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Boyfriend travels a lot for work


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So i've never posted a question up before, but i'd like to get your views and advice on my situation. Basically, my boyfriend has been traveling quite frequently for work- sometimes a week or two at a time. I know this probably doesn't sound too bad, but it's just that he's traveled every month since the year began. He models part time to earn some extra cash, so he gets to travel all around the world. Now, while I want to support him in everything he does, I'm finding it difficult to be truly happy for him. I know when work's wrapped up, they all get hammered and go clubbing (he also also does stuff like reject my calls and ignore my messages some nights when he's out).

Also, some of the girls he's befriended on these shoots love to post pictures up of them, and it just upsets me that he encourages that attention. I've recently also realized he has no issues omitting information just to avoid an argument while he's on his trip. I get that this is work to him and he reassures me that he knows his boundaries, but it really upsets me to think that he has this 'other' life when he's away. We can't really party like that together where we live, so i feel kinda bummed out that he's having all this fun with these strangers while i sit at home. I guess it just makes me insecure that he's out with these tarted up models, has his fun, and then comes back to the life he has with me- which is really just us being hermits. I don't get to dress up for him, or go out with him.

 

Traveling with him isn't an option for me right now, so that's out of the question. I wouldn't want to vacation without him, and i also know that he'd subtly guilt trip me if i did...however, i feel like he thinks it's always okay for him to travel because it's 'work.'

 

I just feel really insecure and upset every time he's away and i'm not sure if i'm being completely unreasonable. There's just always this tension between us when he has to travel. Would really love to get a different perspective, because i tend to work myself up about this.

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acrosstheuniverse

How long have you been together?

 

Is he open with all of these women that he is in a serious relationship? Are you a presence on his facebook?

 

How does he respond to your worries?

 

Is this his main income or just something fun on the side for a bit of extra cash?

 

Do you live together?

 

It's a tough one because most partners would not be okay with this stuff, and personally as someone in a serious relationship I would probably go for a drink after work to network but then I definitely wouldn't think it appropriate to stay up all night partying and ignoring my partner's calls: I would be treating it like work, missing and eager to speak to him, and in bed at a decent hour to talk to him on the phone before we went to sleep. I don't think it's appropriate to be partying like crazy with a load of people of the opposite sex once you're in a committed relationship, unless it's infrequent and with existing friends. This situation screams trouble to me, although I am interested to see how he handles your worries, and what he's been happy to compromise on.

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I understand your frustration and tbh, I'm not sure I could handle it myself. I'm not sure how old you both are, but this seems like a dream job for him. He's with other models and that would likely make anyone feel insecure.

 

The environment he works in has lots of young people and it's expected that he will go out and socialise.

 

I don't know how long you've been together and if you consider it to be a serious relationship.

 

Has he given you any reason not to trust him? In terms of cheating on you?

 

Do you trust him?

 

Do you live together?

 

Why don't you try not to think so much about it (hard I know ) and get out sometimes when he's away. It will take your mind off things.

 

If he continues this frequency of travelling, you may decide it's more than you can handle.

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To answer some of your questions-

1) We've been together for just over a year and half

2) We don't live together, but do end up spending a lot of time with each other

3) Our relationship is riddled with trust issues; he's straight up lied to my face once before and it really broke my trust. However, we've become a lot closer since then, and he does his best to show me how committed he is to me when we are together.

4) This is not his main income; more like a side thing to earn some pocket money

5) I'm 23 and he's 26

 

We usually argue about it because he says he doesn't like me questioning his faithfulness- it's come up so many times that he says he's tired of having to reassure me. I end up apologizing for complaining.

 

There is absolutely nothing linked to me on his facebook. We don't really put up pictures, or post things to each other so i guess i can't really help that one. I've asked him if these girls even have a clue that he has a girlfriend, and he said that it would never really have come up in conversation, and that there's nothing inappropriate between them ever. He's still drinking and dancing with them though, because they're 'all a big group.'

 

I just don't know how to approach this or make myself feel better. Distracting myself only helps for a certain amount of time.

