He has feelings but prefers to "see other women"?

[ShiningMoon]

I don't understand this man, truly.

 

He dumped me almost a year ago because he didn't want to have a girlfriend. He preferred sleeping around. After he dumped me, he started posting statuses on FB relating to subjects we had talked about, inside jokes ... I didn't make a move (his loss). This went on for about 6 months and stopped. He probably thought I'd keep chasing and when he gathered I wasn't going to, he dropped the act.

 

Fast forward, now his friend is telling me this guy still has strong feelings for me. He has lots of very "happy" and "joyful" memories with me and although he's hesistant to contact me, he has feelings he doesn't want to admit to. He supposedly doesn't want to admit his feelings for me so he can move on to another girl/fling.

 

Why? If he has "strong feelings", why does he prefer to move on? Won't he regret it?

Edited November 30, 2014 by ShiningMoon

[elaine567]

I don't understand this man, truly.

 

He dumped me almost a year ago because he didn't want to have a girlfriend. He preferred sleeping around. After he dumped me, he started posting statuses on FB relating to subjects we had talked about, inside jokes ... I didn't make a move, his loss. This went on for about 6 months and stopped.

 

Fast forward, now his friend is telling me this guy still has strong feelings for me. He has happy and joyful memories with me and that although he's hesistant to contact me, he has feelings he doesn't want to admit to. Basically, he doesn't want to admit his feelings for me so he can move on to another girl.

 

Why? If he has "strong feelings", why does he prefer to move on?

 

Because he realises you are not the girl for him. Not the girl he sees as his long term life partner. He likes you and has feelings for you but that is not

enough and he knows it.

He sussed that out when you were together and he preferred sleeping around as opposed to just being with you.

Leave him alone.

[d0nnivain]

He may have a whore / Madonna complex. He may fear "settling down". It doesn't really matter why he chose lots of hook-ups over his feelings for you, but he did so let him go.

[ShiningMoon]

Because he realises you are not the girl for him. Not the girl he sees as his long term life partner. He likes you and has feelings for you but that is not

enough and he knows it.

He sussed that out when you were together and he preferred sleeping around as opposed to just being with you.

Leave him alone.

 

He's left alone. I haven't contacted him since he dumped me. He's blocked on FB and my phone. He doesn't have to fear any contact fom me. It won't happen.

 

That said, he was never looking for a girlfriend in the first place. That's what he told me when he dumped me. His friend told me he's still sleeping around. It's not that I care about what he's doing right now, I'm just wondering why his friend would come and tell me such thing.

 

By the way, I wasn't the one who initiated this convo.

[xxoo]

It sounds like someone who has been hurt and avoids real feelings because they've led to pain in the past. It could be someone who was devastated by someone who left, or someone who hurt another and is devastated by the guilt. I've seen both in the past manifest as you describe.

[candie13]

It sounds like someone who has been hurt and avoids real feelings because they've led to pain in the past. It could be someone who was devastated by someone who left, or someone who hurt another and is devastated by the guilt. I've seen both in the past manifest as you describe.

 

or all three of the above. I empathize with his feelings and trauma... but you need to look after yourself here. IT is his burden to bare, it is up to him to deal with his past, not you. You can only do what you can do, with people who want to include you in their lives. This guy does not. Whatever good or poor reasons he may have, he is not emotionally available.

 

Unless the guy comes to you and tell you he wants to give you another go at it - for real, no other sex friends - you should leave him in the past. His strong feelings, the beautiful past... means nothing, NOTHING unless he does something about it. He ain't doing sh*t, girl. Please stop breaking your head and don't give him the time of the day. Let him go. Really. It'll give you peace of mind

 

I also think it is about time you let go and move on. Unblock him from you phone, unblock him from fb and just... let it go. He's not your trouble anymore. He's not your trouble in a long long time.

 

Wake up and smell the coffee. Because you know what? There are TONS of amazing people out there who want to date you. Who are not scared. Who want to build something. You should go for those guys. And you cannot move on unless you've made peace with the past.

 

Oh, and please ask your "friend" to not mention this type of details to you. Not unless the thought of you leaves you as cold as the thought of icecream in wintertime.

[No Limit]

Commitment phobe. Not your problem though.

[writergal]

He's left alone. I haven't contacted him since he dumped me. He's blocked on FB and my phone. He doesn't have to fear any contact fom me. It won't happen.

 

That said, he was never looking for a girlfriend in the first place. That's what he told me when he dumped me. His friend told me he's still sleeping around. It's not that I care about what he's doing right now, I'm just wondering why his friend would come and tell me such thing.

 

By the way, I wasn't the one who initiated this convo.

 

I think its weird that his friend just randomly brought him up to you. Were the two of you talking about him at the time his friend brought him up to you? Do you think his friend likes you?

 

Regardless of the "why," this guy is a definitely a commitment-phobe. Keep him blocked on FB and just delete his phone # from your phone. No reason to keep it unless you want to call him again in the future. You don't, do you?

[oldshirt]

In my youth I dated a number of women that I liked and had feelings for, I just wanted my freedom more.

 

Just because he likes going out and screwing the whole neighborhood doesn't mean that he didn't like you or think you were a good match. He just preferred to not be committed to one woman.

 

It's not really about you. It's that he'd rather be single and uncommitted and be able to sleep around rather than be exclusive with you.

 

At least he was honest with you and didn't keep you hanging on while he was sleeping around behind your back.

[writergal]

In my youth I dated a number of women that I liked and had feelings for, I just wanted my freedom more.

 

Just because he likes going out and screwing the whole neighborhood doesn't mean that he didn't like you or think you were a good match. He just preferred to not be committed to one woman.

 

It's not really about you. It's that he'd rather be single and uncommitted and be able to sleep around rather than be exclusive with you.

 

At least he was honest with you and didn't keep you hanging on while he was sleeping around behind your back.

 

I don't see why the OP should feel honored that a self-confessed lothario "liked" her. Commitment-phobic men only like women on a surface-level, not an emotional level. They like the sex with the woman and that's all.

 

When men defend commitment-phobes like the OP's, that makes me grimace because it's just another way to justify the commitment-phobes behavior.

 

By saying it's not about the OP, you're just confirming that this guy treated the OP like a sex object, which is what all commitment-phobic men do with the women they sleep with.

 

How is telling the OP, "hey don't worry, you were just a sex object to that guy it's no big deal" supposed to make her feel better? Or did I misinterpret your post?