Doesn't everyone settle when it comes to looks? [Updated]

[40 Fonzarelli]

I mean we all want a perfect 10, but most of us know it's not attainable. So we do the best that we can and we settle for "good enough."

 

The reason I bring this up is because my ex and I broke up after 7 months because of superficial reasons. I was attracted to her but I was selfish and felt I could do better and wanted to date other girls. Over the past few months, I started to miss her more and more and realized that the single life of hooking up was leaving me unfulfilled. I had a desire for long-term true happiness, not temporary bouts of pleasure. I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade. I look back on our relationship and remembered how great of a catch she was and most importantly she loved me, even though I never said it back. I guess I never really appreciated her. She would do the sweetest things for me and I loved her personality. I'm just confused whether I miss her because she really was a great catch and I made a mistake, or if it's just because I am lonely and want to settle down. Would you rather settle down with someone you're moderately attracted to physically, but with an awesome personality, or just hold out for someone that knocks your socks off in addition to having an awesome personality? I'm in my mid 30's and want to start a family soon so I feel as though I don't have much time.

[regine_phalange]

So you like her for the way she makes you feel? Then it's about you and not her, aka you're indeed a bit desperate. Don't expect your ex or any woman who isnt a 10 to jump up and down in joy about that. It's not flattering for any woman to be with a man who "settled". Because it shows, believe me.

 

What went wrong with the 10s by the way?

[Ann253]

I consider myself average looking. But I would be devastated if the person I was with thought he settled.

I think part of why dating is so difficult is because we are looking for someone who we find both physically and emotionally attractive.

The guy I'm with isn't a 10, I've dated men better looking. But I find him attractive and his personality is better than most that I've dated. IMO this makes him "rank" much higher than someone who just has looks.

If you didn't realize this with your ex, and think you would be settling then she isn't the right girl for you. You're just lonely. But rememver moving forward love is about much more than looks.

[hoping2heal]

I guess you could call it "settling" if that were your perspective. Statistically, we're not all going to end up with a "10". Likewise, we're not all going to end up with someone who has "an awesome personality" whether that person is or is not attractive.

 

I guess I don't consider it settling because I don't see it that way. I'm happy to just be physically attracted and the good personality does the rest for me because the better the personality, the "hotter" the person becomes to me. Which, is also a good thing, because while I have a few decades to "worry" about this, aging is a normal part of life. Physical looks are going to change.

[toscaroscura]

We don't "all want a perfect 10".

 

Really, what IS a "perfect 10"? Even if you concede that humans find certain features to be universally attractive, there are billions of people on this planet. That means, statistically, even if you are a "perfect 10", there WILL eventually be someone out there more attractive. And if you go into relationships with the mindset that this person must be the pinnacle of attractiveness (especially as defined by society), over the course of your entire life you will be unsatisfied, because awesome and beautiful people exist everywhere. So your "perfect 10" wife might have been a perfect 10 5 years ago, but lo and behold, life has brought this other woman around who is more "perfect" and "10" and you think about dumping your wife for her? Or is the love of your wife and the times shared and her personality more than worth it?

 

That isn't to say you must date people you find unattractive. But there's "perfect 10" and there's "beautiful to me". If you lined up all the men I have had the hots for over the years, they would all be very different. Some would be closer to the societal ideal of male beauty, but most of them are just averagely attractive-to-me guys that for some reason, set me on fire! Even if I can intellectually acknowledge that they aren't "perfect 10s" (and I am not either!), I have loved them and been sexually excited by them!

 

If I were to constantly compare my lover to some platonic ideal of male "perfect 10" beauty in my head (Hmm, his freckles are a little weird, hrm he's got a wee spare tire, etc.), I'd find it very hard to find real human love and connection in my life.

 

Your story made me sad for her.

