VanessaVanessa Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 End up liking her more than that? In a few instances I have wanted to be friends with a guy but they have ended up looking for more than friendship. Has this happened with you? How do you deal with that? Or any guys have this happen to them? Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 It happens to me everytime. I have two male friends, but they live in other states. Otherwise I dont have male friends. Too much drama. If you want to be platonic, befriend gay men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I might get flack for this but I don't believe men and women are friends without at least one of them wanting to have sex with the other. I have NEVER seen a truly platonic relationship between opposite sex friends. Whenever a boyfriend had "friends" I noted they never wanted to be friends with a 200 lb woman with an acne problem. Shady. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
iiiii Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 It's hard to be friends with a single guy. Even if it starts as a genuine friendship, in my experience, if the guy finds you at all attractive he's going to start fantasising about more. Plus, many guys will only pretend to be content to be "friends" because they are hoping that a friendship might morph into a sexual relationship - once it becomes clear to them that you're not going to shag them they suddenly lose all interest in being "friends". If you want to be friends with a guy, IMO you have to make it really clear from the start where the boundaries of the relationship are, to weed out those guys who just want to get in your pants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I can't even be friends with them if they are taken. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I think that you can have male friends but it is hard when you are not sure if they really want you as a friend or bed buddy....i have male friends .....i hand;le awkwardness when it happens and i hope for the best...i do find with some men it is a quick friendship when they ask and i say no...they fade away ......but i have long term male friends......i dont believe that they would wait around for decades to be with me.......or see me go on dates and still want to be with me ...so i consider their friendship to be honest friendship they dont ask to get me in the sack......but we dont hang out one on one.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 While single, I have fallen for every female friend I have had. Because of that, I have decided that I will no longer have any female friends for as long as I'm single. It just seems like a good idea for girls not to have guy friends who are single. In the end, it will just cause drama. Link to post Share on other sites
johnpatric Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 This is very common.. I have one female friend but in friendship we are just going like on and off sometimes we like to talk with each other and conversation is going really very good and sometimes we totally ignore each other like we are stranger.. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Oh lord love a duck. Is this why men and women don't understand each other? For forty years (started in high school with the first girl I actually figured out how to have a real friendship with) I've had women friends. Almost all of them have been attractive. Um....the basis of liking someone can start with liking their looks, you know. Yes - and many of them liked my looks too. For some reason or another - we didn't click romantically, both knew and understood this implicitly, and remained friends......for long, long periods of time. Some of these encounters happened when I was single. Some of them happened when I was not. That never really made a lick of difference. So what's the upshot? Some socially stigmatizing disability that decrees a cross-gender friendship results in pangs of angst, the frantic gnawing of bedsheets - and some sort of post-gendered segregation..........just like black and white water fountains in the deep south in the 1950's. So we all walk around with screaming male and female body parts parading out front like a holiday parade.......and basic humanity gets lost in the shuffle? Hey. I had a few good old wrestles with the conscience over this one, when I was very young and foolish. Then I got over it. I'm glad I did. It would have pissed me off royally to have had to degenerate into such a segregated life. I would have missed out on a lot of fun. And a lot of meaningful friendships. And no........I never invented the concept. I just imitated what I saw going on all around me. But just statistically: I'd say the downside (unrequitement, misunderstanding, etc.) has happened about 10% of the time. I'd say that's not a bad ratio. I dunno.... I'd say the value of someone as a friend far surpasses whether or not they want to jump into bed with you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 While single, I have fallen for every female friend I have had. Because of that, I have decided that I will no longer have any female friends for as long as I'm single. It just seems like a good idea for girls not to have guy friends who are single. In the end, it will just cause drama. Then you will never experience that marvelous thing that happens when a friend becomes a lover. