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"As a man, if you can get sex, you can get a relationship"


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Camaro Guy

This is what my friend said. He said it's not a hard and fast rule but he did say that if women find you sexually desirable enough to enter into a sexual encounter with you, some other woman would find you desirable enough to get into a relationship with you, considering you have everything together. He said it's better to err on the side of being a "man whore" than being a guy who has no sex. Most men never achieve this distinction, so he says to "shoot for the stars".

 

He's had a good amount of relationships start on a sexual basis purely. He's also a pretty experienced guy. He says that I need to start looking for sex first, then get a relationship if I choose. Apparently, the best route to go is a friends with benefits relationship if I can get it, which I thought.

 

He then said I'm a nice guy, ideal for a relationship. However, my lack of experience with women and the fact that I'm a virgin at almost 25 years old would be a turn off. Especially to the type of women that I'm trying to meet. It's a fact I'm well aware of.

 

I know that I need to be more sexually aggressive and fearless and closing women. This will be hard to do considering I have no experience but everyone had to start somewhere. I consider myself a salesman. I'm selling and pitching a package. Not everyone will want it but for those that are interested, I need to close the deal. The average salesman's success rate is around 5-10%. I know with girls it will be less than that. I need to be prepared for that. Getting experience with girls is a prime reason to do this.

 

We're hitting the bars tonight, so I'll see what happens.

 

Guys, how you do feel about this? Has this been true in your case?

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I say choose better friends.

 

That advice is poorly administered.

 

Not sure I understand the "selling" yourself and "closing the deal" strategy.

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Yeah I'm not sure why he's sending the least equipped soldier out to war, but I'd give you the exact opposite. Find a woman who enjoys you and your company, then worry about sex.

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autumnnight

I weep for the future. I think I've said that before, but it still holds true.

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It always surprises me how many supposedly experienced guys are so cynical. Are you sure he's not actually like 2 lifetime total partners experienced and he's presuming to be Mr. Big because you're the virgin?

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toolforgrowth
This is what my friend said. He said it's not a hard and fast rule but he did say that if women find you sexually desirable enough to enter into a sexual encounter with you, some other woman would find you desirable enough to get into a relationship with you, considering you have everything together. He said it's better to err on the side of being a "man whore" than being a guy who has no sex. Most men never achieve this distinction, so he says to "shoot for the stars".

 

He's had a good amount of relationships start on a sexual basis purely. He's also a pretty experienced guy. He says that I need to start looking for sex first, then get a relationship if I choose. Apparently, the best route to go is a friends with benefits relationship if I can get it, which I thought.

 

He then said I'm a nice guy, ideal for a relationship. However, my lack of experience with women and the fact that I'm a virgin at almost 25 years old would be a turn off. Especially to the type of women that I'm trying to meet. It's a fact I'm well aware of.

 

I know that I need to be more sexually aggressive and fearless and closing women. This will be hard to do considering I have no experience but everyone had to start somewhere. I consider myself a salesman. I'm selling and pitching a package. Not everyone will want it but for those that are interested, I need to close the deal. The average salesman's success rate is around 5-10%. I know with girls it will be less than that. I need to be prepared for that. Getting experience with girls is a prime reason to do this.

 

We're hitting the bars tonight, so I'll see what happens.

 

Guys, how you do feel about this? Has this been true in your case?

 

I can say that the more open I was towards sexual encounters, the easier it was to meet women. For a while I was having sex with different women fairly regularly. Not at the same time, but I'd sleep with one for a while, then another, and another, etc. Doing that built up my sexual confidence, which other women picked up on.

 

My current GF loves our sex life. She says it's the best she's ever had. And I believe her too. I'm not afraid to be openly sexual towards her. Just a couple days ago I invited her over for the weekend and said: "Do you want to stay over at my place Friday night? I miss you, and I want to kiss your sweet face and have hot, debaucherous sex with my wonderful lady." Her response was quite enthusiastic. Lol A little bit of romance, a little bit of sweetness, and a little bit of sexual energy.

