Do a lot of people in LTRs and marriages seem miserable to you?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am not sure if it's just my observation.

 

Those with kids seem even worse. They always look stressed and exhausted, like the life has been sucked out of them.

 

Those without kids seem like they are going through the motions, kind of sick of each other, bored, lacking passion. Their looks go downhill steadily too.

 

Spending time around those couples makes me depressed and I feel sorry for them (ironically, they probably pity me because I am single).

 

Those that look happy are so few and far between. I would estimate under 10%.

[hotpotato]

Yes...And the more miserable they are the more they want YOU to get married.

 

I hope if I ever get married, I never let myself go. I want to be fun sexy me until at least my 40s lol!

[hotpotato]

Indeed they do, although I must say the people who can afford a more traditional lifestyle ( one parent takes care of the children/household and one partner brings in the money ) seem much more at ease and content.

 

Makes sense. I could imagine if both people are working theres more stress. Twice the complaining about work and such. I remember reading about when one spouse does the chores they are both happier. Id be cool with doing chores and working part time while hubby works full time. So much for equality!

[pteromom]

Yes.

 

Of all the couples I know, and I know a LOT of couples, I can only think of four couples I would describe as truly happy. Everyone else is either resigned to mediocrity or actively dislike each other.

 

The ones who are happy have one thing in common - they are best friends first. They can tell each other anything, they truly accept each other, they don't try to control or change or manipulate each other, and they laugh together.

[Treasa]

I may be the oddball, but most of the marriages I know are really happy. Even my colleague who has FIVE kids is really happy with her life. I don't know how she does it. LOL He husband is a doll who adores her. Same thing with other couples I know, although most don't have five kids.

 

Marriage and kids don't really have a place for me (at least, I don't think they do), but I'm very happy for others who are happily married and have kids.

[Woggle]

Most people in general seem miserable these days. I don't know if relationship status has anything to do with it. We are living in a miserable age so miserable people get together and make each other even more miserable. When happy people get together with other happy people they make each other even happier.

[KungFuJoe]

miserable miserable miserable and miserable.

 

Oh and miserable because miserable but then miserable after miserable and you end up with...

 

miserable.

[pteromom]

miserable miserable miserable and miserable.

 

Oh and miserable because miserable but then miserable after miserable and you end up with...

 

miserable.

 

You made me snort.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am not sure if it's just my observation.

 

Those with kids seem even worse. They always look stressed and exhausted, like the life has been sucked out of them.

 

Those without kids seem like they are going through the motions, kind of sick of each other, bored, lacking passion. Their looks go downhill steadily too.

 

Spending time around those couples makes me depressed and I feel sorry for them (ironically, they probably pity me because I am single).

 

Those that look happy are so few and far between. I would estimate under 10%.

 

Dont take this the wrong way, but it just seems like you are being too idealistic as to what a real. long lasting relationship is supposed to be-especially when kids are involved....

 

You cant be in a "honeymoon phase" forever and I think some people that think they can, just wind up bouncing from one person to another looking for that constant feelings of the initial and butterflies of it all. And THEY are actually miserable in a constant stste of GIGS syndrome.

 

The reality is that you throw jobs, bills, a mortgage, kids, all the other bs that life throws you and you will get a complicated world that isnt always fun and games and isnt always hearts and flowers..Raising a kid(s) properly is this society takes a lot of work and a lot of money.. Its draining at times..

 

But those people who look stressed may actually be quite content because they are close friends and work and in hand with one another in the common goal of making a life and keeping a roof over their head and their kids on the straight and narrow..Sure, they may not be tearing up the bedroom every night like they once did, but they make time for regular healthy sex and go on vacations together, etc,,,

 

To put it succinctly, "life happens".

 

And let me say one other thing about kids..I never realized this until I had one of my own..You want to talk about "butterflies" when you click with a significant other who really makes your heart flutter...Well, my little girl does that to me everytime she calls me to check on me or tell me she loves me for no reason..Thats what its all about..You will meet people of the opposite sex that get your motor running but they simply cannot compete with your kids..

 

I hope that explains it to a degree...

