If it's meant to be?

[Sunshine87]

Hi all,

 

I've come across several posts about women and men asking what they did wrong and whether or not they scared off their dates etc. LS peeps dished out very good advice. But it made me wonder: aren't we demanding perfection to an extent ? Most of the people in loving relationships did not have to abide or stick by tons of rules and regulations. They were true to themselves, exhibited some flaws and they found people who wanted to be with, regardless of these flaws.

 

Think about it: If you really liked/like a guy/girl, would you bail because he/she said something wrong during a date? Or because the person didn't

come across as savvy or cool, calm and collected? Or because was a bit emotional and got attached early?

 

When people resort to picking apart what them did wrong and right,

perhaps this is indicative of someone trying to desperately clutching at straws? Surely if it's meant to be and you don't do anything outrageous, it

will work out right?

 

The rules get a bit exhaustive because they put you under so much pressure to be perfect....to hide your feelings and emotions. To put up an

"act" in order to get a third or fourth or fifth date. For how long do you continue to walk on egg shells? Even if you adhered to al these rules and did everything "right"- played by books- what are the guarantees that everything would work out? None.

 

People need to stop trying SO hard. If it's meant to be, probably will (Unless you do something reallyyyy crazy). Otherwise, be yourself, be open to self-improvement but don't change yourself or try to put on a perfect act in order to "fascinate" someone or keep them guessing or win them over.

 

Thoughts?

[Maleficent]

I hear ya!

 

But when we decide we want that person, it's hard to just let go sometimes.

I drove myself to depression being nice to people I like so they would like me back.

Promised myself I would never do it again. Met someone last March. Did it again.

 

lol

[umirano]

You're absolutely right. I am guilty of trying too hard my self though. Idk why... sometimes I think I just can't be ok with what I have. I question it and can't believe how lucky I am. So I try to make extra sure, which gets me into all sorts of trouble. Thanks for posting that. I'll come back to this.

[Sunshine87]

Lol "Clingy" and "needy" two words I often come across. Guess what?- People call other people "needy" or "cingy" when they aren't really into the other person.

 

As with everything in life, there are exceptions. Life isn't a textbook and there are variances all the time. In addition, there is behavious that is generally within the boundaries of "acceptablel"- NOT perfect. But acceptable. My post is not in reference to over-the-top behaviour for example doing on the first date and declaring your undying love for someone you barely know. That's plain silly. But within the boundaries of normalcy, if a woman throws the word "needy" at a man, it is often because she does not feel deeply for the man and hence his actions come across as irritating. This same woman might be head over heels in love with another dick head who she WANTS desperately to do the same things that the other man does.

 

If you like someone enough, yould blush if he sent you "Goodmorning" and "Goodnight" text messages. If you didn't, yould be a bit irritated. What makes the DIFFERENCE isn't the actual action- but the state of mind of the recipient I.e whether or not there is sufficient interest. I admit that interest can be killed by the over-kill or over the top conduct but most of the posts I've seen on here haven't really displayed any overt acts.

 

People should learn how to identify worthy investments. Instead of trying to change your romatic self or supress your true nature because of someone who has insufficient interest in you, cut it out and find someone worthy of your investment. Those things that you try to change are the traits that make you unique.

 

Pls don't misinterprete my post. I am a huge propoent of self-improvement. I constantly try to make better decisions, wiser decisions, less impulsive decisions. But I am who I am-emotional, soft-hearted and a bit of a romantic. So if a guy finds that "needy" then perhaps he isn't for me. Why? Because I know TONS of men who desire a woman who shows love and care. So the fact that some guy finds it irritating means that we are not suited.

 

I know it's really hard when you've fallen for someone. But you have the choice to put a stop to the madness. If you're in a relationship, aspire to be the best you can be but pls don't kill yourself (figuratively speaking) inorder to please someone- because if they leave (likely to), you will be left with a shadow of yourself- a damaged , emotionally battered and insecure person with poor self-esteem.

 

I reirarate- most of the people I know in loving relationships/engaged/married are themselves. Heck I have a female friend who is known to be crazy. Her ex dumped her cos of that. She is happily engaged to a man who adores her. This man in question is every bit the hunk and he is very rich too. She said to me: He accepts me, madness and all".

Edited June 3, 2013 by Sunshine87