Ditching a girl to make her crazy for you

[brandnew2]

I've seen this pop up a few times throughout this forum, and I've always wanted to try it. Specifically pertaining to OLD because that's the way I meet most of the women I date or try to date.

 

It seems like the idea is to plan a first date with a girl, and then flake at the last minute without being super apologetic or genuine. Apparently the girl will almost definitely want to see you again soon and when you see her, she'll be more willing to hook up and stuff like that.

 

I think I understand the theory. By ditching a girl, you're planting a seed of insecurity in her mind and she'll feel the need to justify herself to you. So she'll be even more willing to see you and want to impress you, which is prime for getting what you want.

 

I have a major problem with this though. I get ditched on my first dates at an incredibly high rate. I'm usually very upfront with trying to meet someone within a couple days of talking to them. This is because I've spent weeks talking to girls and still had them flake on me, so it's all about maximizing the time I put into things.

 

I'm at the point where I expect to get ditched. I expect to get that "I'm not usually like this but I'm really not feeling well today" text five minutes before leaving the house. Well, maybe I don't expect it, but it certainly doesn't catch me off guard! So because probably over 50% of my dates cancel on me for the first time, I'm hesitant to cancel on them.

 

That first date is elusive, and I can't imagine turning it down. I may start trying it consistently to see if it works, but in the past it has just led to me getting shut out for good. I mean, women are already super sketchy about meeting a stranger who's outside of their comfort level... so ditching them is just doing them a favor and letting them off the hook so to speak.

 

Any tips?

[InsaneTrombone]

It's not a good way at ALL to meet new people. Just make yourself look like a jackass all while minimizing your chances at finding any kind of connection with anyone.

[Star Gazer]

It seems like the idea is to plan a first date with a girl, and then flake at the last minute without being super apologetic or genuine. Apparently the girl will almost definitely want to see you again soon and when you see her, she'll be more willing to hook up and stuff like that.

 

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. If a man flaked on me like that, he would be immediately punted and would not get another chance. Period.

[brandnew2]

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. If a man flaked on me like that, he would be immediately punted and would not get another chance. Period.

 

Is there a woman out there who would come onto this forum and say, "you know what, that sort of thing would really turn me on!" ?

 

This is why I'm asking for the opinion of guys who have actually had success with this method.

[loveunlimited]

I too an eagerly awaiting guys' input to this, because believe me, I've looked on this forum and I haven't seen anything like you describe, anywhere.

I've seen this pop up a few times throughout this forum, and I've always wanted to try it.

Where exactly did you see this? care to give thread reference?

From the perspective of a woman, you would be very much ditched.

[Keenly]

The DENNIS system is not meant to be real man.

[brandnew2]

The DENNIS system is not meant to be real man.

 

Hahaha, well this thread is blowing up in my face.

 

I definitely recall several posts a few months ago where a guy was bragging that he always gets action by ditching the girl on the first date. I guess I was under the impression that it was a more commonly discussed strategy among the types of guys on this forum.

 

To clarify, I don't think the point is to just simply not show up for the date and blow the girl off. Instead it's to do what the women themselves typically do, give a generic excuse an hour or so before the date and leave it at that.

[Sunshine87]

Hey,

 

It is true to an extent. What you described above would send a signal to the girl that she isn't on a pedestal. It would definitely pique her curiosity especially if she isn't used to this. However, if you are a jerk about it, she might lose interest (if she is a mature woman who knows what she wants I.e looking for a serious relationship). When a woman knows what she wants, she looks out for red flags during the dating period. Flaking might be one of them.

 

Some women go on to date guys with red flags beacuse emotions are very complicated and often illogical.

 

The truth is: human beings are generally curious. This curiosity is piqued when there is unpredictability. Like I wrote earlier, if the guy is a jerk about it, he is likely to put some women off.....and ironically turn some "girls" on.

But generally speaking mystery is very powerful. Flaking (in a respectable way AND if she has some intererest) will get most women thinking- "Hmm why did he cancel"? "Is he seeing someone"? "Did he meet someone"? "Is he not interested"? Bla bla.

[gaius]

Some guys just don't know how to bullschit realistically.

[brandnew2]

Hey,

 

It is true to an extent. What you described above would send a signal to the girl that she isn't on a pedestal. It would definitely pique her curiosity especially if she isn't used to this. However, if you are a jerk about it, she might lose interest (if she is a mature woman who knows what she wants I.e looking for a serious relationship). When a woman knows what she wants, she looks out for red flags during the dating period. Flaking might be one of them.

