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She never contacted me ever since she came back from vacations


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I should be out there with a big smile on my face, celebrating my grades but i will come back to this in a moment.

 

This is my fourth post over here and to make it easy, the final verdict was to ask this girl out directly after chasing her for 4 months or so but let me explain what happened.

 

How did i meet her:

I met Emma through her best friend about a year ago. She was already dating someone and to be honest, i was not interested in her, though i found her very attractive and we connected so well with her, she always liked me from the beginning (Not in that way but as a friend) because i was open to ideas, i was a fun guy to be around and i always had this positive vibe and still do when going out to bars with her and our friends or even at parties.

 

Well after 5 months of not seeing her, i met her again, this time she was single and her best friend told me this herself. Well i didn't give it a big thought, when i saw her we again connected really well, had loads of fun, i mean she was outgoing and liked to have fun. I never had her number, i just met her through her best friend once a week or sometimes even once or twice a month. But this changed, since now she was single, i started meeting her a lot, like every weekend. We drank a lot and were having as always a good thought till one day it HIT me, i started liking her a bit, nothing that serious though but i didn't have the courage to ask her out yet. Things finally were going good, at her best friends house she gave me her number and at a party a week later, she was giving me the looks from a distance, and what i observed was though we were drinking, after she gave me the looks, she came towards me and started talking to me.

 

The first time when i asked her out:

Well as i said things were going fine in a way, she gave me her number but i still wouldn't text or call her, i wanted more proof, whether she really could be interested in me. As usual we met again every weekend and i always sensed that things were going in the right direction, she added me on Snapchat and her best friend always texted me to come out and i always did, to be around her. I always teased her and then what, after weeks of going i finally asked her out. Her reply: ''I am already seeing someone else''. After i asked her best friend about this, she told me that she was lying. In way, i knew i had to move on, simple as said.

 

What happened:

Three days after, i got the first text ever from her, we never texted before. Anyways, we were never texted that much but we started seeing each other a lot. Now what i am about to describe really did happen. Her actions towards me all of a sudden changed. She started talking to me a lot when we were out with friends, we started HOLDING HANDS, she would ask me personal questions and tell me personal things, she would ask me to have drinks with her at a bar, she would talk to me a lot and just me, i observed if she did this with other people but she never did. She never even mentioned if she found someone attractive at a bar. Some of her actions included: Following me around, giving me her full attention, GOING OUT OF HER WAY to find me if i got lost in a bar, heck even if i had to go out to have a smoke she would be like: I am coming too. If i got kicked out of a bar, she would leave all the others behind even her best friend, and go to another bar with me alone. I could touch her, grab her from behind and hold her hands, she would touch me if i spilt something on my shirt and wipe it off for me with her fingers, she would ask me to share shots with her, she would glance into me eyes and i always felt a sexual vibe present. She would link arms with me and lay her head on my shoulder and even let me do it.

 

The problem is that she never texted me, i always had to initiate contact with her and i rarely texted her anyways, just once a week and asked her to come out with me and she always came. She met my OWN REAL friends, whom she never knew before, but the bottom line is that she tagged along.

 

I decided to ASK HER OUT AGAIN. And my timing was stupid, since she was leaving for vacations and going back home for Christmas holidays (Emma is from the US, came to London to study) and her best friend came to visit her and both of them were leaving in 2 days. Anyways, i told myself its now or never, i won't be seeing her for a month, so i picked up the phone and called her and told her that i had two free movie tickets and was wondering if she wanted to come with me. Her reply: Uh, i don't know i have to pack and work on my project. What she said was complete BS!. I told her no problem, but as soon as i hung up, she sends me a text message saying: You are welcome to come to this Shopping mall (She told me on the phone that she was going there with her best freind (Who is my class fellow) and her other best friend (Who came to visit her)). I told her i might come, but she cancels that plan again and what i found out days later that she still went with her friends but told me she wasn't going.

 

During her vacations:

I couldn't contact her, i don't have Facebook nor Instagram, i just have Snapchat and i sent her a Snap a week after she left, she tends to open my snaps real quick in a 10 minute gap but never responded back. On New years eve, i thought i need to make it more obvious, so i made a Snap saying, i miss you and hope you have a great New year. I tried sending it but i think i had no luck, there was some sort of error, and i kept on trying the entire night for several hours and the Snap itself got deleted. What luck. The next day i thought well nevermind. On the 4th of Jan, she finally sent me a Snap and that wasn't even meant for me, just some random Snap saying: I love California. And then after a few days later, she sends me another Snap showing what drink she was drinking.