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Oh lord love a duck. Is this why men and women don't understand each other? For forty years (started in high school with the first girl I actually figured out how to have a real friendship with) I've had women friends. Almost all of them have been attractive. Um....the basis of liking someone can start with liking their looks, you know. Yes - and many of them liked my looks too. For some reason or another - we didn't click romantically, both knew and understood this implicitly, and remained friends......for long, long periods of time. this ^ I've got a few female friends who are platonic! Subjectively are they attractive, yeah I guess. Do we get on, sure. Would we date, no - didn't when we we single for years aren't gonna start now we're not! Great girls but I just dnt see them like that - they'd same way though don't see your little sister like that! That said, I've known these girls since like forever, grew up with them. I guess it maybe a little different to suddenly become amazing mates with a girl you've just met when our in a relationship already! But taken the question generally, can men and women be friends - sure they can! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Stillits Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 This is my eternal dilemma. I don't "fit in" with most women as I find their prefered activities and conversation topics trivial and I can be pretty blunt. I prefer to play videogames and boardgames and be able to speak my mind and generally feel more comfortable around males. Except for the fact that they might catch interest in me that I can't reciprocate. Ah well. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I dunno.... I'd say the value of someone as a friend far surpasses whether or not they want to jump into bed with you. Well, if they're trying to jump in the bed with you, that's not a friend. Saying that men and women can be friends is very idealistic. I'd rather not deal with the hurt, confusion, and sexual tension. If I need all that, I'll get an f buddy or boyfriend. I think that you can have male friends but it is hard when you are not sure if they really want you as a friend or bed buddy....i have male friends .....i hand;le awkwardness when it happens and i hope for the best...i do find with some men it is a quick friendship when they ask and i say no...they fade away ......but i have long term male friends......i dont believe that they would wait around for decades to be with me.......or see me go on dates and still want to be with me ...so i consider their friendship to be honest friendship they dont ask to get me in the sack......but we dont hang out one on one.....deb Yup. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Saying that men and women can be friends is very idealistic. Maybe for you and a guy to be just friends is idealistic, fair play, but you cant just band it around like a fact, when other people have there own, equally valid, experiences! That's why the worlds made up of individuals not robots, people don't respond in the same way to the same situation. Put the right too people together, in the right circumstances and they can be friends - irrespective of gender! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I thought only gay guys had female friends.... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 The thing is often times women blur the boundaries and men do it too, but it seems women do it more. If a woman claims she is friends with me then I pull the fix me up test. I will see if she is willing to fix me up with someone. If she is not then I see it's just an ego boost for her and not really a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Maybe for you and a guy to be just friends is idealistic, fair play, but you cant just band it around like a fact, when other people have there own, equally valid, experiences! That's why the worlds made up of individuals not robots, people don't respond in the same way to the same situation. Put the right too people together, in the right circumstances and they can be friends - irrespective of gender! Men and woman at large can be platonic, if you believe sexual tension in a relationship is platonic. It's biology. They could be friends, but they usually are not. Of course, someone will say their friendship is platonic, but here's the thing... People can be in the same relationship and experience it completely differently. One person is friends, the other is attempting to have a sexual relationship. They project onto each other and misunderstanding the other person's motives. Enter hurt, confusion, and jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 The thing is often times women blur the boundaries and men do it too, but it seems women do it more. If a woman claims she is friends with me then I pull the fix me up test. I will see if she is willing to fix me up with someone. If she is not then I see it's just an ego boost for her and not really a friendship. Bingo! These opposite sex friends don't want to see you date someone else. Btdt. I would like to add that sometimes women blur the lines, because they really do believe she can be just friends with a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Bingo! These opposite sex friends don't want to see you date someone else. Btdt. I would like to add that sometimes women blur the lines, because they really do believe she can be just friends with a guy. Or she secretly likes having a orbiting moon but doesn't want to admit it! Any guy worth his salt will eventually hit on a woman "friend" even if he isn't that attracted to her. