Your Top 5 Absolute Red Flags????

[Tayken]

As some of you might know, the true definition of insanity is: Repeating the same mistake over and over, whilst expecting a different result.

 

For those that have been married before or been in LTRs that end....it will be a no brainer to have lessons learned, and to want to emulate what you had.

 

So with that said, your red flags should be what guides you moving forward. As a divorced man (I ended my relation by the way...just to point this out), who is moving forward, here are my absolute top 5:

 

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

 

2. Absolute no smoker / drug user (yes that includes weed etc), heavy drinker, vulgar/swearing, bipolar, flaky

 

3. They are officially divorced or plain single (no separated business) i.e. no unfinished business with an ex or still go over there

 

4. If they have kids (not more than 2 by the way, as I have only 1), they have them 50-50. As someone who was made to fight for the 50% time, I now have a clear understand of how family law works, and realize some people want sole for table amount, and the law also allows for a woman to double dip from a step parent if new relationship breaks down. I narrowly escaped this...phew

 

5. They have dogs/cats...this won't work for me, and I realize that 1 in every 2 women have dogs/cats as evident in profiles and on the street. I don't want to be diversifying funds towards a vet, have a dog jump on my bed/couch, stink up the house, annoying the neighbours etc.

 

My list in longer than this, but these are the 5 as mentioned

 

What are your 5 absolute deal breaker red flags??????

[GemmaUK]

I don't have 5, just three.

 

Insecurity.

Hating all of their ex's.

Taking no responsibility.

[evanescentworld]

Three in a bed, when I never invited her....

 

Buying a pair of diamond earrings - and I don't have pierced ears....

 

Coming home and finding all my belongings in tea chests....

 

My keys not working in the locks...

Or worse still, finding total strangers have bought my house.....

 

A 'Congratulations! You're single again!" greeting card. From him.

 

 

The above are just attempts at humour.

 

To be serious?

 

• Dishonesty, be it verbal or actioned.
  
• Animal cruelty.
  
• Abuse - verbal or physical
  
• A superiority complex, or prejudice of any kind.
  

 

Those four just about cover everything, but even just one of those would make me sit up and take notice....

[writergal]

What I can't stand about online dating is the amount of lies told in the man's online profile (probably the same for women too).

 

For example, if you are a recovering drug or alcohol addict, better to make reference to it in your profile ahead of time rather than drop that bombshell over coffee talk.

 

I just recently got back into OLD and the first guy I metup with and went on 2 dates with (first one was pre-date coffee talk so it was short and sweet, the 2nd was like a scene from the movie Psycho that I need to visit Total Recall to have my memory wiped permanently for, or I think I"ll have PTOLDS - post traumatic online dating syndrome).

 

Here's my top 5 red flags:

 

1. Unemployed and lives at home with his parents (in his 40s).

 

2. Has a history of money problems and substance abuse and isn't in AA or NA for ongoing treatment or recovery, and brags about run-ins with drug dealers.

 

3. While employed, used the state healthcare system to get free benefits and not report an income change; as a result, owes $20K to the state government! (Big Brother's always watching!)

 

4. Has a mental illness and is on multiple medications.

 

5. Driving with a suspended license and has a DUI and DWI on driving record.

 

My list is way longer than these top 5, but those are my iron-clad deal breakers. Yikes!

[Tayken]

^ Yes...as someone who sees it from the other side, I can assure that there are a lot of lies in women's profile. The major one is reduction in age, followed by physique (average = heavy, curvy = slightly heavy, a little extra = really heavy)

[Ninjainpajamas]

I don't know how people make these lists so easily, it can really depend on the situation.

 

General deal-breakers

 

1) Smoking (this I just don't personally like)..but drug, alcohol issues and/or very serious psychologically/emotional problems/issues

 

2) Very unhealthy eating habits/ lifestyle

 

3) Poor history with men - constant self-victimizing/complaining

 

4) Lots of other life drama/baggage and baby daddy drama

 

5) Women who completely seem to lack self-control/reason/intelligence

[Mirages]

Tayken your list is similar to mine, at least 1-4

 

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

 

Earning potential is a great yardstick of life competency, forget divorce tactics, a bum on her luck loser is no fun to be around... And there are legitimate people who are a little artsy, do not earn much, but for me, I must value evidence of a career.

 

2. Absolute no smoker / drug user (yes that includes weed etc), heavy drinker, vulgar/swearing, bipolar, flaky

 

Definitely, may I add, past smoker either. I would be heartbroken if she has a bad period of time and goes back to it.

 

3. They are officially divorced or plain single (no separated business) i.e. no unfinished business with an ex or still go over there

 

Depends on the country laws, I'd say so, at least apart a year... We are people, not tools for validation.

 

4. If they have kids (not more than 2 by the way, as I have only 1), they have them 50-50. As someone who was made to fight for the 50% time, I now have a clear understand of how family law works, and realize some people want sole for table amount, and the law also allows for a woman to double dip from a step parent if new relationship breaks down. I narrowly escaped this...phew

 

Many women in the 20's-30's will either 1) want kids by us, 2) have kids, 3) be so career centric that they are not thinking of kids.

