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I heard a rumor that my man is married.

 

I went to a website and for a nominal fee later to be charged (7 day trial), I accessed his marriage record.

 

He told me about this long ago, I knew all about it, but I did not find a divorce record...

 

He told me not to believe everything I hear when I asked him if he's married, LOL. He didn't even give me a response initially, as if to way: whatever.

 

What is this era we live in where people do background checks on one another, access credit reports, I imagine, and why do I feel so guilty for sleuthing around on this? He might be dismayed I've done this. But where is the divorce record??

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The divorce degree is most likely at the courthouse where he lived during the marriage.

 

It was a Vegas thing (trying to save a broken relationship, bless his heart). I believe he's a life long California resident...

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Marriages and divorces are a matter of public record, I believe. BUT not every area has their records online, especially small towns and such.

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wait...isn't there laws against this kind of website? Confidentiality laws etc?

 

 

 

The documents are public records. There is nothing confidential about a court order. Anything like SSN should be redacted

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What is this era we live in where people do background checks on one another, access credit reports, I imagine,

 

It's called the 'Information Era'. BTW, to legally access a credit report, you'll need the person's SSN and signature of release, as well as meet certain licensing requirements. I know this because I'm licensed to do such reports as a landlord. Of course, people don't always do things legally. That goes without saying.

why do I feel so guilty for sleuthing around on this?
Unknown. Perhaps you're not used to doing background checks on people.
He might be dismayed I've done this. But where is the divorce record??

 

He might. That's OK, he can fee dismayed.

 

The divorce record will reside in the files of the court jurisdiction where the lawsuit was filed. Usually this is where you know him to reside but not always, as people can establish residency in more advantageous jurisdictions to their circumstances for purposes of divorcing.

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Perhaps you're not used to doing background checks on people.

 

Heck no! First time. I prefer: if there's something I need to know about you, just tell me.

 

He might. That's OK, he can fee dismayed.

 

He said he has "alligator skin", so... He'll forgive me, dare I be so bold to state.

 

The divorce record will reside in the files of the court jurisdiction where the lawsuit was filed. Usually this is where you know him to reside but not always

 

Neither state. :-(

 

people can establish residency in more advantageous jurisdictions to their circumstances for purposes of divorcing.

 

This website is rather inclusive, showing me results of people with similar names to him, all states.

 

:-(

 

He doesn't seem like the kind to leave a loose end like this hanging for so many years.

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Some jurisdictions don't report to clearinghouses of divorce data. I run into the same issues with criminal checks and bank checks/previous address checks. Sometimes data is missing in a wide area scan and that's checking with enough personal information to commit identity theft.

 

Another clue which can help nail down residency is property records. Some people obfuscate those in trusts and LLC's but generally most are pretty transparent.

 

Lastly, if the person in question has filed articles of incorporation and/or for a fictitious name (typical in business), those records can lend insight to location data to find more information. I can get deeper into other legal stuff relevant to what I do for a living but that's likely irrelevant to a casual determining of a divorce, rather more into finding people who don't want to be found or want to escape a certain type of past. Then, again ;)

 

Information is fun :)

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that's likely irrelevant to a casual determining of a divorce

 

:-)

 

Thank you. I'm pretty sure he handled that business long ago. :-)

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Lastly, if the person in question has filed articles of incorporation and/or for a fictitious name (typical in business), those records can lend insight to location data to find more information.

 

He's certainly an entrepreneur, but I'd rather let him tell me about his business first hand. :)

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I heard a rumor that my man is married.

 

I went to a website and for a nominal fee later to be charged (7 day trial), I accessed his marriage record.

 

He told me about this long ago, I knew all about it, but I did not find a divorce record...

 

He told me not to believe everything I hear when I asked him if he's married, LOL. He didn't even give me a response initially, as if to way: whatever.

 

What is this era we live in where people do background checks on one another, access credit reports, I imagine, and why do I feel so guilty for sleuthing around on this? He might be dismayed I've done this. But where is the divorce record??

 

Umm....how can he be "your man" if you don't know vital information about him but have to depend on rumors and sleuthing? :confused:

 

Liloldlady I think your "relationship" is a lot less than you make it out to be, as you seem almost unable to talk to this man and seem to always be out of the loop with him but always seem to be on the outside looking in on him and his promise-ring-fiance. It doesn't seem like you all are in any kind of real relationship to be very honest and it seems what you think you're doing and what he thinks aren't the same. Some days he's your friend other times he's "my man." It's very odd.