[Popsicle]

Happy couples don't knowingly settle. They don't think in terms of I have settled or not. They are just busy being happy. They think their imperfect partners are perfect. Anyone who consciously thinks they have settled I guarantee will be miserable and make their partner miserable as well. I don't advise it.

 

Plus, your ex probably won't take you back anyway.

[carhill]

set·tle1
ˈsedl/
[i]verb[/i]
verb: [b]settle[/b]; 3rd person present: [b]settles[/b]; past tense: [b]settled[/b]; past participle: [b]settled[/b]; gerund or present participle: [b]settling[/b]

[list=1]
[*][b]1[/b]. 
resolve or reach an agreement about (an argument or problem).
"every effort was made to settle the dispute"
synonyms:[url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+resolve&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCEQ_SowAA"]resolve[/url], sort out, [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+solve&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCIQ_SowAA"]solve[/url], clear up, [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+end&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCMQ_SowAA"]end[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+fix&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCQQ_SowAA"]fix[/url], work out, iron out, straighten out, set right, [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+rectify&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCUQ_SowAA"]rectify[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+remedy&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCYQ_SowAA"]remedy[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+reconcile&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCcQ_SowAA"]reconcile[/url]; [i]informal[/i]patch up 
"they settled the dispute"



antonyms:[url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+prolong&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCkQ_SowAA"]prolong[/url]
[list]
[*]end (a legal dispute) by mutual agreement.
"the matter was settled out of court"
[*]determine; decide on.
"exactly what goes into the legislation has not been settled"
synonyms:decide on, [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+set&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCoQ_SowAA"]set[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+fix&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCsQ_SowAA"]fix[/url], agree on, [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+name&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CCwQ_SowAA"]name[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+establish&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CC0Q_SowAA"]establish[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+arrange&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CC4Q_SowAA"]arrange[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+appoint&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CC8Q_SowAA"]appoint[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+designate&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDAQ_SowAA"]designate[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+assign&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDEQ_SowAA"]assign[/url]; More[url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+choose&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDMQ_SowAA"]choose[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+select&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDQQ_SowAA"]select[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+pick&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDUQ_SowAA"]pick[/url] 
"they [b]settled on[/b] a date for the wedding"
[*]pay (a debt or account).
"his bill was settled by charge card"
synonyms:[url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+pay&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDYQ_SowAA"]pay[/url], settle up, [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+square&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDcQ_SowAA"]square[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+clear&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDgQ_SowAA"]clear[/url], [url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+defray&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDkQ_SowAA"]defray[/url] "she went down to the lobby to settle her bill"
[*]complete the administration and distribution of a decedent's estate.
[*]give money or property to (someone) through a deed of settlement or a will.
[*]accept or agree to (something that one considers to be less than satisfactory).
"it was too cold for champagne so they settled for a cup of tea"
synonyms:[url="https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&safe=off&q=define+accept&sa=X&ei=kI6pVIDjJZSloQTg_IKgCw&ved=0CDsQ_SowAA"]accept[/url], agree to, assent to; [i]formal[/i]accede to 
"they [b]settled for[/b] a 4.2% raise"
[*][i]dated[/i]
silence (someone considered a nuisance) by some means.
"he told me to hold my tongue or he would find a way to settle me"
[/list]


[*][b]2[/b]. 
adopt a more steady or secure style of life, especially in a permanent job and home.
"one day I will [b]settle down[/b] and raise a family"

 

 

OP, how would you reconcile 'settling' with the phrase 'felt I could do better'?

 

 

Perhaps it's not so much about settlement as about feeling rather than analyzing. Given that the vast majority of life involves analyzing, perhaps consider romance one place you can simply feel and that's enough. You love and are loved and life happens. No need for numbers and comparisons.

 

 

Personally, I never settled for any woman I loved. They were all '10's' to me. In fact, part of my self-awareness was that, when I started analyzing the relationship like an engineering design-build problem, I knew it was time to go, as thinking had supplanted loving.