I vote for them brining a kid or two and not making, don't think we'll find too many who just don't dig the kid thing.

 

... Must not hold extreme opinions, it is wiser to have a gentle opinion and justification, than some extreme broadcast without facts.

 

The insecurity, clingy, or free agent with many male friends are also extremes that I would not attach to. Lastly know their parents. Both physical and behavioural clues are present right there, the parents might not be mimicking you, or making a show, the parents are the evidence.

[todreaminblue]

arrogance

 

 

self entitlement

 

belittles others( is mean to the waiter, check out chick...whoever .....)

 

 

prejudice

 

doesnt believe in god.....

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

As some of you might know, the true definition of insanity is: Repeating the same mistake over and over, whilst expecting a different result.

 

For those that have been married before or been in LTRs that end....it will be a no brainer to have lessons learned, and to want to emulate what you had.

 

So with that said, your red flags should be what guides you moving forward. As a divorced man (I ended my relation by the way...just to point this out), who is moving forward, here are my absolute top 5:

 

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

 

2. Absolute no smoker / drug user (yes that includes weed etc), heavy drinker, vulgar/swearing, bipolar, flaky

 

3. They are officially divorced or plain single (no separated business) i.e. no unfinished business with an ex or still go over there

 

4. If they have kids (not more than 2 by the way, as I have only 1), they have them 50-50. As someone who was made to fight for the 50% time, I now have a clear understand of how family law works, and realize some people want sole for table amount, and the law also allows for a woman to double dip from a step parent if new relationship breaks down. I narrowly escaped this...phew

 

5. They have dogs/cats...this won't work for me, and I realize that 1 in every 2 women have dogs/cats as evident in profiles and on the street. I don't want to be diversifying funds towards a vet, have a dog jump on my bed/couch, stink up the house, annoying the neighbours etc.

 

My list in longer than this, but these are the 5 as mentioned

 

What are your 5 absolute deal breaker red flags??????

 

I had to make comment about #5... I find it a wee humerus to see that of all things listed.

 

You did not say a gent could name off 5... so here I go.

 

1 - Open, and does not hold back what they think or feel.

2 - Strong in their beliefs and in will.

3 - Outgoing

4 - Sensible

5 - Passionate

 

Most men probably would refrain from such a fire cracker being #1 and #2 being strong, but when all needs and understandings are met, they become brilliant never ending sparklers.

[Woggle]

1.If she has a misandrist attitude and is incapable of empathizing with a male point of view

 

2.If she has a history of cheating or no moral compass when it comes to thinks like that

 

3.If she seems addicted to drama or men who are not good relationship partners

 

4.If she is a snob obsessed with status

 

5. If she has no self control over her impulses.

[Phoe]

One of my top red flags would be someone who has a problem with pets, such as OP #5. An inability to interact well with animals, or even empathize with those who do have animals, just seems somewhat cold and detached , almost robotic in nature.

 

Then comes things such as a history of violence or criminal activity, and history of cheating. History of problematic drug use, and frequent drinking.

 

Lack of intelligence, lack of any desire to have intelligent thought or conversation, or a disdainful or ignorant attitude towards those who do value intelligence and thought provoking conversation. Like when someone says "Books? You like books? **** books. Reading is stupid. Nobody reads anymore." - when people say something like this to me, it turns me off so ridiculously fast.

[Tayken]

An inability to interact well with animals, or even empathize with those who do have animals, just seems somewhat cold and detached , almost robotic in nature.

 

Not wanting pets in your life is hardly the same as not empathizing with those who have pets. Most people that own pets, just like kids shouldn't have them to start with.

 

I mean yes pets / kids can be cute, but is that really a genuine reason for going out of your way to acquire one? Nothing more annoying than hearing someone complain about Vet fees, or how they can't find someone to look after their pet while they go away.

[HeartDesires]

Not wanting pets in your life is hardly the same as not empathizing with those who have pets. Most people that own pets, just like kids shouldn't have them to start with.

 

I mean yes pets / kids can be cute, but is that really a genuine reason for going out of your way to acquire one? Nothing more annoying than hearing someone complain about Vet fees, or how they can't find someone to look after their pet while they go away.

 

......this sounds so cold hearted

[Tayken]

I have a child which in itself can be tasking at times being a single professional father with a full time job with nobody paying me child support, taking him to activities and finding time for myself in the midst of all this.

 

Where does a pet fit into all this?????? Exactly

[HeavenOrHell]

I would add that my red flags would include if they're already married or in a r/ship, that wouldn't be my type as I need and honesty, trust, and intimacy between just me and him and not a third person.

 

 

I had to make comment about #5... I find it a wee humerus to see that of all things listed.

 

You did not say a gent could name off 5... so here I go.

 

1 - Open, and does not hold back what they think or feel.

2 - Strong in their beliefs and in will.

