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Boyfriend Travels for Work


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He's gone a lot and has always made time for me, but video chat sucks, and it's that time of the month, and I'm especially moody. I saw him for a short time (he was home for 2 days), and was grumpy (PMSing) now he's busy with work, and tired after work especially today.

 

I feel like I wait all day to talk to him and then he just doesn't have it in him to talk. This sale is especially hard because he'll be gone a total of 10 days, I'm able to handle not seeing him about 5 days, even that's rough, but 10 is pushing the limits.

 

I started a new job I love. I'm seeing him Sunday evening, but it's with family so we won't really have us time. I just miss him, and there's nothing he can do about it at this moment.

 

The more I know him the more attached I get and the harder it becomes.

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sirwilliams

I don't know your situation enough to comment one way or the other. He might be genuinely busy with work and doesn't have enough energy to chat, or he might be having an affair and the "work" is just a cover story.

 

Again, I don't have enough information one way or the other. Sorry. I assume you've already told him how you feel about all this?

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How often is he gone, what does he work as?

 

Assuming everything is good in other aspects of your R, I think you should probably take up a new hobby so you can occupy yourself more. 10 days is really nothing, especially to people who have done LDRs. :) It'll fly by.

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Having a SO that travels isn't for everyone. It is understand the perimeters around it. I am sympathetic as both my spouse and I travel. We were LD at one point which was the hardest as we were dealing with time differences as well.

 

Communication is key. Go over with him what you need and see if you guys can set up a time of day that works for both of you. Maybe it is in the morning before the day starts rolling. My husband and I tend to text in the morning, not much in the day, and then will have the good night call at 8:30/9. I go to bed early so while he would love to talk at 10/11 I am out by that point.

 

It has its pros and cons but does take some adjusting. We tend to have one of us traveling 3-5 days a week every week. It isn't for everyone and you need to really assess if you can find the silver lining around it all. It does give you the great ability to stay focused on your life and interests.

 

Good luck. :)

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If you already hate his job / travel schedule as BF/GF how much more will you resent it if you marry this guy, have kids & spend several days per month as a single parent?

 

 

Personally I would use the time away to your advantage, building a stronger bond with words but if you can't or won't so that, what's your other option, nag him until he gets a different job?

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We are not planning to have kids together, I have 1 he has 2 young ones. And I got the IUD (10 year one) so that'll take me through metapause IMO. Anyway I just miss seeing him, and he was literally tired. He sells cars nationally, he goes to where the big sales are basically. He worked 13 hours that day, and there's a time difference. My 9 pm is his 10 pm.

 

I know already his job is his job and he's not going to change it. I just told him to focus on shorter duration sales, he doesn't even like the 10 day ones.

Edited by Kristine
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Got It made some good points.

 

It would be so easy if loving someone was all it took in relationships but unfortunately, there are our romantic feelings and then there are the practicalities of life which includes your job, family etc. The latter of which can make a break a union.

 

This kind of schedule isn't suited for everyone and in some relationships it causes more of a strain than in others. You definitely need to communicate your feelings and sit down and see if you all can come up with something satisfying...but if over the long term you keep feeling neglected or in a state of always missing him you may have to reevaluate as the worse thing is being in a relationship where you feel lonely.

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We are not planning to have kids together, I have 1 he has 2 young ones. And I got the IUD (10 year one) so that'll take me through metapause IMO. Anyway I just miss seeing him, and he was literally tired. He sells cars nationally, he goes to where the big sales are basically. He worked 13 hours that day, and there's a time difference. My 9 pm is his 10 pm.

 

I know already his job is his job and he's not going to change it. I just told him to focus on shorter duration sales, he doesn't even like the 10 day ones.

 

Does he have a game plan on how long he will need to continue doing this? That can greatly help.

 

I do understand, it is hard. My friend is married to a cop who works full time as a cop, part time as a bouncer/security, and some free lance pieces. She is still the breadwinner (don't get me started on our pay discrepancy for the real heros!) and is basically a single parent. It is hard and she does struggle at times but understands that it is his dream/passion and they are a partnership in the whole thing.

 

I know where I have struggled is when I felt my husband wasn't factoring me in on his work decisions. Is that potentially impacting you? That your wants, needs, etc. aren't being taken into account?

 

I get it. My husband is gone this week Monday to Friday. I know that in my younger years I would have struggled but now I do enjoy the freedom to do my own thing (watch the same episodes of the Big Bang Theory over and over and never watch ESPN :p ). I miss him but it gives me the space to miss him. I had the opposite in my first marriage and we were together all the time. It was codependent and not healthy. So I think that helps temper my frustrations at time because that was more frustration for me.

 

I get it, when you like the person it stinks not to see them when you want to see them. :D

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