[spanishchick00]

I mean we all want a perfect 10, but most of us know it's not attainable. So we do the best that we can and we settle for "good enough."

 

The reason I bring this up is because my ex and I broke up after 7 months because of superficial reasons. I was attracted to her but I was selfish and felt I could do better and wanted to date other girls. Over the past few months, I started to miss her more and more and realized that the single life of hooking up was leaving me unfulfilled. I had a desire for long-term true happiness, not temporary bouts of pleasure. I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade. I look back on our relationship and remembered how great of a catch she was and most importantly she loved me, even though I never said it back. I guess I never really appreciated her. She would do the sweetest things for me and I loved her personality. I'm just confused whether I miss her because she really was a great catch and I made a mistake, or if it's just because I am lonely and want to settle down. Would you rather settle down with someone you're moderately attracted to physically, but with an awesome personality, or just hold out for someone that knocks your socks off in addition to having an awesome personality? I'm in my mid 30's and want to start a family soon so I feel as though I don't have much time.

 

My theory proves right. Some guys will never settle for less, because in their minds, they think they can meet someone who is better looking, have bigger boobs right around the corner and are never satisfied with what they have. I think for those that settle down, they just settled for "good enough" as long as that person loves them and takes care of them, they don't want to keep searching for that hot chick whose a knockout.

[Woggle]

Settling at least from a healthy point of view is not about some perfect standard for looks where you have to have somebody with model looks or nothing. It is about being with somebody you don't really have feelings for.

[GemmaUK]

Ultimately I go for personality long term.

Looks get me interested - that's life..an attraction has to be there.

 

 

I have no entitlement issues though but I do want similar values and I do want respect and consideration on both sides.

 

 

I don't expect the man I fall for to be fit, slim and trim, I don't expect the man I fall for to have his own place, I don't expect the man I fall for to have a great job.

I am all of the above but..I don't expect them.

 

 

I don't believe there is someone out there for everyone either, myself included.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I mean we all want a perfect 10, but most of us know it's not attainable. So we do the best that we can and we settle for "good enough."

 

The reason I bring this up is because my ex and I broke up after 7 months because of superficial reasons. I was attracted to her but I was selfish and felt I could do better and wanted to date other girls. Over the past few months, I started to miss her more and more and realized that the single life of hooking up was leaving me unfulfilled. I had a desire for long-term true happiness, not temporary bouts of pleasure. I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade. I look back on our relationship and remembered how great of a catch she was and most importantly she loved me, even though I never said it back. I guess I never really appreciated her. She would do the sweetest things for me and I loved her personality. I'm just confused whether I miss her because she really was a great catch and I made a mistake, or if it's just because I am lonely and want to settle down. Would you rather settle down with someone you're moderately attracted to physically, but with an awesome personality, or just hold out for someone that knocks your socks off in addition to having an awesome personality? I'm in my mid 30's and want to start a family soon so I feel as though I don't have much time.

 

Everybody is different. It all depends on what options you have and what your mentality is in life. For me, I'm a very everyman kind of guy. I would be very happy with a woman who was cool in every other way but wasn't anywhere close to my ideal.

 

For others, they need more. So, asking this type of question is kind of like asking, "What is the meaning of life?"

 

However, in terms what people TYPICALLY prioritize in terms of the order they will settle, I'd say looks is almost always the last thing people will settle on.

[mysteryscape]

Even if you find a 10, you will quickly become less excited. The great J.J. Rousseau said that the effect of beauty completely fades after about 6 weeks. Your 10 will seem like a 7 and you'll start noticing all the other 8 9 and 10's. Plus with age, the original beauty will fade.

 

Personally, I noticed in college that about a third of the girls were plenty good looking, and that beyond that, it was what was interesting about them (including being good looking in an interesting way) that appealed to me much more.

 

Your attitude frankly seems very superficial and shallow but at least you are recognizing that it is a problem and maybe you will change what you are looking for.