3 - Outgoing

4 - Sensible

5 - Passionate

 

Most men probably would refrain from such a fire cracker being #1 and #2 being strong, but when all needs and understandings are met, they become brilliant never ending sparklers.

[HeartDesires]

Where does a pet fit into all this?????? Exactly

 

Pets enrich the lives of many.....studies have proven that pets have amazing healing powers.

 

Kudos to those who open their hearts and adopt an animal...and the practical aspects such as vet fees and finding a pet sitter are valid concerns. Pets become a member of the family.

 

A red flag/deal breaker for me would be a man who doesn't like/or have pets.

[preraph]

Red flags is a bit different than things you are or are not looking for.

 

Ref flags would be:

1) Self-entitled behavior - won't take no for an answer, stalkerish

2) Cruel to animals

3) Abusive to anyone

4) Irresponsible and disorganized

5) Never grew up

 

 

I would never take up with a man who didn't want pets as long as we were able to give them good homes and take proper care of them. I wouldn't take up with a man who had pets and didn't take good care of them either or liked the furniture more than the pet.

 

I wouldn't want a man with kids, but I wouldn't want who hated kids either. I want one who wants a freer lifestyle than what having kids takes.

 

I wouldn't want a man who was a computer or sports recluse: gaming, watching sports or porn too much. It's just too mindless and I think people should have something more productive to pursue if they have that much extra time.

 

I wouldn't want a man who still lets his mommy boss him around.

 

I wouldn't want a man who smothers. I've known some sweet ones, but it's not for me. I need my space.

[Tayken]

Enriches the lives of many that are able to care for the pets, not those that think it makes for a good xmas gift. You are missing the personal point am making about myself here i.e. that it does NOT fit into my lifestyle.

 

Why should I for the sake of being with somebody, take on their pets which will inadvertently bring me misery / cost me money??????

 

The cons outweigh the pros for me, and I won't be blindsided by some booty. I see profiles that say "my pets and I come as a package", throw into the mix some of these women also have their kids all the time...now that is a lot to expect a man to take on. At least I have my son half the time, and he has a mom.

[HeartDesires]

I see profiles that say "my pets and I come as a package"

 

I can understand that....I feel the same.

 

BTW I'm a single woman (no kids) who has cat. I can not be with a man who is intolerant of my pet...his butt gets kicked to the curb.

[preraph]

Enriches the lives of many that are able to care for the pets, not those that think it makes for a good xmas gift. You are missing the personal point am making about myself here i.e. that it does NOT fit into my lifestyle.

 

Why should I for the sake of being with somebody, take on their pets which will inadvertently bring me misery / cost me money??????

 

The cons outweigh the pros for me, and I won't be blindsided by some booty. I see profiles that say "my pets and I come as a package", throw into the mix some of these women also have their kids all the time...now that is a lot to expect a man to take on. At least I have my son half the time, and he has a mom.

 

I think it's a great thing that you let people know up front you won't be wanting pets. Same thing if you don't want kids. It's not fair to get into a relationship and then expect someone to give up a pet or give up having kids. I didn't get my own pets (had many in childhood) until I was settled down with a proper house and back yard because I think they take more consideration than everyone is willing or able to give.

[OwMyEyeball]

Mine are pretty basic. They're more deal breakers than flags:

 

- Anger/bitterness/mean spirited

- Dishonest

- Unaffectionate

- Irresponsible

- Poor self-care

[Tayken]

I can understand that....I feel the same.

 

BTW I'm a single woman (no kids) who has cat. I can not be with a man who is intolerant of my pet...his butt gets kicked to the curb.

 

The feeling is mutual.....one just has to move on to the next person who doesn't have a pet.

 

I notice that people that have pets, can't seem to notice the smell that other people can when you walk into their place.

[Haydn]

Difficult. Lots of red flags only present themselves well into the RS. This has been my experience. Last ex was a control addict and a selfish ego maniac. First 6 months was heaven. But like so many others here, I was well and truly enraptured by her and my actions or lack of them led to my down fall in a quite sad way. Red flags are never obvious to me. I see that some posters lists are quite long. People have flaws but sometimes its those flaws that can be dangerously or wonderfully endearing.

[acrosstheuniverse]

1) Works a minimum wage job with no hope of progression (lack of ambition)

2) Hates all of their exes

3) Is best friends with their ex

4) Drink or drug issues, if they get drunk every weekend they're not for me

5) Religious

 

That's about it really... Although my current boyfriend was 1) when we got together, although he's really smart and has a degree etc. Since we've been together and he's seen me progress through postgrad and get a professional career I think it's spurred him on to want more for himself/for us, and he's now enrolled on a useful course to get certified to work in his dream industry. I encouraged him because he wants to do it but I didn't push him, he's chosen to do it himself.

 

Also, religion. I'm an atheist and while I have friends of many faiths, I am not compatible long term with anyone who believes in a 'god'.

[jay1983]

Jesus freak

 

Extreme sports fan

 

multiple baby daddies

 

No job

 

been on OLD for months

 

more tattoos then I have and I have some heavy work