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A very genuine, "Why?" and "How?"


General Relationship Discussion Everything else under the sun. Not sure where to post? This is the place!

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Old 10th May 2013, 7:38 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Praying4Peace View Post
I'm glad you weren't around to influence Shakespeare's writings. The balcony scene would have Romeo saying "Juliet, why are you standing there looking for me? You have an unhealthy need for external validation. You look desperate standing there in the cold."
Oh my...LOL!!! Love it Love it Love it!!!
P.S. Being a resident of a city not too far from the home of Shakespeare, I can imagine this comment wouldn't be out of place. We have this kind of dry wit in that county
P.P.S. I have visited that balcony at her house in Verona...its very pretty! lol
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Old 10th May 2013, 7:40 PM   #17
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P.P.P.S.
You forgot to add a line for Romeo...
"Juliet why do you not want more for yourself? You need to seek therapy/counselling IMMEDIATELY to discover why you feel the need for constant, external validation"

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Old 10th May 2013, 9:28 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Praying4Peace View Post
We were coworkers turned friends. And it was only the two of us in the whole work environment. I was involved before I even knew I was involved. It was like I woke up one day and realized the friendship was too much.

After that- when it turned PA...that's all my fault. I guess the heart wants what it wants. And when that feeling is strongly reciprocated all reason goes out the window.

It shouldn't be that hard to understand...a lot of movies in Hollywood (okay, exaggeration) and songs on the radio are about the 'one you can't have' because they belong to someone else.
This is my story, almost word for word except it never became a PA.
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Old 11th May 2013, 1:45 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Praying4Peace View Post

I'm glad you weren't around to influence Shakespeare's writings. The balcony scene would have Romeo saying "Juliet, why are you standing there looking for me? You have an unhealthy need for external validation. You look desperate standing there in the cold."

Methinks Pierre has never truly been in love.

Lol! In Waterwoman world, they would have been clipped round the ear and sent to do their damned homework! hate that stupid play, thankfully so do my two teens who have had to study it for GCSE. They both think R&J SHOULD get a LIFE! Much prefer Macbeth....
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Old 11th May 2013, 3:16 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Got it View Post
I think your hows and whys are both based on presumptions that your life is equally mirrored in others. There is an error in that line of logic for the following reasons:

1. The assumption that everyone has the same dealbreakers.
2. That people have the same ethics code.
3. That people have the same/similar self preservation coping system.
4. That people share similar work/life dynamics.
5. That people share similar time constraints.
6. That people share similar energy levels.
7. That people share similar fulfillment from their relationships.
8. That people are similar in their fulfillment of one relationship.
I actually tried to respond to the thread and some of these came into play for me too so I didn't bother. I also felt like it was geared more to people who were M rather than single.

OP. Your comments in your second post explained what you were looking for much more so thanks for that. Don't apologize for asking the question and I didn't think it was meant to be inflammatory. Hope you're more rested now!
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Old 11th May 2013, 8:05 AM   #21
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Lol! In Waterwoman world, they would have been clipped round the ear and sent to do their damned homework! hate that stupid play, thankfully so do my two teens who have had to study it for GCSE. They both think R&J SHOULD get a LIFE! Much prefer Macbeth....
Lol
Macbeth was my GCSE text...
When shall we three meet again...in thunder, lightning, or in rain..? ...
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Old 11th May 2013, 8:40 AM   #22
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Georgia girl wrote, " You also answered the question of how. It seems that spending time with this partner just becomes gradually more and more a part of your life. So, the time works in there. That question was probably borne out of my absolute exhaustion. It's been an incredible six weeks for me professionally and I'm shot. My house is dirty (my husband does not clean like I do), I'm out of shape, my gardens should have been done a month ago and it's seems like every spare minute has been sucked up. (Yet, I found time to be online... could've done laundry.)"

OH how I relate to EVERYTHING ( save the gardening...I can't even grow weed*lol*!).

Especially the part about still finding time to post here on LS. But I think, for me, LS has become therapeutic to me in many ways.