 

She is back !!!:

Well its been 6 days since she got back, and she hasn't contacted me. And i haven't contact her as well. I thought she might have missed me and would had sent a message to see how i was doing, but she hasn't. Her best friend was the one who told me that she was back, i had no idea when she was going to come back. I made plans with her best friend tonight to go out to a bar, so that i could get to see her. WHY ? Because when her best friend goes out she always comes along. And now slowly i am getting this vibe that she is not interested me and she never thinks about me because she is still living her life and is happy the way it is and it doesn't even include me. I am just that guy who she meets and spends every minute with, holding hands, giving her attention to me. But her best friend said she couldn't because she was tired and was going to watch a movie with Emma instead. So basically she is happy either way.

 

What am i going to do about it ?

Well i know i have to ask her out. And be direct about it to get a final answer, if she says no this time, there i have it, she doesn't want to date me. But lately i just feel like her not even contacting me, or not even wanting to talk to me, how should i even react when i see her. To be honest, this past month was hell for me, i couldn't study at all, i thought about her constantly, every single day, every single night. Woke up every night, atleast 3 time and she was still in my head. I thought i was going to fail my semester because for each subject i just spent 3 days of studying but i passed with 92 % and 73 %. And now i started to focus on her.

 

So here is the problem:

She is not contacting me and i am not either. Before she left we made plans to go and see a concert in March, if she contacts me for that ? I swear i would never even reply her, then it is plain simple, she contacts me when she needs me. Its my friends birthday next week and he told me that i can bring a guest with me. I thought of her, should i contact her ? And ask her if she wants to go with me since i haven't seen her in a while ?. Or should i move on ?

 

Its easy to say, Move on, but i never felt anything like this before, i just don't want to think what if and yeah i really should had KISSED her when she did all those things but i never tried and i will this time if those things continue to happen. But i just don't even know where i stand since she is living her life, is happy and look it me, writing all this crap and feeling depressed for over a month now.

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Well maybe she is interested in someone else, u have already tried to ask her out twice. Please dont ask her to to go the party with u. Dont approach her for now.

Her best friend seems close to you, so try to get some input from her regarding her actions and what is she upto these days.

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I already got some input from her best friend. What i know so far is that, she came out from a horrible relationship. She was in love with a guy, i mean deeply in love with him but he kept on cheating on her and she had to break it up with him. She thinks of me as the coolest guy in the UK, but that doesn't help much either... Her best friend knows her since childhood so i am pretty positive what ever happens, she is going to be on her side. I asked her out the first time, she lied. Then all the crazy things started happening, holding hands, being close to me. Then when i asked her out again the second time, my timing was bad and she again said she couldn't. And after that sent me a text... Well i don't know what to do, i can keep on NOT trying to contact her but what if she never contacts me again... And what if she never contact me again wondering i wasn't interested in her but i highly doubt this. Well then again it would be really awkward when we see each other, how would i be able to react ?. I just don't know what to do. Any other opinions ?

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@ Mano

Why shouldn't i try to approach her for now ? I just don't want to keep on waiting for her that one day things will work out. So far its not and i think she just lead me on every time with no straight answer. Now that we are even friends or regarded as CASUAL Friends, i just don't get the idea why wouldn't she even contact me. But anyways, why shouldn't i approach her and ask her to come with me to that party ? Could you be a bit more specific ? I just wanted her to come, so that i could see her firstly and then maybe step up the flirting or try to KISS her and see her reaction...

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Well thats good if she finds you as the coolest guy. Yayy.

U already told her you missed her and wished her on new year.

Now she is the 1 who is not contacting even though she is back from vacations.

Soo u need to be a little patient, or try hangin out with her best friend again, and ask her to bring her along too, maybe then you can casually talk to her n then see. N proceed. :)

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@ Mano,

I think you got it wrong, I TRIED sending her that SnapChat message, but it failed and it got deleted, it didn't get to her but i am sure it got deleted. So she didn't get the message and she is back now, we are not contacting each other :)

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If you two are casual friends, then its okay to ask her to come along.

U said she been ignoring you since she back from vacations so thats why it was better to let her initiate the contact herself.

You can just go for a casual drink again or somethin n then ask her to go to the party n kiss her or proceed.

