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Old 28th December 2004, 6:23 PM   #1
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Unhappy Has this happened to you? Please help!

Hello,
I am writing in a desperate plea for help. And also warning other guys about the consequences of your actions if you've ever considered or have gotten caught doing this. Last night my girl of 3 years and I went to sleep after a little fooling around (oral). She got some, I didn't. Well she started to go down on me but didn't finish. I haven't had much sexual contact in the last 6months due to a "Close Call" a little while back. Anyway I'm very sexually frustrated at this point and last night I knew I had hit a new low.

After fooling around we went to sleep fully naked. We don't live together so when this sort of thing happends I get a little excited. So I start rubbing on her and carressing her lower back and butt. And am extremely aroused at this point so I start doing the deed, with myself, while she is sleeping. So I'm going and going while carressing her, until I'm done and get up to go take a shower. I come back no more than 3minutes later to find her putting her clothes on and getting ready to leave. She was acting very distant at this point, and I was terrified that she may not have been fully asleep like I thought. I took her home and she would barely acknowledge me. I asked her what's wrong and she denied telling me. I begged her to, and she said no, that she would call me later. She Never called. So I did, and no answer.

I received a text message this morning from her asking me what I wanted and why I'd called last night. I said because I knew something was wrong. Anyway we kept texting, and I stupidly never admitted to anything until she finally thought I was insulting her intelligence and gave me the option of apologizing. I did so in about 6 full length text messages. She still didn't know what to say and said she didn't want to talk to me for a few days. I pleaded with her to call me so I can further convey my feelings of remorse until she finally did. We spoke and she was pissed. I had disrespected her, and I know that. So she ended up having to get off the phone and she said she would call me when she wanted to talk to me.

So my question to anyone who has experienced this or something similar is:
Is this completely wrong and disgusting? Or does that solely depend on your partners outlook of the situation?
I Know she's not very fond of sex and maybe that's the problem. I know If I'd been pleased by her, I would of never felt the urge to do it myself and this would of never happened!
I feel embarassed and like **** for what I did and I ruined the Holiday's for us this year! Any positive advice on what to do at this point would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance!
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Old 28th December 2004, 6:34 PM   #2
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Edit: I totally misunderstood your post. If you read whatever I wrote before, sorry.

I don't see why your gf should be mad at you, and I don't see anything wrong, let alone disgusting, in 'taking care of yourself'.

Last edited by Adunaphel; 28th December 2004 at 6:41 PM..
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Old 28th December 2004, 6:35 PM   #3
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First off, man, relax. You didn't do anything wrong. It's your d!ck to play with as you see fit. You went down on her and she didn't return the favor. If she doesn't want you beating off, then she needs to learn to give head or satisfy you in other ways. It's as simple as that and you need to put your foot down and tell her that (perhaps in slightly nicer terms).
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Old 28th December 2004, 6:36 PM   #4
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*** edited since Adunaphel edited his

Last edited by tanbark813; 28th December 2004 at 6:43 PM..
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Old 28th December 2004, 6:48 PM   #5
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Originally posted by tanbark813
Quote:
He didn't have sex with her while asleep, he's talking about masturbating with her next to him.
I realized that one second after posting, after seeing your first reply.
To the thread starter: my apologies, I'm an idiot.

Quote:
Not only is what he did perfectly acceptable given her lack of interest in him, his girl sounds like she needs to loosen up.
I agree 100%.
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Old 28th December 2004, 6:57 PM   #6
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I am a woman, and I have to say that if I found out my man had done that, I might be a bit surprised, maybe even a bit annoyed he didn't just wake me up so I could pls him! I'd probably also tease him about it. If I was bothered, or offended he did it while lying next to me, I could ask him not to do it again.

But I would most certainly not react in the manner your gf has. It's OK for her to be a bit upset and talk to you about it, and tell you her feelings on the issue, if this is something which does bother her so. In short, to communicate.

But this reaction, and not talking etc seems a bit overboard to me, and could stem from her own issues with sex and sexuality. I don't know, i'm just guessing here.

I dont think you've done anything disgusting or terrible at all. It's not like YOU knocked her back, and then went and relieved yourself by watching porn or something.

Maybe you should have gone somewhere private, I dont know...it just doesn't seem like a huge crime to me.
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Old 28th December 2004, 7:08 PM   #7
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OK, if my H did that and I woke up kinda knowing what he was doing, I would take FULL advantage of that hard on!

