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He doesn't want you, so why be nosy?


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Old 2nd March 2015, 9:49 PM   #1
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Question He doesn't want you, so why be nosy?

Ok, guys (and ladies can chime in), if you don't want to get involved with a particular woman, how is it your business if she's dating others? ESPECIALLY when you've rejected her more than 100 times and are busy kissing, sexing, dating and taking endless selfies with other women?

I recently decided to do a "test" if you will (and did this before)...without going into details, lets say that I wanted to make it "appear" that I spent the night with "someone"...well, just as I expected, "Mr. Not Interested" starts buzzing around and I can tell he's wondering what's going down. So...just for kicks, I surprised him, and as usual he runs away and tries to make it look like I didn't see him buzzing around.

Now, I'm not a game player and I hate being tested...but I pulled this fast one cuz, I don't know, I'm just trying to understand the puzzle that is this guy.

Anywho, guys (and ladies) what is it to you if someone you rejected and have no intentions of dating is seeing other people - especially when you're out there seeing/involved with other people?

PS, if he's reading this...while I pulled that test on you recently I am seriously putting myself out there and am trying to meet guys and stay busy. Unfortunately, with me being on a tight budget, I'm not getting out as much as I'd like to and that's pissing me off. Am I sleeping with anyone? No. And if/when I do, it is none of your business thank you cuz you have and have no intention to make a "claim" on me and you'd be crazy to think I'm gonna sit around wasting away while you are living your life. And no, I'm not in competition with you. I'm dating cuz I need/want company...not to "one up" anyone. Geesh **Gloria25 takes a bow, drops mic, and exits stage floor**
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Old 2nd March 2015, 9:56 PM   #2
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it's about attention, imo. i would only care about the other person's life and dating situation if it meant their attention is being taken away from me. it's like losing a toy - it's not your favorite toy, you might not even want it anymore, but it still matters if it's taken away because you want to play with it from time to time. you can usually only get away with this if the other person has interest though.
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Old 2nd March 2015, 10:01 PM   #3
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Validation. Pure and simple.

Men want validation from women, even if it's a woman he doesn't want to be with. He had no interest in dating you, but he still wants you to like him.

Validation, my friend.

However, I don't think this is exclusive to men by any means. My xWW tried pretty hard to seduce me and keep me on the hook long after she left me and started banging a co-worker. She actually said the words "Let me go!" to me. So I did. And boy, did she hate it.

I have no idea who you're talking about, nor I do want to know or care. It's your business. But as to the "why", well, we're people. And people want to be wanted, even by people they may not want themselves.

Seems contradictory, I know. But we like being the object of someone's affection, even if we don't return them. It boosts us up. Healthy people are happy when the other person moves on, but unhealthy people aren't.
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Old 2nd March 2015, 10:58 PM   #4
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Thanks for the replies so far...

And yes, "attention" and "validation" crossed my mind waaay before this recent stunt I pulled.

There was a time I'd make up excuses/reasoning and stuff to try to define what he does, but yes, at times I also have come to realize he's not a nice person and it's all about him. He'll use her, me, anyone to make himself feel good.

Well, she's got him and like one of my favorite singers says, 'My best revenge is that you're gonna be stuck with him' But then again, he's stuck with her too so it's a win/win if you ask me.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 1:38 AM   #5
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I've seen you mention this guy a lot.


If he has rejected you so many times, and you now think he is a bad person...don't you think it would be healthy to simply cut him off at this point?


You're still "testing" him and writing messages about and to him on a forum. You'll be happier once you get this guy out of your head once and for all, especially after being dealt so much rejection.


Time to move on from this one I think.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 1:49 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gloria25 View Post
Ok, guys (and ladies can chime in), if you don't want to get involved with a particular woman, how is it your business if she's dating others? ESPECIALLY when you've rejected her more than 100 times and are busy kissing, sexing, dating and taking endless selfies with other women?

I recently decided to do a "test" if you will (and did this before)...without going into details, lets say that I wanted to make it "appear" that I spent the night with "someone"...well, just as I expected, "Mr. Not Interested" starts buzzing around and I can tell he's wondering what's going down. So...just for kicks, I surprised him, and as usual he runs away and tries to make it look like I didn't see him buzzing around.

Now, I'm not a game player and I hate being tested...but I pulled this fast one cuz, I don't know, I'm just trying to understand the puzzle that is this guy.

Anywho, guys (and ladies) what is it to you if someone you rejected and have no intentions of dating is seeing other people - especially when you're out there seeing/involved with other people?

PS, if he's reading this...while I pulled that test on you recently I am seriously putting myself out there and am trying to meet guys and stay busy. Unfortunately, with me being on a tight budget, I'm not getting out as much as I'd like to and that's pissing me off. Am I sleeping with anyone? No. And if/when I do, it is none of your business thank you cuz you have and have no intention to make a "claim" on me and you'd be crazy to think I'm gonna sit around wasting away while you are living your life. And no, I'm not in competition with you. I'm dating cuz I need/want company...not to "one up" anyone. Geesh **Gloria25 takes a bow, drops mic, and exits stage floor**
Why would the person be reading this?

If they are I think both of you need to stop this mess lol....come on. If this is the same person you've been alluding to in other threads I'd suggest you stop allowing them to occupy your head space if you are not together, they aren't interested and it's more about playing games. If this had any shot and if he were interested you wouldn't need to make numerous threads of a similar fashion...so suffice it to say, this is a dead horse never to be resurrected and I don't think it's worth the continued analysis.

