Do you think how attractive we are or who we attract effects who were attracted to?

[SGH]

Im always fascinated by attraction and who were attracted to physically and whos attracted to us physically and i wonder the origins,im not talking people who grown on us in time but who were at least somewhat physically attracted to at first sight.

 

Take me for example im an average at best looking guy im in pretty decent shape but my face is not attractive the women who approach me alot and are usually interested are women who are also lets say plain and average at best. These women seem to show some levels of lust and attraction towards me enough to even approach me at times but whenever i approached lets say a conventionally good looking women not a model or anything but an cute women i was turned down and at times shown disdain and had some rude things said about my looks.

 

On the other end i do find while not all but some of these plain women attractive physically while my friends who are better looking guys then me and used to being with good lookign women are turned off physically by these same women.

 

Im not saying i have no physical standards at all theyres alot of women im not physically attracted to and im attracted to conventionally attractive women like most men and turned off by alot of women who arent but my threshold for attraction seems to be a little more flexible then my more good looking friends.

 

I just wonder how this attraction thing works and if physical attraction between two blah looking people is a subconscious thing for survival of the species or maybe us average looking people learn at an early age that the convetionally good looking people are not attracted to us so its a surival tactic in the dating world to become attracted to the more average people?

 

Are good looking people more prone to be turned off by more average looking people becasue there used to being with good looking partners so it makes average looking people look worse to them in comparison?

[Thomas the Red Fox]

I had a theory it has something to do with how we see ourselves in the mirror. But it's not black and white. There are many factors -- crushes we had on tv show characters when we were young, what our mothers (or fathers, if we are talking about women) look like, etc.

 

Multiple studies have shown attractive people tend to be end up with attractive people, and less tend to end up with less, and so on.

 

 

You're probably better off being with an average looking girl. The better looking they are, the more problems that tend to come with them typically. Lmao trust me.

[Emilia]

Are good looking people more prone to be turned off by more average looking people becasue there used to being with good looking partners so it makes average looking people look worse to them in comparison?

I think it's more that people - more men than women I think - try to get as attractive partners as possible ie at the top range of what they can attract.

[Buzzkill]

I think it's more that people - more men than women I think - try to get as attractive partners as possible ie at the top range of what they can attract.

 

I'm surrounded by thousands and thousands of women, on a daily basis. I don't notice this. I see average men aiming for women who are average(and many wouldn't even be considered average in Countries like Germany, Sweden etc) and most of them are shot down. I very rarely see the average man go after a 6 feet tall Russian model. Actually, the more attractive the woman is, the least likely she is to have men chase after her. Men know they can't get her.

 

There is this one 25 year old woman I see, sometimes. She's absolutely beautiful. That would be the Russian model I just pointed out before. The other day I was inside the train waiting for it to move when she gets right in front of me.

 

You think I stood there gawking at her? I looked at her for one second, realized I'm not good enough to even clean off the mud from her boots and I proceeded into looking at the ground because I didn't want to damage my sight from looking at that much beauty, and of course because I'm not worthy. The woman was absolutely divine, not one single flaw, everything about her screamed ''I'm worthy of the Prince of Sweden.''

 

I make it my priority to stay away from attractive women. I know how hard it already is to be hated by the women they have to interact with, and I know my place in the sexual hierarchy .

 

Now women, do tend to go for men who are better-looking than them, or better-looking than the men who surround them. Most of the women from my class are hooking-up with the same handful of good-looking men, and they'd rather be a hook-up than the girlfriend of a guy who isn't that remarkable, physically.

Edited April 8, 2014 by Buzzkill

[slizl]

My rule is you can't date anyone who is more than 2 (preferably 1) points higher or lower than you on a 10 point scale. For example, a 9 can date an 8, but probably not the best idea to date a 6. WHen there is a major looks discrepancy, the better looking person tend to dominate the realtionship. Just from my exp....

[Thomas the Red Fox]

My rule is you can't date anyone who is more than 2 (preferably 1) points higher or lower than you on a 10 point scale. For example, a 9 can date an 8, but probably not the best idea to date a 6. WHen there is a major looks discrepancy, the better looking person tend to dominate the realtionship. Just from my exp....

 

But brother, who determines definitively what you are on a scale of 1 - 10?

 

You?

 

Hot or not?

 

That website that measures your facial symmetry?

 

I don't believe in leagues. I mean, yeah, sometimes you'll see a terrible looking dude with a beautiful woman and you'll be like what the heck, but whatever, maybe he's a pickup artist, or maybe he's brilliant. Hell if I know.

 

 

The facial symmetry website ranked me 8.61 - 9 depending on the picture, and I always actually considered myself in that range too, but who's to say that's what I am.

