Bonnie Potter Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Given the stereotypes that exist, are men in the medical profession distrustful of women who show interest in them? Are they reluctant to start a relationship with someone outside the medical profession (or just anybody without a whole lot of money of their own)?? Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Dont judge someone based on their profession. Stereotypes are just that! I can share my knowledge/experience, don't be under the assumption that doctors have money, unless they have been in the profession for a couple of decades. They can be very time poor depending on where they are at in their career and what their specialising in.. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Exactly true. It does depend. Other things that depend on what type of doctor and what setting: hours can be terrible/long, you may have to accept that plans you are looking forward to will be cancelled last minute over and over. They may be under extreme stress and be too tired to do much besides work. I think it would depend on the Doctor as to who they would date, mind you, any of the ones I know meet successful women/men all the time and have their pick of women/men. I think a lot of them date in the medical profession simply because they are at work all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie Potter Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 True, but my question was actually about stereotypes aimed at women who want to date doctors, that we're gold-diggers and all that or looking for a free-ride through life. I'm sure doctors are on the look-out for such women and some may even be paranoid. For those of you who have dated doctors, can they be distrustful? Reason I ask is of course that I have my eye on a cute foreign doctor, I know he is just starting out and poor at this point in his life and I'm no gold-digger. I just love the way he is. He's such a strong character and is so CUTE!!! Big black eyes, dreamy black curls, omg omg OMG!!! Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Ah ok, I get what you are saying. Yes some of them are a bit suspicious of women throwing themselves at them because of what they do. And it does happen. If you show him you are genuinely interested in him then it will be fine. Just focus on getting to know him and see if there is a spark and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I wouldn't date a doctor personally. He'd have no time for me. What would be the point? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 (edited) You know, when I read the title of this thread, I thought that it would be about real problems that partners of doctors face - like schedules, making the best of the little time they have free, the effects of job stress... The 'problem' you talk about doesn't even register for most people - in part also because doctors are nowhere near the highest earning profession nowadays, especially not younger doctors. What exactly is your concern here? If YOU aren't intending to 'gold-dig', then (1) why are you so concerned about what others might think, and (2) why is it on your mind so much? Edited June 8, 2014 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie Potter Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 You know, when I read the title of this thread, I thought that it would be about real problems that partners of doctors face - like schedules, making the best of the little time they have free, the effects of job stress... The 'problem' you talk about doesn't even register for most people - in part also because doctors are nowhere near the highest earning profession nowadays, especially not younger doctors. What exactly is your concern here? If YOU aren't intending to 'gold-dig', then (1) why are you so concerned about what others might think, and (2) why is it on your mind so much? Perhaps I shouldn't be. It's just that I never dated someone with a real career before and I don't have a real career of my own and I feel there would be no balance. I don't even have a bachelor's degree. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Perhaps I shouldn't be. It's just that I never dated someone with a real career before and I don't have a real career of my own and I feel there would be no balance. I don't even have a bachelor's degree. What are you doing, if you're not working or studying? Or are you working, just not in a 'career'? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I wouldn't date a doctor personally. He'd have no time for me. What would be the point? That is so silly. What type of doctor? What are his/her hours and responsibilities? I started dating an eye surgeon several years ago and we ended up getting married early last year. I was initially turned off on our first date because we went out for sushi and I was surprised he wouldn't have a drink. It turns out that if he is stopped by a traffic cop for any reason and has even a smidgin of alcohol in his system, he could lose his medical license so he is very, very careful about that. But the subsequent relationship has been amazing, actually. My doctor has his own practice so we get to sleep in a little since he doesn't need to be in his office until 9:30. We travel to medical conferences together and while he attends the lectures, I wander galleries and museums and we meet for dinner. Then there was the time we were flying across country for his kids' spring break. A woman nearby started having a seizure and people were gathering around her in a panic. I called out to my husband to that there was an emergency. Watching him jump up and spring forward was like seeing a superhero fly forward and I still have a mental picture of an imaginary cape attached to my husband as he was able to stabilize this stranger until the paramedics could arrive. I feel honored to be a new doctor's wife. And the Jaguar he gave me as a wedding gift was a nice perk too. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Carrie you have caused me to reevaluate my opinion of doctors. I dated two and they had the worst people skills. I shall be more open minded in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 As always, there's a double standard in play. If a female doctor is interested in a man who makes 10% of what she does, everyone she knows will tell her he's not good enough for her, she can do better. When the roles are reversed, not many will tell a man the same thing , that he's simply too good for her. You can date doctors, go for it, no problem, even if you make $3 an hour. Men seem to love spending their hard earned money on women, but almost never the other way around. Women are hard, smart, and practical; men are idiots. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie Potter Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 What are you doing, if you're not working or studying? Or are you working, just not in a 'career'? Technically in school but I took a break. I am seriously considering returning soon though. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I 've worked with doctors for just over 30 years. Been asked out by a thousand of them ( only a slight exaggeration) ~1000 in 30 years? That's like almost 3 a month for an entire career. Almost one different doctor per week. I don't think I even meet a new person each week at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I 've worked with doctors for just over 30 years. Been asked out by a thousand of them ( only a slight exaggeration). My answer 'no'. It's not their people skills. Some are attractive and nice guys... just like any other group of males. I just know that 95% of the ones I know are divorced, in loveless marriages or cheat on their wife or girlfriend. Yes, there are exceptions but not worth the stress for a woman to accept if one wants a family. You may think you are special to him and may be that today but a dozen younger, pretty women are going to waiting in the wings. My comments are not fair to all doctors but just not a place I want to go in life. Not worth the worry and stress. Why do you feel that they would have worse integrity than the average person? Or are we just going with "People who have 'options' will cheat"? Cause that's a whole 'nother can of worms... At any rate, a few of my close female friends are doctors. They see a lot of what goes on - and yes, cheating does occur. Not any more than in any other workplace, though, from what I hear. It certainly doesn't seem bad enough to phase them, as two of them are still in Rs with male doctors (who work in other departments). IMO anyone, male or female, of any profession, is going to have the 'option' to cheat at some point of their lives. What separates those who do and don't, isn't the number of 'options' they have, but what they do with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) Perhaps I shouldn't be. It's just that I never dated someone with a real career before and I don't have a real career of my own and I feel there would be no balance. I don't even have a bachelor's degree. There are ways to make up for a lack of a career. Are you intellectually curious? Are you well read? Are you ambitious in other areas such as hobbies? Besides, two careered professionals might not make for a balanced relationship. Perhaps the hypothetical doctor would like being with someone who could compliment him in other ways? Edited June 9, 2014 by Mr Scorpio Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm engaged to a doctor - we've been together for about three years. We actually get to spend a ton of time together - more than my exes who worked in various service industries. Due to his particular specialty, his hours are very normal, flexible, and even when he's on call, the most he'll have to do is answer a phone call (no running to the hospital at 10:00 at night). Actually, we get to do things like meet for lunch during the week and take days off together more often than with anyone I have ever been with. As for concerns about personality, social skills, etc…all I can say is that, just like any other professional, they are just people. To paint them all with one brush is a mistake. I'm a hairdresser, and I loathe some of the connotations that people associate with women in my field (vain, vapid, uneducated, unintelligent…the list goes on). I would never do someone the disservice of judging them due to their profession - I know all too well what that feels like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Perhaps I shouldn't be. It's just that I never dated someone with a real career before and I don't have a real career of my own and I feel there would be no balance. I don't even have a bachelor's degree. That may be the bigger issue/real issue here. Doctors may not necessarily be wealthy, but of course that is a "real career" and a prestigious one in the eyes of most and people assume they have lots of money for that reason. What is sure is that they are educated and have had certain experiences and while they may not be as worried about gold diggers (I think business tycoons, professional athletes, those in the entertainment industry may worry about gold digging a lot more than doctors do), people in general tend to be better-suited with people with similar educational levels and lifestyles as them. All doctors don't date or marry only other doctors but it is more likely that they will associate with and date people who have similar levels of education and their own career, be it in the medical or other field. But people are people and want what they want and some don't care about that...likewise some people will have casual relationships and sex with someone knowing that in terms of a long term relationship or marriage they would never be with them. How do you know this man? If you want to date him you should try to get to know him and see where it goes. But relationships are more than just thinking someone is cute or nice...in the long term if you and your partner have a lot more in common (lifestyle, education, similar intellects etc) you have a higher chance of things working out. That's simply how it goes. As others have said too, if you don't have a career or a degree, there may be other ways in which you can make up for it and may find that you guys complement each other. But first is first...get a date Then from there, as with all dating, no matter the man's profession, the point is to see whether or not you are compatible in values, interests, lifestyles, etc and seem like you improve each other's lives or not. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Perhaps I shouldn't be. It's just that I never dated someone with a real career before and I don't have a real career of my own and I feel there would be no balance. I don't even have a bachelor's degree. My cousin is married to an Anesthesiologist and she only has a high school diploma. They have 3 kids and have been married 13 years. He worships the ground she walks on. She's a stay at home mom. I guess it depends on the doctor, what they want in a relationship and who they fall in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie Potter Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 ~1000 in 30 years? That's like almost 3 a month for an entire career. Almost one different doctor per week. I don't think I even meet a new person each week at work. Did you not see the part where she wrote it was an exaggeration. Thanks for making my day sis. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie Potter Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 I can imagine how a relationship like that would turn loveless. The thing is, I think we can be different. I just sense it when we speak. We have amazing chemistry and I think he might like me too but be too shy to ask me out. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I can imagine how a relationship like that would turn loveless. The thing is, I think we can be different. I just sense it when we speak. We have amazing chemistry and I think he might like me too but be too shy to ask me out. You guys have never even gone out on a date or attempted a relationship, so there is no way for you to know you would "be different." I don't mean to burst your bubble Bonnie...but it seems a bit naive to believe this when you all don't seem to know each other well at all. It's one thing for a couple who has been together and have actually dated and have a relationship to come to that conclusion based on evidence gathered overtime by having to deal with issues together and working things through and seeing how they gel in everyday life...but what you're basing it on is "amazing chemistry" and not anything substantial. I also am very wary of women going down the path of saying a man is shy when he hasn't asked her out. Sometimes it is true but more often than not he hasn't asked because he's not that interested, as even shy men manage to make a move esp if the woman gives them positive encouragement. So just something to think about. Where and when do you guys speak? What do you speak about? If you want, you could propose a date and then go from there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 If you are his patient, don't bother. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 If you are his patient, don't bother. It's true - not allowed. What kind of dr is he? There are many different types of "doctors". Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I can imagine how a relationship like that would turn loveless. The thing is, I think we can be different. I just sense it when we speak. We have amazing chemistry and I think he might like me too but be too shy to ask me out. Where are you even meeting him? Are you his patient? In that case, yes, don't bother. I'm sure it makes for good fictional viewing material for stuff like that to happen, but in real life I've never known a doctor to forsake their license to hook up with a patient. Link to post Share on other sites
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