 

Yes, everyone settles, none of us is a god or goddess, and even gods soon reveal themselves to have feet of clay.

[somedude81]

As long as I think a girl is pretty, has a decent body and nice boobs, I will never feel that I settled with her.

 

I wouldn't care that other girls are prettier or have bigger boobs etc.

 

As long as my requirements are fine I'll be perfectly happy with her.

[GemmaUK]

Even if you find a 10, you will quickly become less excited. The great J.J. Rousseau said that the effect of beauty completely fades after about 6 weeks. Your 10 will seem like a 7 and you'll start noticing all the other 8 9 and 10's. Plus with age, the original beauty will fade.

 

Personally, I noticed in college that about a third of the girls were plenty good looking, and that beyond that, it was what was interesting about them (including being good looking in an interesting way) that appealed to me much more.

 

Your attitude frankly seems very superficial and shallow but at least you are recognizing that it is a problem and maybe you will change what you are looking for.

 

Yes, everyone settles, none of us is a god or goddess, and even gods soon reveal themselves to have feet of clay.

 

 

Beauty does fade..but attractiveness of a face to the one who loves them never dies.

[Danda]

I think some people just start blurring lines between fantasy and reality and then wind up with varying expressions of dysphoria in their life. Could happen with romance, or could happen with something like work/career.

 

I love erotic anime-style artwork of men, have a boatload of it on my laptop and even my phone. It's my pronz. But those pics/art don't look like real human men. There are really rare-looking guys I've seen in real life who were similarly sexy, but they're rare and I'm not gonna date one haha. They're a fantasy, and I know that. I can make that distinction.

 

Then there is real life, so to speak. In real life men have quirks and flaws in their aesthetics just like I do, and a lot of it is subjective, anyway. And if they just a few features that fit my tastes, the right personality and love up on me the right way, they can make me want them badly. They offer a hell of a lot more than an image on my phone does and will win over a fantasy image hands-down / no contest every time.

 

But I think some poor souls actually can't separate fantasy from reality, either they never could or they somehow developed the problem at some point in their life, and then again, they get dysphoria. If all that could make me happy was a real life version of certain anime guys, well that would never happen, and so I would never be happy. It would definitely suck.

[devilish innocent]

I think you were really shallow to judge her by her looks. The looks are just the packaging. Most of us haven't chosen our eye color, nose shape, etc. All those things are just physical features that through the luck of the draw we were born with. The actual person is found somewhere on the inside- the soul, the mind, the personality- whatever you want to call it. That's what love should be about. The connection that exists between the two actual people. Not something that's based mostly on physical aesthetics.

 

I get that looks are going to play some role regardless. That's just human nature. If somebody is very attractive to us, then it makes it easier to fall for them. When somebody is not at all attractive to us, then it can keep the physical chemistry from ever developing.

 

But as long as you can enjoy physical intimacy with the person, why should you care about looks? If being with somebody who is a 10 is so incredible, then why do so many hot celebrities get divorced? I think if you can find somebody who has a warm, caring, loving personality, that's a much better barometer of how good the relationship will be.

[JuneJulySeptember]

As long as I think a girl is pretty, has a decent body and nice boobs, I will never feel that I settled with her.

 

I wouldn't care that other girls are prettier or have bigger boobs etc.

 

As long as my requirements are fine I'll be perfectly happy with her.

 

Ya, this is how I feel too.

 

I could literally walk into a room and think 6, 7, maybe even 8 or 9 women out of 10 are hot.

[40 Fonzarelli]

So you like her for the way she makes you feel? Then it's about you and not her, aka you're indeed a bit desperate. Don't expect your ex or any woman who isnt a 10 to jump up and down in joy about that. It's not flattering for any woman to be with a man who "settled". Because it shows, believe me.

 

What went wrong with the 10s by the way?

 

Nothing went wrong but nothing serious became of them. I'm looking for something long-term.