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Well she is the one telling everyone that she regards me as one of her best friends here in the UK. She even wanted me to meet her best friend who came from the US, and i met her as well. But you don't become best friends in just 4 months of hanging out and yet friends don't even do the things she does with me. I just don't know if its right to contact her since it would be awkward and a win win situation for her where she would think, look he finally became desperate and contacted me first ! I just don't know what is going on in her HEAD ! :confused:

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Oh, my bad, then its alright, don't overthink n get too sensitive like you mentioned u going to fail and cannot study etc.

Ask her to hang out n invite her to the party and then see how it goes.

U mentioned when u asked her out the first time, she kind of refused but actually got more close to u, maybe she needs some validation and is holding back.

Try talking to her again

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Hehe, look now ou sayin the same thing, u don't wanna make her feel that you are desperate, n this is why i advised to be a little patient.

Another option is that you could approach her indirectly, via her best friend, as in just asking to hang out again n then get to talk to her as well if she hopefully comes along too.

 

Goodluck.

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Yes that could be it. But lets say she just thinks me as a friend, since she is from abroad and doesn't have that many friends over here but she still goes out and knows a lot of people over here, guys and girls. Anyways, if she considers me as her best friend or whatever, why wouldn't she contact me then since she got back ? I mean good friends do keep in touch, but she didn't. And yes it became a bit obvious after i asked her out the first time and she lied but we became even closer. Now i just don't want to show her that i became desperate and asked her to come out with me, what would you think is the best way ? I could continue to ignore her but i know one of these days i will meet her and it would be so awkward...

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So, why do you keep waiting for her to contact you? Make a move, ladies aren't going to wait around for ever. Hasn't contacted you since she got back? She's probably thinking "that jerk isn't even interested in how my vacation went". Seriously, man up and send her a message. Even if its just, "Hey, how was you trip" or "Glad to be home". Then take it from there. Even friends do that, not just interested suitors. How you can say you have been chasing her when you wont even send her a text message I'll never know.

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Yes, now that you two haven't talked for a while, just text and ask her how was the trip and everything.

If she talks nicely then you can see.

If she calls u the coolest guy and her best friend to others, then she would't feel awkward if you initiate contact yourself, she would take it as being good friends and catching up

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Because when she left, i sent her a text message saying, Having a great trip and lots of other **** included. To show her that i was interested in her and that i cared about her. No reply, She took off, i was amazed and i thought she would had contacted me in any way when she got back but no... Not even once. Well i am planning to contact her because i can't think of anything else to be honest. But not now, i can't ask her right now to come along with me to my friends birthday since it next week on Friday. So i am thinking about sending her a text on Wednesday, asking her about her trip and how she has been doing and then in the end finally asking her. But i think you should read what she has been doing...

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Do nothing. If she was interested in you and really missed you, was 'into' you then she would have contacted you already. She hasn't.

 

You can't keep asking her out. Her actions are showing you that she is not interested in you romantically.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but when a woman isn't interested, she ain't interested and there's not much you can do to change her mind. She either feels it or she doesn't...

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Because when she left, i sent her a text message saying, Having a great trip and lots of other **** included. To show her that i was interested in her and that i cared about her. No reply, She took off, i was amazed and i thought she would had contacted me in any way when she got back but no... Not even once. Well i am planning to contact her because i can't think of anything else to be honest. But not now, i can't ask her right now to come along with me to my friends birthday since it next week on Friday. So i am thinking about sending her a text on Wednesday, asking her about her trip and how she has been doing and then in the end finally asking her. But i think you should read what she has been doing...

 

NO! do NOT text her. Jack, you can't see that she really is not interested in you. Continually asking her out when she's clearly rejected you is going to make you look needy and desperate in her eyes. Again, like I said in the other reply, she has not contacted you since she's been back, so that means you are not on her mind, she's not wanting you in the way you want her.

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@ whichwayisup

 

You don't have to be sorry mate, to be honest you really answered my question. It is true, and i was afraid it might turn out to be this way but in reality it is. Don't worry i won't contact her. Its kind of funny because when i asked my brother about his opinion and he said the exact same thing. He said, look Jack, you'll find out when she comes back tomorrow or in a few days if she contacts you or not. If she does, she did kind of miss you, thought about you, could possibly be interested in you. If she doesn't, there you have it, she is not interested in you, she doesn't think about you.

