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What makes a girl realise your the one


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Old 1st August 2015, 11:50 AM   #1
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What makes a girl realise your the one

Question for the ladies

To cut a long story short I have a girl in my life that will simply not let her guard down. She pursues me, we date, she tells me she loves me, her guard goes back up and tells me her feelings have gone again.

I have known her for 11 years and i hit on her when she was 17 she blew me out.

When I met my long term girlfriend she pursued me on 3 different occasions over the course of 7 years we was together. I broke up in feb 2013 and she pursued me again immediately which we dated three months and she dumped me. I went no contact for 18 months when she rung me up when having problems with her current boyfriend and rung me crying when they split up. I went no contact again once I made sure she was ok. November 2015 she pursued me again heavily with a heartfelt apology for how she has treated me. We dated for 3 months again and she lost her feelings again.

Over the course of these 11 years I've done some pretty amazing stuff for her. Something's that have brought tears to her eyes.

This girl knows I would never let her down in anyway shape or form. She tells me I'm perfect but every time she gets feelings for me they vanish.

I dropped a gift at her house last week as it was meant for her birthday but seeing as i told her I'm walking away now I decided to leave it on her doorstep so I didn't see her in person.

Basically I made a photo album of her kid growing up through the years from the day he was born until current. His 8 now. There was about 100 photos on total. The way I made the album and done everything in it was pretty spectacular and she rung me up Absolutely crying her eyes out.

This is just one example of some of the things I've done.

I understand no amount of me loving her is going to make her feel any different.

I'm now in no contact yet again because I simply will not chase her. She knows this. It seems time apart makes her heart grow, then she wants to get back together she won't let her guard down again.

She never asks for anything but she knows i am the only person that never lets her down. Ever.

Will she ever click? Will her heart ever give me her full attention?

I'm on a take it or leave attitude but obviously would love for things to be perfect. She is fun to be around.

Have we known each other too long now?

One day she talks about marriage and kids, a month later she bolts.

Is she scared? Is there anything I can do different when she comes back?

I have made it very clear if she dates anyone else I'm gone for ever.
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Old 1st August 2015, 12:23 PM   #2
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just imo, she does like you very very much, but there is something blocking her each time and it's likely attraction. she probably loves all the qualities you have but doesn't feel that 'spark' of attraction to go further. so, she keeps you around because of those great qualities (that no other guy possesses yet) and if she gets too close to a relationship with you she likely realizes (again) that the attraction isn't there so she stops it from going father as not to hurt you. it's a push-pull on her part and really the only one that can stop it is you. you're allowing bad behavior on her part and, when she eventually does find a guy that is both inner/outer beauty for her, then this will stop for you/her.
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Old 1st August 2015, 12:40 PM   #3
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I had to draw the line stating that if she has another relationship or even dates someone else I'm gone for good.

The last gift I gave her was everything she needed to know about how i felt about her without me having to tell her. It clearly stated that it was from the heart and the tears said it all.

what I don't want is for her to contact me when she is 35..... 8 years on and then try and get together after I've missed her son growing up and all the fun youthful times.

Does that make sense?
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Old 1st August 2015, 8:19 PM   #4
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Yes, it makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that you let her keep you around, you should be able to just leave on your own. You aren't obligated to wait around for her to make up her mind (and she already has you planned as plan B in case no 'better option' comes along in the next few years). And even if she does make a decision now I would suggest you keep away from her, when someone "settles" for you it's a recipe for disaster.
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Old 1st August 2015, 9:35 PM   #5
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After 11 years, I think it's time to throw in the towel...

People are who they are, you cannot change them. You could be the best thing that happened to them and doesn't matter - they are who they are.

Oh, and her? I don't care "what" happened to her (i.e. childhood trauma) to make her the way she is, but she has no right to impose her stuff on others. IMO, she is a selfish narcissist. It's all about "her".

I don't care if she apologizes...cuz she does it to you again and again. Two years into this, would have been enough cuz it usually takes 1 1/2 to 2 years to figure out who people are.

I have my fears too, but I don't ying-yang people. I don't "use" people. Quite frankly, I've had times I said to myself "ok, just pretend that you want kids and/or the whole "white picket fence thing" so someone will marry me and I was like "no way"...I cannot perpetrate a fraud on another person. Obviously, she doesn't care who she steps on - as long as her needs are met, then she tosses you to the side till she needs you again.
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Old 2nd August 2015, 4:09 AM   #6
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Ok thankyou

Ive got a massive knot in my stomach this morning.

I don't even know why. No good will ever come of this.

I've never had such an intense feeling before. Feeling let down is such a bad feeling. Such a shame
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