[normal person]

 

I just wonder how this attraction thing works and if physical attraction between two blah looking people is a subconscious thing for survival of the species or maybe us average looking people learn at an early age that the convetionally good looking people are not attracted to us so its a surival tactic in the dating world to become attracted to the more average people?

 

Are good looking people more prone to be turned off by more average looking people becasue there used to being with good looking partners so it makes average looking people look worse to them in comparison?

 

I think you're on the right track with this train of thought. I think our experiences probably condition us to realize where we stand on the spectrum and what kind of person we can get. If you're a guy and girls are always telling you you're handsome, you've had a lot of beautiful girlfriends, well then you're probably pretty handsome. Conversely, if you've tried for the beautiful girls but you've been shot down, they're probably a bit out of your league. If you don't like the less attractive girls who throw themselves at you, you subconsciously (or consciously) think you can probably do better than them, so you'll likely end up with a girl in the middle who likely had a similar experience with all the previous guys she met.

 

That's how I always see it working, I don't know how much validity there is behind it.

[hasaquestion]

Imagine 100 people in a room. 50 men and 50 women You close the doors. No one can leave until everyone is paired up. No one can change their mind once they pair up.

 

Once everyone interacts and figures out what they want? The first domino to fall will be the two who pick first. They will pair up, then the are off the market. Then the two more people will pick, and that domino will fall, etc. Gradually every person will have been optimally matched. Meaning #1-#1, #2-#2, #3-#3... etc. Maximizes everyone's satisfaction.

 

Dating is just a very inefficient, macro-scale version of this analogy.

 

Why is it inefficient?

*Personality - People will bend over more for your personality in real life than in the model.

*Incomplete Information - You do not interact individually and substantially with everyone, like in the thought exercise, so it is harder for them (and you) to make an informed decision.

*Convenience - Unlike in the thought exercise, your primary focuses are your professional life, family, and hobbies, so you cannot play the game as often as you'd like.

*Access - There's never 50 men and 50 women, and social groups control interaction. By lacking these connections you will not have access to play on the same playing field, and by having them you will have disproportionate access.

 

of course, inefficiency means opportunity to do better than you deserve!

[Buzzkill]

But brother, who determines definitively what you are on a scale of 1 - 10?

 

You?

 

Hot or not?

 

That website that measures your facial symmetry?

 

I don't believe in leagues. I mean, yeah, sometimes you'll see a terrible looking dude with a beautiful woman and you'll be like what the heck, but whatever, maybe he's a pickup artist, or maybe he's brilliant. Hell if I know.

 

 

The facial symmetry website ranked me 8.61 - 9 depending on the picture, and I always actually considered myself in that range too, but who's to say that's what I am.

 

Look at the men who are sexually successful with a large sample of women and compare the guy with you. Is he taller than you? Has better hair? What about his face? If you look like him or you have his other attributes, you are attractive and you can reach for the good-looking women.

 

Personality doesn't really matter to women who aren't looking for marriage. I've seen guys treat women like crap and get dates. Focus on weight-lifting, a good-diet and then go after the elite women.

Edited April 8, 2014 by Buzzkill

[ThaWholigan]

"Do you think how attractive we are or who we attract affects who we're attracted to?"

 

Absolutely, but how much it affects us varies and depends on a variety of factors - namely how we interact with society and social hierarchies (or leagues - whether you feel they exist or not) overall.

 

For instance, physical attractiveness may not be a prerequisite to some people, while for others it's the most important aspect of pairing up. Others may be attracted to particularly types of intelligence also. There's a variety of reasons why people will be attracted to each other that will depend on the individuals in question and their compatibility.

 

Strictly physical attractiveness? Yeah, that will affect things. I think physical compatibility will be optimum from an objective POV, and in some cases, people will be attracted to someone more physically aesthetic than they are and being with them may inspire feelings of insecurity and anxiety rather than a more synergistic feeling more associated with comfort or friction.

 

I don't think necessarily that conventionally good looking people will be turned off by average looking people as a rule, but it's probably more likely in certain social circles.

[ThaWholigan]

But brother, who determines definitively what you are on a scale of 1 - 10?

 

You?

 

Hot or not?

 

That website that measures your facial symmetry?

 

I don't believe in leagues. I mean, yeah, sometimes you'll see a terrible looking dude with a beautiful woman and you'll be like what the heck, but whatever, maybe he's a pickup artist, or maybe he's brilliant. Hell if I know.

 

 

The facial symmetry website ranked me 8.61 - 9 depending on the picture, and I always actually considered myself in that range too, but who's to say that's what I am.

I ranked as an 8.4 using that site. It's an objective measure so on some level there would be people who would find me attractive at least facially - or so it would seem.

 

As it happens, it hasn't worked out like that for me consistently . I have been approached by women but it's not been a regular occurrence. Being autistic also contributes to not being as able as others to capitalize on social opportunities although I have improved this. I'm also not as fit as I could be.

