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Women don't play by the rules


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I'll probably get flamed for it but I'm going to do a little calling out of my own gender here. Is it just me or sometimes do you detect some sort of strange rant/whine from guys that women don't play by "the rules" and somehow that's unfair? I mean, you hear lots of rants from women about guys who use them for sex or broke off a romance suddenly after 3 dates, but you don't hear that same note of "that's not fair".

 

How many times do we hear, "why do women go for jerks and not nice guys?" rants? It seems like there is one on every page of LS and echoed in many threads. You don't hear "why do guys go for beautiful b****s and not nice girls" as much. Sure it is there, but there isn't this note of somehow it is patently unfair that they're not obeying the rules. More just an expression of dismay.

 

There's even a thread about a poster wanting to throw a pie in a pretty woman's face because she likes to date a lot of men looking for the right guy. Um, hello? That happens all the time with guys - they're called players.

 

It almost seems like gamer culture to me. Like the perception is that women are like MOBs in a game and you should be able to apply A + B + C and always get the desired result. "WTF? I first cast Dark Reflection on her with my Bracelet of Opulence, then used my level 37 Card of Summoning (aka American Express), switched into cat form and used my Scimitar of Need and the Dagger of Nice in my off hand and still she won't go out with me again! WTF?! So unfair!"

 

Maybe it is online dating. Just becasue you can contact every woman on the site, doesn't mean she has to go out with you. Or even respond to you. I don't care how great of a catch you think you are, or how nice you are, it doesn't work that way and that's not unfair. It certainly doesn't give you the right to be a jerk about it. I've rejected a lot of women who reached out to me on OLD and never once did one came back and call me a name. Or demand that I talk to them.

 

It is kinda comedic but it is also damn serious. Take the shooting rampage that guy went on last year in Santa Barbara. He had some serious beef with women and thinking that they owed him something. Something for his effort or some other quality that he thought entitled him to their attention.

 

It doesn't work that way guys. Dating isn't World of Warcraft. Women are unique and different. They're quirky. Just like us. Some are nice. Some are nut jobs. Some are real a-holes. Just like us. Just because she won't succumb to your Triceps of Hugeness or Proclamation of Enduring Fidelity doesn't make her bad or a cheater or worthy of your scorn. It just makes her not interested.

 

Is it just me who detects this note of entitlement and injustice coming from some of my fellow men?

 

/rant

 

Mrin

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fitnessfan365

Haha.. I think I can see a little bit of brown on the end of yours dude.

 

But the problem is that there aren't enough guys that are indifferent. It's silly to get hung up on one woman when there are billions on the planet. One reason why I've done well with women over the years is that I excel in common sense and focus on actions. If a woman is showing mutual interest, I proceed. Anything less, and I walk away to the next one.

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Haha.. I think I can see a little bit of brown on the end of yours dude.

 

LOL. Worried it would come off that way. Meh - I'll be sure to insult the entire gender of woman tomorrow. +1 on the indifference. Too many fish in the sea to get all Captain Ahab...

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lana-banana

The entire PUA phenomenon is based around the idea that bedding women is essentially a D&D encounter, or at best a moderately complicated equation in which all you have to do is XYZ to receive sexual favors.

 

There are no rules. Women are not mythical, unknowable beasts who must be tamed with arcane rituals*. People are people. Treat each other decently and be on your best behavior and you'll do well.

 

 

 

 

* = although bubble baths and fresh flowers go a long way

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Apparently, women need to submit and how dare them do whatever they want. That's unfair! That's not in the rule! Men come first.

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fitnessfan365

Haha.. Well in the spirit of venting about women, I only have one complaint.

 

Step 1 - You ask her out and she says "maybe", "I'll let you know", etc.. I don't have an issue with this because I take her lack of interest at face value and don't contact her anymore.

 

Step 2- She repeatedly texts me. I exchange a few, bring up plans, and she still does the maybe dance. So my response is always the same. "I gotta run, but get in touch when your schedule is more definite". Then I stick with no contact and focus on other women. However, on the surface, her reaching out implies interest on a basic level. That's why I cut to the chase and ask her out. I mean why else reach out to a guy that already asked you out, unless you changed your mind and want him to ask you again?

 

But this is exactly why I don't get into texting marathons. Better to exchange a few and find out she's FOS than wasting all day chatting with her because she's seeking attention or bored. But that's my one vent. Only reach out to a guy if you're interested in actually going out.