 

I don't debase her, mind you. But I do clearly communicate my desire and don't act like a prude. I have a penis and I'm not afraid to use it. It's not about selling sex...it's about knowing your sexual worth and not being intimidated by it.

 

Sex is one of the few perks that come with being an adult. I say take advantage of it and don't waste it. :)

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I want to kiss your sweet face and have hot, debaucherous sex with my wonderful lady.

What, have you been comparing notes with FF365? ;)

 

(Just kidding - I get what you're saying.)

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toolforgrowth
What, have you been comparing notes with FF365? ;)

 

(Just kidding - I get what you're saying.)

 

Haha :) is that another poster here? I'm honestly clueless...

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Fitness Fan 365, who just got a thorough beating in another thread yesterday for weak text game. ;)

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Camaro Guy
I say choose better friends.

 

That advice is poorly administered.

 

Not sure I understand the "selling" yourself and "closing the deal" strategy.

 

Why is it poorly administered?

 

In all honesty, I view getting girls like sales. Life in general actually. Whether you like it or not, first impressions are critical. You are the product and the salesman at the same time.

 

Why should people invest in the product? (friendships or relationships) Does the product "sell itself"? (belief in the product) Would you recommend the product to other friends? (social circle and networking) What do you personally think about the product? (social ability)

 

When you get into a relationship, whether sexual or an actual relationship, you are both investing in each other. Why? Because you like the product and what it has to offer. It adds VALUE to you. Value means different things to different people and different moments. Adding value to one girl may mean buying her lots of stuff. Adding value to another girl may be a nice roll in the hay. It's all relative.

 

Closing. When I say "close", you need to be accepted or rejected. You don't want to hang in the balance. In order to close, you must put direct or indirect pressure on the person to give you an answer. In the sales department at work, a lot of guys don't give the buyer time to think about the decision. Why? Because they tend to over rationalize and dawdle. Closing involves laying it all out there on the line. If a girl is dawdling, try and give her more reason to choose your product.

 

I've been reading books on sales lately and I want to even get that into my career path somewhere down the line. It's amazing how you're selling yourself all the time. Dressing well, grooming well, speaking well, lifestyle social acuity. That's all selling yourself. Sales. It's nothing bad though. That's just how life is.

 

 

...

 

Sex is one of the few perks that come with being an adult. I say take advantage of it and don't waste it. :)

 

I like this post. This is what I need to do. Build up sexual confidence as much as possible, then go for a relationship. I've had it all wrong. I've already wasted a lot of time and a lot of years being a virgin, especially in college. I need to get out there and make something happen. I'm almost 25 for god's sakes. 30 is around the corner. Thanks for the insight.

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toolforgrowth
Fitness Fan 365, who just got a thorough beating in another thread yesterday for weak text game. ;)

 

Oh gotcha! Haha I thought I was being pretty smooth... I guess I'll find out tonight! ;)

 

If I come back on later in a bad mood, I just want it out there that my text game had absolutely NOTHING (everything) to do with it...

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Camaro Guy
It always surprises me how many supposedly experienced guys are so cynical. Are you sure he's not actually like 2 lifetime total partners experienced and he's presuming to be Mr. Big because you're the virgin?

 

Why is he cynical? He's just...experienced. Everyone gets more "cynical" as they grow up and get experience. I used to think life was all peaches and cream when I was a kid.

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autumnnight
"Do you want to stay over at my place Friday night? I miss you, and I want to kiss your sweet face and have hot, debaucherous sex with my wonderful lady."

 

If a man said this to me I would melt into a puddle in the floor

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Oh gotcha! Haha I thought I was being pretty smooth... I guess I'll find out tonight! ;)

 

If I come back on later in a bad mood, I just want it out there that my text game had absolutely NOTHING (everything) to do with it...

 

+1 for being able to take a punch. #respect

 

Why is he cynical? He's just...experienced. Everyone gets more "cynical" as they grow up and get experience. I used to think life was all peaches and cream when I was a kid.