In any case the short answer is: people like the attention and to know you're available should they decide to mess with you, even if they primarily don't want you. Men and women sometimes keep people in their orbit who they aren't actually into but will get upset if they like someone else, why? Because it signals no more attention from that party as they will be setting their sights on a new love interest. It's more about wanting to eat their cake and have it too than anything else.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 2:14 AM   #7
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Thumbs up Thanks...

Again, I want to thank everyone for their input and "tough love" here...

Since I made more time for LS than that last MB, I have learned a lot and that's why I've gotten comfortable posting here.

Like this "limerence" concept...which ties into this thread and others I may have posted about my situation.

I agree that me walking away is best...and, I've done that several times - but thought I saw certain things that made me think he was interested (not just attracted) so I guess the "limerence" made me start making up stories in my head and it pulled me back into him getting space in my head.

And, that's why I started this thread (along with others), because I just have to know if I'm seeing what I just wanna see. I'm trying to figure out this "puzzle" of a dude - cuz, this is a first for me (someone one with quirky ways like me) - which sorta scares me (cuz I thought we were a like and it's hard for me to find someone who likes chicks of my race in this area - who don't sound/are like ignorant brutes) but made me wanna wish so bad that he did want me.

About me thinking he's a "bad person" every time I get pissy, bratty and/or angry cuz I'm not getting the attention I "thought" was there? Yes, that's a bad thing to feel/have. I agree. Please bare with me...I'm just a little frustrated here cuz yes, I've been made fun of by guys and while I may be frustrated about this situation, I sometimes wonder if indeed I'm being messed with/gaslighted/etc.

Also, me thinking the worst of him, IMO, will help me to become disgusted with him and let go already.

So, this thread shows me that I need to ignore the limerence bug and realize that some people just enjoy attention - like flirty people.

This thread is also a message that I probably will never figure out the "puzzle" of the "object of my limerence" and that's just life. Like some people say they want "closure" at the end of a RL when it ends - well, sometimes we don't get "closure" we get a "post-it" note telling us it's over and you just gotta deal with that.

I gotta deal with that I'll never know what's going on with my recent crush and it doesn't matter cuz I have to live my life and stop focusing on him, cuz he's sure living his.

Thanks again everyone. Sorry for being that gf that keeps on blabbing about some dude you just want her to shut up about already
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Old 3rd March 2015, 11:09 AM   #8
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I'm gonna just leave this here for you cause it helped me a lot when I really needed to hear the truth. All the best and I hope you finally find the will power to move on and forget about this guy who doesn't deserve you.

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the **** on.”
― Tupac Shakur
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Old 3rd March 2015, 11:26 AM   #9
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I don't know about this particular shenanigans Gloria but I do want to say I get such a kick out of reading your posts and threads. You are hysterical, too funny and have a great attitude. Things are going to work out fine.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 12:01 PM   #10
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You're an enormous ego boost, making threads about him with no effort on his end. So I'm sure he'll drop by and dangle just enough attention to sabotage anything else you've got going when it arises. Who want's to lose something like that? And since you're not really interested in a flesh and blood person at the moment he provides a non-threatening, unavailable target to point that massive sexual drive of yours at. It's a non-relationship relationship that works for both of you.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 12:10 PM   #11
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Quote:
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You're an enormous ego boost, making threads about him with no effort on his end. So I'm sure he'll drop by and dangle just enough attention to sabotage anything else you've got going when it arises. Who want's to lose something like that? And since you're not really interested in a flesh and blood person at the moment he provides a non-threatening, unavailable target to point that massive sexual drive of yours at. It's a non-relationship relationship that works for both of you.
Boy, you are good ^^...

Yep, us both getting something out of our little dance is something I've pondered too. It takes two to tango. I have a role in this too...
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Old 3rd March 2015, 12:11 PM   #12
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Relationship/dating philosophy of the typical selfish person:
I may not want you (for now), but I DON'T want anyone else to have you...


His loss G25...
With your humor, you've gottta be an amazing date!!!
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Old 3rd March 2015, 12:44 PM   #13
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Boy, you are good ^^...

Yep, us both getting something out of our little dance is something I've pondered too. It takes two to tango. I have a role in this too...
But, at the same time, I know that I've wanted it to cross over into physical for the longest...but, at the same time so scared that if it ever happened we'd explode like fireworks from all the pent up tension/back and forth...
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Old 3rd March 2015, 1:20 PM   #14
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So what's wrong with a little explosion???
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Old 3rd March 2015, 6:54 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Gloria25 View Post
Thanks for the replies so far...

And yes, "attention" and "validation" crossed my mind waaay before this recent stunt I pulled.

There was a time I'd make up excuses/reasoning and stuff to try to define what he does, but yes, at times I also have come to realize he's not a nice person and it's all about him. He'll use her, me, anyone to make himself feel good.

Well, she's got him and like one of my favorite singers says, 'My best revenge is that you're gonna be stuck with him' But then again, he's stuck with her too so it's a win/win if you ask me.
Gloria, why would you put yourself in the position of being rejected more than once (or twice if the first time was inadvertent)? A guy will not value you if he thinks you'll keep coming back whatever he does. You don't need to make an effort to show him your focus is elsewhere, just make it elsewhere and ignore the guy. I would really advise you don't succumb to any minor crumb of attention he gives you because he won't value or respect you. He'll realise you are only doing it to get his attention. If he's rejected you so many times, he is not deserving of you anyway. I know it's hard, but better to turn off the 'him' switch in your mind because he'll just play with your feelings. Once you know a guy is prepared to hurt your feelings, it puts him into a different category, the 'not worth it' category. If a guy is really interested, he'll be there with you through thick and thin.
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