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Female friend always hangs out with male friends but doesn't date them


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I have this female friend, age 50, that is in Meetup or has male neighbors that want to date her.

 

She's been without a boyfriend for a good long while, but we hang out on occasion (yes at one time, I wanted to date her too, but I'm pass that point).

 

So it's kind of good to know her perspective about all these guys she tells me about that she "doesn't think of in that way".

 

She runs certain senarios or quetions in my direction that "As a man, did I think I take her the wrong way" as HER being interested.

 

I recall this man that liked her...I'd see that he'd put up and tag Facebook photos of her while they were hanging out. I thought "Yeah, he's got a thing for her....won't he be disappointed that she'll think otherwise"

 

Yeah, I know him from Meetup, too.

 

Anyhow she told me she asked him this question, "If I was out with you, and some guy approached me and asked for my phone # and was flirting with me and I was doing the same....would you have a problem with that."

 

He said, "No, you're with ME, and because you're with me...that would be wrong!"

 

I was kind of tongue in cheek about it, because she's had this pattern of guys desiring her, but her never reciprocating.

 

The guy that was with her was rather old-fashioned, and he figured, if a woman is out with him, that she should flirt with no man if they're "together".

 

She eventually got tired of hanging out with him, because he started to get demanding or copping an attitude with her , even when they'd talk on the phone.

 

It was basically "either you date me or either you don't" with women.

 

She's had hung out with quite a few guys like this in such a fashion, only for them to wind up frustrated by not having gotten anywhere with her.

 

That being said, is SHE the one that is enabling them or is the guys the one with the problem?

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It could be either way. Maybe she isn't being clear that they are just friends and nothing is ever going to happen, in which case I would say she is enabling. Alternatively she could be communicating clearly and they are choosing to ignore it.

 

I had a guy like that years ago, took me out places, sent me flowers, etc, every time I saw her I reiterated "just friend", he never got so much as a kiss on the cheek, in the end I just lost my temper and never talk to him again, because I could tell he was just creating the whole fantasy future around me.

 

I really did appreciate everything he did for me, but I can't willingly take advantage of someone, and that is exactly what would have been happening if I had continued the "friendship".

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I really did appreciate everything he did for me, but I can't willingly take advantage of someone, and that is exactly what would have been happening if I had continued the "friendship".

 

Wow. I'm impressed! It's good you didn't string him along for the nice support train he was providing there. Many of us have been totally screwed over by such situations because we were led to believe the girl was interested in us.

 

I have a pretty good BS detector now, so usually I can tell pretty fast whether or not the feeling is mutual. In my early years I just didn't have a clue. Body language and Actions is what I observe for reciprocity.

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If she's 50, I'm guessing these guys are 40+?

 

They should know by now how to determine a friend from romantic interest.

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If she's 50, I'm guessing these guys are 40+?

 

They should know by now how to determine a friend from romantic interest.

 

Some of these men are even in their 50's....she's into the outdoors and this guy she's known through the outdoors group he asked her to carpool with him to a group camp out. Hes a successful dentist.

 

He had a small RV...she slept in one part of the RV and he slept in the other (thusly, they never got close in the sleeping quarters).

 

He started to become a bit "close" to her around the campfire among the friends in the group and a bit possessive (not in a jealous way)....anyhow, they packed up on on their way home...he asked if they could stop by the beach and go walking.

 

She opted in...then he asked her to be his girlfriend...she refused...and...it wasn't pretty. lol. I mean he didn't fly off the handle, but it did sting pretty bad.

 

APparently she gets along with men better than women..and she's a "guy's" woman or something.

 

But this had seem to have been an ongoing pattern, and for a woman of her age, she's pretty naive about what men think of her.

She has remarked that most of the men in the group are "old and fat" or just "fat", and I'm like "Well,.....you just turned 50...." and she did admit to putting on some weight.

 

 

SO, I dunno....she always has men chasing her, and she's VERY low maint...dresses very casually and hardly wears make up and still attract men (her age)

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These men are doing it wrong.

They are acting needy, controlling, too available, ect.

Women like that want what they can't have.

Women like that want a man who considers them the option.

They want a challenge.

 

I know people here don't like PUA but Doc Love isn't exactly PUA he's more relationship oriented & he's spot on. When it comes to women you already know, they need to give you a reason to think of them as more than just friends.

 

OP, Every time i've been the guy in this situation I treated the woman just like one of my guy friends except I was also a gentleman. Holding doors, ect.

I hit on other women in front of them, talked about dates i'd been on, and kept my distance if a guy approached.

The only time i'd step in is when a guy got too insistent (handsy) or tried to follow her out to her car. (I always walk them to their car when we leave)

 

I've hit the point in my life where i just don't invest myself romantically in women who have nothing to offer me so as long as we get along I see no problem going out & having fun.

Also, I have to say, when you are the only guy with 2 or 3 attractive women in a place, people do notice. :D

 

Especially when you aren't that bad looking yourself.

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Some of these men are even in their 50's....she's into the outdoors and this guy she's known through the outdoors group he asked her to carpool with him to a group camp out. Hes a successful dentist.

 

He had a small RV...she slept in one part of the RV and he slept in the other (thusly, they never got close in the sleeping quarters).

 

He started to become a bit "close" to her around the campfire among the friends in the group and a bit possessive (not in a jealous way)....anyhow, they packed up on on their way home...he asked if they could stop by the beach and go walking.

 

She opted in...then he asked her to be his girlfriend...she refused...and...it wasn't pretty. lol. I mean he didn't fly off the handle, but it did sting pretty bad.

 

APparently she gets along with men better than women..and she's a "guy's" woman or something.

 

But this had seem to have been an ongoing pattern, and for a woman of her age, she's pretty naive about what men think of her.

She has remarked that most of the men in the group are "old and fat" or just "fat", and I'm like "Well,.....you just turned 50...." and she did admit to putting on some weight.

 

 

SO, I dunno....she always has men chasing her, and she's VERY low maint...dresses very casually and hardly wears make up and still attract men (her age)

 

She know's the score.

And yes men her age are fat.

Most everyone her age is fat.

Even though she gained weight i'm betting she still isn't considered overweight.

 

The women I know are in their 40's.

The guys they meet put the women on a pedestal 5 seconds after knowing their names.

It's pathetic & makes me just cringe seeing it in action. Like gunslinger's they have their hands on their wallets waiting to draw when the woman's drink is empty.

desperation is a stinky cologne & this is why these men get friendzoned.

 

The very hot women I hangout with only text me to make plans to hang out.

Yet these guys they have friendzoned are blowing up their phones constantly.

These women text with them because they are bored or lonely and these guys are just hoping these women will change their mind.

 

guess what? if these guys dropped 40lbs and banged a few randoms to get their confidence up enough to take it off the pedestal they would have a chance. But after a yr in the friendzone they're still overweight and still giving undue attention to a woman who doesn't want to sleep with them.

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