Life is a constant balancing act. And I believe we count on our spouses to help support in maintaining that balance. When they don't contribute the that, it can truly be exhausting!
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Old 11th May 2013, 9:50 AM   #23
 
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Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries

I could give you the obvious reasons like, we had an undeniable connection, it was exciting, mm & I were great friends, blah blah blah...all that's a given. More importantly, what I was lacking was a moral compass & boundaries. I am still working on the moral compass, probably always will be as I am a wild child at heart, but I have since learned what boundaries are & how important they are as well...boundaries for myself & being respectful of other people's boundaries.
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Old 13th May 2013, 2:09 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Pierre View Post
The symptoms of love are the same for those that desperately want to be loved and those that fall in love. And yes, I have been in love and now I am in love again.

The difference between wanting to be loved and falling in love is clear:

A person that wants to be loved will behave in a way that compromises the integrity of that person.

A person that does not want to be love can fall in love in the same manner, however, there will be no compromise of his or her integrity.
Pierre, I have no idea what your last two paragraphs mean. Everyone on the planet wants to be loved. How does wanting to be loved compromise your integrity? Smh. Sometimes , I'm truly baffled by things you say, this is one of those times. Seems very flawed. I really hope I've misunderstood.

Last edited by wisernow; 13th May 2013 at 2:12 PM..
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Old 13th May 2013, 2:24 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Summer Breeze View Post
I actually tried to respond to the thread and some of these came into play for me too so I didn't bother. I also felt like it was geared more to people who were M rather than single.

OP. Your comments in your second post explained what you were looking for much more so thanks for that. Don't apologize for asking the question and I didn't think it was meant to be inflammatory. Hope you're more rested now!
Thank you. I didn't think it was wrong to ask, just the premise was off and I was clarifying why that was. I can't answer because my life does not line up with close to similar comparisons so I saw it like arguing apples and oranges.
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Old 13th May 2013, 2:39 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Pierre View Post
Of course you are baffled. For you it feels completely normal to want to be loved.


But, there is a difference between wanting to be loved and falling in love without that "want".

Folks that have that "want to be loved" do stupid things. Like waiting for a cheating philandering man to leave his marriage. That has go to be a huge "want to be loved".

I can't tell if you're putting me down with your comments, but I'll take the high road and believe you aren't.
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Old 13th May 2013, 2:41 PM   #27
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For me, it was a work relationship/friendship that very slowly took a turn. I had a million signs, and opportunities to stop it from happening. We didn't kiss for weeks after the flirting stopped becoming innocent, and we didn't do anything else for many months after that. I figured if I didn't give him what he wanted (sex) he'd move on. I was wrong, and eventually gave into temptation. As for a why, I have no idea. There's something wrong with me...
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Old 13th May 2013, 3:08 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Pierre View Post
Of course you are baffled. For you it feels completely normal to want to be loved.


But, there is a difference between wanting to be loved and falling in love without that "want".

Folks that have that "want to be loved" do stupid things. Like waiting for a cheating philandering man to leave his marriage. That has go to be a huge "want to be loved".
I get what Pierre is saying.

Maybe he's just not explaining it well.

I think there is a difference between the normal human desire to be loved and more of this pathological need to be inlove/loved that can sometimes develop in people. The latter, as with any normal desire that goes awry, becomes a problem, because in an attempt to get this people will settle for anything and try to receive it from anyone. Discrimination and boundaries go out the window when one pathologically wants love, whereas if your desire is at a normal level, you can still maintain a sense of standards and reasonable boundaries because you're not that desperate to be loved. You can wait for the right circumstances/right persons or walk away easier from situations which don't benefit you.

Love addicts, for example, like sex addicts, are people whose normal human desire for love and sex are at a pathological level, where their desire for these things and what they are willing to risk for them are beyond average and often the proof is that they end up in some pretty toxic situations as a result.

Last edited by MissBee; 13th May 2013 at 3:11 PM..
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Old 13th May 2013, 5:53 PM   #29
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I am asking this with all sincerity and I genuinely want to understand. So, please bear with me and share honestly. Why would you get involved with someone who is otherwise committed?
It boils down to: Because the people you would be getting involved with have/provide/are something that the other person wants or needs. Sometimes it's an insecurity thing. Sometimes it's being unfulfilled. Sometimes it's being bored. People see it as worth the risk depending on the reward.
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Old 14th May 2013, 5:16 AM   #30
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It all depends on whether you're getting what you need.

If you are, enjoy it, and there is no need to explain. Those who care about you won't need the explanation, and those who don't wont understand it.

If you're not, then it doesn't matter what label you attach to the R, it's not the right R for you
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