Share on other sites
readynow Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 As a divorced mom, I'm far pickier than when I was childless and single. In those days, I would bend over backwards for boyfriends, be accepting of flaws and respect their prospects. Since I started dating after divorce, because I have no biological clock ticking, I have all the love I need, I hardly have any time for myself, I find that I will only keep dating men who show they really want me and care for me. No more chasing after men or settling for a 50-50 guy, I will only have the best in my eyes because I'll also be exposing him to my kid. So perhaps there is something attractive about knowing the woman has bigger things on her mind aside you, she's busy and challenging. I've always had boyfriends easily but since divorced with kids, I have more men wanting serious relationships. So I don't agree at all with those saying being divorced with kids makes you more willing to settle. Just the opposite. Turn this around, would I want to date a single man, never married without kids? Not a chance! I need a man who has experienced living with a woman for years, endured her cool and crazy moments. He'll need the training if he's to last with me:laugh: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Well, I guess single moms must know how to please a man. I remember there was this 24 year old bank teller that my mom introduced me too, he told her that he dated a girl with 2 kids. The guy and I exchanged numbers, but it never went anywhere-it was clear he wasn't interested in me. Maybe because I didn't have much to offer. The fact that he was a 24 year old guy and was with a chick with 2 kids, I might need to pop out a kid to attract more men or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 So those that have kids and divorced are more committed in a sense? What if they decided not to have kids because they realized that the relationship was unhealthy despite all the trying and they didn't want to bring kids into a mess of a marriage which ended in divorce anyway? Not everyone plans to have kids but there are those that do think about what would be best, or what if they just simply do not want kids? I don't think everyone's goal in life is to have kids after marriage, maybe kids are not for everyone? personally, i would never have had kids with my exh, i want kids not with him, he threw our puppy across the room once...sure makes anyone with a sane mind think twice... just saying.. Unfortunately, when people select a potential partner there isn't always the opportunity to "get the whole story"...so to speak...I suppose the equivalent may be the woman who rejects a guy because he drives a piece of shyt car thinking he's broke, not realizing that he's worth millions and just doesn't give a crap what he drives... I also disagree with the notion that guys dont want women who have kids and were married thinking that those women have too much baggage...The only guy that might think that is the life long bachelor that sees anything like that as a downer...Most guys I know that have kids look for women that have as well..Its almost as is its an exclusive "club" that the others just will never quite fully understand.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Well, I guess single moms must know how to please a man. I remember there was this 24 year old bank teller that my mom introduced me too, he told her that he dated a girl with 2 kids. The guy and I exchanged numbers, but it never went anywhere-it was clear he wasn't interested in me. Maybe because I didn't have much to offer. The fact that he was a 24 year old guy and was with a chick with 2 kids, I might need to pop out a kid to attract more men or something. At that age, I highly doubt the fact that you didn't have kids was the issue..He probablly just wasn't into you... And I know you are probably kidding(I hope anyway), but please don't think that having a kid for the reason of becoming more desirable to a guy is a good idea or anything to even remotely consider... If that's the case, get a boob job instead...lot cheaper and a lot less work.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Most guys I know that have kids look for women that have as well..Its almost as is its an exclusive "club" that the others just will never quite fully understand.. TFY Maybe... but all of the guys I know who have said that seem to think that having kids is the only way to experience sacrifice, or selflessness... or understand the idea of obligations. ... and most of those men... weren't the best dads, unfortunately. They wanted to think they were though. Their crabbing and whining about all the sacrifices they had to make... just got old. I never heard that kind of crabbing from my female friends with kids. Just the guys. They don't realize that lots of people make sacrifices everyday to take care of the people they love. Friends, family, even pets for crissake. It isn't just kids who can't fend for themselves and need our attention. I do think that a lot of women who become mothers genuinely enjoy, well, mothering! Not surprising! Also not surprising that some men enjoy being mothered! Which is not my target for ideal partner, really. Yes, I expect some emotional support myself from time to time. I can hire someone to mow my lawn and fix the car, or do it myself, thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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