 

I consider myself average looking. But I would be devastated if the person I was with thought he settled.

I think part of why dating is so difficult is because we are looking for someone who we find both physically and emotionally attractive.

The guy I'm with isn't a 10, I've dated men better looking. But I find him attractive and his personality is better than most that I've dated. IMO this makes him "rank" much higher than someone who just has looks.

If you didn't realize this with your ex, and think you would be settling then she isn't the right girl for you. You're just lonely. But rememver moving forward love is about much more than looks.

 

Yes and that's what I learned. In the future I plan to place more importance on personality. I'm just trying not to be so superficial.

 

We don't "all want a perfect 10".

 

Really, what IS a "perfect 10"? Even if you concede that humans find certain features to be universally attractive, there are billions of people on this planet. That means, statistically, even if you are a "perfect 10", there WILL eventually be someone out there more attractive. And if you go into relationships with the mindset that this person must be the pinnacle of attractiveness (especially as defined by society), over the course of your entire life you will be unsatisfied, because awesome and beautiful people exist everywhere. So your "perfect 10" wife might have been a perfect 10 5 years ago, but lo and behold, life has brought this other woman around who is more "perfect" and "10" and you think about dumping your wife for her? Or is the love of your wife and the times shared and her personality more than worth it?

 

That isn't to say you must date people you find unattractive. But there's "perfect 10" and there's "beautiful to me". If you lined up all the men I have had the hots for over the years, they would all be very different. Some would be closer to the societal ideal of male beauty, but most of them are just averagely attractive-to-me guys that for some reason, set me on fire! Even if I can intellectually acknowledge that they aren't "perfect 10s" (and I am not either!), I have loved them and been sexually excited by them!

 

If I were to constantly compare my lover to some platonic ideal of male "perfect 10" beauty in my head (Hmm, his freckles are a little weird, hrm he's got a wee spare tire, etc.), I'd find it very hard to find real human love and connection in my life.

 

Your story made me sad for her.

 

You are totally right. There will always be someone better looking. Which will result in a neverending cycle if I continue my ways. At this point, I think I will just be alone for a while and let it all sink in. Last thing I want to do is jump back into it for the wrong reasons.

 

My theory proves right. Some guys will never settle for less, because in their minds, they think they can meet someone who is better looking, have bigger boobs right around the corner and are never satisfied with what they have. I think for those that settle down, they just settled for "good enough" as long as that person loves them and takes care of them, they don't want to keep searching for that hot chick whose a knockout.

 

I'm trying to not be that guy. I hope I can change.

[xxoo]

There is no settling when the whole of your body, mind, and soul yearns to be with this person. And for me, looks have very little to do with that feeling.

[40 Fonzarelli]

I think you were really shallow to judge her by her looks. The looks are just the packaging. Most of us haven't chosen our eye color, nose shape, etc. All those things are just physical features that through the luck of the draw we were born with. The actual person is found somewhere on the inside- the soul, the mind, the personality- whatever you want to call it. That's what love should be about. The connection that exists between the two actual people. Not something that's based mostly on physical aesthetics.

 

I get that looks are going to play some role regardless. That's just human nature. If somebody is very attractive to us, then it makes it easier to fall for them. When somebody is not at all attractive to us, then it can keep the physical chemistry from ever developing.

 

But as long as you can enjoy physical intimacy with the person, why should you care about looks? If being with somebody who is a 10 is so incredible, then why do so many hot celebrities get divorced? I think if you can find somebody who has a warm, caring, loving personality, that's a much better barometer of how good the relationship will be.

 

I agree but how does one become less superficial?

[carhill]

I agree but how does one become less superficial?

IMO, post-age 25 or so, core personality characteristics, like any range of judging people by looks, are pretty ingrained, so change generally comes from either introspection, professional therapy or a life-altering event that shocks the psyche into exploring different paths of interaction, perhaps occasionally a combination. Genetics can play a role in core characteristics, relevant to brain chemistry, and IMO socialization plays a big role, especially prior to and during the transition from family to peer groups around adolescence.