 

Well after having said that now lets look at what her best friend told me. She told me that she came out from a horrible relationship, where she was in love with this other dude but he kept on cheating on her, so she finally broke up with him. Now i don't think this might be the case here, but could it be that she doesn't want to get involved with someone or another guy ? Maybe she doesn't want to get involved with anyone from the UK, since she has just 1 or 2 years left and after that she is long gone to California. But i highly doubt this.

 

Anyways, now that i do also think she doesn't have me on her mind and is not interested in me. I mean, i have dated girls before and you find out real easily if they want to go out with you, they'll most likely say yes and they keep in touch with you and things look good. But with her, no contact, even as a friend, so you might be CORRECT and i respect that.

 

Well now comes the question, i don't know if she would ever contact me again, what should i do ? Because i really want to avoid and ignore her messages. Another thing which i mentioned above was that she made plans with me to go see a concert in March, so she might contact me for that. Hell no, am i going to go with her and if she contacts me for just that, i would ignore her message as well.

 

She is that kind of a girl, if i do try to avoid her or ignore her, she comes directly up to me with a SAD face and says, Jack why are you ignoring me. I did this before, i was acting rude towards her and avoiding her a bit. But it kind of worked because the flirting hit up. What should i say to her when she comes confessing, why are you acting this way ?

 

And the last but not least, what if she tries to do the same things all over again, holding hands, linking arm, giving me all of her attention, it got weird in the end, the last time i saw her before she left for vacations, there was 100 % something going on there, i do believe that she might not be interested in me romantically, but there are some chances that she might just like me sexually. Her touching me, i can touch her etc, all that crap. But how long am i going to put up with this. I am tired, and just want a normal relationship, i can't do this to myself anymore. How could i tell her in a normal way to back off since she has been clearly leading me on and there is no way in hell, friends do this to each other... So how could i explain it to her ?

 

I am 25 years old, i have dated a few and met many women in my life. But believe me, there is hardly one that i connected that well with and she is that person. Connected so good, and what i experienced with her, i am in denial that she was not interested in me romantically but this is the truth and you already have spoken it, that she is not and i already had some knowledge about it.

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Yes Jack, this is why i stopped you from inviting her to go with you.

Just avoid her, because you are developing feelings for her and she is not too interested, maybe she is scared of getting involveed with a guy again or wwhatever, i think she likes your attention n leads you on n then she plays hard to get kind ov a thing.

U dont have to worry about confronting her when she asks why have u been ignoring her etc. Because it was her who turned you down and wasn't interested enough.

If she approaches you herself, talk casually, and see from there. But don't approch her yourself.

Plus she will be gone back to her cpuntry in a year, soo u need to think about that as well.

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Your right, seeking attention to boost her ego... Well i won't reply her and will try my best to avoid her. Next time she comes close to me or follows me around or tries to hold my hands or link arms, i am just going to say, ''Why are you like this'' and walk away. I just really thought that i had something going on with her and i think its late now, i already have fallen for her, just need to get along with the pain.

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Yes, i think she likes u and is interested but not too much or just holding back, but leading you on n then turnin you down is not right.

U better stay away from her and next time she tries to get close to you. Simply ask her what is she trying to do.

N that if you two are just friends then its not normal to do all that. You don't need to feel awkward about what she going to think or confront you, becuse she is the one playin games, take youd mind off her, try meeting someone new.

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She is not contacting me and i am not either.

 

So yeah you could of text her the standard "here your back in town - hope you had a good trip / bought me back a nice present? :p"

But equally you wished her a happy holiday so she could of at least replied to say it was great or whatever.

 

I'd just leave it, its time for her to put her 50% into your relationship and if she isn't going to shes wasting your time.

 

If she asks you why your ignoring her - tell her you aren't, its the truth right? you aren't ignoring her as such your waiting for her to make her mind up.

You don't have to spill your guts to her just cause she asked a question like that.

If she tells you she misses you that's a little different.

 

 

I know when was in a not that massively different situation a lot of people told me to walk away, and I didn't, and im glad I didn't, but the difference between mine and your situations is yours appears to be completely one way, my gf did at least try to hold up her 50% even if she wasn't always very good at it, yours unfortunately isn't, she isn't trying and you deserve better than that.

