Jump to content

Why wouldn't you want to see/talk to an ex?


Recommended Posts

Assume a normal breakup in which someone was emotionally hurt (not like something crazy like beat up or anything)

 

Why would you not want to see or talk to your ex? What are some reasons? Just trying to understand some psychology. The only reason I can think of is that you are hurt. But what if the other person was hurt also.

Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the reasons I don't want to talk to some of my exes is because I just don't like them anymore, in addition to not loving them anymore. Seeing who they really are made me lose the respect I had for them.

I don't want to have to deal with them.

Others remind me of the bad choices that I made, ie, I should never have gone out with them in the first place.

 

And others, yeah, I was hurt.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
One of the reasons I don't want to talk to some of my exes is because I just don't like them anymore, in addition to not loving them anymore. Seeing who they really are made me lose the respect I had for them.

I don't want to have to deal with them.

Others remind me of the bad choices that I made, ie, I should never have gone out with them in the first place.

 

And others, yeah, I was hurt.

Thanks! By you don't want to deal with them, what do you mean? Like they'd be annoying?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I knew why my ex refused to talk to me after she dumped me.

 

Her making it seem like she went from loving me to hating me, completely messed me up emotionally. I began to think that there was something wrong with me, or that she did something really bad and was too embarrassed to face me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks! By you don't want to deal with them, what do you mean? Like they'd be annoying?

 

Yes, for example, if I'm the one who broke up with them, if I don't cut communication, they think they have a chance of us getting back together, and every time we talk, they will try to convince me that they changed or that I didn't make the right choice by breaking up with them. And it annoys me, because I'm old enough to know when I don't love someone anymore or if we're not compatible.

 

However, if I'm the dumpee, I just want to move on with my life. I find it helps the healing process to go NC.

 

I have stayed friends with one of my exes. But the break up was mutual and we still liked and respected each other. We were not compatible in romance, but we BOTH agreed on that.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

"Why wouldn't you want to see/talk to an ex?"

 

I'd answer with a question.. Why would you want to see/talk to an ex?

 

If you are ex's, then it's over. There is nothing to talk about. Picking at the wound is just going to make it worse.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, for example, if I'm the one who broke up with them, if I don't cut communication, they think they have a chance of us getting back together, and every time we talk, they will try to convince me that they changed or that I didn't make the right choice by breaking up with them. And it annoys me, because I'm old enough to know when I don't love someone anymore or if we're not compatible.

Sadly, that is the case.

 

Of course if you dumped somebody, they'd want you to come back and try to convince you every time you talked.

 

So not talking to them is the best thing you can do if you are 110%, absolutely certain that you don't want to try again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My ex won't talk to me. we had an argument about my weight which caused the breakup. I'm overweight and she insisted that I lose weight, but instead all she did is put extreme stress on me and I ate even more. she ended it and won't talk to me. she may be thin but she isn't a good person.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill
My ex won't talk to me. we had an argument about my weight which caused the breakup. I'm overweight and she insisted that I lose weight, but instead all she did is put extreme stress on me and I ate even more. she ended it and won't talk to me. she may be thin but she isn't a good person.

 

So then the question should be: why would you *want* to talk to her?

Link to post
Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse

I believe it's easier for both parties to move on when there is minimal, or ideally zero, contact. When I've dumped somebody I don't think it's fair to keep hanging around and giving them false hope. When I've been dumped the first thing I want to do is distance myself as much as possible from the person that hurt me so deeply, deleting and blocking their facebook/getting rid of their number. It's like I need to know there's no possibility of them contacting me in order to feel okay with not hearing from them and to move on. I just find it easier to get over somebody when you're not being reminded of their presence constantly. No idea how people with kids navigate this issue.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yes, for example, if I'm the one who broke up with them, if I don't cut communication, they think they have a chance of us getting back together, and every time we talk, they will try to convince me that they changed or that I didn't make the right choice by breaking up with them. And it annoys me, because I'm old enough to know when I don't love someone anymore or if we're not compatible.

 

Ok this makes sense. The reason why I would talk to an ex is to see if:

-Any interest in getting back together

-Or to just kinda check up on them to see if I/they made the right decision

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why wouldn't you want to see/talk to an ex?

 

A very important reason that has been eluded to, but not emphasized enough is so that you give the person your dating now or will be dating the opportunity to show you that he/she is can offer you more than your ex had. Remember, you know what you have in your ex and it was for unfortunate, bad reasons why you broke-up. It's simply respectful and mindful to have as little or no contact with exes if you are dating others or plan to.

 

It amazes me how so many cling to known pasts that have already proven bad for them at the expense of a brighter present/future.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I personally try to live in the present, so I haven't encountered this issue much myself. That being said if I see an ex around I'd certainly be friendly and have previously ended relationships on a relatively good note which never hurts. But for me I try living in the present and forward.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it can be about having healthy boundaries.

 

Often people seem to see being friends with an Ex as a mature and adult thing to do. Actually it's playing with fire. Once you've been in a relationship with someone, a line has been crossed and you can't go back. You can never be 'just friends'.

 

And usually one person is hurt more than another. If they're in pain, then seeing the other person will keep hurting them, so if they're emotionally healthy they'll want to avoid the other person to avoid keeping on getting hurt. On the other hand, the dumper often wants to makes sure that the other person understands that it's truly over - no contact, no hopes raised for the future. This is what emotionally healthy people do.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...