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Haha.. I think I can see a little bit of brown on the end of yours dude.

 

But the problem is that there aren't enough guys that are indifferent. It's silly to get hung up on one woman when there are billions on the planet. One reason why I've done well with women over the years is that I excel in common sense and focus on actions. If a woman is showing mutual interest, I proceed. Anything less, and I walk away to the next one.

 

I won't be indifferent and even if I could fake indifference I wouldn't try. I don't understand why indifference is good, but that's the way it is and I'll have to accept it.

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Haha.. Well in the spirit of venting about women, I only have one complaint.

 

Step 1 - You ask her out and she says "maybe", "I'll let you know", etc.. I don't have an issue with this because I take her lack of interest at face value and don't contact her anymore.

 

Step 2- She repeatedly texts me. I exchange a few, bring up plans, and she still does the maybe dance. So my response is always the same. "I gotta run, but get in touch when your schedule is more definite". Then I stick with no contact and focus on other women. However, on the surface, her reaching out implies interest on a basic level. That's why I cut to the chase and ask her out. I mean why else reach out to a guy that already asked you out, unless you changed your mind and want him to ask you again?

 

But this is exactly why I don't get into texting marathons. Better to exchange a few and find out she's FOS than wasting all day chatting with her because she's seeking attention or bored. But that's my one vent. Only reach out to a guy if you're interested in actually going out.

 

Only wanting a "face to face" relationship sounds kind of weird to me.

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loveweary11

There *are* no rules... and that's what freaks a lot of guys out.

 

It's an art, not a science.

 

Taking it to a guy's level, there is this stuff you mix up from epoxy when making a boat. It's called bog.

 

You mix the 2:1 epoxy, then phenolic microballoons and colloidal silica together to form a paste that sticks to walls and is relatively easily sandable. It's got to be the perfect consistency to spread.

 

The amount of microballoons and silica control the consistency.

 

All the guys who work ask me for exact measurements of these ingredients to make it correctly.

 

They can't wrap their heads around the fact that the temperature affects the viscosity of the epoxy, which means you have to constantly vary the amount of microballoons and silica throughout the day to produce the same end result consistency.

 

Which...is just like this getting women stuff. It's not a set of rules. It's a set of skills you vary according to the situation.

 

That's where a lot of guys can't grasp it.

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CrystalCastles

Thankfully, IME, I have found this kind of thinking to be very common on loveshack and not IRL. At the worst, I've met maybe a player or two, a few taken men pretending to be single and some selfish guys. Nobody who acts overly entitled though, or like women owe him because he's a man.

 

The dudes on loveshack who complain about these things, that's why they're on loveshack instead of dating and getting gfs. Women don't owe men anything. Nobody owes anyone anything. Apparently that's a very difficult concept to grasp for some, that women are individuals and human beings, and getting yourself a girlfriend isn't the same thing as putting quarters into a vending machine for a snack to pop out. Its stupid to think that just because you took a girl to dinner, your ticket to sex pops out. :rolleyes:

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Is it just me who detects this note of entitlement and injustice coming from some of my fellow men?

 

It's not entitlement; it's just the truth.

 

Women generally don't need to "measure up" in the same way men do. It is also much more difficult for men to make women happy, than it is for women to make men happy. This is not a matter of debate. 2/3 of breakups are initiated by the woman. That's a real statistic, not one I pulled from behind.

 

You say there is one thread on every page about this. Why do you think that is?

 

Is it accidental, or might there actually be a real reason for it?

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BlackOpsZombieGirl
LOL. Worried it would come off that way. Meh - I'll be sure to insult the entire gender of woman tomorrow. +1 on the indifference. Too many fish in the sea to get all Captain Ahab...

 

Mrin, it doesn't come off that way to me. And yes, I've noticed all of the things that you've stated in your post regarding the way a lot of guys think it's sooo unfair how women treat them. I also get a real strong sense of entitlement from a lot of the guys on this site.

 

 

 

The hypothetical situation below is what A LOT of us women go through with guys like this:

 

A guy like this takes a woman out on a date and she pays her own way for her meal or the venue, she's courteous and respectful, she has a positive attitude towards him and she gives the entire dating experience a chance to see if she feels any chem or connection with him...

 

...and, if she doesn't feel any spark with him and she's honest with him and tells him this at the end of the date - he STILL thinks she's a bitch and that she's not 'being fair' because, after all, she did waste his TIME (but not his $ because she paid her own way) on this date and she 'led him on' by the sheer fact that she went out on the date with him in the first place...