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@ Shepp

Its true that things could had been different if i just went in for the KISS a long time ago, but i failed but this time i am just going to let it go on its course and see how react to my behaviour of being distant. They always tell you to listen to your gut feeling and what my gut feeling said was, that she likes you and after i was holding her in my arms and looking in her eyes, i should had kissed her but i didn't and that was 2 months ago. Anyways, i am sure she is playing games with me, i am just backing off. She shows that she cares about me, but she doesn't in reality, look at me, i am here, haven't done anything fun ever since i passed my semester and she seems to be happy, doesn't have me on her mind and cares less. For her it just might be something like: If i go out tonight and if Jack comes, okay what ever.

 

@ Mano

I don't think she likes me, thats just my gut feeling saying that, i am sure, she isn't interested in me romantically, but there could be when we go out and start drinking she kind of gives me all those sexual glances.

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BlametheIrish

Sounds like she may have been using you as a crutch after her break up. Some women do thud eithout even realizing it. She feels crappy after a bad breakup uses a guy to build her confidence and self worth.back up. Then she's ready to get back i.to.dsting again,.but only guys shes actually intetddyrd in, not her crutch.

 

Tjid may if mag not br true, but most women.don't reject a guy.they want to.date. Or maube she just doesn't know what she wants. You'll never know unless you ask.

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Im gonna be brutally honest....let this one go.

Change your feelings to 100% platonic NOW stop your heart from getting any more feelings or going there, you WILL get strung along guarenteed.

Her best friend WILL tell her you asked about her each time, so she knows you think of her & want to connect...she gets your attention passively & she gets an ego stroke from it. But she doesnt reach out?

 

Her best friend said she has this ex...go look at the breaks & breaking up forum. These girls miss, still love, still pine for ex's, even the cheating or bad ones that broke their heart....she still has feelings she hasnt gotten over him & is likely secretly hoping he is missing her & wants a chance. She likely visited him on her trip home & reconnected & thats why she is being distant.

 

The hand holding and secual.glances. ..girls like attention and affectionand to feel wanted. Yes even if you dont like a guy in the moment with alcohol a dark bar, feeling lonely and wanting to feel liked or validated you can "love" the one yoir with, get caught up in the moment. ...but deep down its not that way.

 

Trust me your a stand in, an eeasy way to get a fix and for her to feel good, but her heart is at home and she doesnt see a future in UK or with you.

 

Its not that your not up to par, its that its bad timing and simply not the right girl for you. She probably isnt that great its just those first connections of touching and butterflies are like a drug, we all like them & they are addictive cause they are new & exciting.

You can have this again with an emotionally available girl who is open to date.

 

Trust me if you text her it would just inflate her ego and notjing more.

In 2 years, evenif the stars aligned it would be so complicated to face long distance and likely a breakup.

It'snot meant to be. Good ypu found out now before you fell deeper. Not kisding her was not a mistake, she could have kissed you, and be gglad you didnt squander such intimate affection tp someone so selfush.to not even reply to your have a nice time tect. Thats selfish and rude. Ignore her and distance from her friend until you heal. Go date someone worth your attention.

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Its true that things could had been different if i just went in for the KISS a long time ago, but i failed but this time i am just going to let it go on its course and see how react to my behaviour of being distant. They always tell you to listen to your gut feeling and what my gut feeling said was, that she likes you and after i was holding her in my arms and looking in her eyes, i should had kissed her but i didn't and that was 2 months ago. Anyways, i am sure she is playing games with me, i am just backing off.

I agree mate, i'd back off too, don't let her think she has you in her pocket.

But I guess, if you were totally crazy enough about her you still could, go kiss her I mean, just meet her somewhere tell her that after she left you realised there was something you should of done and kiss her, then your leaving the ball well and truly in her court......but I dunno, like if I thought she was just playing me I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction.

 

 

i am here, haven't done anything fun ever since i passed my semester and she seems to be happy, doesn't have me on her mind and cares less. For her it just might be something like: If i go out tonight and if Jack comes, okay what ever.

This is what you need to fix, you cant control other people or make them do anything but you can take control of your own life. Take up some new hobbies.

Then maybe next time when she, or any other girl for that matter, goes out and asks "where's Jack?" she'll hear "oh Jack, yeah he couldn't make it he's playing football / freestyle jet skiing / stock car racing / saving orphaned elephants in Africa / rope-lessly free climbing the 2,500 ft. face of Half Dome" ....suddenly Jack sounds like the kinda guy everybody wants to know, right? Maybe the kinda guy that she was blind to let slip away.

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