It's a generally cynical approach to reduce relationship matters to mathematical equations or theories or behavioral calculations, etc. You're dealing with people, not stats or subjects, and treating this stuff like calculus suggests a lack of faith in the 'normal' process and a fear of the unknown. (People often deliberately restructure problems within terms or formulas they're comfortable with. That's bending to your fears instead of just taking them on.)

 

The main takeaway tho is that genuine cynicism is no badge of honor worn by the world-wearied, but more often a cop-out for those who lack the courage to try. That's why your grandfather/great uncle/whomever doesn't go around thinking life sucks and feeling sorry for himself. He has the courage to know that life will kick your ass and still not be beaten by it.

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toolforgrowth
The main takeaway tho is that genuine cynicism is no badge of honor worn by the world-wearied, but more often a cop-out for those who lack the courage to try. That's why your grandfather/great uncle/whomever doesn't go around thinking life sucks and feeling sorry for himself. He has the courage to know that life will kick your ass and still not be beaten by it.

 

Yup. You gotta be willing to strike out. I have a lot more respect for a guy who strikes out than a guy who doesn't even step up to the plate.

 

I've struck out...many times. I've been cheated on. It sucks, for sure. But you can't let fear dictate your decisions. Mad props to those who try and are willing to fail than those who aren't even willing to try.

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Camaro Guy
Yup. You gotta be willing to strike out. I have a lot more respect for a guy who strikes out than a guy who doesn't even step up to the plate.

 

I've struck out...many times. I've been cheated on. It sucks, for sure. But you can't let fear dictate your decisions. Mad props to those who try and are willing to fail than those who aren't even willing to try.

 

I'm willing to go up to the plate and strike out. That's why I'm trying my best to get experience with girls.

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ThaWholigan

It hasn't been true in my case. I've had sex on a regular basis with 2 women, and both of them went on to get boyfriends. Pretty much every girl I've at least made out with has gone onto find a BF. I feel like a Good Luck Chuck :laugh:

 

I'm not relationship material yet.

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I honestly think it's not because he's sleeping with them so much as how much time he puts into meeting women. But yes, if the attraction is there, it will be easier to find a real girlfriend.

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toolforgrowth
I'm willing to go up to the plate and strike out. That's why I'm trying my best to get experience with girls.

 

Okay, cool. I wasn't sure if that's why you were a virgin or not. :)

 

It might benefit you to meet up with other women who are virgins too. Both of you will be able to understand the other person's situation, and I think that'll help take the pressure off. Sex is line anything; you have to practice in order to get better at it.

 

But I also don't think that it's a huge deal you're a virgin. Sex is awesome, but there's more to life than just sex. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sex isn't this big thing that people make it out to be. It's not a big deal if people do it, and it's not a big deal if people don't.

 

But if you're going to do it, have fun with it! Try to find a partner who cares just as much for your pleasure as she does hers, and make sure you do the same. And sometimes things don't go the way you planned or hoped it would. Case in point, you may shoot your wad too soon, or she may fart on you (yes, that's happened to me. More than once!).

 

But don't try to "sell yourself" dishonestly. Be authentic about who you are and what you're looking for. You'll attract much better quality mates that way.

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Why is he cynical? He's just...experienced. Everyone gets more "cynical" as they grow up and get experience. I used to think life was all peaches and cream when I was a kid.

 

It's not uncommon for people to shame others by labeling them cynical or pessimistic. Society demands the smiley face at all times. We can't be bothered by anyone's sniveling, and we are courageous and important somebodies, even if we aren't.

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People who see the world the way it is are often accused of being cynical. Blame the people who made this world into what it is rather than the people who have their eyes open enough to see it. It's like blaming a doctor for giving the correct diagnosis.

 

I often find that if you talk to them enough experienced guys are actually the most cynical. Those that can easily attract women see a side to some of them that makes it very hard to trust.

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While I am still a virgin at my age, my issue isn't that I am afraid of getting rejected. It is finding women that I am attracted to.