 

Some women go on to date guys with red flags beacuse emotions are very complicated and often illogical.

 

The truth is: human beings are generally curious. This curiosity is piqued when there is unpredictability. Like I wrote earlier, if the guy is a jerk about it, he is likely to put some women off.....and ironically turn some "girls" on.

But generally speaking mystery is very powerful. Flaking (in a respectable way AND if she has some intererest) will get most women thinking- "Hmm why did he cancel"? "Is he seeing someone"? "Did he meet someone"? "Is he not interested"? Bla bla.

 

Thank you for wording it better than I was able to. This is what I was trying to get at.

 

It's a problem when online dating because you really need to be aggressive to secure that first date. Sometimes this teeters on the edge of desperation.

 

Don't get me wrong, I've had a lot of success meeting women online. But even the ones I really hit it off with were admittedly reserved about meeting me the first time. I've had several dates where once we get talking the girl says something along the lines of "I was really considering backing out because I was so nervous. I'm glad I didn't though!"

 

So I feel that had I tried this method with these women and flaked on the first date, that may have been the end of it and we never would have even met. But on the other hand there probably have been people who I was just way too aggressive with wanting to meet up and left them feeling uninspired afterwards. So it's a tough call. But as always I look forward to insight on here

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Perhaps surprisingly, this strategy works very well.

 

However, it only works if you genuinely do not care. I flake on girls constantly because I genuinely no longer care. This produces extreme interest and stalker-like behavior at times.

 

For example, there was this girl I met on OLD. We talked for a few weeks. She seemed to like me. I liked her too. I set up a date and she took off work for the date. I pulled a chick move and decided that I didn't feel like going to meet her (she lives 3 hours away and I would have had to drive). So I simply told her "Oh, I didn't think you were serious."

 

That was like 3 months ago and this girl doesn't leave me alone. Texts me every few days. Definitely increased her interest in me with me basically acting the way women act.

 

I've done this multiple times and it works very well. Not that I care anymore though.

[sillyanswer]

I've seen this pop up a few times throughout this forum, and I've always wanted to try it.

 

Every time I've seen it come up on this forum it's been followed by posts from people saying it's the stupidest thing they've ever heard of.

 

What's the reason for you wanting to try the stupidest thing I've ever heard of?

[brandnew2]

Every time I've seen it come up on this forum it's been followed by posts from people saying it's the stupidest thing they've ever heard of.

 

What's the reason for you wanting to try the stupidest thing I've ever heard of?

 

Because most of the people calling it the 'stupidest thing I've ever heard of' are just women who are insulted that someone would try to manipulate their feelings. I think it's pretty obvious that there is some merit to this tactic as far as sparking interest.

 

(Cue the, "yeah, if shallow insecure girls are the type you're trying to attract" retort)

[Sunshine87]

I don't think you need to take such drastic measures lol. They would probably leave you drained if you don't get the reaction that you are expecting. Playing games actually requires a lot of mental energy lol.

 

Alternatively, what you should consider doing is programming your mind to be more indifferent at the early stages of dating. I know it's hard but if you are able to live happily with someone/something, the power they have over you is dinimished. Your moods, your temperements, your happiness is no longer controlled by their actions. That is different from having negative thoughts. So for example as opposed to thinking "oh she is going to flake on me again". Think "She is cute but if she flakes then perhaps she isn't the one for me. I am interested in a stable relationship and if she is flaking at this stage, I wouldve been in for a rollercoaster anyway. Not worth the hastle. Blessing in disguise". Do you see the difference? The former inculcates the "pity patty-im not good enough attitude". The latter is more about pragmatic analysis of the situtation and letting go because you are able to read her actions and determine her personality.

 

In addition, how long does it take for you to ask these girls on dates? Do you respond to their messages immediately. You might want to consider playing it cool without resorting to cancelling. So for example- send a light short message for starters. Don't write too much. Don't communicate too frequently either. If she takes one day to reply, reply her after one day. Basically give what you get. I honestly don't know much about OLD but the best way to pique MY interest would be to remain a bit mysterious and not too avaiable during the dating stages but be respectable. Of course as time progresses, Ild want stability.