 

...and he thinks that she should give him more of a chance by lowering her expectations...and because of the way she was dressed on the date, that enticed him to expect 'more' before the end of the evening...and that she should have sex with him because he's such a good 'catch', he keeps himself in shape and looks decent, he took the time to plan the date...and after all, he did cancel his entire evening to go out with her....how dare she refuse his advances?

 

How dare she NOT be interested in pursuing things further with him? Just because he's too short/too bald/too unattractive/too ______ /etc. and just because he's not the best conversationalist or he spoke about his ex too much, talked more about himself than anything else, was too quiet and didn't talk enough or kept saying inappropriate things to her....that doesn't mean that she should just end things and then never speak to him or see him again! I mean, it was a first date, and a lot of people do get nervous and act awkward when out on a date...she should go out with him again and give him another chance, but she won't! Women like her just jump from man to man because she's so damn picky and expects to date the perfect man.....How is that FAIR???:mad:

 

 

I've also read on these forums from some of the guys on here how we should 'lower our expectations' and 'relax our requirements' with regard to what we're looking for in a guy. How we women shouldn't be so 'rigid' with our standards and be 'more accepting' about a guy we don't feel any chemistry with, accepting a guy who we aren't physically attracted to body-wise or face-wise, accepting a guy no matter what his personality is like, etc. ...

 

....while these same guys won't 'accept' and won't go on a first (or second) date with a woman unless: she's got an hourglass figure, has large breasts and voluptuous buttocks, wears a size 4 or less, makes close to a six figure salary annually, she's submissive in and out of bed, she doesn't have too much fun on the date or doesn't 'gush' about how much she likes him, she 'puts out' on the first date (or at the latest, the second date), she's noticeably shorter than he is (even with heels), etc.

 

A lot of these types of guys expect us to lower our standards and expectations - and yet - they won't lower theirs.

 

I think it was cool of Mrin to call out certain behavioral aspects of his own gender in an attempt for all of us to gain a better understanding of it. I just might do that tomorrow with regard to my gender.

 

The fact of the matter is - life ISN'T FAIR. People aren't fair. Not everyone plays by the rules. Not everyone is nice, considerate, decent, emotionally stable, respectful, responsible, mature, caring, affectionate, accountable, moralistic, ethical, faithful or honest.

 

And EVERY single person on this earth who is single is looking for that ONE person who can fulfill most - if not all - of their criteria (with regard to personality, physicality and emotional fitness) and who can match their ideals to become their significant other to enter into a committed, monogamous relationship with.

 

Everyone's search to find "The One" can be daunting, exciting, hopeless, exhausting, disappointing, enlightening, heartbreaking, exhilarating, informative, unique and hopeful. It's also a numbers game, as so many other people on here have stated.

 

So, whining or complaining about the people we go out on dates with who don't quite measure up to our expectations is pointless. It is what it is. And dissing each other's genders isn't going to change anything or make dating any easier.

 

 

.

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Mrin, it doesn't come off that way to me. And yes, I've noticed all of the things that you've stated in your post regarding the way a lot of guys think it's sooo unfair how women treat them. I also get a real strong sense of entitlement from a lot of the guys on this site.

 

 

 

The hypothetical situation below is what A LOT of us women go through with guys like this:

 

A guy like this takes a woman out on a date and she pays her own way for her meal or the venue, she's courteous and respectful, she has a positive attitude towards him and she gives the entire dating experience a chance to see if she feels any chem or connection with him...

 

...and, if she doesn't feel any spark with him and she's honest with him and tells him this at the end of the date - he STILL thinks she's a bitch and that she's not 'being fair' because, after all, she did waste his TIME (but not his $ because she paid her own way) on this date and she 'led him on' by the sheer fact that she went out on the date with him in the first place...

 

...and he thinks that she should give him more of a chance by lowering her expectations...and because of the way she was dressed on the date, that enticed him to expect 'more' before the end of the evening...and that she should have sex with him because he's such a good 'catch', he keeps himself in shape and looks decent, he took the time to plan the date...and after all, he did cancel his entire evening to go out with her....how dare she refuse his advances?