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger and his maid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I have always had platonic friendships with girls since I was little. So it's possible with me. I think the key is that you both don't find yourself attracted to each other. There are cases where I was initially attracted to the girl but then later lost attraction for them because they aren't my type personality-wise and we just become great friends. I'm pretty sure my platonic female friends didn't view me as boyfriend material either. I do think it's easier to form guy-girl friendships when young as oppose to adults. When we were young we didn't care so much about relationships. But when you are an adult, you tend to focus more on relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Men and woman at large can be platonic, if you believe sexual tension in a relationship is platonic. It's biology. But assuming that you know exactly what other peoples friendships are like! You can only judge the relationships your in so you can only judge the friendships you hold! I could give you 2 friends right now that are girls, I've known one since i was 5, one since I was 10....Sexual tension? Pfftt! hilarious! I cant speak French soo no one else can, right? - that's the logic that's being used in this thread! But putting that by the by what even does make a up a platonic friendship between anyone? Be is same sex or opposite sex.....friendship is a funny thing cause its not a fixed definition, some folks will call the person they have coffee with once a month a friend, some will save it for the guy who'd take a bullet for them - theres different levels of friendship. Are ANY two friendships really the same? There all based on different things and work in different ways. Hence to say all friendships between X and Y will result in Z is naive. They could be friends, but they usually are not. Of course, someone will say their friendship is platonic, but here's the thing... People can be in the same relationship and experience it completely differently. One person is friends, the other is attempting to have a sexual relationship. They project onto each other and misunderstanding the other person's motives. Enter hurt, confusion, and jealousy. Yeah that happens, but whats that got to do with the question? Some same sex friendships one person puts in way more and the other only wants them when there useful - that happens too. Doesnt mean folk never make genuine friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Any guy worth his salt will eventually hit on a woman "friend" even if he isn't that attracted to her. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger and his maid. Well if thats what it takes to be in the boys brigade, count me out! I believe theres much better ways to prove your worth! Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 The sad thing is most women delude themselves into thinking a lot of guys are genuinely my friends. The actual truth is they are just waiting for a moments when you slip up and they can have sex with you. As a man a huge red flag for me or a lot of men is a woman with male friends. It's like Chris Rock said: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I thought only gay guys had female friends.... TFY *chuckle* Good joke. Everyone's a stereotype. I was having a good yak last night (with a female friend) and we stumbled upon the topic of how conservative the world has become. Apparently we're rather idealistic, it seems. But then - we're both in the same band, and its principal songwriters. Go figure. I guess I'm just a little whizzed at how so few argue this point...... I mean, I'm a guy. I'm not particularly chummie with girlie girls. I'm also not particularly chummie with little boys who never grew up. (unless both these types happen to still actually be children) I never learned a whole about women from men.................. I learned about women - from women. Most of my women friends have more male than female friends. Most of my men friends...........are about 50-50. And my gay friends? (All 3 genders) They're all over the map. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 what happens when a girl can't make friendships with guys because they end up End up liking her more than that? The lady has choices with regards to her friendships and relationships. If she's uncomfortable having friends who view her as their sexual preference and appear to 'like' her, then she terminates those friendships. If comfortable, with boundaries, she sets them. If comfortable regardless, that. She always has choices. If she's so universally attractive that every man on the planet wants to be her lover, well all I can state is good for her! It certainly means her chances of finding a healthy and productive relationship are large! That then leaves the rest of the planet to be friends with. Or any guys have this happen to them? I'd enjoy hearing from those men, especially what cologne they're wearing Uniformly, in my 55 I've never experienced such an interaction happening and I've been platonic friends with countless women over the decades, some for years. In our market, if a woman likes a man, if he doesn't immediately respond, she simply moves on to the next man, as we're a dime a dozen around here. I'm sure there are a very few men who 'collect' female friends/orbiters or experience every woman they meet wanting to 'grow' the interaction into a romance but I haven't seen it personally and have lived in the same demographic for 55 now. Personally, I switched from female to male friends once I noticed the emotional styles of the males and mine matching up better. The guys softened up a bit with age and I was 'hardened' from being married and divorced. It worked out! Only female friends now are spouses of male friends. Keep trying, OP. You'll find your sweet spot eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
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