 

Tonight, when I went to the local bar, I have met an employee there that I am actually attracted to. Cute, friendly, nice smile, looks to be in my age range.

 

Those are pretty rare so I actually did try to ask her out after she brought me the order I requested so it was more of a cold approach, which is something I typically am not a fan of. Got rejected since she has a boyfriend but she was flattered by me doing so.

 

Which is fine, I can accept that. I guess the only thing that bugs me is that since she is the first woman I asked out this year and it is already May, it may take another 4-5 months before I find the next woman attractive enough for me to want to ask her out.

 

*sigh*

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I think this goes back to confidence...

 

You see, the more you practice something, the better you get at it and the more confident you feel in doing it.

 

That confidence oozes out of your pores. It makes you stand taller, talk firmer...get my drift? So, when you handle yourself with confidence, it attracts ladies.

 

Think of a robber...is a robber going to attack someone who stands tall and is aware of their surroundings? Or better the meek person who looks like they are scared of their own shadow? Same when it comes to women...don't carry yourself with confidence and they'll be turned off.

 

So yes, the more you date and have sex the more confident you will become in dealing with women and handling yourself in the bedroom...

 

But, IMO, that does not equate putting endless notches on your bedpost. You can learn more about sex with one person you trust and can relax yourself with....in other words "quantity" does not necessarily indicate "quality".

 

So yea, I know of many "man whores" and sorry, instead of it being a turn on to me - it's a turn off. A man ho doesn't mean he's good in bed. It means he's insecure and has to always trying to be hitting on women and/or trying to bed them cuz he has an endless need to "prove" himself. Not sexy to mua :rolleyes:

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autumnnight
Okay, cool. I wasn't sure if that's why you were a virgin or not. :)

 

It might benefit you to meet up with other women who are virgins too. Both of you will be able to understand the other person's situation, and I think that'll help take the pressure off. Sex is line anything; you have to practice in order to get better at it.

 

But I also don't think that it's a huge deal you're a virgin. Sex is awesome, but there's more to life than just sex. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sex isn't this big thing that people make it out to be. It's not a big deal if people do it, and it's not a big deal if people don't.

 

But if you're going to do it, have fun with it! Try to find a partner who cares just as much for your pleasure as she does hers, and make sure you do the same. And sometimes things don't go the way you planned or hoped it would. Case in point, you may shoot your wad too soon, or she may fart on you (yes, that's happened to me. More than once!).

 

But don't try to "sell yourself" dishonestly. Be authentic about who you are and what you're looking for. You'll attract much better quality mates that way.

 

This makes a lot of sense. Now understand that while I was a virgin until I married, mine was about religious reasons, and I know that isn't the case for everyone. However, if you ARE "inexperienced," then it doesn't make sense to focus on women who are...ahem...heavily experienced. Not only does it seem to affect a guy's confidence, it has been my PERSONAL experience that the majority of these women are just flat not as nice to men. I don't know if it's because they know they CAN get lots of sex from lots of men or that all the meaningless sex has just made them harder.

 

I would try to meet women who are more like you, not sexually experienced but open.

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"As a man, if you can get sex, you can get a relationship"

 

IMO, while sexual prowess with women is no guarantee of a healthy relationship, or any relationship, what such prowess does provide is opportunities and experience, both important to the milieu from which one gleans the social skills to maintain life-long relationships in this increasingly disconnected and competitive world. It's the same as with any other skill; the better one is at it, the more opportunities come their way and they are better equipped to take advantage of them and work them to their own ends successfully.

 

IMO, the earlier one develops such skills, not merely having sex but the whole process of working social interaction and attraction, the more opportunities they'll have for both perfecting their sexual and relationships skills as well as maintaining and growing the relationships they develop in life. A side benefit is that of quickly rebounding from setbacks like breakups and betrayals. The highly skilled individual knows they can replace any person quickly and easily and those thought processes result in a calm confidence that both allows them to move on emotionally as well as attract more potentials. It works.

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