 

How dare she NOT be interested in pursuing things further with him? Just because he's too short/too bald/too unattractive/too ______ /etc. and just because he's not the best conversationalist or he spoke about his ex too much, talked more about himself than anything else, was too quiet and didn't talk enough or kept saying inappropriate things to her....that doesn't mean that she should just end things and then never speak to him or see him again! I mean, it was a first date, and a lot of people do get nervous and act awkward when out on a date...she should go out with him again and give him another chance, but she won't! Women like her just jump from man to man because she's so damn picky and expects to date the perfect man.....How is that FAIR???:mad:

 

 

I've also read on these forums from some of the guys on here how we should 'lower our expectations' and 'relax our requirements' with regard to what we're looking for in a guy. How we women shouldn't be so 'rigid' with our standards and be 'more accepting' about a guy we don't feel any chemistry with, accepting a guy who we aren't physically attracted to body-wise or face-wise, accepting a guy no matter what his personality is like, etc. ...

 

....while these same guys won't 'accept' and won't go on a first (or second) date with a woman unless: she's got an hourglass figure, has large breasts and voluptuous buttocks, wears a size 4 or less, makes close to a six figure salary annually, she's submissive in and out of bed, she doesn't have too much fun on the date or doesn't 'gush' about how much she likes him, she 'puts out' on the first date (or at the latest, the second date), she's noticeably shorter than he is (even with heels), etc.

 

A lot of these types of guys expect us to lower our standards and expectations - and yet - they won't lower theirs.

 

I think it was cool of Mrin to call out certain behavioral aspects of his own gender in an attempt for all of us to gain a better understanding of it. I just might do that tomorrow with regard to my gender.

 

The fact of the matter is - life ISN'T FAIR. People aren't fair. Not everyone plays by the rules. Not everyone is nice, considerate, decent, emotionally stable, respectful, responsible, mature, caring, affectionate, accountable, moralistic, ethical, faithful or honest.

 

And EVERY single person on this earth who is single is looking for that ONE person who can fulfill most - if not all - of their criteria (with regard to personality, physicality and emotional fitness) and who can match their ideals to become their significant other to enter into a committed, monogamous relationship with.

 

Everyone's search to find "The One" can be daunting, exciting, hopeless, exhausting, disappointing, enlightening, heartbreaking, exhilarating, informative, unique and hopeful. It's also a numbers game, as so many other people on here have stated.

 

So, whining or complaining about the people we go out on dates with who don't quite measure up to our expectations is pointless. It is what it is. And dissing each other's genders isn't going to change anything or make dating any easier.

 

 

.

 

.....what?

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CrystalCastles

Well said, BOZG!

 

I found also, a pile of stinking hypocrisy on this site from the "struggling dudes". They like to whine about how a woman won't date them because they are short, yet they reject a woman because she's too tall, or she's not beautiful enough, or she's too fat, or she's not got big enough boobs, or she doesn't sound intelligent enough or this or that.

 

So its not ok if a woman won't date a guy for his height, but its ok for a man to reject a woman because her boobs aren't big enough for him? And yeah, I suuuure love how those same men suggest that a woman can get a boob job. Yeah, only good boob jobs aren't cheap, they have health risks and I personally wouldn't get them just to please some guy. :rolleyes:

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loveweary11

Implants... Those are definitely not a "procedure", that's serious surgery.

 

My ex had them. I always warn girls about how serious it is... not like going in for a cut and color. lmao

 

I had to literally wipe my ex's @ss for the first 2 days or so. Also pulled her pain pump tubing out and generally babysat her for weeks recovering while she was drugged out of her (unfortunately already crazy) mind. It took a little longer because she got a hematoma in one of them about a week later from slipping on some ice.

 

Definitely serious stuff...

 

Not a decision to take lightly or try to save money on.

 

Interestingly, after being put under general anesthesia, twice, she never really returned to normal. Her mental illnesses got much worse after the surgery and that actually marked the beginning of the end of our marriage. There was something about the trauma of it all, the oxys, or being put under tgat permanently changed her.

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There's even a thread about a poster wanting to throw a pie in a pretty woman's face because she likes to date a lot of men looking for the right guy. Um, hello? That happens all the time with guys - they're called players.

 

That would be me.

 

Its not that I want to throw pie in her face because she is a pretty woman who likes to "date a lot of men looking for the right guy". You don't know the true nature of a woman. They are sensual creatures who strugle with their "slutty" feelings which is often in direct oposition to society's model of a "good girl", which is what they want to be seen as.

 

There is a very subtle distinction here. A woman loves emotional attention from men. She can easily replace sex with this attention. So going on lots of dates with men feeds her ego. The equivilant would be a guy who beds a lot of women. Men and women will always want different things from each other. If we wanted the same things, it would just be boring!