[sillyanswer]

Because most of the people calling it the 'stupidest thing I've ever heard of' are just women who are insulted that someone would try to manipulate their feelings. I think it's pretty obvious that there is some merit to this tactic as far as sparking interest.

 

Maybe. I'm a guy, though, and I'm calling it a stupid thing, too.

 

It's playing games, which I think it's better to avoid.

 

But, if it works for you where nothing else does, then I guess it's better than nothing.

[todreaminblue]

Is there a woman out there who would come onto this forum and say, "you know what, that sort of thing would really turn me on!" ?

 

This is why I'm asking for the opinion of guys who have actually had success with this method.

 

isnt this a form of negging.......never knew about it till i came on this forum.....i was blissfully unawares ........

 

 

now it just sucks i know guys do this......and yes you are right you aren't going to have a girl come on this thread and say "yeah baby negg me it gets me soooooooooo hot for you".....you will get guys coming and saying haha works for me got laid last night, stuffed with her good.......

 

wouldnt it be better to feed a girl "correction" woman with security and honesty.than feed her insecurity with dick head brained mentality and dishonesty/games..doesnt that mean you will get the same back........going back to my "there is no negging" bubble now....good luck..deb

[starrynightz45]

Please, for the love of God, don't play these games. Just don't.

 

Personally, if a guy flaked on me on the first date without a VERY solid, VERY good reason, I'd feel like I wasn't very important, that his Plan A probably came through, that I was Plan B, and I probably wouldn't want to continue talking to the guy. It wouldn't make me any more likely to hook up on the date either.

 

Just don't do it. You might have some insecure types fall into that pattern you describe, it's possible - but your average woman will be upset/bothered/probably not be interested anymore.

[Woggle]

This is what dating has devolved to in 2013. Just simply pathetic.

[Woggle]

I refuse to play games like this but the sad fact is that it really does work in many cases. The kind of women who respond well to PUA games I wouldn't even want as friends let alone be romantically involved but teaching it wouldn't become such a successful industry if it didn't work.

[KungFuJoe]

LOL. Just when you thought you'd heard it all........

 

And to ANYONE who says this works...I call BULLSH*T. Seriously. This **** doesn't work...anywhere. You're trying to tell me that you're gonna flake BEFORE the first OLD date? Really? When all you know about each other is some random emails and a couple photoshopped photos of you when you were 10 years younger? And this person is gonna stalk you?

 

LOL...riiiiiiight. Holy crap, I feel dumber just from reading this.

[SuperGeek]

Hell. Women play games all the time. This is why I stopped online dating. Nothing but games on those sites. I'd show up for dates and they'd cancel as I was sitting there waiting. I could write an EIGHT PAGE PAPER on all my lame online dating experiences over just the last year. It's just not for me at this point. I only frequent meetups now and those are far better for meeting potential dates. Going to a meetup lets you actually *gasp* talk to REAL PEOPLE and you can SEE THEM in person. I know it's a hard concept to grasp these days.

 

At this point I will either meet a girl the normal way (i.e. IN PERSON) or I'll just DIE ALONE.

 

Maybe. I'm a guy, though, and I'm calling it a stupid thing, too.

Edited June 22, 2013 by SuperGeek

[KatZee]

Is there a woman out there who would come onto this forum and say, "you know what, that sort of thing would really turn me on!" ?

 

This is why I'm asking for the opinion of guys who have actually had success with this method.

 

The only people that fall for this are desperate girls who clearly have no respect for themselves. If a guy set up a date and bailed on me 5 minutes prior he would completely and utterly done. I don't waste people's time, please don't waste mine. If you're going to be that inconsiderate you can take a hike. Not interested.

 

You're trying to play games here and mature women have zero tolerance and no time for such juvenile behavior.

[phineas]

This method only works if:

 

A. you are jacked & good looking.

B. The woman is low quality with daddy issues.

 

If your goal is to slay & skedaddle by all means carry on.

 

but you will never get into a relationship with a quality woman using this retarded method of dating.

 

If a woman flakes on me without a legitimate reason my stance is "she's got my number" and i move on & forget her.

 

I can promise you a quality woman will do the same.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I feel like my IQ just dropped 50 points reading this. If a woman pulled this on me and it's not because her mother died, I'm out. I'm going to be 25. Games were cute when I was 18. In your mid-20s, it's exhausting.

[BradJacobs]

Like someone else said, unless you're good looking this is going to backfire on you simply due to the fact that most women in OLD do NOT lack options.