 

Still though, I do know men who I would definitely not term as conventionally good-looking who are far superior with women to a lot of men who are better looking than them.

[verhrzn]

I think it should also really be pointed out that tastes are not universal. Some of the supposedly "hottest" guys according to society leave me cold. People might look at my mate selection and think the guy is average, when in fact he is absolutely the hottest to me. And it isn't me "fooling" myself, it's just that I have different tastes than other people might.

 

The idea that average people only hook up with average people, and that the average person knows they can't get the "hot" chick, makes the assumption that we all have the exact same photocopy tastes in physical looks. That just isn't the case. For example, some men like *gasp* overweight women. Some of these men are even "conventionally attractive." Some very attractive women could care less about muscles. For some people, personality overrides looks irregardless of how conventionally ugly or attractive a person is.

 

I do believe that leagues exists, but leagues are a place to start, not a place to end up. They exist right up until the other person starts to know you as a person, not just a object to look at. I've seen truly unfortunate looking guys get conventionally gorgeous girls by being funny and charismatic. Sure, the girl might not have given him a second glance, until she got a gander at the way he talked, the way he carried himself, and the way his energy seemed to draw everyone in the room to him.

 

I should also point out that I've sent pictures of myself and my exes to some of the people on this forum in the past, and all of them agreed I and my ex were totally within the same league. Even sometimes that I was a little more attractive. And yet my exes completely believed they could do better than me, that they were the ones settling. And several of them went on to date/marry much more attractive women than me. So obviously their looks really didn't have much to do with it. (And no, my exes weren't rich either. I usually outstripped them there too.)

 

Honestly, I think the best relationships are the one where both partners feel like they got the sweet end of the deal, where they both simultaneously think the other is the more attractive one.

[verhrzn]

I ranked as an 8.4 using that site. It's an objective measure so on some level there would be people who would find me attractive at least facially - or so it would seem.

 

Eh I think that sites skews pretty high. I posted the same picture on Hot or Not and Reddit's AmIUgly. On Hot or Not, I got an average of about 7.5, 8-ish. On Reddit, the very highest I got was a 7, and the average was a 5.5 or 6, "would not bang."

[ThaWholigan]

Eh I think that sites skews pretty high. I posted the same picture on Hot or Not and Reddit's AmIUgly. On Hot or Not, I got an average of about 7.5, 8-ish. On Reddit, the very highest I got was a 7, and the average was a 5.5 or 6, "would not bang."

Which kinda makes my point - attraction is subjective.

 

Although, it's unfortunate that people on Reddit were so rude as to say they "would not bang" :/

[ascendotum]

I think it's more that people - more men than women I think - try to get as attractive partners as possible ie at the top range of what they can attract.

 

There's been a bunch of posts on here recently from women saying the opposite. Like the poster below you mentioned, and those other women, that lots of really attractive women supposedly hardly get asked out by guys because they are too intimidated, assume they are already taken, or are out of their league.

 

At my skinniest times in my life after mid 20s, I noticed that women's personalities were correlated to their waist (singles). The wider the waist the more approachable & fun/flirty the woman...in general terms. When I bulked up that effect faded, though petite women were still not all that enthusiastic, unless I dropped my standards (face, intelligence, lifestyle, job, class). Slim, petite, slender women are popular with guys from 50-200kg and they know it. A mate of my friend who was skinny up to his late 20s (virgin) then got diagnosed with crohn's, got on top of it, and got into BB big time, said the same thing, except he got massive and experienced a complete 180 on the waist effect. The fat women shunned him and the petite & slenders were now full on flirty and totally DTF

 

For the OP I think its less a case of who we are attracted to and more a case of who we can attract. People are as shallow as their options. Its a broad brush claim, but for most people under 40, I believe it.

Edited April 9, 2014 by ascendotum

[TiredFamilyGuy]

My 2c: people fear rejection and according to their self confidence will go for those a little higher or lower on the scale of attractiveness than themselves. This innate tendency can be adjusted.

[tbf]

People are fooling themselves if they believe that attractive women don't get hit on more often than average women. The only time this would happen is if the woman's got blatant issues, like sharpening a butcher knife while in relaxed conversation.

 

It appears to me that from pics seen of the women who complain they don't get hit on even though they're beautiful, their concept of personal beauty appears highly...subjective.

 

As far as leagues and such, I don't believe in it. Hot men are no different to me than ones who aren't so hot. They're all human beings so none intimidate.

 

When it comes to looks, I'm drawn to men who are similar to my father who was and is my hero. Tall, dark-haired and handsome. Both of my husbands (ex and current) are...you guessed it, tall, dark-haired and handsome.

 

But looks aren't the only and by far aren't the most important elements to my attraction mechanism.