 

TFY

[miss_jaclynrae]

I would say they don't look miserable, they just seem to be more like room mates.

 

For lots of the younger couples with kids [i have tons of those, I swear almost everyone I know either has kids, is married, or is preggers] seem happy.

The thing is, when its good its good, and when its bad its bad.

Most of the women don't work either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are a few couples I know who seem genuinely super duper happy. Some have kids and some don't.

My parents seem happy NOW, but they weren't always. Then again, they have been together for over 30 years, so I could see that spark fading.

My man and I have only been together for 9 months, but the difference I see is that we are even happier now than we were when we first met. Life just seems to keep getting better. I just hope this thing we have lasts a long time... because it is pretty amazing.

[xxoo]

What percentage of single people stay happy and vibrant over long periods of time? Probably about the same proportion of married people and parents.

 

Life it challenging all around. Make the best of your situation, and don't compare yourself to others.

[Pompeii]

Well, I know a lot of guys in relationships. They seem content at least on the surface. I know there are fights that take place away from the eyes of others. It happens I guess. I know some people who are married, most of them are friends of my older brothers. Some of them seem like they're alright, others seem as if they're at the edge of divorce. It's life I suppose. A lot of my parents' friends are in ****ty marriages, or have divorced. A lot of my dad's friends are married to harpies or just went through one cheese grater of a divorce.

 

Luckily, my parents's marriage survived. I don't know how they did it but it was based on mutual respect and appreciation for one another that never really faded with time and the fact that my dad wore the pants so to speak in the relationship. He knew when to give and take control of certain things but my mom was the one who deferred to him because he had his head screwed on straight. I've noticed that in a relationship where the girl has too much power and control, she is bound to sink it into the ocean. I've never seen a happy relationship or marriage where the woman hold a majority of the power in it.

[veggirl]

I wouldn't say miserable perse but I think it's super weird how many of the people around my age (30) talk about their SO and I wonder how they will make it long term. Like this one girl I work with (28) is getting married soon and when sex came up in conversation she was like "we like never do it. It's so great" and she was legit happy about that. A lot of people talk about their SO with almost a...snideness. And sadly they just think that's how it is, that's how relationships are.

 

the problem is getting married just to get married. I can think of one very good example on this board but I guess I'd get in trouble if I named names. I think that person's story is actually quite typical (and probably why there are so many young 30ish people who are freakin divorced!)

[hestheone66]

I just made a comment on one of my earlier threads that speaking for myself I am happier single despite being married (which i was mostly happy) or in a ltr (unhappy most of time) not everyone has what it takes to be in a happy ltr...successful ltrs are not as common as we think simply because people have baggage that they try to ignore and then blame unhappiness on their other partner. Compatability seemsthe key ingredient, not possessiveness or control.

[Pyro]

It is tough to say. There are couples who are noticeably happy, noticeably miserable, and then there are the couples that may be hiding it and is impossible to detect.

 

All in all I feel that truly happy couples are on the decline (compared to 10-15 years ago)

Edited July 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to banned member redacted

[Phoe]

I am ASTONISHED at the amount of couples I know who are miserable, treat each other horribly, get mad all the time, hate spending time together, but WON'T BREAK UP.

 

what the actual blazing f***???

[Pyro]

I am ASTONISHED at the amount of couples I know who are miserable, treat each other horribly, get mad all the time, hate spending time together, but WON'T BREAK UP.

 

what the actual blazing f***???

 

The fear of being alone trumps all apparently.

[Phoe]

The fear of being alone trumps all apparently.

 

 

 

In some of these cases, they have other options. People who are interested in them and would love a chance....

 

 

yet they stick with the relationship that causes them stress, makes them mad, loveless, sexless.

 

 

It's like people revel in being miserable. Self-sabotage.

[Pyro]

In some of these cases, they have other options. People who are interested in them and would love a chance....

 

 

yet they stick with the relationship that causes them stress, makes them mad, loveless, sexless.

 

 

It's like people revel in being miserable. Self-sabotage.

 

They may have other options but that would require them to change things....to get out of the comfort zone.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Nope. Most are not miserable all the time.