I think she is taking it way too personally and needs to just relax. It was NOT personal against her, you did nothing wrong so don't beat up on yourself (sorry for the pun, lol, you know what I mean though...) and she needs to understand the give and take thing in bed.
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Old 28th December 2004, 7:15 PM   #8
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There is a huge dichotomy in views about masturbation. Some women find it an offense to them personally. Others find it completely hot. Your gf is clearly one of the former. I am absolutely the latter.

You didn't do a thing wrong, IMHO. She was too tired or too disinterested to let you finish so you dealt with it without bothering her - and then she got ticked! Lovely, that.

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I had disrespected her, and I know that
No you didn't and please promise to never use 'disrespected' again. It's a stupid non-word that's become all too common (and yes, I know it's now in the dictionary but that doesn't excuse it). Talk to her about what she thinks about masturbation. If she's totally against it, you'll have to decide if you can stand being with someone who's so intolerant. Me, I'd run for the hills. There are much more important things to get in a snit about on this planet.
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Old 28th December 2004, 7:31 PM   #9
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I appreciate all your posts and advice. I too agree that this was not really a crime on my behalf. I just spoke with her and she accepted my apology, but she's still angry. I think she's freaked out about the whole idea of this going on behind her back while she was sleeping. She said the ****ed up thing about it is that I probably wouldn't of told her If she hadn't waken up. She also made a comment about me being a pervert, which LOL I don't think a lot of guys would deny. The ironic thing is that we we're going to have sex last night, but I couldn't find my rubber pals. Boy things would of been a hell of a lot different then.
It pisses me off that I have to kiss her ass because of something I MYSELF did, which like you guys said has little relation to her.

Anyway I think a lot of it has to do with our age. I'm 19 and she is a very young 18. Even though we've had plenty of sex over the duration of our relationship so far, it continues to remain a sensitive subject, as you can all see in this example. It's hard being a 19year old with a girlfriend who hates sex (intercourse). But I've stuck it out this long and will continue too, because I don't believe that sex can make or break a relationship. But I'm open to any more advice you guys have.

Thanks again!
Justin
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Old 28th December 2004, 7:34 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by whichwayisup
OK, if my H did that and I woke up kinda knowing what he was doing, I would take FULL advantage of that hard on!
Exactly.

I guess moimeme is right when she says people have differing view/reactions to masturbation. I don't find it offensive...and if my man were so turned on by me while I was sleeping he decided to touch himself...well, like I said, I would not be angry with him, I'd just hope he'd wake me up so I could join in the fun.

But, if it bothers her, that's something to be discussed. Not something you should be punished for, or shut out for.

Maybe she doesn't masturbate herself, and finds it offensive. That's part of what you should be talking about anyway.
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Old 28th December 2004, 7:40 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by shadowsfall
I don't believe that sex can make or break a relationship.

In time you will realize just how retarded that statement is. Sexual compatibility is a big part of a relationship. Sexual intimacy is just as important to your happiness and survival of the relationship as emotional intimacy or an intellectual connection. They're foundations for romantic interaction and placing an importance on sex doesn't make you a bad person.
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Old 28th December 2004, 8:28 PM   #12
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Originally posted by tanbark813
Sexual intimacy is just as important to your happiness and survival of the relationship as emotional intimacy or an intellectual connection.
That CAN be true, but I do think it depends on the people and the relationship. Some people have different needs, and sexual intimacy isn't as important as the others. In my case, it is, but I don't think that applies to all.
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Old 28th December 2004, 8:46 PM   #13
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Whack off whenever you want: before, during, and after making love.
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Old 28th December 2004, 8:58 PM   #14
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Dr. Phil says that sex isn't that important if you're getting it but hugely important if you're not.

Quote:
I don't think that applies to all.
Perhaps, but this fellow has already made it clear that he enjoys sex and finds his gf's attitude frustrating. So clearly it does matter to him and therefore this stuff will eventually cause problems IMHO.
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Old 28th December 2004, 9:27 PM   #15
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Quote:
Sexual intimacy is just as important to your happiness and survival of the relationship as emotional intimacy or an intellectual connection.
You're right about that Tanbark, but I also agree with Thinkalot, that it depends on the individuals. In this case it would obviously matter more to me than her, so I will wait until she's completely comfortable again.


Quote:
clearly it does matter to him and therefore this stuff will eventually cause problems
Moimeme I think you are right as well. I do enjoy sex with my gf very much. I can see how it may cause problems between a NEW couple. But its been almost 3 years now so we are now in the "eventual" stages of our relationship. And it's been about 6months since I've had intercourse and I've survived. I love this girl so much that If it takes me sacrificing my needs because she feels uncomfortable having sex, then that's what I'll do.

You guys are awesome, and Thanks again for all the insight!
Justin

Last edited by shadowsfall; 28th December 2004 at 9:30 PM..
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