Relationships and Scheduling Conflicts

[youngnlove89]

My boyfriend and I first started off as long distance. I lived 3 hours away and he worked graveyard shift (8pm till 6am) and his weekends weren't Saturday and Sunday either. In the beginning it was definitely complicated, but we made it work and I was able to see him at least once a month for a few days at a time and he was able to make the drive to see me too.

 

Now that I moved closer and we are only 15 minutes away, things are easier. But his schedule is still opposite from mine. He doesn't work graveyard anymore, but he works a swing shift (1pm-10pm). And his weekends are a Tuesday and Wednesday. His schedule makes it very difficult to have phone time or personal time. When he gets home at 10pm, I'm in bed. When he gets up in the morning, I'm at work. I work a normal 8 to 5 job. Sometimes I do sacrifice and see him on my work night. I go over to his house at 10pm and we hang out for a few hours, but then I have to leave at 6 in the morning to get ready for work. It definitely isn't something I want to do every night.

 

We still manage to talk to each other at least once a day, whether it's through text or a phone call. Usually I will call him at my lunch or text him at work. Sometimes I can also stay up late when he gets home to talk, but not for long because I need my sleep.

 

He was recently promoted at his job so he isn't able to take much time off since he is in a year long probation period. For my birthday we are able to get away on his days off and have a nice trip together. But it's ultimately up to me and what I can get off of from work right now.

 

It's definitely difficult. I miss him a lot and I know it's hard for him too. But this is the circumstance and we're making it work. It won't be like this forever, when his probation period is up he will most likely at least have Saturday and Sunday as his days off and more normal hours. That would make things easier.

 

But in the meantime, how does one deal with such scheduling conflicts? How do you get through it? Is anyone else in situations like this?

[Els]

Definitely hard with irregular schedules. We don't have it nearly as bad as you, as the bf gets a weekend off 2-3 times a month, and starts work at 'normal' hours. But his total work hours are pretty insane, typical of his job, so we just have to make do. I'm not sure how else you 'get through' it, to be honest, other than really think about your options and try to make the best arrangement.

[youngnlove89]

Definitely hard with irregular schedules. We don't have it nearly as bad as you, as the bf gets a weekend off 2-3 times a month, and starts work at 'normal' hours. But his total work hours are pretty insane, typical of his job, so we just have to make do. I'm not sure how else you 'get through' it, to be honest, other than really think about your options and try to make the best arrangement.

 

Yea And plus now he is working overtime at least 1-2 times a week. He will go in at 4am and not get home till 10pm! He is pooped by then. Don't blame him.

 

I haven't seen him in 9 days now and it's very difficult. I hate it. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a relationship with a guy who has normal hours. But I love my bf and I don't want anyone else. I'll just have to put up with it for now.

 

I get to see him Wednesday though after I get off work, yay!!

 

This week has just been hard. I usually seem him twice a week, but with his overtime and me being busy over the weekend, we didn't get to see each other

[veggirl]

Yea And plus now he is working overtime at least 1-2 times a week. He will go in at 4am and not get home till 10pm! He is pooped by then. Don't blame him.

 

I haven't seen him in 9 days now and it's very difficult. I hate it. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a relationship with a guy who has normal hours. But I love my bf and I don't want anyone else. I'll just have to put up with it for now.

 

I get to see him Wednesday though after I get off work, yay!!

 

This week has just been hard. I usually seem him twice a week, but with his overtime and me being busy over the weekend, we didn't get to see each other

 

Well on his weekend he should come see you after 5. And on your weekend you should go see him at 10 and stay the night.

[youngnlove89]

Well on his weekend he should come see you after 5. And on your weekend you should go see him at 10 and stay the night.

 

That would be ideal. BUT on my weekends, I sometimes see my mom or family/friends. But most weekends, I do try to see him.

 

On his days off lately, he has been working overtime so he is extremely tired when getting home. And then he also wants times to see his friends. But yes, sometimes I'll see him on his day off and spend the night. But I also understand how he needs time with his friends or vacations.

 

This week he went on a camping trip with his buddy on his days off. He offered me to go, but I work. But he will be back on Wednesday, so I'll see him then.

 

Our relationship for the last 2 years has been like this. And right when his schedule was "normal" he got promoted. So now we have to start all over again.

 

I just hope that we don't lose interest in each other because sometimes I honestly feel single and alone. I don't know what he feels like.

[carhill]

So, Tuesday or Wednesday are a 'date night' where he picks you up after work and takes you out and you each have one other day of 'hanging out' to the other's schedule. IOW, you hang out as you described one night (like on your 'weekend') and he comes over one night and 'hangs out' at your place (and you stay up until midnight/whatever) and work it from there. If you and he are intimate and having sex and 'sleeping together', it's even easier.

 

My exW and I managed a LDR of about sixty miles for about 18 months of dating and engagement like that. We both owned businesses and had wildly varying schedules but prioritized our together time to work with them. 'Prioritized' is the key. Good luck.

[GI_Joy]

It is tough. My ex worked 2pm-11pm on weekdays and I worked 08-5pm, but one day out of the weekend was always reserved for us. We made it work for what it was, but you know the story bout how that worked out...(though his "secret" life has nothing to do with the schedule conflict--if it weren't for the secret life I would've thought we'd gotten along just fine).

 

This time, the tables have sorta turned. Right now I'm pretty much unavailable during the week because I work during the day and have class in the evenings, and my current boyfriend is almost always available because he's on summer break. Keeping in touch on a regular basis/being consistent is imperative. If you guys are truly compatible it wouldn't feel like an obligation because you're making time for the other person because you want to. Normally people with my schedule would just want to cool off on their own on the weekends but I enjoy my boyfriend's company so I make time for him.