 

In any case, while background checks and the lot exist, in healthy relationships one need not go through all that but can simply ask and be clued in. The fact that you have to do all this should be a clue.

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Are you married to him?

Are planning on marrying him?

 

If you answered yes to one of those, ask him for the damn papers.

 

If not, who cares?

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So ask, and if he says no, don't plan on marrying him!

 

I told him I will marry him. I said how do you feel, I don't ask, but I tell? He likes that :laugh:

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Seeing as he is still living with another woman and according to your other ongoing thread is doing his best to avoid your affair being discovered, I doubt there is much chance of him marrying you anytime soon.

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You're confused. My man lives alone.

 

I'm definitely confused then. Are you talking about the single guy you have not seen for two years yet seem to suggest you are close to reconciling with or are you talking about the other guy who has a long term girlfriend who I was under the impression he was living with and with whom you have been having an affair with for a year or so. It really is very hard to know which one you are talking about post to post let alone thread to thread.

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I heard a rumor that my man is married.

 

I went to a website and for a nominal fee later to be charged (7 day trial), I accessed his marriage record.

 

He told me about this long ago, I knew all about it, but I did not find a divorce record...

 

He told me not to believe everything I hear when I asked him if he's married, LOL. He didn't even give me a response initially, as if to way: whatever.

 

What is this era we live in where people do background checks on one another, access credit reports, I imagine, and why do I feel so guilty for sleuthing around on this? He might be dismayed I've done this. But where is the divorce record??

 

I work in the drug testing and background check industry. I too have paid for an online site to learn more about a woman I was dating, mostly out of curiosity. I searched myself, too. I was married and divroced. The site did not return any information on either.

 

These sites, are only as good, as the data in.

 

A true background check usually require a person going to a courthouse and pulling documents. You will most likley not get this from a $7.99 website. At my company they can run $50+.

 

To answer your era question, it's an information world and a lot it it is public. Think about this anytime you enter data into a form on the web and hit Submit.

 

Why do you feel guilty? Not sure, one, you snooped, and two for some reason, you snooped. Some kind of trust issue is there. Explain this to him, and go get a copy of the divorce papers or ask him for a copy. Mine are in a safe in my house and I would gladly share them with an y woman that asked.

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The documents are public records. There is nothing confidential about a court order. Anything like SSN should be redacted

 

In my county you can get divorce records as those are public records but marriage certificates and that info can only be gotten by either party in the marriage or a blood family member.

 

The accuracy of knowing if they are still married is next to impossible by looking at the wedding records.

 

You would have to find out where they lived and filed and look at the county public record website to find divorce records.

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It really is very hard to know which one you are talking about post to post let alone thread to thread.

 

Anne's a super sleuth in real life!

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I searched myself, too. I was married and divroced. The site did not return any information on either.

 

I hear you. I'm certain my man handled this divorce business long ago, as he said he did. I know him well enough to understand this about him.

 

These sites, are only as good, as the data in.

 

Amen.

 

Why do you feel guilty?

 

Because I feel he's right telling me: don't believe everything I hear and it's just sneaky of me to do this, but I don't think he will mind, if it ever comes up in conversation. I'm sure this is small potatoes to him. He has bigger fish to fry (though we are both vegetarians, LOL).

 

Not sure, one, you snooped, and two for some reason, you snooped. Some kind of trust issue is there.

 

Yes, he's a very private man, and ...yes, I snooped for a reason. For shame! I bet he would laugh it off. I'd admit what I've done. He & I have a long way to go toward bonding : true. He's been very forthright with me about his past, as far as I know.

 

Explain this to him, and go get a copy of the divorce papers or ask him for a copy.

 

It won't matter unless we are ready to elope, and we are not.

 

Mine are in a safe in my house and I would gladly share them with an y woman that asked.

 

Amen. :-)

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HokeyReligions

I really got confused reading this. I know how easy it is to access information. For $125 a year I have a limited P.I.s license which grants me access to a lot of info. I found out about this from a former coworker who looked me up on the computer at work. She accessed my last five years of tax returns, criminal history (I have none but it it did show a speeding ticket I received ten years before), my credit history from all three credit bureaus, marriage, birth, and death certificates (my birth cert and my kids birth certs), employment history including unemployment, etc. She did this in about 15-20 minutes and all she had was my name and current city of residence. I was not happy that she did that.

 

So while it is possible, IMHO if you feel its necessary because you don't trust him then call it quits. Something, some internal voice is telling you he is of questionable integrity. If its because you lack confidence in your choices then get some help for your personal issues. If I were dating and someone investigated me I would end it.

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