 

Sometimes they are miserable. Sometimes they are bored.

 

Sometimes ecstatically happy. Sometimes devastatingly sad.

 

Most of the time content, a contentment born of knowing you have a partner in all of the above.

 

Cause life happens to all of us.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am ASTONISHED at the amount of couples I know who are miserable, treat each other horribly, get mad all the time, hate spending time together, but WON'T BREAK UP.

 

what the actual blazing f***???

 

Its co-dependence...Pure and simple...And people who think that divorce is easy is kidding themselves, especially when kids are involved..

 

TFY

[Phoe]

Its co-dependence...Pure and simple...And people who think that divorce is easy is kidding themselves, especially when kids are involved..

 

TFY

 

These are people who aren't even married and have no kids... but they refuse to just walk away. NO obligations to stay and work it out. and no intentions to marry because the thought of being together for the rest of their lives makes them wanna jump off a cliff. yet go ahead and continue wasting time being together.

 

 

endless cycle and I will never ever wrap my head around the logic.

[Woggle]

In some of these cases, they have other options. People who are interested in them and would love a chance....

 

 

yet they stick with the relationship that causes them stress, makes them mad, loveless, sexless.

 

 

It's like people revel in being miserable. Self-sabotage.

 

Because deep down they are addicted to the drama. Happy and healthy relationships bore them.

[letsbeotherpeople]

You have no idea how tiring having kids is. Not just for the first few months, but for years.

 

I've had an average of four hours sleep a night for the last six years. They are forever getting out of bed, or crying for something, or wanting to come in with you, or deciding that 4.30 is enough sleep thankyouverymuch, can we go for breakfast now. I've not slept passed 6am in god knows how long.

 

And that's just night time. During the day, you've got to keep them entertained, you've got to put up with demands for attention, you've got to potty train, keep an eye on them in case the decide to dive head first off the sofa, feed them, cajole them into doing things like reading and writing, stave off their demands for sweets or chocolate or too much TV or game playing. Just getting them to dress themselves can take an hour. If you get five minutes peace and quiet it's wonderful, if a friend or family member takes them off your hands for a few hours its a miracle, and they always, always, always hand them back saying, oh they've been no trouble, and you know the little sods do it to you just because they can.

 

Getting ready to go out takes planning. Do you have a bag for their things? Do you have nappies, wipes, nappy sacks, cream, a change of clothes? How long are you going to be out? Do you need a bottle, bottle warmer, snacks, lunch, can you get lunch where you're going, do you want to give them lunch where you're going? What's the weather like? Do they need coats, hats, sunscreen, boots, umbrellas. Do you need the buggy? Do you need the rain cover? Where are they? Right you go and stand by the car and don't move. Where's your sister? Oh god, she's in the kitchen and has taken all her clothes off and wee'd on the floor, clean it up, get her dressed, lets get going. Where's he gone now? GET OUT FROM UNDER THE CAR!!!!

 

It's not misery you're seeing in couples with kids. It's exhaustion. Drop dead exhaustion.

 

Right now you're thinking, why have kids, if they are that much hassle?

 

The answer comes when your daughter toddles across the room, says Daddy cuddle, throws her arms around you and squeezes.

 

That makes it all worth it a hundred times over.

Edited July 20, 2013 by letsbeotherpeople

[Sanman]

In the immortal words of Chris Rock... Married and bored or single and lonely, ain't no happiness nowhere.

 

Seriously though, many people in a relationship are not there due to sheer happiness. A lot of people are just going through the motions because they are tired of being alone and single, their friends are coupled up, and life gives them pressure, some end up getting pregnant and stay together, some are afraid that life will leave them behind without staying on track. Whatever the reason, it is not always about happiness. I don't think that everyone meets the best person for them coincidentally around age 30.

 

That said, I think contentment is more important to long-term success than all out happiness. Happy comes and goes, but you need to at least be content with your decisions. For example, my SO is currently stressed due to a recent promotion and hectic schedule. Is she really happy right now? No and neither am I because I have to deal with a stressed out person. That does not mean that we don't love each other and are content to stay together. It is a passing phase and one that will come and go for both of us through the years.