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LAT Relationship (living apart together)


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A friend of mine is in a LAT (living apart relationship) for 9 years.

Looking to the people who moves around me (my friends, relatives and acquaintances) who are in a LTR I have to say that I think they are the people who best represent what I would wish to have as a relationship if I ever get in one ;).

Discussing this topic yesterday evening some friends and I got to some conclusions that are benefits for the LAT relationship:

 

- Less stress related to home activities

- More alone time and hence more enjoyment (value time) of the together time.

- If there would be a break up things are already ready to go (no need to spiting assets)...

- hence the fact that the break up is so easy makes things more edgy and interesting.

 

What do you guys think about this? Would you accept to enter in this kind of relationship? Why yes or not?

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I've discussed this topic with my friends to great extent and from what they've said I gathered I was an anomaly. I am a huge proponent of living apart and have even gone so far as to contemplate keeping separate bedrooms if I ever get married. I've been repeatedly told it kills intimacy of a relationship and practically dooms it from the start.

 

A lot of people seem to think that living apart is a recipe for disaster and basically opens the door to cheating to which I can only laugh at since as we've seen here, you can be sleeping next to a cheater night after night just as easily. I feel like if you're moving in with your partner just to keep an eye on them you're probably not in a very good place to begin with.

 

I value my alone time tremendously think that frequent time apart can actually strengthen a relationship as it diminishes that feeling of crowding and cuts down on some of the petty bickering over simple chores like general housekeeping that many couples engage in. I like the idea of being in a committed, monogamous relationship while still maintaining a good deal of independence. A lot of people lose their identities in LTRs and much of that stems from spending too much time with one person.

 

100% in agreement with you!

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I know a pair of academics who live apart because of their respective jobs. It's been rocky.

 

You would have more space, which introverts might like. The two of you would be paying for 2 places, which is expensive.

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I know a pair of academics who live apart because of their respective jobs. It's been rocky.

 

You would have more space, which introverts might like. The two of you would be paying for 2 places, which is expensive.

 

You need to understand that this would not be like living in different cities... the guys I am speaking about live around 10 minutes from each other and yes it is definitely more expensive than having one but I would be willing to pay to have my own space and my own rules in my house ;).

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How? I mean it's no more expensive than if you were single.

 

You need to accept that it is more expensive that a living together arrangement. It is one of the cons.. but so far the only one that I can see.

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Sounds like a good plan for you! You can each take care of your own place, and keep it as clean or messy as you want.

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How? I mean it's no more expensive than if you were single.
Many singles don't live alone -- they cannot afford it.
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If this works for some, that's great. It wouldn't work for me.

 

With my ex, I thought an LAT relationship sounded terrific (even if we married). It would show how liberal and modern we were. All of our friends would think we were so unique. We would be so independent and not lose ourselves in the relationship like all those other co-dependent fools in relationships. Then I realized our relationship sucked and we'd kill each other if we lived together.

 

My current bf and I view living apart as an inconvenience. We're together every day/night anyway and it's annoying having to pack our stuff all the time and find we've forgotten something. It's annoying to pay bills at a place where you reside only half the time. We don't need much alone time and when we do one of us goes in a different room and reads or works. Usually we do do these things side by side though.

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I lived with only one man, my ex fiance, for three years. Based off only that one relationship I can say living together has benefits and downfalls. I enjoyed the closeness, waking up next to him, making coffee and breakfast, doing things around the house for him, seeing him relax after work, helping him relax after work ;).

 

But the breakup was awkward, since we had to live together for several weeks while sorting out new arrangements. And once I had my own place I loved being alone. Dating while living alone is fun too. Like sexy sleepovers whenever you get to be together.

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This is a big factor that totally slipped my mind. Of course no one wants to think about the end of their relationship but it is a lot easier to end things when you can make a completely clean break without the unnecessary drama of finding a place to stay, shifting utilities and other billed services to a different name, etc. It's also great when you have an argument and time apart is required. None of that going back to stay with your parents or sleeping on a friend's couch nonsense. It really cuts down on the number of people in your business.

 

It was a huge pain in the ass. And was the third major breakup in three years so also the third time we separated our crap/lives. That was when I was 19-22 however. Now being a big girl (;)) I will be much much more serious about living with someone.

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I lived with only one man, my ex fiance, for three years. Based off only that one relationship I can say living together has benefits and downfalls. I enjoyed the closeness, waking up next to him, making coffee and breakfast, doing things around the house for him, seeing him relax after work, helping him relax after work ;).

 

But the breakup was awkward, since we had to live together for several weeks while sorting out new arrangements. And once I had my own place I loved being alone. Dating while living alone is fun too. Like sexy sleepovers whenever you get to be together.

 

You still can wake up next to your guy if you are in a LAT relationship.. it probably won't be every day or in the same house but sleep overs would happen often (that is extended to the breakfast and coffee ;0)

My point being that most of the things you do in a living together relationship can be done in a LAT relationship just when you feel like having some alone time you have your own place to enjoy it and you are your own boss at your place ;)

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I've heard of them - not for me, personally. Yeah, I'm a huge introvert, as defined by finding social activity draining - but people who are very close to me, most notably the bf, I am so comfortable with that being with them 'replenishes' my meter as much as being alone does. That's why emotional intimacy/connection is so important to me, in a R. ;)

 

I'd want to see the person I love everyday, if possible, so that would involve a lot of wasted time commuting and a lot of hassle having two separate sets of important stuff in two different places. That's feasible for the short term, ie the dating phase before we move in together, maybe a year or two. But 9 years? Really not for me. It also seems to introduce a sort of divide between the two people, as opposed to living together and (hopefully, within the next few years) owning a house and working towards making it our home together.

 

As for personal space, etc - that is what different rooms in the house are for. :)

 

That being said, those are my own reasons, and I'm fully aware that vastly different Rs can and do exist. Each to their own. I'm sure there will be compatible women if you choose to go this route, OP. Why, there seems to be a few on this very thread. ;)

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