Losing Feelings for Someone

[Shetland]

Hey guys,

 

Just wondering what you guys think about this:

 

I think its totally reasonable for a breakup to occur when there's been too many fights, changing circumstances, drug abuse, cheating

 

But I never understood when one party simply loses feelings for someone when the other party hasn't acted significantly different in treating their SO. Isn't there some understanding that relationships arent always in the honeymoon stage and that a solid relationships comes from a great friendship?

 

When does "losing feelings" for someone justify a breakup, and when should it be recognized as simply a stage at the end of the honeymoon phase?

[spiderowl]

I suspect the loss of romantic feelings happens gradually and the change is registered at some level but barely conscious. Then, at some point, someone comes along and the person (who is losing feelings) is attracted to them and then realises they can no longer be with the person they were losing feelings for (this has happened to me so I know it can happen). It is a sad situation all round because the person whose feelings have changed doesn't want to hurt their partner but at that point knows that leaving the relationship is the only honourable way forward. Ironic but true.

[DatingDirection]

Hey guys,

 

Just wondering what you guys think about this:

 

I think its totally reasonable for a breakup to occur when there's been too many fights, changing circumstances, drug abuse, cheating

 

But I never understood when one party simply loses feelings for someone when the other party hasn't acted significantly different in treating their SO. Isn't there some understanding that relationships arent always in the honeymoon stage and that a solid relationships comes from a great friendship?

 

When does "losing feelings" for someone justify a breakup, and when should it be recognized as simply a stage at the end of the honeymoon phase?

 

I'd love to know the answer to that question too! Thanks for asking this question!!!!

[Gloria25]

I think "losing feelings" for someone justifies a break-up cuz you didn't start a RL with them for the right reasons...

 

See, IMO, people base their decisions to date and/or marry based on "feeeelings"...and, feeeeeelings come and go.

 

Not every day you "feeeeel" good, but you get up, brush your teeth and start your day.

 

In the beginning of RLs, yes, you're on a "high", cuz there's emotions, hornies, getting to know each other - all fun and interesting.

 

Then the lull happens. It becomes routine, mundane...and, that's where you have to start looking at the "glue" that's gonna keep you two together. So, what is that "glue"?

 

Well, for some people that "glue" may be their SO's looks...when it comes to dating, they could care less if that person can carry a decent convo, they just want a hot person to date. For some, it may be a person they share activities with (i.e. working out, playing bingo). Get my drift?

 

So, when the feeeeeelings subside (which they do in ALL relationships)...you start taking a look at that person and if there's no glue, you are like "why am I dating you"? But, if there is "glue" even when feeelings subside, you have an incentive to stick around...you say to yourself "hey, I like the way he carries a decent convo, so I'm sticking around" and you do things to keep the RL going.

 

IMO, when the feeeeelings subside and you have "glue", you need to do things to bring back those feeeeelings. See, people sit around waiting on a feeeeeling, but thing is "actions" drive feelings.

 

Let's say you and your SO aren't "hands all over each other" like you were when you first met. Ok, stop waiting for that "feeeeeeling" to come. Get off your butt, and when your SO comes home, walk up to them and hug them...give them a kiss. While they're on the computer, come up to them and nibble on their neck. Ta da!!!! Feeelings will come cuz you start doing actions to drive those feelings.

 

Another example, you two are bored out of your mind...but, when you first met, you guys were always doing stuff besides work and chores. Ok, get online, look for meet-ups, hobbies, etc. Try something new with your SO...go salsa dancing. Again, stop sitting around waiting to feeeeeeel not bored, do actions to not be bored.

[Price2Play]

Expectations are premeditated resentments?

 

People in general have wants & needs. When those wants & needs are being met resentments start to fester. Respect levels drop, interest levels & feeeels start to drop. Tingles aren't as strong as before.

 

So not only do you need to find chemistry & share mutual thoughts, goals and aspirations but also similiar wants & needs.

 

People don't typically change so you find out later & there you have it, failed relationships. GIGS......Grass is greener & they think they can find better! Goodluck!

 

When a woman says she loves you it means I love you right now in the moment. The way you make me feel & the possibilities that you may present to ME in the future. Now say it back! :-D

Edited March 29, 2015 by Price2Play

[minimariah]

But I never understood when one party simply loses feelings for someone when the other party hasn't acted significantly different in treating their SO.

 

it happens. you simply stop having romantic feelings for that person. that doesn't mean that your love for that person wasn't real or that the relationship itself wasn't real. people change and realize that their SO can't satisfy their needs anymore, they leave & start looking for someone who will fit them better.

 

Isn't there some understanding that relationships arent always in the honeymoon stage and that a solid relationships comes from a great friendship?

 

not really. your relationship is doomed if all you have is solid friendship.

 

When does "losing feelings" for someone justify a breakup, and when should it be recognized as simply a stage at the end of the honeymoon phase?

 

there is a HUGE difference between completely losing feelings for someone & getting out of the honeymoon phase.

 

losing (romantic) feelings for your partner is never just a phase & it's definitely not something that's normal at the end of the honeymoon phase. when you're at the end of that phase, your love becomes more calm... more mature but it stays romantic, it doesn't go away. and of course, relationships do have good & bad phases but your feelings need to be there... through both good & bad.

 

so losing feelings for your partner is definitely a sign that your relationship came to an end, especially if that period lasts long & you trying to bring that spark back just doesn't work.

 

i will say one thing - when people get out of the honeymoon phase and lose feelings for their partner, it only means that their inital chemistry and interest failed to transform into mature & real love. that means you stayed at "crush" phase and when you got out of it, it didn't turn into anything stronger.