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Until you convince yourself that he's coming home to you, you can't date him. All you are doing is making yourself nuts. If you don't trust him, there is no point in continuing. It doesn't sound like he's making it easy to trust him so I only see one option.

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PegNosePete

I'd run for the hills too. It sounds as though your lifestyles are simply incompatible for a relationship. The fact that he has given up reassuring you, and carries on with this lifestyle despite your repeatedly voiced discomfort, speaks volumes.

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You're not being unreasonable. Anyone would be worried if they had a model for a boyfriend who was gone on shoots with other models all the time.

 

This is how it's going to be as long as he's modeling. If you think you have a truly solid relationship and that you know his morals and ethics well enough to trust that he would never ever cheat on anybody because it's against his religion and mores, then you've got to stop worrying about it.

 

But the truth is, he's already lied to you and he probably is cheating on you. I've worked with some professional musicians, and I just never met any man who could turn down a beautiful woman, much less a model. In the years I was hanging out on tour buses, etc., the closest I ever saw to a guy being faithful to his woman was one who didn't have sex with but had a big teary emotional relationship with a friend of mine. The road rules was it wasn't cheating as long as it was BJs, not sex. So that's the mentality. I don't think a model is going to go along with that, however, because she has other options, so....

 

Since you landed a model, I'm going to assume you are pretty good looking yourself. So your goal here is to understand and accept that if the worst happens and he leaves you for another woman, you will be just fine. You need to be secure within yourself that you can live without this guy if that times comes and be just fine on your own or finding a new man. If you find out for sure he is cheating, just start dating other guys. Because he's probably not looking to replace you, but a lot of guys' ideal situation is to have one at home they can depend on and then go find variety. So he probably wants to keep you -- but he also wants to keep doing what he's doing. So all I'm saying is don't make it into a problem until you are sure it is one. And once you are sure he is cheating, you start dating other people too. Unless, of course, you don't mind just being one of his women.

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Ninjainpajamas

Well chances are, he's probably cheated on you already...for me, it's really not a question as a guy, who's also cheated as well in his past. I know the signs, I know how you act when do it and he's making all those mistakes.

 

He's not really clear about what's going on, he omits the truth, he's around other attractive women...i mean, c'mon now, what do you think is going to happen? you have no idea what's going on out there, neither are these women going to say anything about hooking up with him either..they might even have their own relationships at home they don't want to jeopardize.

 

When men and women tend to travel outside of the bubble they live, the rules can loosen up quite a bit, the lines of "morality" as many people like to call it, can really blur...you wouldn't think distance in itself plays a large part, but it really does and I've seen it do that for both men and women, they think a lot less about the consequences and more about the spontaneity of it.

 

He's in a perfect situation to be a cheater, and so are these women. Although these women MIGHT be faithful, at least some of them, I wouldn't really count on it for ANY of the guys personally...it's a lot of temptation for men to resist.

 

You've already mentioned several other clues that he's just not an honest and straight-forward guy, I don't really know where you even get the trust or faith in him from...he's clearly a guy who would keep the truth from you, even if you had him caught red-handed I guarantee he'd try to deny it.

 

Not a guy you want to be in a relationship with. I'm 34, seen too much and know too much about men and for this guy..wouldn't even question whether he was faithful, I'd already know just from what you told me that he isn't. For you it will be a surprise and probably a shock when you find out something more definite, as most women need like this concrete absolute proof...but for me It's already clear...it's just another guy doing his thing.

 

You're just the girl he goes home to, you're the calm out of the storm, and this allows him to lead a more reckless life without you without the fear of consequences with these other women and that life, while still getting that stability, love, attention at home...because a lot guys want to sleep with most women, but will only actually be in a relationship with a woman they can trust themselves.

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Get a bunch of guy friends, post photos of you and them together on facebook, travel with them and see how he reacts.

 

Or don't. Immature game playing isn't healthy for either party.

 

 

You're not okay with this, and it's playing with your head. Lots of anxiety and trust issues here. Definitely time to call it quits I think...you don't have to live like this. Take action, know when to cut your losses, and find happiness for yourself.

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