 

The good news is there's all kinds of compatible match potentials out there, no matter the core personality characteristics. If one presents such within the norms of social groups, more potentially become available. If one is outlier, then fewer.

 

Going back to the OP, here's one indication that change may be underway:

 

I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade.

 

Whether or not that epiphany becomes a static core personality characteristic is unknown. Only time and experience will tell.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I agree but how does one become less superficial?

 

Its' not completely relevant, but you can groom yourself to be attracted to certain types.

 

For example, say you have no or less attraction to heavy women and/or Asian women.

 

If you watch a lot of porn with Asian women, it will definitely do something to improve your attraction to Asian women. Same for heavier women. So much of attraction is based on familiarity, media and association.

 

I have noticed that has happened when I watch different varietals of porn. Again, I know it's not completely relevant to your case, since yours is more degree of attractiveness, but hey.

[Adele0908]

The purpose of relationships is growth, and the benefit is love. When you don't know the true purpose of a relationship, then anyone could become caught up in the superficial things. You're not an anomaly...men tend to leave relationships too soon, looking for a better option. Women tend to stay in relationships too long, holding on to something that is bad for them.

 

Relationships challenge you to grow past your conditioning. This must be a life lesson for you. Sometimes people get caught up in mental conditioning. And subconscious mind programming. Some of it may be from childhood, some may be from the media. The media places a huge emphasis on female beauty. Also in movies, the guy, no matter how geeky and awkward, always gets the beautiful girl. Like in Transformers, for example. I think this makes some men feel entitled to a beautiful woman no matter how unattractive they may be. They think, hey I have a job, a car, a cell phone....where's my Megan Fox?

 

For a relationship to last, it takes maturity. A lot of people are "grown", but still not mature. Maturity is challenging your own beliefs. Becoming self-aware. Some people aren't ready for that.

[toscaroscura]

I agree but how does one become less superficial?

 

I honestly think the root of this mindset is control issues and a fear of intimacy. As long as no one is ever good enough, you never have to fall completely in love and open yourself up to the ultimate vulnerability.

 

The way to become less shallow is do what you're doing now. Introspect. Hear our advice. You're doing all of this with an open mind so far. If you feel your old ways creep in, remember how much that girl loved you and then remember how empty your conquests that you dumped her for felt.

[40 Fonzarelli]

IMO, post-age 25 or so, core personality characteristics, like any range of judging people by looks, are pretty ingrained, so change generally comes from either introspection, professional therapy or a life-altering event that shocks the psyche into exploring different paths of interaction, perhaps occasionally a combination. Genetics can play a role in core characteristics, relevant to brain chemistry, and IMO socialization plays a big role, especially prior to and during the transition from family to peer groups around adolescence.

 

The good news is there's all kinds of compatible match potentials out there, no matter the core personality characteristics. If one presents such within the norms of social groups, more potentially become available. If one is outlier, then fewer.

 

Going back to the OP, here's one indication that change may be underway:

 

I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade.

 

Whether or not that epiphany becomes a static core personality characteristic is unknown. Only time and experience will tell.

 

I'm hoping this experience will be the start of this change.

 

Its' not completely relevant, but you can groom yourself to be attracted to certain types.

 

For example, say you have no or less attraction to heavy women and/or Asian women.

 

If you watch a lot of porn with Asian women, it will definitely do something to improve your attraction to Asian women. Same for heavier women. So much of attraction is based on familiarity, media and association.

 

I have noticed that has happened when I watch different varietals of porn. Again, I know it's not completely relevant to your case, since yours is more degree of attractiveness, but hey.

 

Actually I think porn may have played an important role in being superficial. No real life woman can compete with endless number of beautiful pornstars. I actually decided to quit porn so i'm hoping that helps me view women for who they are instead of what they look like.