[Emilia]

I'm surrounded by thousands and thousands of women, on a daily basis. I don't notice this. I see average men aiming for women who are average(and many wouldn't even be considered average in Countries like Germany, Sweden etc) and most of them are shot down. I very rarely see the average man go after a 6 feet tall Russian model. Actually, the more attractive the woman is, the least likely she is to have men chase after her. Men know they can't get her.

 

There is this one 25 year old woman I see, sometimes. She's absolutely beautiful. That would be the Russian model I just pointed out before. The other day I was inside the train waiting for it to move when she gets right in front of me.

 

You think I stood there gawking at her? I looked at her for one second, realized I'm not good enough to even clean off the mud from her boots and I proceeded into looking at the ground because I didn't want to damage my sight from looking at that much beauty, and of course because I'm not worthy. The woman was absolutely divine, not one single flaw, everything about her screamed ''I'm worthy of the Prince of Sweden.''

 

I make it my priority to stay away from attractive women. I know how hard it already is to be hated by the women they have to interact with, and I know my place in the sexual hierarchy .

Which is why I put ' at the top range of what they can attract.'

[Emilia]

There's been a bunch of posts on here recently from women saying the opposite. Like the poster below you mentioned, and those other women, that lots of really attractive women supposedly hardly get asked out by guys because they are too intimidated, assume they are already taken, or are out of their league.

I concur with tbf that 'really attractive' is subjective. Very good looking women get hit on all the time. Now, whether they get hit on by suitable men or in the right way, that's another matter.

At my skinniest times in my life after mid 20s, I noticed that women's personalities were correlated to their waist (singles). The wider the waist the more approachable & fun/flirty the woman...in general terms.

Yes, they have to work harder. Stands to reason. Maybe the women that complain about not being approached should be more approachable and flirty too.

When I bulked up that effect faded, though petite women were still not all that enthusiastic, unless I dropped my standards (face, intelligence, lifestyle, job, class). Slim, petite, slender women are popular with guys from 50-200kg and they know it. A mate of my friend who was skinny up to his late 20s (virgin) then got diagnosed with crohn's, got on top of it, and got into BB big time, said the same thing, except he got massive and experienced a complete 180 on the waist effect. The fat women shunned him and the petite & slenders were now full on flirty and totally DTF

 

For the OP I think its less a case of who we are attracted to and more a case of who we can attract. People are as shallow as their options. Its a broad brush claim, but for most people under 40, I believe it.

That's what I said precisely. People - especially men - try to attract the best they can.

[dichotomy]

I think emotional and our psychological factors due tend to have a affect as well as pure attractiveness.

 

As one poster mentioned I know one woman who was completely (and in this case unhealthily) attracted to an older married man who reminded her (in an attitudes way) of her dad. He did not look like her dad, but he was older and had the same way about life (character). This same woman also had no real physical body type - her various men ranged widely in looks and body type -choosing instead more based on personalities and her own interests in them.

 

As for me - My first real love relationship was with a girl who was very curvy, wide hips. She was at the time, not my type physically (but still cute). But she knocked my socks off, and since then I tend to find myself attracted to curvy women- despite still retaining a different internal type preference (appearance) that I have never dated.

 

oh - and being slightly on the bigger size male (tall, muscle) - I do find some petite gals who find me intimidating...so bigger is not always better.

[Emilia]

As for me - My first real love relationship was with a girl who was very curvy, wide hips. She was at the time, not my type physically (but still cute). But she knocked my socks off, and since then I tend to find myself attracted to curvy women- despite still retaining a different internal type preference (appearance) that I have never dated.

This is interesting. So how come very curvy isn't your type if that's what you are attracted to?

 

My physical type has changed over the years in that it has become less important as I dated very different looking men.

[Shepp]

You over cook a peice of duck by 5mins and serve it up on master her and the panel will rip you to shreads!

 

You take that same peice of duck and you give it to a starving kid in Africa and he'll think it's the best thing he's ever eaten! Maybe even the best thing that anyone could ever eat!

 

 

Is it not just as simple as that?

[BradJacobs]

Sometimes?

 

I think when people are younger and life experiences are relatively narrow then this rule would apply universally. As people age, mature and find themselves in love with different body types because personalities won out, then the rules become obsolete or is at least modified to become a formula which incorporates a lot of intangibles.

[xxoo]

I think how attractive we are affects who we get attention and positive reinforcement from, and that in turn affects who we find attractive. The people who make us feel good are attractive.

[Buzzkill]

I think how attractive we are affects who we get attention and positive reinforcement from, and that in turn affects who we find attractive. The people who make us feel good are attractive.

 

To some effect. When I receive attention from average women, It doesn't phase me or make me feel attractive or attracted to them. But when attractive gay men, and attractive women pay attention to me, yes. I feel like a hot pie.