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Lack of compliments, etc.


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I've been seeing someone just over 3 months and in person he's very affectionate, warm, tender and kind. We always have a pleasant time and he acts caring. He's even intuitive and will ask if anything is wrong if I ever act strange. Yet he seems afraid or reluctant to ever offer anything in the way of a verbal compliment. He did at first, on a few occasions, but now never does. He doesn't write back to as many e-mails either, esp. those mentioning anything personal. He still sees me the same amount and spends the same quality time with me in person, but as far as expressing himself verbally or in writing, he's just not doing it at all. I get the impression he may still be gun-shy from his ex-wife who rejected him so badly, told him to stop saying he loved her, etc. I don't expect to hear any words of love at this early stage in the relationship, but I wouldn't mind occasionally hearing I look nice or something about me is pretty or special. I'd really appreciate having my e-mails answered too, or at least getting a thank-you when I've cooked something for him. At times I feel like he doesn't care at all, regardless of how he behaves in person.

 

What would make someone so loathe to express himself? I'm not an aggressive or pushy woman, trying to get stuff out of him. I've gone along at his pace and not asked for or expected anything. I figure if there was someone else he'd be with her instead of me, he wouldn't just change his verbal habits. I don't know if this is a transitional thing or if I can expect never to hear any endearments. I'm very frustrated and hurt because I don't know if this is just the way he is or if something is wrong.

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Miss Perfection

OMG hes a guy... come on...hes not going to sit there and compliment you for every little thing, EVER FREAKIN TIME.

 

One of my friends broke up with her bf because he wasnt complimenting her like he did before. She said guys at work made her feel good about herself because they always complimented her. (Of course they are going to compliement her...you know what they want). You should have seen her BF...he really did love her.

 

You have to understand how guys work.

 

If you let your BF go because he doesnt compliment you....LOL you are an IDIOT and probably an attention whore! :laugh:

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Try to talk to your bf about it....tell him you loved it when he used to say nice things. He has probably not a clue they are so important to you.

Try not to sound accusing, he probably didn't realize that you miss the compliments so much. tell him that it makes you feel special and sexy when you receive a compliment. tell him it's a turn-on.

 

(Right now I have the very same problem with my bf.....lately the ratio between nice things he says about other women (real women or (usually) people on tv) in my presence : nice things he says about me is about 50 : 1. :D

I'll try to talk to him, even if he does have a clue I love hearing nice things)

 

About e-mails, some guys just do not like writing them. My bf does not reply to mine, often he does not even read the whole email, so I stopped writing them (or I keep them really short).

I suggest you do the same: it is pretty frustrating to spend time writing a nice email and not ever getting a reply, or even worse knowing that your bf wasn't even interested in reading it.

Styop writing to him, you'll feel immediately better. Spend that time doing something for yourself.

 

Not even saying thank you when you do something nice for him....well, that sounds pretty rude. (I assume you always thank him when he does something nice from you)

If you are starting to feel resentful because he never thanks you, I suggest doing something nice for him *only* when you really feel like it and would not mind if you didn't receive a thank you.

 

Said that, your bf sounds like a caring person - he shows you love in other ways than words. Even if he has problems expressing love verbally, he still shows you he cares in other ways - and words are way cheaper than actions!

It would be way worse being with someone who talks nice to you all the time, gives you tons of compliments and does not lift a finger for you.

 

Please, even if he turns out to be absolutely unable to say the right things in the right moment, think carefully before dumping him. He really sounds like a great bf for all other aspects, he's treating you well, and actions count more than words.

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Thank you, Adunaphel, for your nice response. I sure wish I understood why guys are so free to talk about how gorgeous or wonderful other women are in the presence of their girlfriends, don't they have a clue at all how that makes us feel? Especially when they don't give us the same praise. As for Miss Perfection, I am not an attention whore! Why just jump to mean conclusions like that about, without even knowing what someone is really like? Just because I miss a few compliments from my boyfriend does not mean I expect and demand them every "freakin'" time or expect him not to be like a guy. I never even implied that in my post. Whore is a pretty offensive word to call a woman, whether it refers to sex or attention or whatever. Don't reply to me ever again.

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