 

You sir are on a dangerous path. You need to apreciate that men and woman have different prefrences. It is good to see things from a woman's perspective at times. Having empathy is not a bad thing. But god help you if you try to be on their side. You will lose all respect and end up in the gutter.

 

The only reason I would want to throw pie in that woman's face is because probbably no guy has done that to her before. Every other guy has probabbly given her EXACTLY what she wants. I would throw a pie in her face to wake her up....To make her see her self for a brief moment. After all I am an artist...I do weird **** like this.;)

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You don't know the true nature of a woman.

 

A woman loves emotional attention from men. She can easily replace sex with this attention. So going on lots of dates with men feeds her ego.

 

This is my other pet peeve on LS. We have men telling us what women are about, what we want, what we do and why. It's all rubbish of course. You can't judge an entire gender based on your bitterness and failed experiences.

 

When I fail to get a man, I never stop to think that it is something wrong with men. I usually wonder what I did wrong, or just accept that he doesn't like me. You have to treat every person like the individual they are.

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Nobody can help who they're physically attracted to.

 

But to deny that women generally have it easier, have more options, put in less effort, and initiate most breakups is just being willfully ignorant.

 

No, life isn't fair. But when these disparities exist, nobody should be surprised that one side complains about it. It's not entitlement; it's disparity.

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That would be me.

 

Its not that I want to throw pie in her face because she is a pretty woman who likes to "date a lot of men looking for the right guy". You don't know the true nature of a woman. They are sensual creatures who strugle with their "slutty" feelings which is often in direct oposition to society's model of a "good girl", which is what they want to be seen as.

 

There is a very subtle distinction here. A woman loves emotional attention from men. She can easily replace sex with this attention. So going on lots of dates with men feeds her ego. The equivilant would be a guy who beds a lot of women. Men and women will always want different things from each other. If we wanted the same things, it would just be boring!

 

You sir are on a dangerous path. You need to apreciate that men and woman have different prefrences. It is good to see things from a woman's perspective at times. Having empathy is not a bad thing. But god help you if you try to be on their side. You will lose all respect and end up in the gutter.

 

The only reason I would want to throw pie in that woman's face is because probbably no guy has done that to her before. Every other guy has probabbly given her EXACTLY what she wants. I would throw a pie in her face to wake her up....To make her see her self for a brief moment. After all I am an artist...I do weird **** like this.;)

 

It's just way harder being a male-slut than a female one, methinks.

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But to deny that women generally have it easier, have more options, put in less effort, and initiate most breakups is just being willfully ignorant.

 

No, life isn't fair. But when these disparities exist, nobody should be surprised that one side complains about it. It's not entitlement; it's disparity.

 

This is another one. I mean, there are countless women on here struggling to find a date, and then you accuse us all of having it 'easy'. It's pretty infuriating. You really think women put in less effort? Have you ever observed how much time and effort has to be spent on grooming and beauty regimes of women simply to be accepted in society?! And that's before even getting a date.

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CrystalCastles
Implants... Those are definitely not a "procedure", that's serious surgery.

 

 

Amazingly enough, that has actually been suggested by said "struggling dudes". Their argument? "Short men can't do anything about their height, but women can get boob jobs".

 

Funnily enough, there do exist women who are cool with dating short guys. I'm one of them- dating a man a head shorter than me. I think that men like what the OP has described, lack serious social skills and have huge entitlement issues, so they blame women (rather, women's preferences) for their own dating struggles.

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This is my other pet peeve on LS. We have men telling us what women are about, what we want, what we do and why. It's all rubbish of course. You can't judge an entire gender based on your bitterness and failed experiences.

 

When I fail to get a man, I never stop to think that it is something wrong with men. I usually wonder what I did wrong, or just accept that he doesn't like me. You have to treat every person like the individual they are.

 

Too bad I have extraordinary powers of the mind...

I can see into the secret world of women.

Talk all you want, I know what I see.:laugh:

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This is another one. I mean, there are countless women on here struggling to find a date, and then you accuse us all of having it 'easy'. It's pretty infuriating. You really think women put in less effort? Have you ever observed how much time and effort has to be spent on grooming and beauty regimes of women simply to be accepted in society?! And that's before even getting a date.

 

If we're speaking in generalities, yes, women absolutely put in less effort. Of course there will always be exceptions, so I'm not dismissing people as individuals. This is what needs to be understood.

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